Hojo's New Invention
Ok, so this is set around the time when Rufus has just become President of Shinra (so the main game), though I'm not sure if he'd have time for these shenanigans during the game chronologically speaking; humour me if you will.
Something tells me this may have been done already somehow or somewhere but in case it hasn't...here you go! Also this is my first Final Fantasy/Game based fanfic so please be so kind as to review if you have the time. Cheers!
Just to warn you...a little hint of RenoXRufus just because...well, just because. So if you don't like that sort of thing you'll know when to stop reading ;-) and warnings of excessive cuteness down to Rufus...you'll see. He's not a bad guy - just a little misunderstood :-)
It was a usual day for Rufus Shinra, the newly appointed President of Shinra Inc. There was a mountain of paperwork on his desk and the ever growing threat of Sephiroth and Avalanche biting at his heels. However being who he was, meant that he had to keep a calm and collected manner about him at all times. Sometimes he thought that if he let his thoughts and worries run away with him, it wouldn't just be his employees running around like crazy loons in despair; it might be him too and then what would happen to his empire?
Looking to the paperwork that his father had so generously left him upon his death, he sighed and let his head drop to the desk.
'I haven't got time for this,' he grumbled to himself. But he knew that leaving it any longer would have dire consequences; his father's empire was built on paperwork, deals and money and he planned to change that...he would rule with brute force and fear - anything, as long as he didn't have to spend hours in this office away from the action and away from his main goal; The Promised Land.
Just as he went to pick up the first file he needed to attend to, the office phone rang out harshly, causing him to literally jump and in the process, knock the neat stack of files to a jumbled mess on the floor.
'What is it?' he shouted down the phone to his secretary in a fit of rage.
'Oh, um...well, it's Professor Hojo. He's here to see you Sir,' the secretary squeaked in fright. 'Shall I send him in, Sir?'
'Yes, if it really is that urgent,' Rufus said calming a little to his secretary's relief.
As he put down the receiver, Hojo sauntered in; hands neatly tucked behind his back and slightly hunched over.
'To what do I owe the pleasure?' Rufus asked smiling a clearly fake smile. He really was not in the mood for Hojo's weird and not so wonderful ways today.
'I have come to you with an invention that could solve all your problems at the click of a button,' he said in his weasel like manner.
'Oh yes, what is it this time?' Rufus asked sarcastically.
'A time machine Mr President.'
'And what would I do with said time machine? How could it possibly solve all my problems? Can it get rid of this wretched paperwork?'
'No Sir, but...well, I was thinking that if we went back to the point, only a few days ago, where Sephiroth killed your father and Cloud and his groupies got away, we could possibly ambush them and get rid of both problems all at once,' he sneered evilly.
'Why not just go back before that and drown them all at birth? Wouldn't that be easier?' Rufus laughed unenthusiastically.
'Well, in theory yes it would, however changing events in the timeline could have major implications for even us. So I suggest a few days at the most.'
'So, have you tested it; this Time Machine of yours?'
'Yes I have and it has worked wonders. In fact, I didn't actually come up with the idea. Well I did, but not the current me, the future me. The future me sent back a video log of the entire construction to the present me as a test. And so, I have done the same to the me that is yet to come across it...if you see what I mean Sir?'
Rufus crumpled his forehead. He was too tired to even comprehend what The Professor had just said and merely nodded.
'Ok, go ahead with it. Take as many Soldiers as you need,' Rufus said as he waved his hand for Hojo to leave. However, The Professor didn't seem to move and began to fidget with his hands.
'Was there something else Hojo? Please make it quick; I am a very busy man.'
'Um...Mr President, I am afraid that Soldiers just won't work in this instance. It needs to be the people that were present at the time of the incident, meaning...' Hojo stuttered and his sentence trailed off.
'Meaning myself and The Turks?' Rufus asked lifting a suspicious eyebrow.
