The Internet is For...Yeah, Please Don't Finish That.
By: stargirlthewriter
Summery: (SO2) The old man in Fun City decided to warp Claude and the gang to Planet Earth, where our hero decided to show his comrades many of the technologies that earth has to offer. But when they get a hold of the computer and the internet, chaos comences. Will Claude be able to bring peace in time?
Rating: T (Suggestive Content within!)
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Ocean: The Second Story, Just this Fanfiction.
Note: This fanfiction was completely for fun, it doesn't really follow the continuity of my other Star Ocean fanfics. It's simply for light humor purposes only.
After comming back to Nede from the planet Expel where they had went through the Cave of Trials, Claude asked the old man in the colisem if he could take the gang to Planet Earth. Claude wanted to show his friends the many technologies Earth had to offer. Luckily, the old man was happy to oblige, and sent the gang to Earth and Claude's hometown. He had already shown them most of the inventions Earth had to offer, like the television, the car and even the microwave. It was time to show them all Claude's favorite invention: The Personal Computer, or the PC for short.
"Alright everyone! I've saved the best for last!" Claude announced as he led the gang up to his room. "This is one of Earth's finest inventions. My personal favorite. It can help you with homework, let you play games, let you talk to almost anyone on the planet even if they're not in the same room."
Everyone had filed into Claude's room, all listening intently as he finished his lecture. "Everyone, this is the Personal Computer, or as I like to call it, the PC."
Gesturing to the machine standing behind him, the crowd of four Expelians and three Nedians murmered to each other in intrigue and approval. Eventually, Rena had raised her hand, with a question for her friend.
"Yes Rena?" Claude asked.
"Um...So this is like the computers at Armlock, right?" she asked timidly, remembering the time she had messed up the database to one of the computers by accident.
"Something like that, yes." Claude took another look at the eager crowd. "Alright. Anyone want to volunteer to try it out?"
"Me! Me! Pick me, Claude! Me!" it was Precis who was already waving her hand in the air with pure enthusiasm.
"Alright Precis. Go ahead."
Precis clapped her hands together and with a loud "Yay!" she skipped over to the computer, hopped into the chair. But before she did anything, she stumbled onto something that caused a little confusion for the midget inventor herself.
"Uh...Claude?" she asked him.
"Yes, Precis?"
"What's 'Winterwolf'?"
"Oh that? It's a web browser."
"Uh Precis...I don't think it's a very good idea if you click on that..." Rena warned, showing concern that her little 'accident' would be repeated.
"Don't worry, Rena...It's not like a giant wolf will come out of the Computer. She's only using the internet." Claude reassured his best friend.
"Hey, what's this? Something called...Newbiepets." Precis pointed the advertisement to the rest of the crowd who immediately gathered around to see what she was pointing at.
"Aww...They look cute!" Chisato remarked at the creatures in the advertisement.
"It looks very...Infantile." Dias commented in disgust.
"Yeah, it's meant for little kids, I wouldn't reccomend it to you guys..." Claude explained to the crowd, but Precis wasn't listening, she just clicked on the ad.
"Um...How do you sign up?"
"Oh that? Here. You can use my old account. I haven't played in 8 years, so I'm not sure if it's still there."
So Claude typed in his old password and username and logged in. Luckily, his old account was still there so that Precis could try out this cutsy little pet site that was really meant for preteens. When Precis noticed that Claude's old pets were starving, she clicked to the market to feed them. After figguring out how to feed them, she recieved a Private Message from TNBT.
"You have recieved a warning from The Newbiepets Team"
"What the HECK is this?!" Precis exclaimed, while Ashton read the message to the rest of the people.
"It says...'You have recieved an official warning from The Newbiepets Team for violating the Terms of Service. We suspect you to be macroing. If you click any faster, your account will be forever locked by order of TNBT. That is all. Thank you. Have a nice day.' And at the end there's an equals sign with a Parentheses next to it..."
"What the...Lemme see that!" Claude joined Ashton at his side and read the message to himself. "Funny...You didn't even click that fast...You just went to the shop and fed my old pets."
