Title: Untraceable Obliviate
Author: artphreak
Synopsis: Severus Snape visits some old memories.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None.
Acknowlegements: Thank you ladyaurora for being my BETA!!!!
Disclaimers: Unfortunately, I came up with neither the characters or the Lyrics used for inspiration, although I am eternally grateful to Rowling and BNL for their creations. The story, however, is all mine. ~ZBB~
He groaned as he rolled over and pulled the infernally scratchy thing the damned hotel called a blanket over his head. The noise in the next room was reaching an incredible decibel level for the activity that was currently occurring there. That was slowly going to kill him, he was sure of it. And if it wasn't that, it was going to be that awful blinking red Hotel sign that seemed so conveniently placed outside his window.
Damnable muggle alcohol, he thought to himself as he now tried to bury his head under the three pillows on the bed, I shouldn't have had nearly as much as I did.
Well, what else am I going to do in this wretched city?, his thoughts continued as he flashed back to his last conversation with his boss.
***
"You should take a vacation son," Albus started, shushing the inevitable complaint and argument from the man seated in front of him with a raised hand, "You have no reason to stay completely cooped up like this. Everyone else has moved on from the events of last month, including 'The-Boy-who-lived-simply-to-irritate-you-further' as you so quaintly keep calling Harry." Albus eyes twinkled at the reaction that statement had garnered.
The man across the desk from Albus was now glaring openly, his lips pinched thinner than Albus had thought was possible.
"Simply because Harry and all his little supporters have been led to believe that there is nothing to worry about anymore, doesn't mean that there isn't. Dammit, Albus, I know I sound like Moody when I say this, but just because Voldemort is 'believed' to be gone, doesn't mean that he can't or won't come back!" the acerbic tongue from the man across the desk responded.
He was all too aware of the last meeting the Order had had before the Final Battle. He had been the one to bring the news from certain Death Eaters that there was a covert plan to keep The Dark Lord safe. Unlike their illustrious leader, many of Voldemort's followers felt that The Boy Who Lived posed a greater threat than was touted. Unfortunately, he had been unable to find out exactly who was behind the plan. The Battle had come too soon. Sure, they had been prepared and they had won, but when the dust had settled the remains of the Dark Lord had been nowhere in sight. Everyone had attributed that to the powerful magic surrounding that damn Prophecy, but he had a sneaking suspicion that someone made off with the remains.
Oh, yes, he thought, and I know exactly who was behind it now.
"Lucius Malfoy," Albus purposefully said, pulling the brooding man from his thoughts, "may be on the lam, but that simply doesn't mean that he was able to get away with anything of Tom."
Albus's shoulders slumped a little.
"You have become too paranoid for your own good, Severus."
The Headmaster stood and moved to stand in front of the desk, leaning back against it a little.
"If Lucius is up to anything - or can be found at all - I need you to be more clear-headed, and more like your old self. There are still many Death Eaters out there, and they don't know that you were on our side. The Battle took a lot out of you, but you need to be a human again," Albus placed a warm hand on his shoulder, "you need to go on vacation."
He knew that he had no chance of winning this fight. He would be leaving, at the old fool's insistence, whether he wanted to or not.
"Fine." He muttered.
Albus seemed to perk up visibly at that agreement. Damn him, Severus grumbled mentally, now he's going to twinkle his eyes at me, and tell me that I shouldn't come back until I feel ready.
And the Headmaster had done just that.
***
"Yes..*thunk*Yes..*thunk*yes..*thunk*yes..*thunk*yes..*thunk*yeeeeeessssss..*thunk*"
The noise from the other room brought him back to the present at a nauseating speed. There's no use in staying here, might as well have a shower and head out, he concluded as he hauled his carcass from the ridiculous thing this place called a bed.
As he made his way to the bathroom, the telephone rang.
"Yes." He frowned at the hoarseness of his own voice.
