"I'm fucking serious, is there even an exit in this fucking place?" Santana grumbled, taking another right turn.
"Maybe it's all of these right turns?" You suggest, "I mean, I read somewhere that you should always turn left if you want out of a maze."
"Okay, the next time we get to a fork in the path, we'll turn left and see where that gets us."
~twenty-two left turns later~
"Well, that got us absolutely nowhere." Santana sighs and slumps into you.
"Look on the bright side; if we're stranded out here, at least we have a never ending supply of corn." You say, motioning to all of the corn stalks.
"Let's just hope it never comes to that."
"Isn't there supposed to be some kind of rescue team that goes into the corn stalks at night to make sure everyone gets out alright?" You ask.
"A huge cheapo owns this place, babe. He won't have any more people working for this place than what's absolutely necessarily."
"I thought you said your nephew owns it."
"He does."
~36 more left turns and one right turn later~
"Abso-fucking-lutely lost!" Santana shouts with a cry of anguish directly after.
"I'm almost positive it was that one right turn! If we had gone all lefts, maybe we could already be out!" You yell back.
"Or maybe that left turn thing was a complete fucking lie! You can't trust everything you see on the internet, Britt!" She shouts back.
You're both silent as you stare at each other.
"These corn mazes," You start, "They're turning us against each other."
"I'm sorry for yelling, Britt." She apologizes shyly.
"Me too, San." You give her a soft kiss on the lips.
Then there's another silence.
"Screw this, I'm just going to cut through the corn stalks. They don't look too dense." Santana says, examining the thick walls of corn.
"I think I'm going to sit this one out." You say, giving her a pat on the back.
"Are you sure?" You nod, "Okay, if I reach civilization, I'll tell them to come find you."
"Sounds like a plan."
She charges towards the corn stalks and disappears inside of them.
"One." You count.
"What the fuck is that?" You hear her ask out loud.
"Two." You continue.
"Just ignore it, just ignore it, just ignore it…" She chants
"Three."
"Is there something on me?"
"Four."
"Shit, it tickles, god dammit what is that?"
"And five." You finish.
"Oh SHIT, OH SHIT IT'S A SPIDER," She screams as she runs out of the corn stalks and starts rolling around on the ground, "GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! CALL THE CIA OR SOMETHING! THE SWAT TEAM, ANYTHING!"
You see a small spider crawl away from Santana and you start giggling uncontrollably. She quickly jumps to her feet and points at the spider.
"Back, demon spider! Back the fuck away from me!" She yells as it scurries back into the corn stalks.
You both stare at each other for a solid minute with blank faces.
"I called it."
"Oh, shut up."
~48 right turns later~
"Captain's log, stardate 2849184.8," Santana says into an invisible tape recorder, "It's been eight hours trapped in a corn maze with Brittany. I feel my sanity slowly chipping away."
"You didn't have any sanity to begin with." You add, leaning into the invisible tape recorder.
"Shush, woman! This is my captain's log. Get you own." She says, leaning away from you. You just laugh. She takes another minute to compose herself, "I think I might eat Brittany later." She says in a much more quiet voice, trying to make it unheard by Brittany, but failing miserably, "She has nice lean muscles. The perks of being a dancer. I hope eating her is as delicious as eating her out."
"Santana!" You shout, "Some things can be left unsaid in the captain's log." You try to hold in your laugh.
~An hour and 16 cries of anguish later~
"What was that noise?" You ask.
"What noise?"
"It sounds like rustling in the bush."
"Oh god, we're going to die." She says.
"Oh, no, no, no. We're not going down without a fight." You snatch the scarf on Santana's neck away from her and tie it around your forehead.
Santana seems to get the hint. She reaches into her pockets and takes out her eye liner. She draws two straight lines across each cheek before handing it to you and you do the same.
She kicks one of the more thick corn stalks and hands it to me before grabbing another for herself, "Weapons." She says in a threatening voice.
You both take off into the maze, screaming out your battle cries.
~15 corn stalk injuries later~
"Okay, so that wasn't an angry Bigfoot like a thought, but I was close." You say. Santana is currently lying in between your legs, leaning against your chest. Every now and then you hear her let out these tiny little whimpers that make your heart clench.
"You fucking hit me!" She shouts.
"Details, details." You brush off, a hand weaving through her hair.
"That hurt." She pouts, her hand cupping her cheek.
"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I thought you were Bigfoot."