'Yes...Sir...and me of course to operate the device,' he finished croakily with a look of caution. 'Of course I would understand if this is too big a risk Sir-'
'Fine! Whatever! I just want those idiots out of my hair for good. We'll meet you down in the laboratory tomorrow morning,' Rufus interrupted irritably.
'Thank you Mr. Pres-' Hojo began.
'Go now before I change my mind,' Rufus warned.
And with that, Hojo scurried out of the room like the little cockroach he was, rubbing his hands together with glee.
Rufus rubbed his throbbing forehead. A headache was forming very neatly in the middle of his eyebrows. He knew this was a sign for the worst; he knew this wasn't going to turn out as he wanted and yet he decided to go along with it anyway.
Tseng walked in, unannounced as he always did, followed by the other three Turks though Rufus didn't mind. He was quite pleased to see them in all honesty, though he'd never tell them that himself; Reno's head would get even bigger if he did.
'S'up boss man? You're looking a little worse for ware since you took over,' Reno commented cheekily.
'Reno, shut that mouth before I shut it for you. That is no way to speak to The President,' Tseng hissed.
'Yeah Reno,' Elena retorted and then fluttered he eyelashes at Tseng for approval.
'Oh for crying out loud Elena,' Rufus sighed. 'We don't need your crush on Tseng pushed in our faces every minute of the day.'
This put the three Turks into complete silence. I say three, because Rude was nearly always silent anyway.
'Sir, is something wrong?' Tseng inquired cautiously. The President's rash comment had made no impact on the tight-lipped, cool and calm Head of the Turks.
'Oh, it's nothing. I'm just a little frustrated with everything at the moment. I can't get my father's blood stain out of this desk, I've got stacks of files that need signing off and now Hojo has some wacky plan to go back in time to just before Sephiroth gets a chance to run away from my father's dead body so we can change history blah blah blah...' Rufus moaned as he rubbed his head firmly.
'Well Sir, the blood stain we can certainly fix. I'll get some painkillers sent up for your obvious headache and we'll talk about this going back in time thing tomorrow morning if you like, Sir?' Tseng offered.
'Yes, thank you Tseng,' Rufus yawned. Tseng always knew the right thing to do. 'I think I'll sleep in my office tonight. Will you have some blankets and pillows sent up too?'
'Of course Mr President,' Tseng smiled as he turned to his subordinate. 'Reno, since you found it so highly amusing to wash off my Tilak or "dot thing" as you prefer to call it, before I awoke this morning, I will be assigning you to clean The President's desk and complete his paperwork for him, whilst he sleeps tonight. Understood?'
Reno didn't answer verbally but gave Tseng a cold, stern look before turning around to collect some cleaning supplies from the lower floors.
'Thank you Tseng. Also please could you all meet me tomorrow morning in Hojo's lab at around eight o'clock? We'll see what this Time Machine nonsense is about then,' Rufus said as he moved over to one of the many sofas in his office.
The rest of The Turks left and Rufus relaxed in silence until Reno returned, juggling a pillow and blankets in his arms and a bucket and various sprays balanced on his foot. Hopping into the office, he landed in a heap on the floor in front of The President, but instead of apologising, gave the man a cheeky grin and a wink.
After an hour or so had passed, Reno announced that he had finished and stood proudly looking at the gleaming desk, an arm on each hip and his chest puffed out.
'I'll be going now Boss,' he exclaimed.
'Wait a minute Turk. I want to inspect that before you go,' Rufus said trying to sound his usual authoritative self, though he sounded more like a sleepy puppy. Getting up from under the blankets, he rather looked like one too, Reno thought.
Rubbing his glazed over eyes he wandered over to The Turk and his desk. A quick glance told him that the stains had gone and so had the paperwork. He sighed in relief and looked up to the man in front of him, who he now noticed was watching him with equally glazed over eyes, though not the kind produced from a small nap.
He cocked an eyebrow questioningly at Reno who merely smiled back and then turned to face the large windows behind them.
'You know, looking out over Midgar tonight and how peaceful it is, you'd never think that anything was wrong with the world, if you get what I mean, Boss?' Reno commented rather too wisely for his natural self.
