January, Day 13
It had been four months. And I had not changed at all since the day he left. I knew that Charlie had been getting increasingly worried, well, beyond worried actually. But how would he feel if the love of his life le- My eyes closed in pain, my throat constricting, stopping my breath as another ripple of pain flowed through the gash in my chest. I have to remember not to think about them… Him… Sometimes it's just so hard to when he's all I want to think about. The tears are coming more freely now as I look at my reflection in the mirror. My skin's a sallow pale, paler than normal due to lack of sleep and food; my eyes are sunken into their sockets with purple, bruise-like shadows adorning the space beneath them. I could even pass for one of them now… As that thought passed through my mind, my knees gave way underneath me as I sank to the cold, tile floor, the pain overbearing my will to stay strong. My arms reach up instinctively to cover my face from the world, for I do not need to be seen. The familiar feeling of loneliness and desolateness creeping its way throughout my body and pouring into the hole in my being, sending a knew wave of pain over me, making me bend my knees to my chest to conceal the pain. Moments later that felt like an eternity, I heard downstairs the thud of a door clicking to the frame and the light pitter-patter of Charlie's footsteps echoing loudly through the now silent house. I knew he would be coming up soon to check on me, as he always did when he home from work. I dragged myself up off of the floor wearily , wiping away my tears with a feeling of longing, for my tears were the only thing I could count on to stay. Before I left, I looked over myself once more. It had been four months and I had not changed. Nor would I ever.
Later that night as I lie in bed trying to go to sleep, my thoughts wander to the dream I have been having. Well, nightmare is a better word. In my nightmare, I'm alone and searching for something that's not there… Then I start running, trying to find what's not there. Usually, that's when the screaming starts and I wake up in a pool of my own tears, no longer able to sleep. Charlie used to come in and check on me, but now he knows better. As I lay here thinking about my dreams, I fall asleep only to start my terrors…