Defining Moments: 1x13

Part One: May

She cared for them both.

For all of them.

This team that she hadn't wanted to be part of, these people she hadn't thought she'd like let alone grow to care about.

Love, maybe, if she was still capable of feeling the emotion.

She just hadn't realised how much she cared until everything started to fall apart.

In a way, Skye being shot was worse than Coulson being taken. At least with Coulson, they'd had the hope that they'd find him alive. At least with Coulson, they hadn't been forced to stand by powerlessly and watch as his life slowly slipped away.

The thought of losing her was affecting all of them badly.

FitzSimmons, who Skye had perhaps been the closest to, were working double-time to try and find a solution to what felt like an impossible task: how to keep her alive. Despite them both being SHIELD Agents, it was Skye who'd made them feel like proper members of the team, Skye who'd encouraged them to open up and leave their lab behind on occasion so they could socialise with more than just each other.

And then there was Coulson, who brought Skye to them in the first place, kept her there against May's better judgement in the early days and who fuelled her desire to get justice and find a way to the Clairvoyant no matter what the risks.

No matter what the consequences.

He was hurting so much, torn between guilt at being responsible for her fate and fear that maybe this time they wouldn't get a miracle and they'd lose one of their own.

May ached as much for his grief as she did for her own. She was no longer as wary as she had been, and maybe she'd been a little jealous, but she understood now. She'd realised perhaps before he had that the young hacker had become the daughter he'd never had, the daughter his career had never allowed him to have, and her heart broke for him that that might be taken away.

She wanted to comfort him, support him, be there for him the way he'd once tried to be there for her...

... But she couldn't. As much as it was what her heart was telling her to do, she wasn't sure he'd accept it. Not now. Not yet.

And there was someone else who needed her strength, perhaps even more than Coulson did.

Ward.

May stifled a sigh as she watched the man in question take out his frustrations on the hapless punching bag.

Rather the bag than Coulson, she thought, or someone else.

While part of her wished they'd never begun their no strings arrangement, part of her was glad they had and couldn't bring herself to end it.

Not yet.

Not when he needed someone and that someone, given the circumstances, had to be her.

She'd worried that maybe he was developing feelings for her, and maybe he had in a way. His earlier behaviour had made it seem possible and she'd even felt guilty for enjoying her moment with Coulson but now... Now May wasn't so sure.

Oh, Ward cared about her – just as she, reluctant though she may be, cared for him.

But his reaction to seeing Skye hurt, to the possibility of losing her, to being unable to be the one to stand vigil over her because Coulson refused to leave...

It made her wonder if he'd been using their relationship for the same reasons she had: to help him forget about the unobtainable, to convince himself that he didn't have feelings for someone he'd convinced himself he could never be with.

Ward and Skye.

Herself and Coulson.

It was a mess of potentially epic proportions but May knew she'd have to let it continue for a little while longer.

When all of the players were back in the game, she could let the pieces go and see where they fell.

For now, though, she had to be the strong one. She had to keep her men together, her team whole, so they'd all be there to help Skye if – when - she woke up.

Part Two: FitzSimmons

"I shouldn't have let her go in." Fitz stood in the doorway of the storage container holding their medical supplies, watching Simmons gather what she needed. "Or maybe I should've gone in with her."

"You couldn't have stopped her." Her voice hoarse from her earlier bout of crying, Simmons tried to give her partner a reassuring smile. "She was determined to stop Quinn from getting away."

"She succeeded in that." Fitz found no comfort in the thought. "But maybe if I'd gone in with her…"

"He might have shot you, too." And that thought made her already trembling hands shake even more. "If he had, we would have lost one of you. There was only one chamber; we'd have had to choose –"

Fitz crossed the small space between them and put his hand on her shoulder, turning her to face him and bringing her into the cradle of his arms again. "It's okay," he told her soothingly. "It didn't happen."

"But if it had…" A sob built up in her throat and she grabbed fistfuls of his shirt, pressing her face against his chest. "I don't know what I'd do. I don't. I can't lose either of you, Fitz."

"You won't." He let his lips brush the top of her hair on impulse, immediately flushing after he realised what he'd done. "Skye's going to be okay."

Simmons shook her head against him. "You don't know that, Fitz. You can't know that. Even if we get her to a medical facility… She's lost so much blood and I don't know what sort of damage was done…" He felt her tears soak through his shirt and tightened his arms around her. "What if she dies? What do we do if Skye dies?"

It was a question he'd been asking himself but one he still didn't have the answer to.

For so long, it'd been him and Simmons against the world. Even at the Academy, they had the respect of their peers but no close friendships outside of each other…

… until Skye.

The former Rising Tide hacker had somehow wormed her way into their affections, becoming almost like a third member of their little group. She didn't belittle them like other people; she listened to what they said and admired them for their skills. Sure, she teased them but it was affectionately rather than mean-spirited which was what he and Simmons had both been used to before.