Rufus shook his head partially from his overwhelming tiredness and partially from shock. There really was more to Reno than met the eye and it somewhat intrigued him a little too much. Turning his thoughts away from said Turk he said:
'You may go if you wish.'
Reno turned to him and looked him up and down. That puppy dog look, the young blonde president had right now was too much to resist.
'You know I think I might stay, what with Sephiroth supposedly on the loose. There's no telling what that creepy dude might do and you need proper security. I'll take the other couch for the night,' Reno said as he smiled again at The President.
Had Rufus not been so tired, he probably would have blushed a little at the attention he was receiving and would have had The Turk thrown out. But in truth, he hated being alone and merely shrugged at Reno's insolence and returned to his sofa to sleep.
'Want me to tuck you in Boss?' Reno asked mischievously.
'No. I am quite alright. I am not a child Reno,' he said turning away from the red head so that he faced the back of the couch.
Reno took his place opposite The President and lay down, stretching his hands out to rest behind his head with his legs akimbo but facing Rufus all the while. Rufus knew Reno was watching him; he could feel those beautiful green eyes burning into the back of his head.
It took a while for sleep to envelop him, but eventually it did and soon it was morning.
Opening his eyes to the warm morning sunlight, radiating through the office windows he turned to see that Reno was no longer there with him. This saddened him a little, though he was glad of it as it gave him the chance to shower and dress in peace, without worrying about those bright green eyes looking him over.
As soon as he was changed, he started on his way to Hojo's laboratory and was surprised to see Rude, Elena, Tseng and Hojo already there and waiting.
'Good Morning Mr President,' Elena said brightly.
Rufus nodded and began to look around perplexed.
'Where is Reno?' he asked rubbing his stiff neck. The couch had not been kind to him last night.
'Well Sir, last we saw, he was coming out of your office and returning to his room at about six am this morning. We haven't seen him since I am afraid,' Tseng said in his usual matter-of-fact way.
'No matter. I am sure the rest of you will do just fine. I take it Hojo has explained everything?'
The Turks nodded in unison and Hojo turned to his machine.
'Is everyone ready then? Sir, are you ready?'
'Yes Hojo,' Rufus answered as he showed the different array of weapons attached to his belt.
'Brilliant. Right, the best thing to do is for you all to close your eyes...' Hojo said as he trailed off.
Suddenly a bright light filled the room and they all found themselves in a little pain. What sounded like thunder crashed above them and filled their ears. Rufus couldn't even think straight, for the noise that filled the white expanse around them. It seemed like they were stuck in this light forever, until everything went black quite unexpectedly.
Opening his eyes he turned to look at Tseng first, who looked as if he'd passed out. Rude, Elena and Hojo were all the same. As he looked around him, everything seemed bigger. He couldn't understand why they were still in the lab and why all the equipment had suddenly grown to twice its normal size.
Tseng was the first to sit up and look around, then Elena, Hojo and finally Rude.
Rufus looked in shock at Rude, as did the others. If he had been anymore surprised, his eyeballs might have fallen out.
Rude...had...hair?
'What in the name of Shiva is going on?' Rufus shouted as he stepped forward towards Hojo, finding himself toppling to the floor. His trousers were too long for him and had caused this small trip.
Hojo looked at him with even more confusion.
'Sir, what has happened to your voice?' Tseng asked squeakily, though quickly covered his mouth. He too sounded weird.
Elena, unable to hold herself anymore, burst out laughing and quickly fell over. Her trousers too had seemed to grow in size, though she didn't care too much at this moment.
'Ha ha haa! You all sound like a bunch of girls,' she screamed in-between laughing and crying.
At this moment Reno walked in, filled with a million excuses as to why he was late, only to stop dead in his tracks.
There, stood before him Tseng, Elena, Rude (or what he took to be Rude), Hojo and Rufus looking not quite themselves. In fact they were probably well over ten years younger looking than what they actually were.
'Start the party without me did ya?' he jibed. 'I always knew botox was bad for you,' he commented again. He could think of so many one-liners at this moment.
