Thank you SO MUCH to NoilyPrat for her help.

Sam captured demon Dean. A long drive follows.

Disclaimer : The characters belong to the CW.

- This is filthy.

- It's just a car Sammy.

What hurt the most with this simple phrase ? That despite he was now a demon, Dean still called him Sammy ? This nickname he once hated, then accepted and eventually loved. This ridiculous nickname only Dean can use for him. Or that his older brother's soul was so degraded, damaged, corrupted, even taking care of the Impala no longer meant anything to him ? A heavy cold drop caught in his throat while his insides stirred. He was exhausted. But the fight wasn't over. It was far from over. They were driving for hours and the night had been awhile. Sometimes, he glanced at the stranger that sat behind. And every time, he felt that same shiver against his spine. Where was Dean ? Where was his conscience buried ? Where did his brother disappear to ?

His long quest during the last weeks required lots of effort and he felt he could lose heart with anything. His elbow in bad shape. His loss of weight. His lack of sleep. And his sorrow, so huge it constantly compressed his chest. He had hoped that having Dean by his side would revitalize him. It would mean he reached the final stretch. But the reunion went far from his expectations. Obviously, he had mentally prepared himself. He knew he would find an ersatz of his brother. He had also sworn to himself to never ever pay attention to the words coming out of his mouth. But facing the reality, his preparation turn out to be ineffective. The meeting inside the bar proved to him how vain his promises were to not listen to the poison shredding him from the demon's mouth.

For a long time, a tiny hope had been persisting in him. A hope that after seeing Dean, talking to him, he could touch the human part, hidden there, somewhere under the black eyes. A hope that while seeing him, his little brother, Dean's protective nature would show up and fight back the harmful presence. But he didn't.

The fear of losing, the anxiety of failure came down on his shoulders. Shoulders which were already weakened and vulnerable by now. He had always been someone positive but this was mainly due because he wasn't alone. Even when he must hope for two, Dean was at his side. A weak Dean, a depressed Dean, but still the real Dean. Here, in this car, on the road for the bunker, he was on his own. Alone and hopeless. This time, he shouldn't fight his brother discouragement but his. And he should defy his own blood.

- Maybe I don't want to be saved.

The scathing reply made him feel like he had been slapped; it was worse than any punch his older brother gave him in the past. And it put him in front of his guilt. Just to be honest, he was responsible for what happened. He had given up on his brother, drove him into the ground with his resentment. Now, he realized his huge mistake. He was eaten up with guilt. Dean had been brought to Cain because he had found a new partner in the person of Crowley. If he, Sam, hadn't shamefully rejected Dean, none of this would have happened. Whatever Castiel may say, it was all his fault. If Dean didn't want to be cured, that's because he hurt him too much to ever want to come back.

A possessed soul can be exorcised. A perverted soul, it's another story. He knew Crowley could have been part human again. Was it possible to completely purify his brother's soul ? A small hope remained in the fact that Dean was a 'young' demon, unlike the King of Hell. However, the risk of permanent damage was still there.

Unforgivable. He was unforgivable.

- I'm not gonna take mercy on you Sammy.

The threat floated all over the place. He hadn't the courage to respond. He knew Dean was deadly serious. He knew he would kill him if he wasn't handcuffed. He knew the danger was real. Swallowing his tears, he crushed the pedal to the floor. He wanted to arrive at the bunker as fast as possible to begin the 'treatment'.

Find blood. Consecrate it. Inject it to the demon. Make this son of a bitch suffer. And bring back his big brother.

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