Fairy Bro-Parent

Chapter One: The Fairy and His Bruh-dian

With his bride lost, his foe victorious and the stab in the back turned out to be counter-productive, Gaston the hunter was now Gaston the fallen. As he plummeted to the earth, his gratuitous amount of muscles sending him like a bullet through the mile-upon-mile long drop from the Beast's castle, he watched helplessly as the ground came closer and closer to meet him. His body paralyzed from fear and his throat hoarse from screaming, all he could do was watch in horror for the crash.

But when he braced himself to be liquefied, he felt the wind passing through him stop. He felt his body grow numb. Was he dead?

He looked to the ground to see he had stopped falling.

What?

"Sup bro," He heard a manly male voice speak up. Gaston lifted his head to see a man almost equal in size and muscle floating before him, his tiny wings flapping casually behind him. "How's it going?"

Gaston stared at the magical fellow with disbelief. He was golden tan with luminously white teeth and recently cut brown hair. My god, he's gorgeous, Gaston thought to himself.

"Thanks bro, really appreciate it." The floating man said as he shot him a finger gun blast of gratitude.

Gaston gasped. "You read my thoughts?"

"Well, yeah. I can read your thoughts, I have all your memories, I even know how many girls you've given the old pickle tickle to." The man replied, trying to sound casual but with his douchebag voice it only came out as arrogant. Not that Gaston minded. He responded well with other douchebags. "I'm your Fairy Bro-Parent…bro."

Alarmed and confused by his frequent use of the term 'bro', Gaston asked,

"What the hell are you going on man?"

"What? You thought only ladies got their own fairy god parents? See that used to be the way of the world but then feminism was starting to get around and that put a bunch of man fairies, such as myself, out of business. So we got the union to back us up and now—ta da—the fairy bro parent was created."

"Feminism?" Gaston echoed blankly. Then a thought came to his head and he said, understandingly, "Oh…I get it. See where I'm from, we just call that prostitution."

"No bro, feminism is the belief that women should be given all the same rights that men would get and be seen as equals."

"Who would ever think a thing like that?"

"Well. I think that way." His Fairy Bro-Parent said matter-of-factly.

"YOU?" Gaston cried out, dismayed. "But you're—you're—so manly!"

"True dat my bro-son. But you know what some of the manliest men that ever manned the dawn of man were huge feminists." The Fairy insisted.

Gaston was intrigued. "The manliest?"

The Fairy Bro-Parent gave him a wink, going on to say, "Yes bro. And that's what I am here to do for you. We are going to turn back time, teach you how to respect women and in that process getting Belle to respect you and eventually want to marry you."

While the prospect of not dying and getting to finally achieve his goal of plowing Belle like freshly fallen February snow every day for the rest of their married lives was tempting, Gaston couldn't help be apprehensive.

"Why are you doing this for me?"

The Fairy Bro-Parent pushed his wings forward, gliding over to Gaston. Putting his arm on his shoulder, he said,

"For three reasons. One, I love your style." (At this the two muscle men, made a Grecian-like pose to flex their muscles in solidarity) "Two, I know you're not a bad guy. I mean, you do some bad guy things don't get me wrong but you're mostly just an ignorant, ignorant man. And while evil can't be redeemed, ignorance can be taught."

Gaston beamed proudly, misconstruing the word as a compliment.

"And three, there is nothing nobler than the pursuit for getting your dick wet."

With that they high-fived and from the clap of their palms, a white flash of light produced, sending the two men far from the beast's castle.