Rufus pulled his trouser legs up so that he could finally see his feet and stomped over to a considerably taller Reno.
'This is not funny Weno,' he squeaked. 'What has happened to us? Why are you so tall?'
'Ha ha haa! Did you just call me Weno, Sir?' Reno giggled. 'Oh you are all so cute. You all look like little kids,' he guffawed.
Rufus turned to glare at Hojo. Even though he resembled a seven year old child, his glare was still monstrous enough even to frighten Hojo.
'What did you do Hojo?' he said menacingly, though to Reno it just sounded stroppy.
'I don't know what went wrong Sir. I know it works. The video is proof enough. It's ok though. If I reverse the process all will be back to normal,' Hojo said panicking as he jumped to the console, though he could not reach it.
Rufus indulged in a minute of Hojo struggling before he did anything more.
'Weno...We-no...Weee-nno, oh for Shiva's sake, Weno help him,' Rufus said frustrated. He thought he'd seen the last of his speech impediment a good few years back, but here it was again rearing its ugly head; intruding on him like a disease.
'Yes Boss,' Reno giggled. 'How can I wefuse when you sound so cute?'
Lifting up the seven year old Hojo to the console, Reno couldn't believe his luck. He, the only adult left, could take charge as the Head of the Turks for once. There was no way a seven year old Tseng could do anything that a Turk needed to do. He'd be flattened under someone's shoe in a matter of seconds. And as for Rude, well, he couldn't get over his partner with hair. It was just too funny.
Reno was startled from his musing as Hojo slammed his small fist against the console in a fit of rage, ending in him hurting himself.
'It's no good. The power's drained. It's going to take at least twenty four hours to re-charge itself,' Hojo said, beginning to cry his little heart out.
'... ...' said Rude.
'Well Hojo, you're going to have to start doing whatever needs doing now. Otherwise, I swear I will stwing you up by your bollocks, even if they haven't dwopped yet!' Rufus warned.
'Yes Sir, of course Sir,' Hojo said pulling himself together and trying to keep his now, oversized glasses on.
'Weno, no one can see us like this. You are going to have to do everything for me until this is sorted, got it? If anyone finds out, we're wuined,' Rufus screeched.
'Yes Boss,' Reno smiled as he wiped Hojo's nose for him and set up a step ladder for him to work with. 'Boss, does this make me Head of the Turks for today?'
Rufus turned to a cross looking Tseng and back to a smirking Reno.
'Only until this is over.'
'Cool, that's all I wanted to know,' Reno said lazily as if he didn't care, though he did.
As Hojo set about recharging the machine and attempting to work out what had gone wrong, Reno made sure that an armed guard stayed outside the labs ensuring that no one entered. He also managed to smuggle Rufus back up to his office with Rude and left Elena and Tseng to help Hojo. He quite amazingly managed to have spare clothes sent in for all of them too, since their originals were not holding up well.
Tseng had looked at his with disgust and Reno just shrugged casually.
'It's not my fault they sent you a pink shirt with a big sunflower on the front. They must have misheard me or something,' Reno laughed.
'Misheard you my ass!' Tseng squeaked angrily.
'Well, I'm not wearing it,' Rufus said crossing his arms.
And so that was that.
As they sat quietly in The President's office, Reno pulled out his hip flask for a quick drink. Looking after his best friend and his boss as children was hard work. Every so often they would lapse into a game of tag and then come to their senses and sit down again. The second time it happened, Reno was thankful it was Sleeping Lions they had decided upon.
As he took a swig of Midgar's best whiskey, he saw a quiet looking Rude watching him over the top of his glasses.
'Can I have some? I haven't had a proper drink in a week,' Rude whispered as he played with his blossoming afro.
'Nope. Sorry, no can do Rude dude. You're underage,' Reno said straight, though there was a shaky undertone to his voice that showed he was trying not to laugh.
Rude huffed and looked over at The President who too had been eyeing Reno's drink. Rufus' eyes met Rude's and they nodded at one another, before launching at Reno.
