Hello everyone!
I'm back with something new that I want to share with you lovely people.
What can I say about this story? I came up with the basic idea about a year ago as I was riding the train back home, and it was completely different from what it's supposed to be now. At that time, I wasn't sure what to make out of it. Then I remembered recently how much I actually like those "five times and one time" stories and I thought I could use the half-baked plot from back then here and try my own five/one. I changed the perspective from second person to third person, and here we go.
It starts pre season one and I'm probably messing up the time line a lot, and I'm sorry about that in advance.
This will be (pre-)slash later on, but up to chapter three you should be fine, if that's not your cup of tea. I guess. Still, you have been warned now what course this will take in the long run, so please no complaints afterwards.
Spoiler warnings, anyone? Up to season six or seven, I think. I'm not entirely sure about that, yet.
Oh, and another warning: this story isn't completed yet. I have the plot mostly down, I know what I want to write, I just have to actually still write it. I don't normally do this, publishing a story that isn't finished, but I hope and I think it will be done soon. So please be patient and bear with me. And most importantly:
Enjoy!
O~O
I. First time.
When he sees Spencer Reid for the first time, Derek barely even notices him.
Well, this is probably not quite right, because, truth be told, Derek surely does notice him. And it is rather hard not to, actually. A kid, strolling through the bull pen as if he is looking for his mother, is bound to attract attention. Nobody intervenes, though, so Derek does the same and chooses to do nothing, since someone like that kid seems highly unlikely to mean danger in any way possible.
In the brief instant Derek grants him his attention, he can see Reid scanning the room with huge dark eyes. Not huge in awe or nervousness, but simply way too big for a boy his age. For a boy in general, and, let's face it, he is nothing more than a boy right then and there. For some reason, not now but in retrospective, this picture of young Dr. Reid will be engraved in Derek's memory, a constant part when he thinks about him. He will try to think back to this moment right here, every now and then, and think all kinds of thoughts.
Yet so far, Spencer Reid is just a nameless kid – even though, some day, Derek will start to wonder whether he has ever been just a kid – and he dismisses him entirely after a few seconds, turning back to the never ending trail of paper work on his desk.
He doesn't come to mind again. Really. College boys like him… sometimes it feels like Derek has already seen enough of them to fill an entire life.
And besides, there are more important things that call for Derek's attention. Rumors came up that the BAU would welcome a new team member, rather soon at that. This is kind of big news, because it means they are important enough to add some more strength to the team, more brainpower and new perspectives. What they do is acknowledged.
They change things. They make a difference. And this is something Derek has to keep in mind at all times.
He wonders who it will possibly be, the fresh pair of eyes. We all know, of course, who the new member is, in the end – but at that time, Derek would have never, never guessed that it happens to be the skinny kid with the big eyes.
"Ah, there he is," is all the warning Derek gets when, one day, just before lunch, Hotch tracks him down in the bull pen. "Morgan," he calls and Derek doesn't even try to pretend and ignore it.
Without thinking twice, he turns and makes his way up to him. He has learned pretty fast that one of the wisest decisions he could make is to keep in with a guy who, quite possible, could be the head of the FBI one day. Still, Derek is a little flabbergasted as he recognizes Reid standing next to him, looking like Hotch took him to the 'Bring your kid to work!'-day – even though he isn't Reid yet, and Derek doesn't really recognize him, either. His features merely seem vaguely familiar, like he is a witness Derek has talked to sometime ago.
Only that he isn't. We all know that, he isn't.
"Just a minute," Hotch promises and turns slightly to include the third party in that little conversation. "I want to introduce you to Dr. Spencer Reid. He'll be working with us from now on. Dr. Reid," he addresses the boy next to him, "please meet special agent Derek Morgan, our expert on obsessional crime. I'm sure you can learn a lot from him. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask. We're a team and we operate as one."
Derek can see every muscle in Reid's neck work as he swallows. His eyes are wide, still dark but not so much, there is nothing particularly special about them. Reid's face hardens and his shoulders stiffen, Derek doesn't think he is even aware of that, and he seems small, boyish. In fact, though, he is as tall as Derek, if not a little taller.
"Uh, hi," Reid chokes out finally, "hi, I'm Spen-, Re-, my, my name's Spencer Reid."
"Yeah, I got that," Derek says, offering his hand. "Derek Morgan." The kid surely got that as well, but hell, what else to do? Stupid polite phrases.
But Reid doesn't attempt to take his hand, he doesn't even think about it. All he does is raising his own hand and offering a little wave instead, lips pressed together that they almost form a smile, but not quite.
He swallows again, clearly nervous now, and Derek shoots a glance at Hotch, because really, what is it with that wave? That guy? That whole freaking matter, when Derek is already at it. That kid looks like he is still stuck in puberty, Hotch, Gideon, everybody got to realize this. Gideon, exactly, where the hell is he? Why did he let the Bureau do something like that, hiring a boy of not even twenty, if Derek would have to make a guess? And they call him a doctor? Honestly, they have got to be kidding – this is not a kindergarten here.
Hotch makes his eyebrows twitch, barely visible, and exhales silently. What, so he doesn't know, either? What the hell is going on?
Reid looks like he is about to jump out of his skin, hands clenched into while knuckle fists at his sides. His hair is a little longer than the average bureau haircut that appears around here, but everything is plastered in place, and as Reid jerks his head the tiniest bit to the side, Derek comes to think that the kid isn't used to his hair that way. He wants to shake it out of his eyes but there isn't even the hint of a need for it.
"Why don't I show you your desk?" Hotch offers with professional kindness. The kid seems relieved, Derek has no idea why, and is ready to follow Hotch wherever he might lead him. Almost adorable, if this whole situation wouldn't be freaking ridiculous.
And the funniest thing is: they don't even make it three steps in the actual direction.
"I'm afraid this'll have to wait," Derek hears Gideon say, as if on cue, and, out of nowhere, he appears behind Derek to simply pass him by. Derek's reaction is too slow or maybe Gideon's movements are too fast, Derek can't say for sure, eyes spinning from behind him to in front of him, slightly worrying that the unit chief might accidentally run him over. Derek knows what that means and it is… wow.