"Is...Is that a wolf or a cat...?" Noel asked, while he was peering over Claude's shoulder at one of his pets.
"Funny...They changed the looks of the pets too. That one used to look more...menacing. Now he just looks too cutesy. Oh well, a lot can happen in eight years I 'spose.." remarked Claude.
"Well well. Someone's showing off their feminine side." Celine just chirped out of nowhere, though Claude ignored her comments for the moment.
"Either way, it looks really childish. Why did you even bother with it in the first place?" Dias asked Claude.
"Hey! I was only 11 and back then, the pets actually looked cool! Not these...Overly-cutesy...Bug-eyed..."
"I think they look rather cute." Rena remarked as she joined the huddle around the computer.
"Rena has a point. They do look quite adorable! I wish I could take one home right now!" Celine mused.
"Alrighty...It looks like you're low on...NewbieCoins? How do I get more?" Precis asked Claude
"You play one of the games, see, you click on the deck of cards on the menu to the left and then you choose from a list of games."
"Ah, okay. I see now."
Click! But instead of the games page that she had anticipated to be viewing, Precis was faced with what most in Newbietopia call the white screen of death.
"WHAT THE HECK IS THIS?!" shouted the fiesty midget as she was faced with the notification that nobody in Newbietopia ever wanted to see.
"This account has been permanently locked for this reason alone:
Attempts to macro. This user clicks too fast to be a human.
If you think you were frozen unfairly, too bad. We don't care. We know you're not human. So have a nice day.
Sincerely, The Newbiepets Team."
"This game CHEATS!" shouted the midget as she angerly closed the browser and got off the chair in a huff.
"Alrighty then. Perhaps we should try one of the games...Rena, would you like to try this one? It's not as cutesy as Newbiepets, but it's pretty good." Claude offered to the blue haired girl.
"I dunno..." Rena simply recalled that day back in the Armlock Library where she had accidently caused the computer to crash, and thus, was reluctant to accept Claude's offer.
"What are you worried about, Rena? I can help you learn the controls, but they're not that hard. It's called KlawKiller Online, and I already have a level 100 Shintoist who's on his way to his first rebirth.. Not too powerful, I know. But it's not a lowbie. You'll do fine."
The nedian just looked at Claude, completely lost. "Wait...What?"
"Here, lemme show you."
After ushering Rena into the chair, he started up the game and logged in to his account and briefly explained to the nervous girl the controls. Within minutes, Rena was at work killing sand monsters to level his character.
"Hey, this is actually easy! A little monotonous, but it's fun once you get the hang of it."
"Good Job, Rena, you're doing great! And look! Your first Dracosphere! Pick it up and you'll be able to upgrade his armor."
"Okay!"
Following orders, Rena had the Shintoist pick up the ball of pixels. But then, something shot the character from behind, killing it instantly. And the sprite dropped a large of gold and the Dracosphere that Rena had just obtained.
"What the...? What killed me?"
Eventually, an archer like character swooped in and picked up all the gold and the Dracosphere. The speach bubble above him read "Ha ha. Joo got teh pwnered, nubcakez."
"Er...Uh...'Ha...Ha...Jew got...teh pa-wan-er-ed, nuhb-cakes'?" Rena read aloud.
"What is THAT supposed to mean?" Chisato asked as she peered over Rena's shoulder, scratching her head at the idiot's choice of language.
"Stupid PKer. They're quite common on this game, unfortunetly." Claude explained to his confused crush at the computer. "Just click revive, I think he left."
Rena revived the character, only to get killed AGAIN by the same PKer. Who this time had typed out "Ha ha. Joo got teh pwnered agin, luzer nub."
"Why can't this guy type out something in proper english?" Ashton remarked as he eyed the text upon the screen.
In response, Rena typed out "Please stop that." in order to reason with the ignoramus who clearly wanted Claude's Shintoist dead...However, the crass PKer just simply said "Lrn 2 ply nub. Stfu an gtfo, u don belong her, git a lyf."
"I can't even understand this person...Claude, any idea what this...Er...'Gentleman'...Is trying to say?"
"Not really. But it sounds stupid. Guess KlawKiller isn't a good option for now. Too many stupid PKers out at this hour. Sorry about that Rena."