"Umm, Mr. Williams? You had requested that the desk call you today in order to 'make sure that your drunken self was still cognitive after the amount of alcohol you had imbibed', as I believe you had put it?" Severus grunted an affirmative and the voice on the other side continued: "Also, we were to let you know that today is in fact Tuesday the 13th of July. Is there anything else we can do for you?"
"No. That will be all." He hung up the phone.
Blessed Merlin! He had slept for two days straight. He wondered idly if someone had perhaps slipped some sort of potion into his drink. Maybe he ought to owl Albus and see if there was anything going on. No, no, you paranoid idiot, that's exactly why the old man had sent you away... No one knows that I am here - except Albus - so there's nothing to worry about. He quickly berated his line of thinking, and went to have a shower.
Dressed and cleaner, Severus stood in front of his hotel window looking out onto the place he had chosen to take a vacation at. Thankfully, the noise through the paper thin wall had ceased while he had been in the bathroom. He sipped out of a tumbler filled with an amber liquid that seemed to dance with light of its own volition. On the other side of the pane of glass, rain fell on a dull looking city. He was near the bay and could see some people out on the docks, trying to make a living in some kind of defiance to the foul weather. Despite the activity and the evidence of life that he could discern through his murky window, the entire city seemed shrouded in a layer of grey. There was no colour here, and it disturbed him slightly that things still hadn't changed since he had last been here.
Might as well get it over with old boy, he told himself, they won't be happy if they catch you there.
He downed the fiery looking drink in one gulp, placed the tumbler on the side table, grabbed his coat and the key, and walked out the door. When he got to the foyer, he nodded slightly at the boy at the desk and made his way out to the street. He crossed the street and made his way towards the bay.
It was still raining, and if he didn't know better, he would assume that the month was November rather than July. However, he also knew that ever since that day, it had always seemed colder here regardless of season. Thinking about the past brought a sudden chill over him, and he pulled the collar of his coat up around his ears. Bringing a sneer to his face, he blocked the emotions from pouring out of him. It can wait a little longer, he reminded himself.
He made his way past the beerhalls, the fights on the street, and the prostitutes - the smell of the bay beckoning to him.
Everything is as I remember it... it's incredible really.
Walking a little faster, he sweeps past the last of the buildings, a seemingly simple protective barrier for the city from the ocean. His pace lightens a little as he makes his way directly onto the docks. Time seems to stop suddenly as the smells, sounds, and sights overwhelm his senses momentarily.
He leans against the rail, resting his arms on its top, and takes a couple of deep breaths to combat the emotions. The only sound he hears for some time is his heart threatening to beat its way out of his chest.
Keep it together man... just a little further... What has this wretched city done to me?!
With one deeper, calming breath, Severus Snape is once again the cold, calculating Potions Master of Hogwarts. He takes some time to drink in the environment: The seagulls circling and calling out in a sort of ritualistic call for food; the working boats rumbling with life, clinking chains and pulleys of nets being drawn in and cleaned; the silent boats bumping against the docks and their rocking bringing to life the ship's bells, a light tinkling that adds to the delightful sound of sea life; the occasional splash of some sea creature in the distance; and the ever-present almost ethereal sound of rain falling onto the water.
Severus' nose, his most highly trained sense, is practically overloaded. The smell of dead and decaying sea life is everywhere, threatening to drown the sense of smell in its own world of lifelessness. However, just beyond that, tickling the senses to life is a fragrant mix of ocean water, rain, diesel, wet wood, metal, and something else he can't quite place. He can hardly make out the smells of the city, not even a block behind him.
With his senses and emotions guiding him, everything seems to coalesce into one moment in the past, and suddenly She is here. He can feel her small hand in his, her body pressed against his, seeking some kind of warmth from him, and her scent. Oh gods, her smell. He sighs and lifts his free arm to encircle her with it, and the moment passes.
"Hateful and spiteful city... what have I ever done to you?!" He demands in a hiss under his breath, "... perhaps I shouldn't have come..."
