A/N: Special thank you to Zettel for the helpful discussions and for beta reading.
Summary: Murder. That is what it was. Some say confession is good for the soul. But whose soul is it good for?
Casey vs the Red Test
I unlock the door to my apartment, still shaking my head. Another long shift at the Buy More. Even though it was only 4 hours, I can't get to the Johnny Walker fast enough. It is the only thing that can take the edge off the misery my life has become. No more NSA, no spying. No team.
Only Burbank. The Buy More. Jeffster.
Goddammit.
Actually, that's not true. There still is a team, I am just not part of it anymore. It was my fault. I ignored my instincts. They've never failed me before, and I threw them aside. I knew Keller was dirty – I could feel it. I let my former allegiance lead me down the wrong path. After I betrayed their trust, Chuck and Walker were still there to rescue me. And not just me, ex-fiancée and daughter.
Jesus, I have a daughter. I fill the tumbler to the brim. Slam it down. One shot. I load it up again. This is a multiple drink thought process.
I can't worry about my daughter now. The conversation with Chuck is still on my mind. He thinks he is an agent. He passed his test. That test was way too easy, there must be more to it than that. My gut is telling me there is more to this, more to the situation. But what?
Chuck thinks Walker is asking him out on a date to celebrate becoming an agent. That makes no sense. She has lived up to her "Ice Queen" nickname the last 8 months. Ever since Chuck uploaded the new Intersect, she has been frigid as hell. How could that suddenly change because he has become an agent?
Besides, she is obviously involved with Shaw. To what extent, I am not exactly sure. She is many things, but faithful to the man she is with is most definitely one of them.
Many think Shaw is the ultimate spy. Tall, dark, daring. A Superman. And I don't trust him at all. My gut tells me there is something not right with him.
It is obvious Walker still loves Chuck. Chuck still loves her. Of course, he does. I could see it from the very beginning. I could see it in him when we were standing on the roof, and I could see it in her when she held vigil over him on the beach. Why do they complicate this so much? All of our lives would be easier if they just locked themselves in a hotel room for a week and banged out their issues.
This doesn't feel right. Chuck identified the mole. He knows who it is. He passed on that intel to Shaw so that Shaw can do with it what he will. That is too simple a mission. Any moron could complete that. There must be more to it.
No, Shaw wouldn't. Would he? This fast? This soon? Would he really give Chuck his Red Test already? I agree with him that Chuck needed to be pushed harder. This is a dangerous world, a tough life. No room for lady feelings.
But this is absurd. Chuck is no killer. He goes out of his way to avoid violence. He can be a spy, just not a spy like Beckman or Shaw expect. He cannot be their "Super Spy," a killer. It is not in his makeup. He is not wired that way.
Why the dinner? Why now? After months of frigid cold, she warms and asks him to dinner….
Dammit. Walker is going to give Chuck his Red Test. That is why she asked him to dinner. Why would Walker do that? Why would she agree?
Shaw must have ordered her to.
If Shaw gives the order, Chuck will likely refuse. If Shaw has Walker do it, he kills two birds with one stone. Chuck will consider it because he will think Walker will want him to pass it. He trusts Walker. Chuck will believe that once he is officially an Agent, he will get Walker.
But if Chuck actually passes his red test, he will not be the same person. He will change. Darken. Lose a piece of his soul that he can never reclaim. He will lose what makes Chuck, Chuck.
Shaw will drive the final wedge between them. Beckman will get her super spy, and Shaw will get Walker all to himself.
Bastard.
Walker has always been Chuck's protector. Even though they've been on the outs, she has always had his back. Why would she leave him so exposed now, in his hour of greatest need?
She took him on the run when he was ordered into the bunker. I found them in that seedy motel in Barstow. I'm glad I don't know exactly what happened in that room. She was committing treason to protect him. She was willing to throw away her career or worse to keep him out of that bunker.
I saw the look in her eyes when she met us in the courtyard for Ellie's rehearsal dinner. The same look she has had since the beginning. But she wasn't hiding it then. It was out in the open, for everyone to see.
Then Chuck uploaded the 2.0, and everything changed. He went to Prague, she became cold and distant. I have always had the feeling that something more happened. Having the Intersect shouldn't have been the problem, he had had it since we've known him. The first time she sees him in six months she knocks him out cold. That wasn't for the mission, that was personal.
She isn't abandoning him because of Shaw. She may have convinced herself that she is with him, but she doesn't look at him like she looks at Chuck. Chuck hurt her somehow, but even behind the hurt in her eyes, you can still see the love she has for him. Maybe that is it. Maybe she took a risk and it backfired. It would be like Bartowski to screw it up.
If she is giving him the Red Test, who will be the mark? The mole. That will be the target. The CIA does not put traitors on trial. They execute them. Chuck did the leg work. Identified the mole. His next task is to become his executioner.
Then he will be an Agent.
Walker will show up for dinner and give Chuck his orders. She will then step aside, and let Chuck make his choice. If I had to guess, the mole will either be nearby, or invited to dinner himself. The perfect setup.
Can Chuck do it? Can he actually kill? Can Chuck cross that line?
I doubt it. He did burn an asset, but he didn't take his life. And even then, he moped around as if the world were coming to an end. If Chuck cannot kill the mole, he could become the mole's victim. Would Walker back him up? Would she step in, or would she let the night take its course?
I am not so sure anymore. I may no longer be an agent, but Chuck is my friend. A loyal friend. He has risked his life many times to save mine. I will be his backup. I will make sure he is safe.
I will be there for his date. 8pm at Traxx. Good location for cover. I can blend in. Keep guard.
I hope I am wrong, but my gut never is. I just need to listen to it.
xXx
I find a seat across from the restaurant amongst the travelers. Good sightline into the restaurant. I have a good view of all the tables inside. There is good cover around me.