What would the Bus be like without her, Fitz wondered, almost shuddering at the thought. Yes, they were all a lot closer now but he knew a lot of that was down to Skye's influence. Without her, would they still eat together on an evening? Have the occasional movie night? Socialise with each other? Or would it be business only, with a strict adherence to the protocol and procedure that Skye made no secret of finding ridiculous?

He didn't know, and didn't want to find out, so tightened his arms around Simmons instead and continued to silently pray for a miracle.

Part Three: Coulson

It was his fault.

He was the reason she'd been so determined not to let Ian Quinn walk free. He was the reason she'd been pushing herself to find a connection to Centipede and the Clairvoyant that they could use to track them down.

He was the reason she lay there, dying in front of him.

It was his fault.

The young woman he'd come to care about so much more than he'd anticipated, a child of his heart and soul if not by blood.

His responsibility, his charge.

His fault.

It was his fault.

He couldn't close his eyes without seeing her the way he'd found her and knew his nightmares about operating rooms and fake massages in Tahiti would be replaced with that moment from hereon in.

The moment he'd laid eyes on her, dropped to his knees and cradled her against him.

Her blood smeared on his hands, his clothes, his heart.

He'd told her to hold on. Ordered her, begged her. Had she heard him, Coulson wondered, or was she too far gone already? Did she know they'd come for her, that they hadn't left her like so many before had done?

Had she known she wasn't alone?

Did she know now?

He laid his palm on the glass above her, wishing he could somehow touch her. Wishing he could hold her hand and let her know he was there, that he hadn't abandoned her and never would.

"I'm here, Skye," he murmured, wishing she could hear him. "Keep holding on for me. We're going to get you help. You're going to be okay." There was no response from the woman in the chamber beside him. Not a flicker of her eyelids or even a noticeable movement as her chest rose and fall in time with her barely there breaths. "Please, Skye. Keep fighting."

The door to the lab opened behind him but Coulson didn't turn around to see who it was. He didn't need to.

"I know you blame me," he said instead, his gaze still fixed on Skye's pale and blood stained face. "If it helps at all, I blame me, too."

There was a short silence, then a loud exhalation. "It doesn't help. Not at all."

Part Four: Ward

Some of the rage left him but not all of it; he could still feel the anger and frustration boiling under the surface and fought to keep it in check.

He approached the chamber slowly, walking to stand on the opposite side to Coulson. He didn't so much look at his boss as he focused on the woman inside it.

Pale. Bloody. Broken.

This wasn't how it was supposed to go.

His hands clenched into fists at his side; she wasn't supposed to get hurt. He was supposed to protect her, teach her, keep her safe until she was able to defend herself.

He was her SO and he'd let her down.

"It wasn't supposed to happen like this." Coulson's voice shook him from his thoughts. Ward bit back a harsh retort, the almost broken quality of the older man's voice helping him reign in his temper. "It wasn't supposed to be a combat mission. Everyone was supposed to be safe."

"Things rarely happen the way they're supposed to." He reached out to lay his palm on the glass above her, just above her stomach and the blood stained material of her top, hiding her injury from view. "She shouldn't have gone in alone."

"I know." The older man's regret was audible. "I shouldn't have pushed her. Shouldn't have made it personal..."

Ward couldn't disagree so chose to say nothing.

"Why are you here?" Coulson asked after a long pause.

Ward looked up and met his boss's gaze, arching an eyebrow at the question on his face. "Where else would I be?"

"With May?" Coulson held his gaze unflinchingly.

He chose not to answer again, lowering his gaze back to the woman lying between them.

"I meant what I said, Agent Ward. If someone gets hurt, I'll reassign you before you can blink." Coulson waited a beat. "Maybe you should think about it. Make a choice." The senior agent glanced at Skye once more, his body language clearly showing his reluctance to leave her. "If anything changes..."

"I'll let you know."

Ward didn't look up as Coulson left the room. He stared at Skye, emotions he wasn't used to welling up inside him.

He had made a choice, he thought with a sigh, and he couldn't help but think he'd made the wrong one.

Skye lay still, unnaturally so. He half expected her to sit up, give him a lopsided grin and tease him about being so broody.

'The Tin Man really does have a heart!' He could almost hear her say. 'Careful, Ward, you've got a reputation to protect!'

He'd give anything to hear her speak, even if it was to tease him mercilessly or complain about her training regime.

Not that she'd been complaining about it recently. No, since Coulson's kidnapping and subsequent return, she'd thrown herself into it, following his instructions without complaint, listening to him without comment...

... It was good, to a degree, but while he was pleased she was finally focusing on her training, he found himself missing the old Skye, too. The mischievous sparkle in her eyes, the quirk of her lips when he said something that could be misconstrued as innuendo...

He just missed her, but hadn't realised he did until there was a chance he'd be missing her forever.

"You have to wake up, Rookie," he told her quietly, his voice sounding loud in the otherwise quiet room. "I need you to wake up."

Skye slept on, oblivious to his plea.

End.

I'm not entirely sure what this was, just a reaction I suppose to what I personally think is one of the best episodes of the series so far. I hope you enjoyed it anyway! And if anyone has a time machine we can use to skip ahead to 4th March, I'd be very grateful! ;)