Wow, really, just wow. Since when do they babysit prepubescent newbies while chasing down psychotic Unsubs?
"Round table room," Gideon announces quietly, glancing at everyone in the group, before shifting the stack of files he holds from one hand to the other and touching the kid's arm to guide him. "Good to see you, Dr. Reid," he says, just a few steps ahead of Derek and Hotch. "I'm glad you made it in time. Already met agent Morgan?"
Of course he did, Gideon has seen that himself, he basically interrupted the introduction. And besides, why does this guy always seem to forget that Derek still can hear him perfectly fine when he is walking only a few feet in front of him?
"Yeah, I'm, it's – " And more is not about to come.
Seriously, what the hell is with that guy? A stuttering teenager doesn't belong with the FBI. Derek looks at Hotch next to him and points a hand at Reid. "What the hell, man?" he murmurs, because he certainly doesn't want to be overheard by Gideon. "Are you for real? You gotta be kiddin' me. This kid, seriously?"
"Dr. Reid's exceptional abilities will make him a great asset to the team," Hotch says, and right now he sounds utterly and completely like Gideon.
"Abilities, what abilities? Staying awake until 11 pm without getting grounded by mommy and daddy?" What abilities could a skittish teen have to offer? But Derek's words are louder than he had meant them to be, and he can see Reid turning his head for the briefest instant and even then does Derek perceive that something happens in Reid's face that Derek can't pinpoint right away.
It vanishes too quickly.
"You will get along well," Gideon says absentmindedly and pats Reid's back, and somehow Derek doubts that. The kid flinches with the touch. This is going to be so great, Derek thinks, and he can't keep himself from rolling his eyes.
As they enter the conference room, Reid looks around nervously, and there is something else, something Derek can't name, something that makes his eyes even bigger and the whole idea of him being here even more ridiculous. It lasts only for a second, though, because he casts his eyes downwards as soon as he gets aware of his school boy behavior.
Gideon hands out the case files he was holding. Hotch and Derek grab one without thinking, a natural flow of movements. Reid's throat constricts before he reaches for one himself. His stool creaks loudly as he tries to quietly take a seat. Gideon shows no signs of impatience. Hotch and Derek share a glance that says it all.
While placing some pictures on the white board, Gideon starts the briefing unceremoniously. Maybe he took the newbie aside sometime previously to give him a small overview on how things work around here.
Judging by the way Reid flips through the file already, Gideon didn't.
So what's the deal? The victimology is fairly easy to decipher. Pretty brunettes, about 5'5'' to 5'8'', lean, fit, single (one of them divorced). The bodies were taken just out of town, each found on a separate glade six days after the women went missing, put to the ground almost gently, positioned as if they would only be taking a nap. Eyes and mouths covered with duct tape, long wavy hair cut off and carelessly thrown aside, tangled around poppy on every crime scene.
A waitress, a secretary, a student… for now they have nothing in common but appearance.
Morgan tries to concentrate on what Gideon says, but he catches himself watching Reid again and again, observing everything he does and judging every mistake he makes.
"Hey," he says at one point and puts a hand on top of the quickly turning pages. Reid's head jerks up, startled, and he stares at Derek with those goddamn wide eyes. "Listen to what Gideon says," Derek tells him. "You can study the file when we're on the jet. During the briefing you listen and get briefed."
"Yeah, sorry." He pulls his busy fingers into his lap, drops his gaze for a second and lifts it almost instantly again to meet first Gideon's expressionless face and then Hotch's even more expressionless face. "I'm sorry," he murmurs once more.
Well, that wasn't exactly the reaction Derek was aiming for, but if it gets the kid (and himself, for that matter) to concentrate, he won't be the one to complain.
Gideon continues the briefing and along the way Hotch and Derek ask a few questions and add their two cents. Reid took Derek's advise to heart and listens, not touching the file or even breathing too loud. Derek doesn't want to feel bad for being professional, but he kind of does, anyway. After all, it wasn't his intention to scare the kid off or something. But there is a row of dead women with their pictures pinned to the with board and they simply can't afford wrapping a wet behind the ears newbie in cotton candy.
"What do you think, Dr. Reid?" Gideon asks then and it takes the kid visibly off guard. He looks up and presses his lips together, flicking a gaze over to Hotch and Derek. Honestly, he is a bundle of confusing tension.
"Anything," Hotch joins in (Derek can almost feel how Hotch tries to be some kind of encouraging). "As I told you before, we're a team. We share our thoughts."
Reid looks at him for a long moment, assessing his words carefully. "The," he clears his throat, "the way the women were, the victims were found?" He shoots another glance around. "It reminds me, actually, it reminds me of some part of the Greek mythology." He stops as if he expects to be interrupted or questioned or silenced. Nobody says anything, though, so Reid takes another breath, and all of a sudden Derek and Hotch and Gideon get to witness a three hour lecture, pressed into about five minutes. It is many, many words and tiny gestures and Derek's head is buzzing like a bee-hive with every syllable flowing past Reid's lips.
After it gets silent again, it feels like the whole room is trying to catch its breath and Derek's chest expands slowly while he is still trying to comprehend what he just heard. Until now, the only connection between the victims has been their appearance and personal circumstances. Now there is something else, and Derek doesn't know whether he is more amazed by the Unsub's potential level of total and complete creepiness or the fact that the kid sounded like a walking talking textbook.
Everyone, except Reid, is staring at the white board, busy updating what they knew with what they only just learned. If what the kid just said really turns out to be true – Derek refuses to fully accept it just now, but he has to acknowledge the possibility – then that was already a major step forward.
"Very good, Dr. Reid," Gideon says finally, breaking the silence, as if there is nothing more to say to that. But it seems to do the job for Reid, since he exhales deeply and relaxes visibly. "I believe you brought your Go Bag?"
"Ah, yes, it's in agent Hotchner's office," he says.
"Good."
"It's wheels up in twenty then," Hotch announces, and he and Gideon get up to gather their stuff. Derek needs a little more time to wrap his head around the fact that, obviously, the kid didn't just attend the briefing for some kind of insight on the job. Reid is actually meant to join them and participate in the investigation. "And Dr. Reid," Hotch adds, "this was an impressive input."