Reno quickly jumped out of the way leaving Rude and Rufus in a muddle of limbs on the floor. He wasn't the fastest Turk for nothing.
'Too slow boys,' he said as he took another swig and returned it to his pocket. 'Better luck next time.'
'No matter, I have my own liquor cabinet in the office. Now where did I put the key?' Rufus said as he patted down his pockets before stopping suddenly.
'You mean...this key Boss?' Reno said impishly as he held it up in plain sight.
That's right; he'd left it in his trouser pocket and of course had had to change. Why was the red head always one step ahead of him? It aggravated him to no end.
'Once I am back to normal Weno you will regwet this. I'll punish you myself,' Rufus said angrily.
'I look forward to it Sir,' Reno winked playfully causing Rufus to stomp back to his chair. 'Now, why don't you two go and play whilst Daddy finishes up with business.'
'You are not my Daddy,' Rufus shouted as he crossed his arms. His face was beginning to go red with rage.
'Maybe not yet,' Reno laughed.
Rufus strode over to The President and ruffled his soft, blonde locks as he picked up the phone to call off all of Rufus' meetings for the rest of the day.
Although he was oh so angry with Reno, the touch of his soft hands on Rufus' head made him forget all that rage for just a second.
The rest of the day went by with little to no inconvenience. Rude had somehow managed to keep himself amused by bouncing from one sofa to the other, which slightly unnerved Reno. And Rufus had managed to build a fort out of boxes from the store room, proclaiming himself as King of The Castle. Reno noticed that more and more often they were relapsing mentally into children as the day went by and hoped that Hojo had somehow worked out how to reverse the problem already, though the phone had not rung for a long time now.
Taking it upon himself, Reno decided to lock Rude and Rufus in the office and went down to the laboratory. The sight that befell him as he entered was astounding and quite frankly, not what he would ever have expected.
Hojo was tied down so that he couldn't move and his shoes and socks sat next to him. Tseng and Elena had somehow found two feather dusters and were tickling Hojo's feet with them, much to the amusement of all three.
'What are you doing?' Reno bellowed. It was unusual for him to use that tone of voice but this whole ordeal was getting worse by the minute.
'Nothing!' Tseng shouted looking up at the ceiling so as not to make eye contact with Reno. 'It was Elena's idea.'
'It was not,' she chirped. 'You said that if we didn't do this then you'd make me play kiss chase with you, and I don't want to kiss a smelly boy like you!' she said turning her nose up at him.
This was really bad. If Elena wasn't willing to kiss Tseng then things had gone beyond his control. Reno ran over to Hojo and untied him. Just as he went to ask him about the Time Machine, Hojo jumped up and began to make kissing noises towards Elena with his hands out in front of him. Tseng joined in too and they started to chase her around and around. Figuring that nothing helpful would come out of talking to the child Hojo, Reno sat and sighed. He looked over the console and saw that it was now fully charged, but that wouldn't help him. There were too many buttons. If he pressed the wrong one, it could make things even worse.
Just as he was about to set into his despair, a great big flash engulfed the entire room. As he opened his eyes, a video camera sat in full view of him. Running to it like it was the end to all his problems he picked it up and switched it to play.
It was him on the camera.
'Hey Dude, it's me...well you in the future anyway. I'm guessing by now, Hojo's began to play kiss chase with Tseng and Elena and I think you'll find that upstairs, Rude and the Boss are playing elastic band wars. But don't worry, I'm here to save you...us, I mean. Just follow my instructions and everything will go back to normal. Oh and make sure to get Hojo to send this back, otherwise your past selves will be in deep doo doo, if ya get me,' the other Reno winked.
Reno swiftly paused the video and went to collect Rude and Rufus. They struggled a little on the way down to the lab, but a good telling off was all that was needed to calm them down. Other than that, they were good kids really.
'Oh Weno I want to play castles again. Why do we have to play with smelly Hojo? I don't like him,' Rufus whined.
