Goodbye to You
By Cherished Dreams

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I do not own the song.

I. The Pains

Hermione sat down at her tiny office table, staring at the parchments in front of her, with haunted and unseeing eyes, a look of despair on her face.

She was Professor Snape's potions assistant, someone whom he had grudgingly asked to apprentice due to her vast knowledge in the department. She helped him brew much complex potions that The Order of the Phoenix needed, and, her ex-DADA professor, Remus Lupin no longer asked Severus for his monthly potions but asked Hermione herself now.

She removed her reading glasses, something that she had needed and began using in seventh year. She massaged the bridge of her nose furiously, trying to ease some tension and the frustration she was feeling. She could not figure out what was missing from the potion she was currently creating for The Order. Creating ten minute impenetrable magical orb shields were one thing but giving people the ability to create fire orbs in their palms was something else.

She had become a member at the end of her schooling at Hogwarts. More and more attacks had occurred after her class had graduated, and Dumbledore feared that the Death Eaters were more freely able to attack Harry and innocent people. Ron had once moved to Romania with his brother Charlie and was spying for Dumbledore.

She sighed. He always moved back during this time of the year. It would always be the same. Every October, days before Halloween, he would move back there to try and keep his mind off his little sister. She let out another sigh but this time it trembled. Her jaw shook uncontrollably.

The voice, she learned to recognize, was calling out to her again.

Tomorrow.

She slammed down the quill that she was holding, and she heard a crack. She swore under her breath. Harry had gotten her that one. It glowed a fiery gold, and it was a replica of the one he had in his own wand. She drew her own wand from under the pile of parchment work on her table and repaired it. She smiled softly wandering how many times she had repaired it.

Harry was always there for her, even though she could not do the same for him. He was probably heading to The Order's headquarters now, preparing himself for a whole day of solitary. Halloween was always a time of difficulty for him in the past, so for years after their graduation he locked himself in the spare bedroom, Mrs. Weasley kept unoccupied for him, and thought.

No matter how much Hermione wanted to be there with him on Halloween's day to hold him tight like he had done so many times before for her, she couldn't bring herself to do it on Halloween's Day. She had her own past experiences to deal with then and she didn't think she could support him when she was barely supporting herself.

Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with

Tomorrow.

She narrowed her eyes, and scolded herself for remembering yet again this year. But she knew she needn't scold herself, for it was just something within herself that always reminded her. And it seemed that this year wasn't different from all the other years. The voice she had tried to shut away, all those years after her graduation had left her tired, and now as she no longer resisted it, it grew more frequent throughout the eve of Halloween's Day.

She looked to the clock on the wall. It was actually quite similar to the one in the Weasley kitchen, but only had Harry's, Ron's, and her own pictures on the unmoving clock hands at the top. Ron and Harry's 'hands' were pointing to 'Safe'. Her own picture was pointing at 'Work'. It was just bordering ten o'clock.

She turned to the window behind her and saw the moon peeping from the clouds up high in the sky illuminating the beautiful white snow that fell gently from the clouds in the sky. The white snow had covered the school in its beautiful grace, and it twinkled innocently because of the moon's silvery light. Winter had seemed came early, bringing the snow with it. She couldn't remember a time when she had encountered snow around Halloween. Snow had always appeared around the early weeks of November.

Snow was cold. Just like him.

Remembering was a sin, a taboo to her. And she would always punish herself. Crying was her punishment. The hot tears that slowly slid down her creamy porcelain cheeks and into her lips was her punishment. It was a punishment, because to cry meant that the pains in her heart would emerge, and she would once again relive the very day that those pains were created.

The salty tears welled up and stung her eyes. She bit her lip and closed her eyes. She felt a small cynical smile appear on her face as she held victory over the tears. They had gone away, and mixed back with the liquid in her eyes.

For now.

Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry

It had been so long since she last cried. Three years ago. Three long years ago since she had decided to banish the pain away to the deepest part of her mind and heart. All the years before that, she had always cried, calling to the pain in her heart to emerge. She used to like that. She used to like the pain. Having people around her worried.

Now all she wanted to do was find herself, the Hermione she and everyone else used to know. The reassurances in her heart were no longer keeping the pain away, and it was starting to hurt again. But this time she knew it would hurt so much more.

Counting the days that pass me by
I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing
Are starting to get old

She opened her eyes and stood abruptly, casting a charm over all the important parchments on her table. She put them away and suddenly slumped onto her table, using all her remaining strength standing upright. She plopped back onto her soft chair and slowly took some of the potion from the vial that hung around her neck. She stayed still for a moment, feeling the rush of energy and strength coming back to her muscles.