Gideon is out of the room already and Hotch is just about to follow after commenting on Reid's performance. Reid's face lights up, a smile spreading over his crinkled lips. "Thank you, agent Hotchner," he says. He seems to be so happy in that moment.
Hotch nods and leaves.
And then it is only Derek and Reid left in the round table room. And it is in that instant that Reid's nervousness grows back full force and his smile falters and disappears and the air around them is filled to the brim with awkwardness.
"Um, excuse me," Reid mumbles, a crooked grimace that faintly resembles his smile from before, as he attempts to pass Derek by.
"Hey, whoa whoa whoa," Derek says to stop him, and it feels oddly like calling back a dog, but Derek can't come up with much else. Reid turns around, the file clutched to his chest, guarded and careful and Derek doesn't know why. "How'd you do that?" he asks.
Reid shakes his head, indicating that he doesn't understand what Derek means.
"This little…," he tries, fishing for words. "I don't know, your little… textbook example."
"I… read a lot," he answers.
"You rea-, oh wow, okay." he doesn't know what to say to that. "And you're a doctor?" Because really, that kid?
"I, actually I hold three PhDs." Derek's eyebrows shoot up in surprise and Reid blinks rapidly. "Um, in Mathematics and Chemistry and, um, and in Engineering as well."
Derek nods skeptically. "And as a sideline you… have just stored a huge amount of random facts about Greek mythology?" Reid doesn't answer, but Derek has a feeling the kid doesn't even have to. "How old are you again?"
"Twenty-one?" It sounds like a question and Reid notices it, too. "I turned twenty-one five months ago."
Lips pressed together, Derek searches for an appropriate reaction. He doesn't want to laugh, but he feels like somebody is trying to shit him and he doesn't know what else to do. "Are you some kind of genius or something?"
Reid's mouth opens and closes helplessly. "Well, I don't believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified," he answers, sounding like he recites an answer he already memorized a long time ago. "But I do have an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory and can read twenty thousand words per minute." They stare at each other for a second. "Yeah, so I guess I'm a genius."
"Right." Derek nods again and Reid nods as well, awkwardly. "An identic memory?" he inquires, because what is that supposed to be now?
"Oh, an eidetic memory, that's, let's say, if you – "
"Dr. Reid?" Hotch calls and interrupts the upcoming explanation. He pokes his head in, standing in the door way. "Would you please get your Go Bag? We need to get going."
"Of course, yes, I'm coming." Reid turns around and closes the distance between himself and Hotch like a puppy. "I'm sorry, agent Morgan, please excuse me," he says to Derek before he leaves. Hotch stays for another second, looking after him, and follows. Derek thinks he would really, really like to know what Hotch is thinking right now.
He stares at the empty door way, breathes an irritated laugh and shakes his head. That kid. Wow.
But that kid turns out to be pretty helpful, Derek has to admit. Pretty damn helpful.
They learn many facts that aren't even slightly related to the case at hand or Greek mythology at all (and really, God, how does he know that?), but in the end they catch the Unsub who calls himself Morpheus – and this is at least partly thanks to Reid.
Between cuffing the Unsub and handing in his report, Derek wonders time and again how much longer it would have taken them to catch that guy, if it wasn't for Reid who knows an insane amount of mythological facts of any kind. The case wouldn't have taken the course it ultimately did.
And Reid would have every reason to get a big ego, to become somewhat conceited, to let the world know what he has achieved on the very first case he ever worked. He could walk around with his chest swelled and his head held high like a peacock. But he doesn't. And Derek has to admit that he is surprised by that. He remembers what he himself felt like after his first successful case. He felt like he finally reached his goal. A milestone. He felt like he finally found a place where he could do so much good, where he could prove to himself and the world that he is worth something. That he can change things.
And Reid… on the flight home he is kind of calm. Maybe even quiet. He sits across from Gideon and doesn't talk much. Derek and Hotch sit on the other table, engaged in low conversation.
It is like Derek can see a thought bubble above Gideon's head, reading 'Point proven.' – in a very subtle Gideon-ish way. For him, that much is clear, it was the right thing to get Reid to join the BAU. Derek can see that plain as day.
But as for Reid… well, it was quite a tough case for a newbie. Not that it wasn't tough for Derek himself as well. But it was probably the first time for the kid to see dead women. And you don't learn things like that in the academy. You get prepared in some way, they show and tell you what you have to be ready for. But it is something completely different to actually live through this yourself. And the kid said he was… how old again? How long could he have been at the academy, even?
It takes time to get used to it. Even though you don't ever get fully used to it, Derek thinks in a quiet moment. But you can adapt. You have to.
Back in Virginia, they part ways soon. Gideon sends Reid home, saying he did a good job, which he did, and that he will see him on Monday after a good night's sleep, which Derek doubts, and then Gideon retreats into his office.
For a change, Hotch is not about to do the same. He wants to go home to his wife and honestly, he deserves to. He took the newbie case pretty seriously, trying to treat Reid the way he is supposed to be treated (he left the academy, after all, he is an agent now, working for the FBI), while simultaneously trying not to give the kid too much trouble, too much of a hard time. Too much nightmare material, probably. In his own way, Hotch is surprisingly caring.
"What do you think about that?" he asks just as he is about to leave, stopping at Derek's desk in the bull pen on his way out.
"What d'you mean?" Derek asks, halting in grabbing some work-related things he is afraid he might need over the weekend.
"I'm talking…" He exhales slowly. "About Dr. Reid."
Derek represses a snarky laugh, so that it is nothing more than a hitch of his shoulders. "You want my opinion?" They look at each other and Derek smiles, and it tastes kind of bitter. "Man, this isn't going to work. The kid ain't up for that kinda thing, I mean, did you even look at him?" Because he is, after all, just a kid.
Hotch is silent for a long moment. "We'll see about that," he says then.
"Yeah, man," Derek agrees. "You'll see."
They all will, sooner or later.
Derek isn't all that surprised to see Reid walk into the bull pen on Monday (he is more surprised by the uninterrupted weekend). Derek isn't even surprised when he walks into the bull pen the week after, just to see Reid already sitting at his desk.
