Disclaimer: We, the authors three, have no claim or possession of the Sailor Moon series or its characters. Nor do we own the characters of Sailor Moon Abridged, for which some of the characteristics of the scouts are formed. After watching the series and the abridged version, we ended up with a dastardly plot and a slew of ideas that we wanted to write. Please enjoy them, and do not send nasty reviews to us—creative criticism is welcome, but flames are not!

The Curious Case of the Frozen Moon

Have you ever wondered just what happened to Sailor Moon after the adventure ends? After all, our story leads you to believe that she and Tuxedo Mask ride off into the sunset and transform the world into a peaceful moon kingdom. If you are one of those such romantics, then this story might make you cry on the inside—then again, we cried as well… for all of about two minutes. Just so you know, this is Lita—aka. Sailor Jupiter—and boy, do the scouts have some stories to share!

So it all started on Serena's 21st birthday (a bad sign, I know). Uranus and Neptune were back in town to… umm… celebrate, yeah, that's it. After all, they still hated the fact that Serena almost got us all killed because she's that stupid—and the rest of us were tired of having such a useless leader. Then again, nothing good ever comes from getting drunk off our asses. Anyway, I should probably just get on with it.

Darien was out of town for the week invading Poland—the last country to stand against his rule (who would have thought, right?). Amy, being the useless bitch that she is, decided to whine about how she was the smartest one, but that she was still the most useless one of the group. I mean come on—she's the stupidest "smart person" we know! Serena tried to console her by completely agreeing with her, passing her a bottle of rum and a donut that miraculously appeared out of her… nevermind. I'm still trying to get over that trauma.

All of a sudden, Rae decided to pull a funny on Serena. It was her birthday after all, and we had to surprise her somehow. She slipped a hybrid drug that she had secretly formulated the month before—and tested first on herself and then on the rest of us—into Serena's tenth drink (I don't know how, but that hooker could somehow hold her liquor). The blonde bitch (and I do not mean Mina, even though she is pretty bitchy sometimes) started giggling and asked Rae what she was doing, and squealed of joy when she was told that it was powdered sugar. When she heard that, she took another packet and put it in Amy's drink (not that she needed it… our blue girl was already three drinks past wasted). She smiled and challenged Amy to a chugging contest—the one who downed three of them first would win. She lined up the other four laced drinks as we stared at the two in horror, even though we were quite sure that this could have been the solution to our problems.

Mina smiled and held up her Grateful Dead while Rae and I sipped our Black Russians. "Okay, you sluts!" she winked at the outer scouts quickly, "On your marks, get set, CHUG BITCHES CHUG!"

The two downed their drinks, glaring at each other as they tried to win. We had to stop drinking as we watched them to make sure we didn't choke. They dropped their glasses at the same time, and Serena, her cheeks flushed a brighter red that Rae's sailor skirt, asked, "Sooooo…w-*hic* who won?"

"It better not have been that pink ditz," Amy growled, the drugs and alcohol raging through her system and making her angrier than Mars on her period, "'cause otherwise I'm going to kick all of your asses into next year!" And with that, she pulled out her power stick and transformed, sending everything to hell in a hand basket tied with ribbon and filled with Serena's shitty cookies.

As soon as she did that, Serena, being equally under the influence at this point, did the same. Her silver crystal blinked for a little and lost its shine (not that she noticed). Apparently, even it knew when there was a lost cause, and decided that it was time to move on. She pulled out her tiara and sent it flying at Mercury, who dodged and sent her bubbles misting through the area. She sent her aqua illusion shooting at Sailor Moon, who used her wand at the same time. The two attacks, Mercury's being the most powerful that we had ever seen (apparently she was actually powerful when she was high), twisted around each other in a spray of power. They exploded in one powerful rain of ice shards, piercing each as the pink power from her wand ripped through them. We watched in horror and fascination as Mercury's power surrounded them, encasing them in an icy tomb as the silver crystal dropped to the ground.

"Well damn," Rae said, "if I had known it would be this easy, I would have done it a long time ago."

"What are we going to tell Darien?" Mina asked, looking at all of us in turn.

"Well we're fucked," I sighed.