Knowing all too well, however, that he had put off this visit for too long.
The call of the bay seems to pale in comparison to that other call now. He needs to be near her again - if only to rid himself of the memory of her.
"Selective Obliviate" has been a pet project of Severus' for quite some time. He was put on the track thanks in part to Lucius Malfoy. The twisted man whom Severus had once called "brother", was driven by the need to punish other people and revel in their pain. He had made some kind of reference to a desire to remove all memory from his victims except one moment that they could play over and over. A kind of condensed Dementor-like creation, only as a potion, untraceable, unlike any wand magic. Severus, however, had not seen the benefit of such a potion.
Some time later, another night of drowning the memory of her with alcohol, and Severus found himself musing over the idea of creating a potion that would allow the drinker to enter their own mind for a period of time, removing the offending memories in a most permanent fashion. To perform Obliviate on ones self was a form of Magical Suicide. Unfortunately, the belief that you would get rid of only the memories that your heart wanted to was untrue - you would lose everything, all memories and become a shell of a person. It was rumoured that the soul would be torn to pieces and scatter to the wind. The idea of creating a potion like something Severus was thinking about was highly dark, and he doubted if he could create such a thing. But he had always been unhappy with placing the memories in a penseive. Someone could find them, and he couldn't let that happen. No, he was better off without them. A personal memory erase like that was the way to go.
He told no one that he had succeeded. He made only enough for the trial run and one dose. He had destroyed the notes, and during the trial removed the memory of the creation, leaving only enough information that he had thought of the potion, created it, and removed the memory of its construction as well as destroyed all documents of its creation. He locked those memories deep in his brain - he was sure that only Albus himself would be able to retrieve them if he came to know what Severus had done.
He shook his head clear, not wanting to think about the disappointment that Albus would display in him if the Headmaster were to find out. Severus knew that his decision to do this would have been fought, and as far as he was concerned, this was in fact his decision to make. And, he had made it: or at least was trying to put it into action.
He pushes on past the hustle and bustle of the docks, and walks on towards an older part of town where the street are still cobbled, and very few people venture anymore. It's a shame really, he finds himself thinking, this is by far the more pleasant part of this city, and yet, hardly anyone lives here anymore. All that remains is death and memories surrounding those deaths.
He enters the main street of the older neighbourhood, traveling towards another section in the near distance. The area is not welcoming. Severus feels as though there are eyes on him, and not wanting to invite conversation, he avoids looking at anything other than the road in front of him. He would like to make it through this journey without being seen, but he knows his chances are slim. He expects that there will be some kind of confrontation later on; they weren't the type of people to approach him now out in the open.
He loses himself again in thought, and the mindlessness of walking to his appointed destination happens seemingly on its own. He walks into what seems like a beautiful park at the end of the road and continues walking down small paths in a pattern that had been known to him for so long. The paths have little benches along the way that have little plaques on them, but unlike the more curious folk, Severus pays them no mind. His face is displaying two emotions at once, almost as if he is at war with himself. The scowl of a man with no intention of being bothered lies on the surface of thought, and showing from a much deeper place is pain that would threaten to break any normal human being. Severus is oblivious to his own emotions as he is firmly in another time within this very place.
***
"What are you thinking?!" The Fishwife, as Severus had come to call her, was screeching from the kitchen.
"It is my life, Mother, and I want to marry him." came the strangely calm reply, also from the kitchen.
"But you're too young to use that mind properly! You can't marry him. He will be the end of you. He is no good, even your blind grandmother can see it. Why can't you?!"
"I'm sorry you feel that way, but I assure you that we think it would be safer for us to be married rather than not. There is nothing you can say that would make me feel I shouldn't marry him."