"PKer? What's that?"
"Oh, just an arrogent player who tries to kill other players for fun, because they need to get lives."
"Man! Does every game on Earth cheat?!" Precis commented in exasporation, though she didn't see eye-to-eye with Rena, she understood her frustrations.
"Not all of them...Maybe a fair amount of the multiplayer ones do, but there are many single player games that don't. In fact, I have a single player game that's really good. Anyone wanna try it? It's called The Ancient Tomes, it's an open-ended RPG, you can create your own character and there's tons of sidequests. It has no real ending to it, but the main storyline is quite long, but quite interesting."
"Interesting. Mind if I try this?" Dias asked as Rena had left the chair to join Claude at his side.
"Not at all, Dias. Go right ahead."
So Dias sat in the chair and listened carefully to Claude's instructions as he played through the start of the game. Everything seemed to go smoothly as he played two hours into the game. He managed to slash through each of the first few bosses, each taking more effort than the last. However, once he got to the end of the fourth dungeon he realised that he had forgotten about the respawns at the beginning of the dungeon. And instantly his character was overwhelmed...But luckily he had enough healing potions to make it out of the cave alive. However. The game had froze, just as he got back to town. Instantly, the game crashed and sent him back to the desktop as the "The Ancient Tomes has recovered from a serious error, causing it to close without warning" message popped up.
"Grrrrrrrr..." He fumed as he hadn't saved since the beginning and had just lost two hours of work. Everyone edged away from the swordsman who was about to explode like a ticking timebomb reaching its limit. With one hard blow, he smashed the mouse to smitherines with his fist as he bellowed "STUPID PIECE OF JUNK!"
Instantly rising from the chair, Dias stormed out of the room, slaming the door behind him, causing the house to shudder, and the tension in Claude's room to sink in and become stagnant. Eventually, Claude finaly spoke.
"He just...Smashed my mouse...Into...Thousands of pieces..."
"Want me to make you a new one, Claude?" Precis offered to her blonde crush, only to have the offer turned down.
"No, that's okay...I have a new one here. That mouse was faulty anyway. I guess I needed an excuse to get rid of it. Heh heh."
After replacing the smashed mouse with the spare one Claude had kept near his bookcase, Chisato decided to take a turn on the computer.
"Enough with games! I wanna see what kinds of stories Earthlings write! To the internet! Again!"
The spunky red haired nedian turned to the others "What should I look up first?"
"How about a romance? Between a Prince and a Princess!" Precis chimed, and Chisato nodded and typed it into the search engine.
"Okay, 'Prince and Princess romance story'...There!" Chisato pressed "enter" on the keyboard, the first link that popped up was Prince Jason and Princess Belladonna. When Chisato clicked the link, instead of a story, she got a picture. A very grusome picture of a blue haired elf-like girl and a blonde-haired human boy performing certian biological activities that should be left unseen by the public eye.
"What the heck?! What is THAT?!" Precis exclaimed as she saw the crude picture that had rested upon the screen.
"Wh...Wh...How...That...What..." Ashton stuttered as he too gazed upon the picture of the couple doing rather lewd things to each other.
"Interesting...It may be quite distastefull, it looks a lot like Claude and Rena, don't you think?" Noel remarked, and Chisato nodded in agreement
"Such distastefull art to compare to Claude and Rena, don't you darlings think so? Now if they had made this artwork slighty less pornographic, then perhaps, it would be a little more accurate." Celine mused as she too had appraised the picture with speculation.
Claude and Rena just stared at the picture in complete shock, not listening to the others. It wasn't just the lewdness of the action, but the fact that the two people in the picture looked just like them that caused the redness that materialised onto both of their faces. The two of them slowly turned to glance at one another, both their faces beat-red from the sight, then they both turned towards the computer, mouths agape, speachless, flustered and embarassed.
"Oh my..." was the only thing that came from Claude's mouth. Rena, on the other hand, had fainted shortly after Claude had merely uttered "Oh my...", as her crush had caught her skillfully.