What does surprise him is that, after a whole month of several cases, interviews, interrogations, Unsubs, creeps, weirdos, fucking dead bodies – that after all that, Reid still comes to work every day, right on time.
Certain things change, though. Minor things, and if Derek wouldn't see him each and every day, he probably wouldn't even notice them. Like the shadows beneath his eyes that grow darker with every week that passes.
For all Derek knows, Gideon has some trouble with the higher authorities. Apparently, not all of them agree with his decision making regarding Reid and he has to justify several times why he decided to make Reid the newest member of the BAU – and the youngest agent to set foot in the FBI headquarters, ever. But Gideon insists that yes, it was the right thing to do and not hiring someone like Reid would be a waste of so much potential.
So while Gideon tries to protect said potential from being taken away again, Reid himself has a hard time delivering everything that is required for working for the FBI. Like marksmanship. Like hand-to-hand combat. Like everything that isn't related to using his head.
The kid's eye-hand coordination is horrible. Truly. It isn't even clumsiness anymore. Derek was tossing something at him and the kid didn't catch it. This could be hilarious or even understandable, if they would have been standing each at one end of the room. The thing is, they weren't. They were standing, like, five feet apart with nothing but a desk between them and Reid was asking for something and Derek tossed it at him. And if fell to the ground. And Reid hit his head trying to pick it up.
This is funny, yeah.
This is funny until it isn't. This is all nothing but a harmless joke, until Reid fully joins the field and has to defend himself against an Unsub. If he can't do this, it won't be funny anymore and it won't be pretty and whenever Derek thinks about it, he agrees with all his heart with everyone who wants to see Reid gone. Because the kid isn't suited for that kind of profession.
"What he needs is time and practice," Hotch says at one point, when Derek came to check something concerning a previous case and by the way commented on Gideon seemingly not being too worried about Reid probably failing his gun qualification. "He is young, Morgan. He never held a gun before, things like that need time to get used to. He will learn to use it, all he needs is some more practice."
"He needs a hell of a lot more practice, if you guys want him to pass," Derek says, crossing his arms and resting the file against his shoulder.
"Don't be too hard on him," Hotch answers. "He tries really hard and – "
"Yeah, so what, let him try really hard," Derek interrupts. "That's nothing special, if you can't handle your gun when you need it, you sit your ass down and get that shit done." He doesn't want to glorify something that is a given for everyone working in law enforcement.
Hotch doesn't reply immediately. He inhales audibly, and somehow Derek gets the impression that this thing doesn't mean for Hotch what it means for Gideon. Hotch wants the kid to be able to stand his ground. He knows that it takes more time than the kid actually has, that it takes effort and that there is a realistic chance that Reid can't cut it. While Gideon is so sure that, eventually, everything will work out on its own.
"Maybe he needs a little help," Hotch suggests then and looks at Derek. "Maybe you could help him out."
"Me? No, not a chance." Derek almost laughs hearing this. "Sorry, man, really, I don't mean to be rude, but I'm not gonna participate in turning this place into a play school."
Hotch sighs. "Morgan, listen – "
"No, Hotch, it's not about listening," Derek says. He turns halfway and starts reaching for the door. "I can understand why you and Gideon want that kid, but I don't like it and I'm telling you – " He pauses, shaking his head, searching for words to put it nicely but realizing he can't. "This is going to backfire."
Giving Hotch a moment to stop him from leaving, Derek waits at the door, slowly pushing down the handle. He nods slightly but Derek can't say whether he agrees or just contemplates his words. But before he can decide on that, Hotch goes back to the work waiting on his desk and dismisses Derek silently.
Don't be too hard on him. This is easier said than done.
Derek knows he is giving the kid sort of a hard time. He knows and he doesn't mean to, but sometimes he just can't help it. Reid being here is wrong on so many levels. The guy hugs his middle when he is uncomfortable. He avoids physical contact to the point where he doesn't even shake hands. And what Derek notices after three or four months of working together is that the kid scans every room he enters for Derek doesn't know what.
There is this one situation where Derek meets him accidentally in the break room. The kid fixes himself another cup of coffee, adds spoonful and spoonful of sugar to it and has his back towards the door. As Derek greets him, he almost jumps three feet in the air. And spills his coffee on top of that.
Derek decides not to comment on that, because the kid is flustered enough around him as it is. Not the cute kind of flustered like a pretty girl might be or a student meeting his mentor, but rather the kind of flustered a deer is when caught in the headlights of a speeding car. Like Derek is just about to rip off his head and play football with it, at all times.
"Everything alright?" Derek asks nevertheless.
"Uh-huh." He nods and hisses, because the coffee burnt his fingers, and for a moment that seems to be more important than Derek next to him. But that moment passes almost before Derek has thought this to its end, and Reid turns to him, eyes wider and more observing than usual. Really, Derek doesn't think he deserves this kind of look.
But maybe it is Derek's own fault that Reid is so hesitant around him. Can he really blame the kid for being ambitious and for the Bureau to be blinded by those exceptional abilities? After all, it isn't his fault that he actually got hired, right?
"You're way too jumpy, kid," Derek tries with a half shrug and extends his arm to reach for a mug of his own, stored away in the wall cupboard. Reid moves aside instantly, back almost touching the wall behind him. "Must be all the sugar you dump in your coffee every day."
"Yeah. But actually it's – " Reid moves his hands and Derek is surprised he even got an answer. Outside of cases, Reid mostly avoids him, but now he tells him that, "actually, this whole 'sugar leads to hyperactivity' thing is mostly a myth that probably developed in 1973. There was an allergist named Benjamin Feingold who published the so-called Feingold Diet. He advocated a diet free of salicylates, food colorings and artificial flavoring to prevent hyperactivity. He didn't outright say to avoid sugar specifically, but that's what many people assumed and what parents did to calm their children, but several studies indicate that there is no real relation between sugar and hyperactivity, so extensive consumption of sugar leads to diabetes rather than hyperactivity."
Derek pours his coffee and then just stares at him. Reid closes his mouth and holds his gaze with unblinking eyes, his Adam's apple bobbing.
"Okay," Derek says because he isn't sure what kind of answer is expected from him now.
