Sometimes I feel sad. Sometimes, I want to disappear and fade away. Sometimes I can't help myself. Does that make me a bad person? Yes and no. Being…like this…gives me the opportunity to be different, better even. But you know just as well as I…that it hurts. And it will kill you, slowly from the inside out..until it has consumed your whole body and soul, then your entire being and your surroundings. Darkness cannot he fooled. It will ALWAYS find a way into your life, whether today or tomorrow, it does not matter. It will happen eventually, and you know it. For me, it is too late already. I cannot handle it. And after what I've done…
I don't deserve any relief. Before I did this, I did something else. Something that hurt way more than the fact that I have just claimed the innocent souls of several people. I hated myself and didn't dare look at my grotesque reflection in the mirror. So I covered it… and I don't plan to uncover it any time soon. Especially not after this. Not after what I have done to them. I never even knew I was able to do such things, but I got blinded by the dark and blackmailed by my own emotions. I'm not the one to blame. THEY did this to me and THEY created this mess, turned me into the cold, brutal monster I am now. The blood on my hands sends shivers down my spine, not uncomfortable ones, though. I feel…relief. But it's not enough to make me forget about it, to help me get out of this madness.
Somebody…
Anybody….
Help me, save me from myself and please don't hate me for what I have done. It's not my fault. Insanity picks its victims, not the opposite. Please. Before it's too late. But what am I saying. It is too late already. I have a wish.
I want to be able to look at myself again, filled with happiness and pride, not shame, anger and darkness. You would have done the same thing. It killed me to kill them, but they needed to be saved from this world, this slaughter house. Ironic, isn't it? I slaughtered them to save them from being slaughtered. Emotionally. They're okay now - safe.
I'm okay, I'm fine and I regret NOTHING. And this doesn't change a thing.
Does it?