Severus, once pacing in front of the door to the kitchen, stopped. He had taught her well: to control emotions in the face of a passion was difficult, but infinitely better as a tool to aggravate the opposing end. They had continued to fight for well over two hours, and in the end she had been banished from the household into the street. He had wanted to comfort her, but he knew that she didn't need it. Her jaw had been set the moment her mother had said the words. And the shock on her mother's face when she had replied with utmost calm that she already knew, that it didn't matter, that she would still marry him. He knew at that moment that he would do his best to protect her until his dying day.
***
And in the end, her mother had been right: He was the end of her. It would have been safer for them to have not married. It would have been safer for if he had ended the relationship.
His thoughts came to an end as his feet came to a stop. He was here.
He looked at the marble marker:
Edith McRevin
Taken from us far too soon.
Killed in a war unknown to us
Daughter, Sister, Mother
Severus fell to his knees. What was below it?!
Serenity McRevin
A life lived too short
Killed in her sleep
Resting here with her mother
He hadn't known! Edie's family had always needed the upper hand. He let the tears fall, and he opened himself to the flood of emotion. Anger, frustration, regret, and hopelessness all pooled together, forming a cloud of darkness around the shaking and sobbing mass at the foot of the graves. After he had cried the sadness away, Severus took a few deep breaths and cried aloud:
"Why couldn't I save you?" he demanded of the air above him, "Why couldn't they leave you alone? Why did it have to end that way?! Why can't you be here with me now… oh Edie….I need you…"
Calming himself again, he leaned forward to run his fingertips over the carved stone, caressing the letters as one would caress a lover's face. Tears ran anew when he stopped at the name Serenity.
***
"She's beautiful Severus," she spoke just above a whisper, the exhaustion still evident on her face, "She looks perfect."
"If course she is perfect, she looks like you Edie." Severus responded as he stooped to kiss the forehead of the tired woman in bed.
"I want to call her Serenity. She will bring a new beginning for us, full of hope, love, and wonder. Will she be magical, do you think?"
"I cannot lie to you Edie. I don't know. A part of me hopes that she will be more powerful than her father, but another part of me prays that she will not be 'magical', as you put it. The life of a person born of a muggle and a wizard is a hard one. Especially today. And if He were to find either of you…" He choked on the words, and then started anew, "I cannot say that I will always be here to watch over you…"
"I know… I know… but perhaps just a tiny bit of hope… enough hope that resides in this precious child to make that tiny bit of difference."
"You know I will not argue with you Edie. She is your daughter; Serenity is a beautiful name."
"She is perfect."
"So she is. Let me take her now. You need your rest."
***
Serenity.
Severus traced the letters of her name slowly and deliberately.
***
"I trust that you bring me good news my young Servant?"
"Yes, my Lord."
"Rise then Severus, and tell me what to expect."
He rose, trying to keep his head clear as he knew Voldemort would attempt to pry into his thoughts. Tonight, there were thoughts that he wanted to keep for himself.
"Lucius and the others are ready at the edge of the town, and they know which houses to target. Within these houses are the families you had asked that we find – the mudblood families of the Ministry. The town is a sort of safe haven, there are supposed to be wards and watchers, but with your power, there will be nothing to stop us."
Voldemort looked pleased, and stood while saying: "Very well. I shall send a message to start the raid, and then we will wait for the call."
A flash of searing heat passed over Severus' arm and he knew that the message was sent.
He stood as still as possible, trying to keep from pacing. The Death Eaters were in her town, but he had been able to get the signal sent. Hopefully, the message had been received.
Several minutes passed, and then a small black bird made its way towards Voldemort. Severus now knew that the Death Eaters had been successful. He, the Dark Lord and the other remaining followers would apparate shortly.
Just as he was getting himself ready, he noticed Voldemort peering at him thoughtfully. Then he felt it. A slight tingle, an almost burning, near his heart.
His eyes went wide. They had found her.
He heard a spell being cast, and then all went black.
He groaned.
"Well hello there, sleepy head." The velvety tones of a voice all too familiar to him coaxed him from the unnatural nap.
He opened his eyes to find himself in a room too well known. It was her room, and he knew instantly from the smells in the room that there would be no good news here anymore.