"Yeah, this… sorry." He rubs his eyes in sudden embarrassment. "Sometimes I just… sorry."
"Nah, it's alright." To emphasize that it is really no big deal, his hand moves for a casual pat on the back or whatever he would reach first. But it never lands there, never makes that connection, because Reid is in an instant fully alerted again and avoids the touch. It isn't even that he avoids it by stepping aside again – he ducks under his hand and dodges it instinctively with his arm.
This is kind of stunning, and apparently Derek isn't the only one surprised. Big brown eyes stare at him. Then another mumbled "I'm sorry," and the kid leaves the room with his half empty mug and Derek stays behind with the growing awareness that all the avoiding and ignoring outside of cases could be because the kid is scared of Derek.
Derek stares speechlessly into his coffee.
Okay, so Derek knows he can come off as intimidating, and even more so if he wants to. He has to, sometimes. But he would have never expected the kid to actually be afraid of him. He is tempted to ask himself what he did to deserve that, but then again, he probably knows. He really wasn't that supportive and he didn't exactly hide that. But they are working in the same team, after all. What kind of team can they be, if one member is scared of the other?
Weeks pass and slowly agent Hotchner is Hotch more frequently. Agent Gideon remains agent Gideon and Derek is still ignored more often than not.
But Derek has decided that it can't go on forever like this. Even though he still thinks Reid being on the team is wrong and he will be more than glad to see him gone sometime soon in the future – as long as Reid is in fact on the team, he needs to be able to protect himself. Someone needs to have an eye on him. If something were to happen to that kid… Derek can't allow that.
And who knows, maybe in a few years, Reid will even make a decent agent.
So one evening, it simply feels like high time to change things around here. Just before clocking out, Derek walks up to Reid, gym bag dangling over his shoulders, and Reid lifts his face from a file with his charming deer caught in headlights look.
Derek has to give it to him, he tries. In the last couple of months since Reid got here, he probably read more reports than the BAU handed in over the whole last year. And the speed in which the kid turns page after page after page is baffling. At first, Derek thought he was playing – but he has come to realize that the kid's brain really is something else.
Nodding a greeting, Derek leans against Reid's desk, ignoring that the kid moves his chair automatically a little away.
"You know, I have this friend down in the shooting range," Derek states and Reid lids twitch questioningly. His hands lie flat on top of the file, the pointer of the right hand curled around a pen. "I heard from Hotch that you're kinda having trouble handling your gun – "
As soon as those words are said, Reid puts his arms around his middle and his face hardens, with cold eyes and thin lips.
"Kid, you need to watch your body language," Derek says, without even meaning to, and he could facepalm for that, because the moment he said this, it gets even worse. This is probably one of the worst forms of betrayal. "Look, anyway. Um, this friend of mine? I think he could give you a hand. Y'know, telling you what to keep in mind when changing your stance, how to really just hold your gun, basic things like that. I think it'd do you good. Just go there sometime, tell him I sent you down there and you should be set for your qualification."
The irritation from before is replaced by a quizzical look, a frown and lip biting.
"Kid, just give it a shot," Derek says. "What d'you have to lose?"
A corner of his mouth hitches as if Reid has a pretty clear picture of what he could lose. Only for a second, though, then the half smile disappears and curiosity returns. "Why would you want to help me?" he asks.
"Because you need to learn to watch your ass." They hold each other's gaze for another while. Then Derek pushes himself off of the desk and heads for the exit. "I'm out," he calls over his shoulder. "If you go there, ask for Cody. See you tomorrow."
Because Derek has realized that, at least for now, this is inevitable.
And the funny thing is, things sort of shift from there on. Little things. Derek isn't as often ignored anymore, once or twice he is still agent Morgan, but somehow he and Reid actually start working together. The kid proves to have quite a talent for geographical patterns and handwriting. And facts. Lots and lots of facts about everything and anything Derek could possibly could think of. Reid is like their personal encyclopedia.
Which comes in pretty handy, admittedly.
It is when they work a case in Arkansas that Derek worries, really worries about Reid for the first time. They are chasing a sadist who is targeting young boys and as fate willed it Reid… kind of fits the victimology.
They all try not to let it shine through that they know. But it is slightly unusual, even for Reid, how much time he spends at the station working on a geographical profile with Gideon or watching Hotch coordinate the investigation or observing an interview from behind the one way mirror.
When they catch the Unsub (Paul Dool, 37, white, lower middle class despite an above average intelligence, just like the profile predicted), they still need a confession from him. If they don't get a confession, they have nothing to keep him and have to let him go. But this isn't what bugs Derek. Situations like that are tense, true. Still, they can handle it.
The aggravating part is, that, from the short way from the police car to the interrogation room, Dool comes across Reid, purely by accident, and the look Paul Dool darts at the kid in that single second gives Derek the chills.
Reid doesn't help when he offers some more assistance afterwards, which Derek very directly declines, telling him to "Back off!" on this.
"We need to handle this situation with caution," Hotch explains, shooting Derek a stern look. "As soon as he'd see you, Dool would start building his sadistic fantasies around you and we don't think you are up for this yet." He puts his words carefully. "If you had more experience on this, maybe we would consider using this to our advantage. But right now… " He shakes his head. "It would simply be too dangerous."
Thank you, Hotch.
Reid accepts it, even though being told that you, in the eyes of some people, come off as submissive enough for a sadist like Paul Dool to instantly get his rocks off only by looking at you, most likely doesn't feel nice. And Derek is oddly relieved to know that the kid won't be coming near that bastard in the interrogation room. In the end, it is Gideon who gets a confession out of that guy and they are good to go after two long, disgusting weeks.
Derek finds Reid in the room the station gave them to set up their things. The kid stares at the map they used to create the geographical profile and scrunches his nose in that kind of unique way of his. He tilts his head and somehow their eyes meet through the only halfway closed blinds. Reid turns with each of Derek's steps towards the door, until he reaches the handle. The moment Derek enters the room, Reid turns his back on him with a force that almost feels like a patch being ripped off.
"Hey," Derek says, closing the door. "Ready do get the hell outta here?"
"Sure," Reid answers quietly, yet he doesn't move one bit.