Reno ignored him until they got to the laboratory. Hojo and Tseng were still in an intense game of kiss chase with a very scared Elena and as soon as Rude and Rufus saw, they ran towards her too.
'Oooo kiss chase,' Rude shrieked. 'I like this game.'
'I want to be chased now,' Rufus announced like the spoilt brat he was.
'I'm not kissing you Wuuufuuus,' Tseng said, taking the mickey out of his boss's speech problem. He would probably pay for it later.
Rufus went quiet and moved over to Reno; his cute little blue eyes filling up with tears as he looked up at Reno's green ones.
'No one ever wants to play with me,' he sobbed. 'Will you play kiss chase with me Weno?' he asked still sobbing.
'Maybe later,' Reno answered a little uncomfortable. This was not the time for smutty jokes, especially since they had really become kids in mind as well as size now.
Reno hastily herded the shrieking children into one of Hojo's chambers and moved the device inside as well. As his future self had told him, he managed to weld a trigger with a long wire to the device so that he could activate it from outside the protective glass, lest he be caught in the problem too. He had also taken the advice of his future self to make sure that each of his colleagues had got re-dressed into their original clothes. He was told a nearly naked Tseng was enough to make anyone vomit.
And so, all precautions had been taken and he was ready to hit the switch, though first he took a photo on his camera phone. It could be used for future blackmail material - he'd have to add that on to the video himself for the next Reno.
As he flicked the switch, the device began to rumble and a white light filled the chamber. A thunderous noise began and his colleagues screamed and writhed in the light. Then there was nothing but pitch black. Even Reno couldn't see. Suddenly the buildings back up generators kicked in and to everyone's relief, Hojo, Elena, Tseng, Rude and Rufus were back to normal. Reno ran to the nearest mirror to check he was still himself and smiled happily at his reflection. They all exited the chamber and went over to Reno.
'Are you guys ok?' Reno asked, cocking his head.
Rude ran a hand over his head and mumbled something along the lines of '...no hair...' and exited the lab, looking rather upset.
Hojo grabbed Reno's arm and jumped at him.
'Thank you Reno, but...how?' he asked.
'It's a long story. Just make sure you send that camera back to the date and time written on the sticker and get rid of the machine completely. Those orders are from yours and my future selves. Oh and by the way, it went wrong because you didn't fully charge it, you idiot,' Reno retorted as Hojo slunk away with the camera.
'Yay! My boobs are back,' Elena screamed. 'I mean...um thanks Reno,' she said hastily as she left to follow Rude, a blush evident on her face.
Tseng just cocked an eyebrow disapprovingly and left Reno and Rufus alone.
'How...are ya feeling Boss man?' Reno asked an angry looking Rufus uneasily.
'Come with me,' Rufus said through gritted teeth as he grabbed Reno's shirt collar and dragged him up to his office, which was now in a state of disarray.
As soon as he knew they were completely alone he pushed Reno hard into the desk, that only yesterday Reno had so perfectly cleaned.
'Your insubordination towards me has gone on long enough, Reno,' he said quietly but dangerously. 'Now, I will punish you as I promised earlier.'
Reno's face paled at those words. He'd hoped Rufus had forgotten what he'd said earlier today, but it appeared he had not.
Rufus grabbed his hand and shoved a pair of handcuffs around Reno and the desk leg.
'I had no idea you were so kinky Sir,' Reno purred, regaining his naughty attitude he so often showed around Rufus. He knew where this was heading even if the young President himself was not so aware yet.
Rufus kneeled down in front of him and ripped Reno's shirt open to reveal his bare chest. He then moved his head, unflinching towards Reno's and whispered in his ear:
'And don't think I have forgotten your promise to play kiss chase with me later, Turk.'
'Oooh no Sir, I wouldn't dream of it. You know, I really am quite a bad boy. I think I need punishing a lot!' Reno purred again, his hot breath tickling The President's cheek.
'Believe me Reno, I don't think you know how bad you really are,' he whispered as he grabbed Reno's chin and pulled their lips closer together.