Castiel had never cried before. It was a sensation that they didn't quite know how to describe, and they didn't like it. It had been two months since Jimmy Novak's vessel had been damaged beyond repair, two months since a willing woman from Lebanon gave up her body to help in their fight, having dabbled in magic in the past and hearing about the struggles the WInchesters were facing. It seemed too good to be true, and at first the boys were doubtful. A witch was a witch, afterall. But Jack tested her truthfulness, and she'd smiled sadly when he was done.
"I've done a lot of bad things in my life," she said softly, her accent lilting as she spoke, "all my family has died now. Let this last thing I do be a good one."
Castiel had protested at first because of how young she was- no older than 25 years, glowing with health. But when he looked into her heart, he could tell that she was genuine and wanted to do this. So they accepted her gift gladly, and Castiel personally escorted her soul to heaven.
They burned Jimmy Novak's body, which had been torn and maimed on one of their supposedly routine wendigo hunts. They were all somber for a while after that, and Castiel felt a pang of sadness as he watched the body dissolve. Jimmy Novak was the first human he'd ever encountered, and his body served as the angel's vessel for many years. He'd come to love it. But there was nothing they could do now, except make sure that nothing else could disrespect the man's honor by possessing his corpse.
After that first week was when the real problems started.
Castiel had always loved Dean. There was no argument about that, no shred of doubt in his, now her, soul. She wanted to be with him, wanted to hold him and protect him from all the pain and evil of the world. Cas knew she'd made mistakes, bad choices that hurt the one human she loved the most. And no matter what Dean said or what he did, she would always love him. That was something she'd grown to accept.
What she couldn't accept, however, were Dean's recent advances on her. They weren't really advances, persay, more like subtle looks and movements that no one else but Cas could perceive. And it hurt. Dean loved him when he was Jimmy Novak, to be sure, but as a brother. He was a womanizer, always bragging about his skill in bed. He didn't love Cas back the way Cas loved him. The pain of that unrequitedness never left the angel, but over the years it'd become bearable. Now, it was worse than ever. Dean only started expressing his love back to Cas when she'd become female? He didn't even care about his personality in the past? Cas knew for a fact that Dean was aware that angels didn't have genders. He also understood that all humans were different, they loved who they loved, and that was that. But hadn't Dean ever once try to overlook Jimmy Novak and love Castiel? Hadn't he ever cared about what was on the inside? Years of loyalty and being ignored all changed to stares of longing in a matter of weeks, all because Cas now had a curvy, slim frame with a woman's hips and skin the color of copper. Her black hair hung wavy down to the small of her back, and her eyes remained a startling blue, the same that they were in Jimmy Novak. Dean didn't care about him, and it tore the angel apart.
And now, here they were, standing outside the bunker on a scorching summer night.
"You don't love me." Cas whispered, her voice, although light and feminine now, still maintaining some of that gravelly tone that he had in Jimmy.
"What?" Dean asked, voice rough, "Are you kidding me, man? After all we've been through, you don't think I love you?"
"Not the way that I love you." Cas said sadly, unable to look at him. There was silence for a few moments, Dean standing behind her. She braced herself for the cold sting of rejection, for Dean to walk away when he realized he couldn't bed her vessel.
So she was surprised when she heard the honest, genuine words, "Yes, I do."
She froze, listening to the familiar footsteps approach her. "I always have… And it was my pride, my fault that made me try to think I didn't." He admitted, trying not to think about how much of a chick flick moment this was.
Castiel shook her head, tears continuing to stream from her eyes as she cried silently. "You don't want me," she pressed, "you want a beautiful woman to make love to. You want a female human to start a life with, you-"
"I want Castiel." Dean cut her off firmly, fingers gently tilting up her chin to look at him. The honesty in his eyes made her breathless. "Man or woman, I don't care. I want the angel who saved me from hell, who loves me and my family. I want Castiel."
Still unwilling to believe what Dean was saying, Cas conjured up an illusion of Jimmy, and when the older hunter gazed upon him, he was suddenly face to face with the same man who'd fought side by side with them for years. "You would not love me if I looked like this." He said in his deep, gravelly voice, tears still present.
Dean looked at him with an unreadable emotion, before swiftly pressing their lips together, cupping his stubbled cheek with a calloused hand. Cas melted into the kiss, fell into the dream he'd wanted forever that had finally come to reality. She kissed him back fervently, gripping at his biceps.
When Dean opened his eyes again, the new vessel Cas was in was staring back up at him, those familiar electric blue eyes still unchanged. She smiled through her tears, looking at him like he was the second coming, like he held some magical key to fixing the universe. He really did mean it. Dean loved him.
"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" She asked quietly, "That you felt the same?"
Dean sighed, ashamed as he looked at his shoes. "I was scared." He said softly, "I didn't understand why I could look past a male vessel so easily. I'm not gay, Cas, I never have been… But I think I knew all along that I loved you too much to care about that. I see you for who you are. And I don't want it to ever change, man or woman. I want Cas to always be Cas."
The angel smiled, leaning into his chest. "And I want Dean to always be Dean."