"I should be offended by that." She says, "Can we just lie here forever? You're so comfy."
"Sure, honey."
~5 minutes later~
"Dear Santa." You hear her whisper, "I know I stopped believing in you when I was six, but I'm willing to negotiate your existence if you get my girlfriend Brittany and I out of this corn maze… I'm also aware that it's the middle of June, but I was hoping you take requests all year round."
"Are you praying to Santa right now?" You ask incredulously as you look at where her eyes are closed and her hands are pressed against each other.
"I'm trying to get us out of these corn stalks. Don't question my methods." She says without opening her eyes.
"Now, Santa, as I was saying, there's this really annoying girl. Her name is Rachel Berry. It'd be absolutely fabulous if you could just have something happen to her vocal cords or something. Anything to make her shut up…"
~three hours later~
"If I don't make it out of this place alive, tell Quinn…. Tell Quinn that I tolerate her." Santana says dramatically, "Tell Mike that I secretly ship him and Kurt too."
"And if I don't make it alive… Put Lord Tubbington on Weight Watchers."
You both walk in silence for awhile until Santana let out a heart breaking and kind of random sob.
"What is it honey?" You ask, wrapping your arms around her, but just enough distance for you to be able to see her face.
"I love you, you know that right?" She asks with another sob.
"Of course, of course. I love you too."
"Okay."
You continue walking for awhile in silence, except for the occasional sniffles you hear from Santana. You can see a deep contemplative look on her face.
"What are you thinking about?" You ask sweetly. She turns to you and stops walking, determination evident in her eyes.
"I'm going to do this now because life is precious and I don't want to wait another second focusing on my anxiety and fears."
"Do what?" You ask.
She gets down on one knee and you nearly die right then and there.
"I love you Brittany. Always have, always will." She reaches into her back pocket and pulls out a small box, "As a dying wish, will you marry me?" She says as she opens the small box.
"Have you been carrying that around this entire time?" You ask incredulously.
"I've been carrying it around all week, now answer the damn question."
"Of course I'll marry you, Santana." You say with a grin.
Santana slips the ring onto your finger and lets out a squeal as she jumps into your arms.
"Now, what would you like to do, fiancé?" You ask cheekily.
"I don't know what would you like to do, fiancé?" You both grin at each other for a moment before bursting out into giggles.
"Let's get the hell out of this place."
~16 left turns later~
"I'm so tired." Santana whispered, leaning on you with her feet just dragging as the two of you walked.
"Me too, fiancé, me too." You say.
"Can we just sleep her and forget all of the spiders and stuff?" She asks, nuzzling her face into your neck. You briefly wonder what happened to the Santana from thirty minutes ago who was so determined to get out of this maze.
"What if Bigfoot's in her and is ready to eat you?"
"Sleep. More. Important." She grumbles lazily.
"I want to get home though." You protest.
Santana lifts her head up from your shoulder and stares at you for a solid minute. To say you weren't expecting what happened next was an understatement. She lunges at you, wrapping her arms and legs around you as she did. It only took a second before your balance failed you and you tipped over, both of you falling onto the dirt.
"Now we're both on the floor and it's no use getting up. Sleep." She tells you as she snuggles into your side. You let out a soft sigh, but you're not quite sure if it's an irritated one or a content one.
"I love you." You say, but she's already asleep.
~5 hours and a ton of random turns~
You and Santana run out through the opening with the biggest grins.
"Thank you Santa! Thank you so, so much!" Santana screams at the top of her lungs.
"We're free! We're free!"
"Do you hear two people sing?" Santana sings out, twirling on the spot.
"Singing a song of free women," You continue.
"It is the music of people who will not be lost again!" She sings with a grin.
You run over to her and give her the largest hug you can muster, "No more Les Mis for you." You whisper into her hair.
"I love you." She whispers and you immediately return it.
That day they got home had a great night's (day's) sleep(nap). (That's lie actually, because as soon as they got home they had sex on every surface in the house, but saying they got a great night's [day's] sleep sounds like a more official ending).
I'm sorry if some of it didn't make sense. I just… Blergh. At least I got this installment of one-shot Thursday in though! It's kind of short, but mostly because I'm trying to work on one big one that needs a lot of work right now.
I try to do one-shots *almost* every Glee Thursday so we have some fluff after all of the disappointment the Glee writers give us.
Thanks for reading.
~J :3
* .com*