A/N: Thank you very much for those who have read my previous fic, it really means a lot to me :) And for Bonne Nuit… T.T I planned to submit it in Degel and Camus's birthday in February 7th, but it took longer than I expected… T.T The reason is still, maybe because it's hard for me to bid the story farewell… Don't worry, I'll finish it for sure :)
Disclaimer: I don't own Lost Canvas character
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Longing
Yukitarina Furisu
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The castle with those unfriendly ambiences was hardly able to delight any traveler. Stalactite resembling cut glass was too familiar, frozen slush flying everywhere, rather annoying than adorning. People preferred visiting the west, where the flowers grew and the fireflies lit the night.
That was why Unity, the prince of Bluegaard, felt confused seeing someone coming to this land, even though the visitor was his own fellow.
"It's been three years since you assisted my sister to France. What brought you here?" he approached Dégel and clapped his shoulders welcomely. "To think you will leave the bright Greece for a coldness like this."
Dégel clapped his shoulder back. How many times he had to say that the reason is simple, because he loved Bluegaard? It was even lovelier with the presence of certain brightness and flower, which cannot be changed by the million ones in the west.
"It's been a long time indeed, Unity. No particular reason," smiled Dégel. "I only missed…"
Seraphina…
"…the books here," Dégel finished.
"Ah, I should've known," Unity took a deep breath. "Paradise Lost isn't it?"
"What?" Dégel was puzzled.
"You and I love that book too much and fought over it for years. You must come here to bring it to Greece."
"I—"
"So I give up. You may take the book, alright? It is in Seraphina's room."
Dégel really wanted to kill himself when he found out his heart was pounding slightly louder.
"In…Lady Seraphina's room?"
"Come, I will take you there," said Unity without giving Dégel any chance to refuse. When they passed the luxurious corridors Dégel couldn't help to frown in confusion—he didn't expect this… He did visit this land because of Seraphina, but stepping on the floor she stepped on and smelled the weather she smelled were all enough for him. But suddenly Unity talked about a book and brought him to Seraphina's room…
"Come in," Unity opened Seraphina's sapphire-coated door and pushed Dégel inside. Dégel's sight immediately locked at Seraphina, whose back was on him. She was sitting near the French windows, writing something on some piece of paper.
"Sister," Unity called.
"Yes, Unity?" Seraphina turned around.
Her gaze and Dégel's met.
"This is a gift from Greece," smiled Unity. "Please have a nice conversation, I'll leave you here."
"Unity—" Dégel and Seraphina called altogetherly, but Unity had closed the door and vanished.
It was Seraphina's feature which fully took Dégel's attention now.
He would never be tired to say how beautiful she was. It seemed her visage got more beautiful in every second, or it was just him? She wore a dress similar to that in France three years before. She was his delight, his courage.
And all remembrance suddenly filled his mind… Seraphina wearing a fur coat with the colour of afternoon sky… the glow of the ribbons on her dress… Her worry feature everytime she reminded him to be careful on his safety… Seraphina tried to make him some canisters of fruit jam when he was a child, always failed on her first attempt but always be optimistic and full of smile… The sweet smelling of apple and pineapple jam she cooked… Seraphina tried to prosper her beloved land by travelling all over the world and seek for other countries' support…
But her eyes somehow weren't the same as those he remembered. It looked too sad and dim.
"Lady Seraphina…," he bowed after minutes.
Seraphina stared at him, then continued writing without saying anything.
The atmosphere was clumsy for a while. Dégel started speaking to break the uneasiness.
"It's been a while—"
"Indeed," she replied, softly yet firmly.
Dégel gazed on her mournfully.
"Do you know what I'm doing now…?" she asked then.
He replied gently. "I don't know…"
"I'm writing you a letter…," she smiled. "The twentieth letter you never replied…"
"Lady Seraphina—"
"You never sent me any news, never even replied my letters, and now suddenly you appeared here. What do you want, Dégel…?"
Dégel didn't answer, letting the pain crawling in his throat.