Walker is arriving. She dressed up. Looking nice for the kid. Maybe I am wrong, maybe she told Shaw to go to hell and is doing what is right, saving the kid. Finally taking a step forward with Chuck.
She turns her head to check her surroundings. I can see her face. She looks nervous, but not giddy. Conflicted, sad, lost. Shit, she is going to give him the test.
I watch her approach the table. She takes off her coat, visibly nervous. She takes a seat and reaches for her coat pocket. She pulls out a gun – same make and model Chuck gave me to say thank you for passing his test. The same one in my waistband. She places the gun under a napkin for concealment.
Chuck arrives. He stops at the entrance and looks at her. His shoulders are high, his posture tall. His walk has a smoothness I have never seen from him. A confidence I didn't know he possessed. He sits down at the table, ready for his chance.
Walker is sitting directly across from him. Eye to eye. She can still back out. She can still do what is right. Their conversation looks forced. Tense.
She slides the napkin across the table. Chuck lifts the corner of it. Black. Dull. Death. She gave him the gun.
Jesus Christ, Walker. You've stomped on this kid's heart for 3 years, might as well steal his soul too.
He begins to plead with her. He is shaking his head, he looks confused.
She gets up and walks away. I can see the despair and desperation in her eyes. She doesn't want him to do it. Then why give him the test? Turn around, Walker!
She stops and looks back. But she does not return to him. Of all the times to ignore your lady feelings, you choose to do it now? She walks over to the bench on the opposite side of me, 40 feet to my right, and sits down with her back to the restaurant.
They must have arranged for the mole to meet Chuck. Walker gave him the gun, they expect him to take the mole to a secluded spot and execute him. The trainyard.
A man who is obviously an agent just talked to the hostess. He was directed to Chuck's table. He walks over to the table and sits down. Chuck looks nervous. Relax, Chuck, or you're going to give yourself away.
The mole is getting up, walking away. I can see the indecision on Chuck's face. He doesn't know what to do. He won't be able to kill him. I follow the mole with my eyes as he walks into the bathroom. Chuck gets up from the table and follows him.
Maybe I was wrong, maybe Chuck does have it in him. Chuck enters the bathroom. Walker is looking over there as well. But she is not moving. She looks despondent. Frozen. She must be really lost, because she still hasn't noticed I am here.
The conflict and fear are written on her face. I know that look well. That is the same look I had on my face many years ago. She is choosing duty over love. She is terrified a virtuous man walked into that bathroom, and a killer is going to walk out.
I chose love of country over Kathleen. No phone call, no letter, no goodbye. I faked my death to put the country first. At the time, I had no idea how big that sacrifice was. I put my own good aside to pursue the greater good.
Greater Good. I accepted a new meaning of greater good the day I began calling Chuck my friend. Spies don't have friends. But, I am not a spy anymore. And that is bullshit. Spies do have friends. And they do fall in love. Just ask Walker. Hell, just ask Sugarbear.
Chuck and the mole emerge from the bathroom. Chuck is arresting him. Good for you, Chuck. Keep him tight, don't let him get away. Keep your soul.
The mole is making a run for it. Both Walker and I get up to pursue. I am behind her. She stays with them, I take a shortcut. We fall into our old rhythm, even if she doesn't know it. If I were the mole, I would run to the trainyard. Lots of cars, lots of cover, lots of places to lose a tail.
I come out of a side door, directly into the railyard. I can see the mole 75 feet to my left. Bartowski 40 feet behind him. He is hopping between cars, attempting to lose him. I stay ahead, matching the movements from the front to keep the tactical advantage. I cross over another set of cars, anticipating the direction the mole will go. I hear a gunshot, but the mole is still running. Chuck fired a warning shot.
Where is Walker? She was right behind them.
I see the mole trip. He is down, Chuck catches up, gun drawn. I am in position between the railcars. Long run staying ahead of the chase. Good vantage point. The mole is pleading for his life.
Chuck is not wired like I am. The mole deserves to die, no question. His actions have endangered fellow agents and other patriots fighting for the cause. But Chuck is no killer.
I can see the tension in Chuck's trigger finger. If he is going to do it, I have to let him. He is a man, he can make his own choice. If he makes that choice, I can help him live with it.
Chuck can't do it. He begins to lower his gun, but mine is still up. The mole reaches for his ankle holster. I shoot. I don't miss. The mole is dead.
Chuck turns around and looks at me, we make eye contact. He understands. I turn and run.
My gut was right. He couldn't do it. He was about to become the mole's victim. Walker was nowhere to be found. When he needed her most, she wasn't there.
I kept Chuck safe. I did my duty. I murdered the mole. I've never committed murder before.
xXx
Another conversation with Chuck in the courtyard. I made it clear that he can tell no one the truth. Not even Walker. If he were to tell Walker, she becomes implicated as an accessory to my murder. Sharing the truth would put us all at risk.
He is an agent now, technically. The only people who know that he didn't kill the mole are me and him. Usually, that is one more loose end than I would like. But it is Chuck. He is as good as his word, always has been.
Another tumbler of Johnny. But tonight, it is not my only comfort. Chuck is no killer, and he never will be. Had I not been there, the mole would have killed him. Since I have arrived in Burbank, it has been my duty to keep Chuck safe. First as an asset, now as my friend. With the way Walker has been acting, perhaps he is now my only friend.
Walker. She is a mess. She has clearly lost sight of the same greater good that our team has been working together to defend. Chuck was always number one to her, even above the mission. What the hell happened when Chuck went to Prague? What made her so cold, so miserable?
Those are questions for another day. For tonight, I can relax knowing that at least I kept Chuck safe, and I will as long as I stay in Burbank.