Hotch is busy talking to the media, Gideon is debriefing the local police and Derek is left helping the kid to clean up their mess. He scoops up the papers scattered across the table, and he needs several seconds to notice that Reid is not only still not moving but also still has his back on Derek, even though he already moved around enough for Reid not to be able to still face away from him, if he wouldn't have been indeed moving himself. His arms hang at his sides, hands clenched into fists.
"You alright?" Derek straightens his back because the kid, too, is standing very, very upright and Derek feels this is more appropriate for himself as well. The kid's knuckles turn white. "Hey, what is it?"
"Nothing," he answers, voice hushed. "I just need a moment."
"For what?" Derek asks. Instinctively, he takes a step closer and he can see how tense Reid's shoulders are. His fists start shaking and Derek comes closer and it gets even worse. "Hey," Derek says again, cautiously. "What are you doing?"
"I'm trying to check… something," Reid answers, words trembling over his lips and Derek can almost sense his heart racing in his chest.
His first thought is that the kid is upset because his offer to help with Dool was refused. His second thought is that the kid is having a panic attack because he realizes that, just by seeing him in the hall for a split second, Dool already had his eye on him. Reid takes deep breaths that move his whole upper body and make even Derek feel dizzy.
"Reid." He puts a hand on the kid's shoulder. Reid's breath hitches and a jerk rips through his body, disappearing into tiny shudders. His eyes were screwed shut and now they are open and take Derek into focus with their usual openly innocent expression that Derek has seen directed at everything but him – until now. "What's wrong?"
He exhales and gives a tiny shake of his head. "Nothing." And then, for the first time since they started working together, he smiles at Derek. Insecure, awkward and crooked – but a smile nonetheless.
This instant sticks with Derek for a long time. He doesn't know what exactly happened there, but he catches himself more and more often how he watches Reid, making sure he is safe, making sure he isn't running off into danger.
It confuses Derek to no end and he fears he won't be able to concentrate on the job, because he seems too concerned about Reid's wellbeing, and it proofs once more that Derek has been right from the very start because a kid – doesn't – belong – in the field!
He is close to losing his head when they track down an Unsub in Oklahoma in the middle of the night. They need to find him on his property, a fortress of worthless junk, and it is equal parts scary and impressive what can be used to defend oneself, and whose idea was it to bring Reid on this, for crying out loud? How could that happen?
Pouring rain makes it hard to hear what is happening around them and Reid needs to watch is surroundings and his ass but he doesn't and Derek shouts, "Get back!", even though it blows his cover. He lunges forward and prevents the kid from walking right into a trap, pushing his thin frame around the next corner and throws himself right after. Three shots miss him only by a few inches and Reid is trapped between his back and a container wall.
Derek sees Hotch only a few feet away, almost invisible behind the rusty shell of what used to be a sports car. A few signs are enough to transmit the plan that while Derek will go look for a way around to attack from the rear, Hotch will coordinate the diversion working in the front. Who will watch over the kid, flashes briefly through his mind and Derek could kick himself for that.
It proves once more, once more, that Reid doesn't belong in the field, he doesn't belong with the FBI and Derek isn't responsible for Reid's wellbeing but someone has to make sure that he gets out of this alright!
But that someone can't be Derek.
It is hard to focus on the task at hand, and Derek hates it. He won't have his professionalism challenged by some kid who wants to pretend he can play with the big boys. It wasn't Derek's decision and Reid isn't his responsibility, and if something happens to the kid – it's their fault. Gideon's and Hotch's and everyone else's, whoever gave that kid a go. Derek doesn't want something to happen to the kid, but if it does happen, it will teach them all a lesson. And Derek hates it, he hates that they make him think like that.
In the end, nothing really happens to the kid, but he is quite shaken up afterwards, anyway.
A LEO gets his kneecap smashed, another one gets a bullet to the chest and Reid, standing close by, tries to stop the bleeding. He does an astonishingly good job with it until the medics take the local police officer away to get him to the next hospital. The blood on Reid's hands stays longer than should be possible, and even hours later Derek still sees it. Derek heard the shots but didn't see where they were going and when he came back to his team and saw the kid's bloody hands, his stomach dropped for a second.
Reid doesn't sleep that night. At least, that is what Derek assumes the next morning, judging by the dark circles beneath his eyes that never really disappear anymore. He isn't really sure whether he has ever seen the kid without them anymore, actually.
But that isn't Derek's problem anymore. If Reid can't handle what comes with the job, he has to quit. If Reid has to put himself in danger for the others to realize that letting him join the BAU was a mistake, then so be it. Derek won't be playing babysitter any longer.
From now on, Derek treats the kid like the agent he is supposed to be and if that doesn't work, then please, someone has to draw consequences already, for heaven's sake. Is that really too much to ask?
Unexpectedly, though, it turns out to be not half as bad. Since Derek tries not to give a damn about the kid failing or succeeding, teamwork between those two kind of… kind of just happens.
Derek wouldn't go as far as to say they are friends. Because they aren't. But he can easily acknowledge Reid's brainpower as something truly extraordinary. If he has ever met someone worth to be called a genius, it is that kid. Really, sometimes Derek thinks Reid knows close to everything. As long as it is facts, it seems.
He still needs to learn how to cope. How to put some distance between work-related things and himself.
Again, this is something that doesn't seem to bother Gideon too much and it makes it difficult for Derek to stick to his plan not to get involved more than necessary. If they need to fall flat on their faces, they need to fall flat on their faces. Still, there is this nagging feeling that, even if Gideon doesn't seem to think so, someone has to guide Reid through some shit until he can find the way on his own.
Right?
Over the course of Reid being on the team, it takes about nine assurances from Hotch and about two from Gideon to convince the kid that, "If you want to take a rest, you can stretch out on the couch in the back."
During the flight home from Nebraska, from working a case that required almost more than they all had to give, Reid actually takes the offer. It has been a hard case, but that's what you get when children are involved. Little girls with blonde hair and baby blue eyes. Little girls that were collected like dolls and dressed like dolls and treated like dolls, and the fact alone that every little girl made it back to their family has been a miracle in itself. They arrested the mentally disturbed woman responsible for all that, but the police had to shoot her son because he would rather try to blow up the entire house than to let go of the little dolls that were like his sisters. Jesus Christ.