He closed his eyes when hearing her whisper. He'd rather die than hear the agonizing sound…
"I may mean nothing to you—"
"You're wrong—"
"—but you will always be the one I cherish most. I long for you too much…"
Dégel slowly stepped forward. "I long for you too," he said.
"Really?" she asked ironically.
"Seraphina—"
"You're willing to call me Seraphina now? Without 'Lady'?"
"What do you want, Seraphina?" Dégel's voice raised unexpectedly.
Seraphina turned her sight and stared at him. "What do I want…?"
"You want to know why I never gave you any news or replying your letters?"
"I've already known—"
"No. You don't know anything. Do you want to know why? It's because we're saints are tracked. Don't you have any idea about how many Athena's enemies are? Replying your letter will give the impression that we are close to each other; they tend to kill somebody who have close relationship with us. But now here I am, standing in your room, because I…," he inhaled a deep breath and stared at the ceiling. "…I can't take it anymore…"
Silence.
Seraphina's tears fell. She couldn't speak with this aching throat… It was as if a knife was put in there and it couldn't ever be healed.
After a while, she took a deep breath and whispered.
"Forgive me," she said, staring outside and inhaled a deep breath once more. "It's just…I…," she bowed. Her tears fell on her dress. She didn't continue, knowing that she needed huge attempt to stop crying.
Dégel, with his empty eyes and mind, stepped at Seraphina. When he had been close to her he closed his eyes once more, trying to memorize her scent and the plaid of her dress and her shimmering thick hair—he wouldn't mind to spend his life counting each strands.
"You mean so much to me," whispered Dégel, softly held Seraphina's shoulders. "Give me the water of Lethe River that numbs the heart, and I'll still not have any power to forget you, Seraphina…"
Seraphina let herself drowned into his words.
As Dégel opened his eyes, his vision fell on the letter she wrote.
Dégel…
After twenty letters… I have nothing to say to you…
Except that I love you…
She looked up and stared at Dégel's blue eyes, trying to comprehend his respond.
There were many things in his mind, but after all he only managed to whisper. "How long…?"
She smiled slightly. "Since years ago…"
Silence again. Dégel could only stood behind her, felt the tranquility from the letter and those she had said.
Couple minutes later Seraphina stood up, but suddenly she stumbled and was about to fall down. Dégel caught her in reflex.
"What happened?" he asked anxiously.
"Nothing…just a little fever." Softly she released Dégel's hands. "I only have to take a rest…" She stepped at her huge cupboard and opened it. A blush coloured her cheeks as she murmured, "Would you turn around…?"
Dégel did what she asked. He looked outside the window, waiting her changing clothes. There were soft swishes of her gowns; he closed his eyes everytime he heard it.
It's been fifteen minutes, and Seraphina hadn't allowed him to turn back.
"Seraphina?" Dégel called.
No answer. Dégel decided to turn his head. Seraphina was already lying sideways on her bed, wearing an elegant light blue long-sleeved nightgown.
He approached her and sat on the couchette near the bed, then put his hand on hers. She inhaled a deep breath on his touch, tears filled her eyes as she felt his kind cosmos healing her gently.
He gazed on her until she fell into a deep slumber, until he himself couldn't see anything except darkness.
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At midnight, Seraphina suddenly woke up with a start.
Her eyes snapped open and filled with fear—she was confused for a while, and the voice so close to her startled her even more.
"What is it…?"
Seraphina rolled around, immediately saw Dégel's visage which was only an inch away from hers. She automatically glanced at her body—she still wore her sky-blue gown. Dégel himself still wore his suit—he didn't do anything, only lying beside her and encircled his hands around her.
"Ah…," he bowed. "Forgive me… I see you were suffering from coldness and I—I'm sorry, I will leave—"
"No, please," Seraphina quickly tugged his hand when he was ready to wake up.
Couple seconds later she realized what she was doing and blushed.
Dégel softly rested his head next to hers, gazing at her with full warmth.
"I was dreaming," she said quietly.
"About…?"