Her strength was not as it used to be, like when they were still in school. Attacks had come a many and victims like she had been scarred with the sight of evil and some even more than so. She was unfortunate enough to have been cursed by the older, more power hungry, Malfoy during a public attack at Diagon alley.

People were everywhere, screaming and running away. Some had even helped curse, hex and injure the Death Eaters that day. Those that weren't bound by oath to protect others, like The Order members, but they helped anyway, and as some wizards and witches played that little part, it ignited hope and strength within her. It ignited hope that there were many who would sacrifice so much and help vanquish the evil in their magical world, so that one day their children and their world could live in peace without fearing their lives. It fueled the determination she had now within herself. She would fight for them. Because they were willing to fight.

The potion she took had to be taken often to regain her strength and kept the effects of the curse from become too overpowering. She felt weak. Just like her days back in Hogwarts. Just like her first year, when she couldn't do anything to help Harry, or Ron. Sure they told her, that they couldn't have gotten past the devil's snare if it weren't for her intelligence, but somehow it still didn't feel right. She didn't feel like she helped enough.

It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years
Were just pretend

Hermione slowly rose from the chair again and shrugged on her Professor in training robes. She could not go out into the snow wearing only her in-the-office type clothes. The long sleeved white blouse with a black jumper/vest over it and black jeans, were not enough to keep the cold away. She would freeze to death. She removed the pink bunny slippers that she wore and put on her black dragon-hide knee high boots, the ones Ron and Charlie had chipped in to give her, the first Christmas she became a potions assistant.

Her eyes softened when she saw the charmed pair of gloves on the counter by the door. The tears were stinging her eyes again but she wouldn't let them fall. She put them on and they immediately changed to match the colour of what she was wearing. They were a present from Ginny. Her face crumpled slowly in sadness but she pushed the thought away, grabbed the Thunderbolt 2005 ™ that stood next to the door and barged out of her office, not forgetting to shut the door.

Most of the students were inside their common rooms or somewhere warm, and only very little wandered the halls of Hogwarts. Some of the students that knew her greeted the determined looking in-training-potions mistress. She forced a smiled on her face, and addressed them with a curt nod. Her feet led her to the Quidditch field, which was covered in snow.

"Come ride with me Hermione.."

Memories flooded back and tears started stinging her eyes harshly. She swallowed and mounted her broom. She made sure she was on it, before her feet touched the snow. She didn't want to touch it. She had long gotten over her phobia of heights. In fact she often visited the said field to fly. Sometimes Harry would ride with her on his own broom, the Lightning Bolt, the latest broomstick in the wizarding world. Sirius had always bought him the latest broom on the market. He promised he would not leave again. Not for a very long time. But riding with Harry was never the same when she used to ride with him. Never.

"Hold on to me tight Hermione.."

An unsuspecting tear fell and she took off hard into the white, gray sky. She zoomed around, tumbled and turned sharply, and did some of the most dangerous feints known to flying, so gracefully, never once making a mistake. Tears fell freely from her eyes, but she hastily wiped them away, almost angrily, with her free gloved hand.

'Damnit!' her mind screamed. She could still hear his voice whisper her words of comfort and of love when they had flew freely in the sky. Free. In the sky hey were free, free from the petty excuses and expectations that weighed heavily on their shoulders.

"..I love you Hermione.."

He had said words with great passion in the sky as they flew out of sight from other students. They would fly into the clouds and race about, but in he end they ended up together, letting passion and emotion out freely, without hesitation. Hermione stopped abruptly in mid-air, in the sky. The clouds disappearing, allowing her sight tat the magnificent velvety black, blue sky, covered with stars.

The moon was large and it gave off its usually silvery glow. She looked down finding the place where fireflies would appear and she had watched them with him, glittering beautifully until dawn at one point. She shifted her vision down on the field benches. She saw a figure looking up at her and she frowned. 'How long had they been there? Had they been watching her or were they out simply enjoying the night sky?'

She didn't know so she used her wand and removed the puffiness and redness of her eyes. She was feeling weak again and so she flew down to the field slowly. Her head was starting to spin and she had trouble controlling her broom. The last thought that fleeted her mind was the memory of him promising her his love. Then her mind went blank.

A/N: Will be continued.. It will probably be a three chapter story. ;D Please review and tell me what you think.. thankies.. My late Halloween special for you all..

Song: "Goodbye to You" by Michelle Branch