"We wanted to have you awake for our bit of fun Severus, but it just wasn't meant to be. The muggle wench was unable to escape me this time round. She's over there, if you're so interested."
"Why would I be interested, Lucius?" He would have to watch his acidic tones. Keep the emotions neutral; it's what she would want. Get free, then revenge.
"Oh, I don't know. I thought you would find it interesting to know that Our Dark Lord was most surprised to see that thing here of all places, as he distinctly remembered being told that she was dead. Yet, here she was, and with a child no less."
"Why should that concern me, Lucius?" That's right, keep the emotions neutral. You have to find the child.
The Golden Boy, well, a man now, stepped into the light. He was covered in blood. Not his own, to be sure, but all of the victims of this night. He grabbed Severus' head and turned it towards a heap on the floor.
"Because, my dear Master Snape, YOU were supposed to have killed her," The new head of the Malfoy clan turned Severus' head towards his own face, "On your initiation night no less. Yet, here she is. Oh. Pardon me. Was."
Mustn't show emotional loss. Cold, calculating, snarky, me. That's it. Pull yourself together man. For her.
"You should know, Severus, The Dark Lord doesn't take kindly to traitorous behaviour. You will be punished. I should hope that you will learn from it," Lucius patted him on the cheek, "I consider it a pleasure to be the one chosen to punish you. I will try to be gentle….
Crucio!!!"
***
It doesn't matter how many times he had been hit with that particular curse, it still shocks his system to think about it. Lucius had done a perfect job of punishing him. They hadn't expected him to survive, in fact, Lucius had been told to leave him for the Aurors to find. The heavy implication being that he would be found to be one of the victims.
Funnily enough I couldn't just accept that, mused the present day Severus, It had been interesting to see the look on Lucius' face the next time I had shown up at a Summons. He was so transparent then. He was both frustrated that I hadn't died and proud at the same time. Little did they know that I had barely survived.
He had only vague ideas of what had actually happened. Second-hand accounts from some of the Order members, and what little Albus had told him. All he really knew was that he had passed out listening to a baby's wailing, and woken up to utter silence in Pomona Pomfrey's Private Recovery Room.
Albus had told him that he had joined some of the Aurors who had arrived on the scene, and had personally transported Severus back to the castle. When Severus had inquired about the baby, Albus had told him that they had sent the child to a safe Muggle home, and unfortunately, Severus could never see the child again.
He had then been left to think about what had transpired. A couple of days later, he had requested a meeting with his past headmaster, and after much discussion it was decided that Severus Snape would join the staff as the Potions Master, and would return to Voldemort as a double agent "spying on Albus Dumbledore". Albus had been pleased with the idea, saving another student and whatnot, and Severus had been driven to save more children and loving people from the same fate.
Muggles certainly didn't need that kind of treatment. However, now that the war is over and forgotten, what's the point in keeping the memories? I will never be able to return "to the fold" as Dumbledore thinks. They all know that I am untrustworthy, Lucius believing that sentiment most of all. He would no longer hesitate to remove me from their plans. And he couldn't blame them. Only Edie had been able to love him, and she was gone.
Severus Snape thought on whether or not he could go through with the plan.
No! I must. These foolish sentiments are causing more pain than I need. No one cares for the Snarky Potions Master, the bat, the Greasy Git…only Edie… only her love was ever tangible for me. So perfectly embodied.
"I am sorry that I could not save you Edie. I loved you as best I could, and still it wasn't enough. I wasn't deserving of you, yet you saw through everything and loved me for a brief time."
He pulled the stoppered bottle from his jacket pocket and toasted the city behind him: "To the most wretched town on this shore, may your cheesy hotel rooms crumble, your people grow increasingly more afraid of the past, your prostitutes all become nuns, and your beerhalls sink into the bay..."
He turned towards the little hamlet he was just beyond: "I know you can hear me you wretched woman! I toast you and your kin. You lost the most wonderful woman on the planet because of your ignorance, and I thank you for putting her on my path. May you rot in some simple hell!"