"You and I died inside a Freezing Coffin…"
Silence.
She frowned when seeing him smiling slightly.
"Why are you smiling…? Isn't that frightening?" she asked.
"It isn't frightening at all," he said. "Honestly that's the only way of dying I truly long for…"
Seraphina looked at him in wonder. "You want to die next to me…?"
Dégel nodded.
The coldness that previously accompanied them melted at once. They talked about something else, something heartwarming and joyful, as if they tried to fill the hollow three years they passed without each other. They hoped time would stop so they could treasure every bits of happiness … Past and future didn't matter; even hardly existed. Only their love, and present… And it was even better when he saw her disheveled hair, and she saw his pale lips, and everything which makes them less perfect…
Dégel stroked Seraphina's cheek as her beautiful eyes started to dim because of sleepiness. "You're tired, my lady…," he whispered. "Time to sleep."
"Good night, Dégel…," she began to close her eyes with a smile. Since three years before, this was the first time she could earnestly smile.
"Good night," he replied. "And Seraphina…"
"Yes, Dégel…?"
He closed his eyes on her sweet smelling hair.
"I love you too…"
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The morning finally came, and the thing they didn't want to get through was welcoming: he had to come back to Sanctuary. But they still tried to beam and smile. Always….
"Unity was lying, he wouldn't ever give you the Paradise Lost," said Seraphina as she and Dégel walked passing the corridors decorated with luxurious carpets and paintings.
"He said it was in your room," Dégel raised his eyebrows puzzlingly.
"He was lying," Seraphina laughed slightly.
"It really does not matter, though," he smiled. "Speaking of which, are you sure you're healthy now?"
She nodded optimistically. "I've never been surer."
"I don't really believe it."
"Why not?" she looked a bit offended.
"Because."
"Because?"
He stopped walking, and so did she. He smiled, cupping her cheeks. "Because you're weak," he said paternally.
"I'm not," she pouted.
"I don't want to take risk," he replied quizzically. And all of a sudden Dégel encircled his hands around Seraphina and carried her. She laughed in both shy and delight.
After smiling and gazing at each other, Dégel continued walking with Seraphina in his embrace.
The carriage has been waiting in the castle's garden. The fountain framed it, made them looked like certain painting. Dégel and Seraphina stood next to the castle's entrance. He stroked her hair, and so did she.
"I'm coming home to you in the meantime," he said warmly. "I promise…"
She nodded. "I'll keep writing you some letters," she tenderly reached his hands and held it tight. "It doesn't matter if you don't reply it… I'm happy just by thinking you're reading those letters."
Warmth filled their hearts in the midst of the frosty land… Dégel kissed her forehead after gazing at her for the last time, then turned around and stepped at the carriage. But he stopped on the process, turned back to look at Seraphina again. Then without any hesitation, he came back to her, very softly cupped her cheeks, and brushed her lips with his.
She replied him warmly. Their lips truly fit which other, as if it has been destined. It was a very calm, sweet, and soft kiss that made them thinking of the stream of silvery river…or the surface of the snow.
When they finished, Dégel's eyes gazed on Seraphina's wet ones, his hand ran through her hair.
"I love you…," he whispered.
She nodded, both blissfulness and grief showering her, her hands stroked his face.
"I love you…," she replied.
Dégel smiled at her for the last time, turned around—this time for real—then walked into the carriage. He inhaled a deep breath once he was inside, forcing himself not to look at her again so she didn't have to see the hurt he endured because of their farewell. Seraphina gazed at his back, longed for him already, waiting him to come home.
And indeed… no matter how far we go, we'll always come back home… Some years later, just resembled the dream Seraphina had, they passed away inside a Freezing Coffin. But it was no matter, since it was the thing they wished most…
And they are everlastingly happy now, everyday in their afterlife…
-End-
Note: One of Degel's words is taken by Ovid's The Poem from Exile: Give me the waters of Lethe that numb the heart, if they exist, I'll still not have the power to forget you.
Thank you very much for reading :)