"Awkward much?" Ashton asked as he watched Claude catch Rena as she fainted, then gently place Rena on his bed so that she was more comfortable
"Hey look, there's another picture!" Precis announced, and everyone's attention was drawn back to the moniter.
It was another lewd picture of two boys acting upon their hormones...On each other.
"Okay...Ew. Why are we looking at this kind of stuff?" Ashton asked the two girls at the computer who just ignored him and started giggling over the picture like two little schoolgirls.
"Hey, look Precis. There's even a caption at the bottom...'And then Shirogane slowly slipped off Haru's shirt to reveal his well-toned chest after Haru planted a kiss on his lover's soft lips.'..Awww...How cute!" Chisato mused.
"Hehe, yeah, the caption is quite cute...!"
"Guys, we really shouldn't be looking at this stuff on Claude's computer" Celine tried to reason with the two giggling girls at the computer.
"Yeah...Um...Can we look at something else?" Ashton asked, causing everyone to give Ashton a wierd look. "What? I just wanna see something other than boy on boy..."
"Guys! Seriously! Knock it off! My mom's gonna kill me if she sees this kind of stuff on my computer!" Claude also tried to reason, but everyone ignored him, and Ashton found a rather perverted girl-on-girl image.
"This one's really cute!"
"Eww! Nasty!" Precis and Chisato chimed in unison.
"Look who's talking?! I'm not the one giggling over two boys doing each other!"
"Yeah...Well, that's different!"
"I don't see how!"
"Guys! Claude doesn't want you guys to look up this kind of stuff!" Noel also tried to reason, but was ignored by everyone else.
Eventually, Precis, Chisato and Ashton started arguing over what types of images to look up next. Images of yaoi, yuri and straight action had flashed across the screen. Claude, Celine and Noel were trying to put an end to the madness. Rena eventually came around, but passed out again after a particually graphic yuri image was on the screen which caused Celine to also pass out. Noel even passed out when he saw another graphic yaoi image that even Chisato found quite nasty. Soon, only Claude, Ashton and Chisato remained, as everyone else had either left or passed out.
"You know what, Ashton? Here!" Chisato got so mad she just shut the computer off on the swordsman, while he was looking at a rather grusome picture involving two girls, one guy and a barrel. And just stormed out.
"Fine!" Ashton shouted after her and also stormed out. Celine and Noel shortly came around after Chisato and Ashton had left.
"Ugh...My head...Claude, darling, where did everyone go?" Celine asked the confused earthling
"Ashton and Chisato just left, Precis left a while before them after Chisato made a remark about her age..." Claude explained to her.
"I see...So, what happened to Rena? Is she okay?"
Claude went over to the bed where Rena still remained unconsious."Rena...Rena! Are you okay? Rena..."
"Ugh...Um..." Rena had also woken up as soon as she heard all the fuss over her. "Are you guys done looking at those nasty pictures?"
"Yeah, we are." Noel told his fellow nedian. "How about you? Are you okay?
"Yes, I think so. Thank you."
"Come on, Noel, let's go...I'm sure these two would like a little...Alone time to discuss their little...Romantic experiance..." Celine teased, before she and Noel had left the two of them alone.
"Sorry about that...Rena." Claude turned away, still flustered from the picture the two of them saw earlier.
"That's alright...You know...I didn't think the one picture really looked like us..." Rena lied, secretly knowing that it DID resemble them quite a bit, yet she didn't want to admit it.
"Nah...Not at all. We're...Friends, right, Rena?"
Claude and Rena sat on the bed, looking away from each other. Both quite flustered from what they saw. Both hiding their true feelings from one another, too afraid to show them.
"The best, Claude. The best."
An awkward silence drifted through the room as the two of them had nothing to say to each other...Eventually, Claude broke the nagging silence with
"Sooo...What do you want to do now?"
"I dunno, what do you want to do?"
"I dunno, what do you wanna do?"
"I don't know, what do you wanna do?"
The flustered couple simply played the "I don't know what do YOU want to do?" game for hours on end, trying to lessen the awkwardness of their moment alone. Eventually, they decided to go find the others and return to Nede to complete their quest to stop the Ten Wise Men.