Reid pointed out that it could be two Unsubs instead of one. He figured out the possible connection between them which turned out to be true, and all in all he was pretty damn amazing on that case. What he did was impressive, Derek can't deny that, especially for someone new on the job. As soon as they were onto two possible Unsubs, onto their possible dynamics, Derek can't remember seeing the kid take a break.
"Reid," Hotch says now and Derek pauses his music to listen. He can't help it. They all are exhausted. Gideon lifts his gaze from a book, watching over the rim of his glasses. Reid squints at Hotch with small eyes that seem to have difficulties staying open. "It was a long case and you did a very good job. If you want to rest for a bit, you can use the couch in the back."
Derek's lips form the last words silently together with Hotch.
"It will be two more hours before we land," Hotch continues. "And you look tired."
"No, I'm fine," Reid answers. He tucks a strand of stray hair behind his ear, his hair not being the normal correctness. "But – " He licks his lips. "But if it's okay with you…"
"Sure," Hotch says, maybe with a little too much enthusiasm "Please. Get some rest."
"Thanks." Reid tries a smile and gets up from his seat. He keeps his eyes on the floor until he reaches the couch in the back. As he sits down, he seems clueless about what to do next. After another moment, he takes off his shoes (and which twenty-year-old wears grandfather shoes like that?), puts his legs up and curls up into a ball after a second or two.
He is wearing mismatched socks. Derek noticed that a couple of times before, but he always thought it was accidental. Obviously, though, this happens frequently.
Reid's face loses the tense expression only partly. A slight frown remains, even when Derek thinks he really fell asleep, knees pulled up and arms crossed against his chest.
Derek leans back in his seat, closes his eyes and tries to get comfortable while his music continues to wash over him. He isn't really in the mood to talk now.
Yet when they land and get ready to depart and Reid is still sleeping on the couch, Hotch and Gideon leave it to Derek to wake the kid. A nod from Gideon is enough to convey that, and Derek represses a sigh, his chest sinking in. Looks like he is still a babysitter.
"Reid," Derek says, standing next to him. "Hey, kid," he says louder. The kid's breathing gets uneven in the slightest way, but at that point in time Derek doesn't have an eye for that, yet. He reaches out a hand to shake him awake, and in the instant that his hand touches the kid's arm, Reid jerks awake and his limbs fly apart. Derek's hand is slapped away that he hisses through his teeth and he almost gets kicked in the balls, if it wasn't for his instincts to act up.
Reid sits up straight in one swift movement and Derek holds onto the kid's arm to keep him from lashing out further.
"Whoa, c'mon," Derek says, coming just a little closer for the kid to recognize him. "It's me, okay?" But the kid doesn't look like that is much comfort for him. For another second or so, the puppy dog eyes are glazed over with a fading nightmare.
Then Reid releases a deep breath and Derek releases the kid's arm and Reid rubs his face with both hands.
"Everything okay?" Derek asks quietly. Gideon watches from the other end of the jet, but he doesn't need to know everything. He had more than enough opportunities. And they all have bad dreams from time to time. No big deal.
"Yeah," Reid breathes and nods under his hands. The one second where Derek thought that the kid looked even younger than usual in his sleep passes, and now there is something about him that makes him seem way too old. There is a whispered "Okay" as Derek tells him they are ready to leave, and he pushes his hair out of his face. Then he rubs the spot where their arms collided and looks up and says: "I'm sorry."
Derek shakes his head because there is nothing to be sorry for. "Get up," he says simply, because hell, Derek can't wait to get home.
It goes from there and before Derek knows it, having Reid around is something like a daily routine. When on a case, Reid sticks to Gideon or Hotch mostly, but more and more often, he accompanies Derek, too. Sometimes Derek thinks he is not exactly being friendly when that happens, but then again it isn't like they are doing this for fun.
It is one night around that time, when Reid obviously decides that he ignored whatever bothers him (and in retrospective, something surely does bother him) long enough.
They hang around in the bull pen, only the two of them still there, doing paper work, when it happens. They get ready to leave at about the same time, Reid fumbling with that satchel of his that he takes with him everywhere.
"Have a good one, kid," Derek says, mentally welcoming the weekend already, and heads for the exit.
"Age-… um, Morgan?" Reid calls. It still slips out from time to time. It could be cute, but Derek doesn't really like being called agent from one of his own unit. "'m sorry, Morgan? Do… um, do you maybe have a minute? Maybe?"
"Sure." Derek is instantly back to awareness. A minute for what? Derek hasn't been expecting a heart-to-heart with the kid. For him, this is still Gideon's job, even though his performance is questionable. "What's up?"
"Ah, yeah." Reid frowns and blinks rapidly, not meeting his eyes. "I'm not really sure how to say this, but – " His lips twitch into a tiny, o-shaped form as he hesitates for a heartbeat. "Would I be right in assuming that you're dissatisfied with me being part of the team?"
The question hangs there for a few seconds. "Sorry?" Derek asks.
"Yeah, ah – "He blinks even more. "I've come to notice that you seem to be kind of… kind of unhappy working with me and I wanted to know why. Because if I did something to offend you, I really didn't mean it."
"You think you offended me?" Derek asks surprised. Even if the kid lacks some tact, he is probably one of the politest people Derek has met so far.
"I think you could be thinking that I offended you and I want to tell you that I really didn't mean to," Reid says. And after a moment he adds that, "I think that agent Gideon and Hotch would've told me, if there was something wrong with how I've been doing the job, so I figured your reserve towards me is because you don't like me personally, and then I wondered why that is and I've come to the conclusion that you must be thinking that I wanted to offended you with something I said or did, when in reality, that was never my intention."
Derek waits to see if the kid is finished. "How could you've possibly offended me?" he asks then.
"I don't know?" He lifts his gaze and meets Derek's eyes with uncertainty. "That's what I wanted to ask you. Because I promise you, I didn't mean to – "
"To offend me, I got that," Derek finishes. "And you didn't. It's just – "
"What?" It is only a little squeak, full of hope and doubt.
Derek shakes his head. He doesn't want to have that kind of talk.
