IN THE ONE-WINDOWED ROOM

I am hungry.

I don't know how long it's been since I arrived in Hueco Mundo, and I'm hungry. Ha... Funny how I can still feel such trivial needs like that, when there are a hundred more important things to think about. Or not think about, I'm not even sure myself. But these empty walls of gray reflect as if in sketches what my mind has been screaming to process. I guess I have no choice.

Is it over? I came here to save them, and now I have, but really now, is it over, just like that? I have traded my life for my friends, but what's the assurance that their lives are now spared? I won't be stupid, there's probably none. I mean, I still don't understand what they want from me, what Aizen wants from me. I healed Grimmjow's arm and back. Aizen said something about my powers which I barely understood, nor cared about. At the very least, what matters is I bought Ichigo and the others some time to get ready. I hope they will.

I try my best not to think about the face of that name that came last thru my head... I close my eyes as I see the letters scribble themselves on the naked wall, yet the name continued to draw itself in the darkness of my mind. Then his face. No. I can't.

I suddenly plop down on the only big furniture in the room, shaking my entire being to distract myself, which surprisingly worked. As I brush my hands on the smooth, leathery, surface of the couch, I think to myself, such a decadent decor for this otherwise stark prison. I stare at the bone-white length of it, feeling the softness of the cushion beneath me. At the very least, I guess it's good that it would make for a comfortable bed.

But I can't sleep yet. I'm hungry.

Nevertheless, I lie down. The ceiling is of a darker shade of gray, and before I can think about the only person I couldn't bear to think about, I will my thoughts to draw the image of my elder brother. Hello Sora. How are you? Heheh.. I'm sure you're fine, why am I asking? I think I heard from..someone..that you should now be in Soul Society. What a shame, I was just there! I'm sorry I didn't search for you. Having fallen from the sky to be immediately surrounded by a searching crowd of Shinigami didn't help my concentration. Then again, what does, heheh. It was fun though. I guess. I mean, at least it was a successful "outing" coz we saved Rukia.

We saved her... But what about....

I have some news for you, big brother! Guess where I am right now? I'm in Hueco Mundo! Yeah I know, the irony does not escape me too. Hahah... I wonder if you ever saw this place when you were a hollow, this big fortress of Aizen. Las Noches. I'm hoping you didn't. No. I hope you did. Just so I can imagine you having looked at the very same window of the room where I am in right now. And for some twisted conundrum in the fabrics of time, I am not alone right now. That you are right there, outside my window, in the distance, your snake-like appearance and masked face staring right at me....

Oh God! Maybe you are!

With a jolt, I jump out from my horizontal stance and rush at the only window in this room. Alas, it is at least two feet too high above my head. All I see is the night sky. All I see is a crescent moon hanging just within my periphery. And everything comes flooding back. Painfully.

I am back in the grassy banks of the river in Karakura Town, staring at the same moon, thinking about all the people I am about to leave behind. Is it just last night? Yeah, I think it is. Then I see myself running in the darkness, only stopping in front of a house I know too well, a two-storey house with the sign "Kurosaki Clinic." As I stop in front, hazy images of spinning red lights and an ambulance invade my vision, and an auburn-haired girl is crying over a motionless man on a stretcher. It is me. And Sora. It is the day of his death, six years ago.

From behind them, the sliding doors to the clinic lay open, and an orange-haired child of perhaps her same age was clutching at the door handles while staring at the bawling girl, his own eyes hidden in the shadows.

I sweep my hand to make it all go away, and the next second, I am alone, standing in front of a darkened two-storey house, the sign Kurosaki Clinic ablaze for the night. I see the wooden ledges, and I climb. I stop by a window. The window I have been stalling for the entire day to go to. The window that would have made it all real. The threat, the sacrifice, the separation. Then again, it has already happened, hasn't it? This is but a recollection. There is no need to be afraid of memories. In fact, there is no more need to be afraid of anything.

I look back at the crescent moon, shining ever bright, perhaps encouraging me, speaking to me. Enter the window. Go through the window, you don't have to open it, you have been lent the power to go through walls, remember? Go through the window, and say goodbye to Ichigo.....

I wake up. I can feel the softness of the couch beneath me. I can see the darkened ceiling, is it darker than before? I sit upright, fixing my long auburn hair, brushing at my moist cheeks stained with tears. Heh.. I cried in my sleep, what a surprise...

I rub my eyes, and notice the pale ray of light from the window. I smile a pained smile, knowing that Sora is not watching from a distance.

I rush to the wall. I press my hand on it, knowing that I no longer possess the power to go through walls. I grimace at the more absurd thought and obvious reality that Ichigo is not sleeping, bandaged on his bed on the other side.

I step back to look up at the window above me. The moon has gone down. Or maybe it was never there. Only a starless darkness.

I clutch at my stomach, feeling a pain of starvation, but greater, of famine, only more profound. An intensity that no food, drink or matter can ever quench or satisfy, as long as I'm here, in this one-windowed room.

I am hungry.