He turned again towards the grave marker: "Edie, I love you terribly, and I want you to know that. I am so sorry that I did nothing. I have looked everywhere for Serenity. I cannot find her, and have come to the conclusion that Albus lied to save me. I now know that she is with you where she ought to be. My two perfect girls…. To you."
And he drank the potion.
His body slumped to the ground as he was mentally pulled into his own brain.
With meticulous precision, Severus tracked every memory tied to Serenity and Edie and moved them, with his wand, to a silver bowl that had appeared in his other hand. He knew that they would be gone as soon as he destroyed the bowl; that was the last step. He looked over each memory as he moved them, and occasionally a small smile would creep to his lips, but never as far as his eyes.
Once he had collected everything, Severus placed the bowl on the ground that had appeared before him and aimed his wand at it. He stood there for a moment, mulling over what he had done so far. He paused for another moment, almost stupefied by hesitation, until he shouted in a strangled cry:
"Finite Corrumpus!!"*
He watched as the bowl exploded and sent shards of memory out of his head, pulling him out of his mind with them, and everything went black.
***
Severus opened his eyes and saw that some time had passed. There was a pink glow sinking into the harbour and the neon lights of the pubs were flickering to life, to dance on the water's ripples around the boats that had returned from the day at sea. He was suddenly aware of the fact that he wasn't kissing the dirt where his body had collapsed upon drinking the potion. He was looking up into the sky and his head was being cradled. Now how did that happen?
He was looking into glassy liquid pools of black. It took a second to realize that these were eyes that weren't his own.
For the life of me I don't know who this is…
It was then that he became aware of drips of water hitting his forehead.
They're tears, he thought while a scowl started to form on his face, Who do these eyes belong to?
He was so taken in by the eyes of this stranger that he was unaware of anything else.
Hands raised and lightly brushed the tears from his forehead breaking him from his reverie-like state. The hands then moved down to hold his face and brush his cheeks. Severus closed his eyes at the feeling… something was niggling at the back of his thoughts. He should know this touch, he should know this face, and he should know why the face had his eyes.
A still, quiet voice whispered:
"Father…. Oh, Father.... What have you done?"
Severus' eyes flew open,
"Do I know you?!"
The little voice cracked a little when it next spoke: "My name is Serenity…"
"Serenity is a beautiful name."
END
Hello City
Hello City.....
Another night at the palace, 'cause there is nothing else to do.
The same people, the same drinks and the same music, the same quicksand
I think this harbor town is waist deep and sinking fast.
Hello city, you've found an enemy in me
Hello city, hello city.
Second night at the Warehouse, and my mock turtleneck just reeks.
From the liquor room to the changeroom
To the doom and gloom of the hotel room,
I wish this seaside beerhall would sink into the bay.
Hello city, you've found an enemy in me
Hello city, hello city.
Maybe I caught you at a bad time,
Maybe I should call you back next week,
maybe half the fault was mine that the sun didn't shine on barrington street.
It's three o'clock in the morning, and I'm hungry so let's eat.
Climb down three flights to the streetlights
and the barfights, we're just taking in the sights.
I hope tomorrow that I wake up in my own bed.
Hello city, you've found an enemy in me
Hello city, hello city.
"What a good place to be, don't believe them,
'Cause they speak a different language
And it's never been happy for me.
It's Happy Hour again."
Author's Notes:
Thank you so much for the opportunity to do this story. I hope you liked it; any comments would be most welcome. I wrote this before having read all of the books. I realize that the story probably doesn't follow Kanon, but I am a firm believer in a fanfiction story going however the fan wants it to. Thanks again.
*Finite Corrumpus is taken from the following:
Finite: Ummm… like Finite Incantum from the books.
Corrumpus: Comes from the Latin 'Corrumpo' which means: to break up, destroy, annihilate /spoil, weaken.