The Phantom's Guide to the art of Strangulation
Many thanks to Piratingelvenpyro, and TheIncredibleOne. Tis like the Horseman's Guide to the Art of decapitation, the Phantom's version. Therefore, I basically give Piratingelvenpyro the credit for inspiration.
Dear reader,
You apparently wish to join the ranks of the gallant people who still dare to strangle people in this day and age. It is a very serious business, and also illegal, so one must take great caution. First you must be sure you are well equipped with a rope and a great superior knowledge of the human respiratory system.
It is often very wise to tie a noose, as that is more effective than randomly trying to strangle someone with a limp rope which resembles spaghetti, which I hate.
Also, when thinking of strangling a person, find out where they will be an exact time to have this planned, so that you aren't arrested for being a stalker before you have a chance to strangle the person in question. It is best to find one particular place to sit and wait until someone comes by who annoys you. I, for example, strangle any annoying people at the Opera House.
Make sure that you do not take too long to strangle your target, lest someone may walk in on you during the strangling process. That could blow your cover, which you would not like at all. In case you should ever be caught strangling someone, it is wise to have a very good lawyer.
At some point you may be so famous for your strangling that you have a movie made on you, with many terrible actors. The most recent one of me with Gerard Butler was not too shabby, but I was rather frightened of the one with Lon Chaney, whom I normally like. You may suffer even horrible animated movies, which both the Headless Horseman and I have suffered through (yes, there was an animated Phantom of the Opera movie), along with many others, such as the Wolfman and My. Hyde. Should you suffer through an animation, you must strike quickly and kill the artist and director, but most particularly the writer who would dare to destroy your story in such a way.
This concludes the first chapter, and should you wish to become a true master of strangulatory arts, you must wait for the next.