"You know," Reid tries again, "the thing is, I won't quit unless they make me. And I know from agent Gideon that you've worked very hard to be where you are today as well – " Derek raises his eyebrows and moves his head the tiniest bit to the side. "I-I've heard that you went undercover before you came here. And now we're part of the same unit and I can't get rid of the feeling that you… I mean, there was a time when I thought you accepted me but now I kind of – "
"Reid." Derek wipes his forehead and leans against the nearest desk with a sigh. They stare at each other until Reid mirrors his position, hugging his middle and rubbing his right upper arm. There is still so much of a boy in him. Derek leans back a little. "How old are you?"
Self-consciousness creeps into his blank expression and makes him look defiant. "I turned twenty-two two days ago."
Twenty-two.
Oh boy. The kid turned twenty-two not a week ago.
Derek feels slightly nauseous all of a sudden and inhales deeply. Twenty-two. His older sister Sarah turned thirty-three some time ago, she is almost thirty-four now, a tough woman, and Derek wouldn't want her to see half the shit Reid as already seen since he started working here, and he is only twenty-two.
"Um," the kid pipes up again, "I mean, I know that I can't possibly be on the same level as agent Gideon or Hotch, but if you have problems with me, I think we should try to find a solution – "
"Okay, stop," Derek says, raising a hand. Reid moves head back. "Stop. I don't have any problems with you. The only problem I have with you is your age."
Reid looks at him in confusion and Derek shakes his head again, because how is he supposed to explain that?
He leans forward, resting his arms on his thighs, interlacing his fingers. He and Reid aren't at eye level anymore, but Derek doesn't think it is necessary to hold his gaze for that.
"It's just that, when I think about what we've seen in the last couple months," then what? They are agents with the FBI, and Derek doesn't know how to put it. "Do you know where I was when I was twenty-two?" Derek asks and looks up at Reid. The kid shakes his head curtly. "Northwestern University. Enjoying a student's life. Working towards a degree. Getting down with the ladies. Living a normal life. You know, there's a difference between being told what people can do to each other and actually see the worst of people yourself. And then there's you, a genius fresh out of the academy, and you're not even twenty-five."
Reid gnaws at the inside of his lower lip and his frowns deepens.
"You're too young," Derek clarifies what he has been trying to say. "It's true, in my opinion you shouldn't be here, and if I had been the one to decide, I would've told you to get the hell out until you grow a beard. But," he drawls, "it wasn't my decision and apparently, I'm the only one who thinks like that anyway, so who cares, right? I'd still kick you out, if I could, but that doesn't have anything to you with me thinking you're a bad agent or you're not doing your job right. Or being offended by you. Just, you're too young. You're too young."
Reid contemplates this and nods. "So it's not that you think it's unfair that I'm here and I only made it because Gideon gives undue preference to me because I kiss ass?"
"What, no." Derek snorts. "I know you're worth your salt. It's just that I don't think this is the right way for someone like you to see the world."
The kid doesn't question the someone like you and Derek doesn't have to think about what he meant by that now. There is a tiny smile playing around his lips. "But you're here, too. You see the world from the same point of view."
"Yeah, but that's different," Derek answers and straightens his back again. "I'm older. And I know that the world can be a shitty place sometimes. I want to make that better."
"Me, too," Reid says. "And I think I can do that, I think I can help. I can be useful here."
True, he can be. He is. He has been lots of times already. That doesn't change the fact, though, that he is only a kid who sometimes seems even younger than he actually is.
"The thing is," Reid continues, "Unless they tell me to leave, I won't go, so I was thinking, if you have any issue with me – "
"I don't have issues with you," Derek says and this time it sounds more convincing. Reid's eyes shine with that honesty and openness again and Derek realizes just how used he is to that look already as he fails to recall what he looked like without it. What could get someone like that to jeopardize that?
"I just want this to work," the kid admits quietly.
"Yeah." So, Derek might have been a little unfair towards the kid, but he tells himself he only meant well. And, "I'm…" He clicks his tongue. "I'm sorry if you felt like getting a raw deal at some point."
"No, it's fine," Reid counters immediately. "I know I'm not the same as agent Gideon or Hotch, I don't expect you to treat me like them. I just wanted to clear things up, I guess."
"Feel like you did?" Derek asks, because he can talk all he wants – if the kid doesn't believe him, it would be pointless.
The kid nods. "Yeah." Tucking an invisible strand of hair behind his ear.
"Good." Derek looks around in the empty bull pen. "Anything else?"
"Uh, no. Agent Gideon is waiting for me me in his office and…" He doesn't continue, pulling his lips into a thin smile.
"Then you go talk to Gideon and I'll get out of here." Derek grabs his bag, throws it over his shoulder and bids his goodbye with a wink.
"So," Reid call after the first few steps and Derek turns halfway around again to find the kid close behind. "Everything is okay now? Between you and me?"
"Course, we're cool." Derek raises his free hand and Reid's lids twitch and Derek can see he fights not to turn his head away, but it doesn't stop Derek from ruffling his perfect longer-than-average-bureau-haircut. "Don't worry that big brain o' yours too much, Pretty Boy."
Reid blinks in confusion and pulls an irritated face but Derek doesn't think much of it. The kid had worse from him already. With another goodbye on his lips, Derek turns to leave again, and Reid stays behind to meet Gideon. Maybe the kid shout start thinking about quitting the last agent there as well.
Because it looks like he is staying, until further notice. And it looks like Derek is in for another round of babysitting. Even though it is probably less babysitting and more taking Reid under his wing and finally getting down on teaching him the ropes.
After all, someone has to keep an eye on that kid.
O~O
That was kinda long, wasn't it? Was it too long? Maybe I didn't get the concept of five times/one time right.
What do you say in general? Somehow, I could never really picture them getting along right from the start, considering that Reid had issues and Morgan had issues and everything. Even so I've as well read fics where it was different and where they had an instant sympathy for each other, and some of them were really, really good.
Still, my head canon was a little different. And this is the result. Again, I don't normally do this with unfinished stories. But I read somewhere that sharing is caring and I wanted to share my imagination with you.
Show that you care, too, and share your thoughts with me.
I hope to see you soon!
Bluey