Author's Note: Hi all! Merry Christmas! I've had this story idea for a few years now, but I've never gotten around to write it. This year, I finally did. It turned in to a 19.000 word long one-shot. This is my first serious piece of fanfiction. I've never written anything this long. As it is my first serious one, I'd really appreciate any words you might have for me, review or private message. Please be gentle :) Once again, Merry Christmas, and I hope you enjoy this story.
A Memory for Christmas
Frank had called them a few days ago, asking them all to come and spend christmas with him in New York. When no one else had any plans, they all agreed to go. Richard called the airline and arranged the trip, and they were leaving early in the morning on December 23rd.
"You ready?" James asked cheerly, as he swung through Kate's bedroom door. An ease to his body. He was always so calm and relaxed, where as Kate always felt tense.
"Yeah, almost," she answered while putting the rest of her things in her normal boring black suitcase.
This was the first christmas for her in a few years, without Aaron and she found it painfully difficult. She was barely in a christmas mood and had considered staying in L.A and let the others go to New York without her. But after a long chat with James and a lot of convincing from his side, ending with him telling her that it was snowing in New York, she'd been convinced to go after all. Now that she looked at the others, none of them actually seemed to be in a christmas mood. Maybe it was a mistake going. She figured they'd soon find out.
Claire had refused to come to Frank's for Christmas. She had moved back to Australia and taken Aaron with her. It had shocked not only Kate, but the others too, to see that sort of behaviour from Claire's side.
After 3 years of stepping in place as Aaron's mom and family, Kate was left heart broken when he was removed from her life again so suddenly. She'd been stupid enough to think she could still be something to him. Still be something in his life after she brought back Claire. But Claire had just taken off, without even explaining why.
Was it worth it going through all that on the island, just to see both of them leave?
Kate had thought that to herself more than once and it made her feel sick. Of course it was worth it. Aaron had his real mother back and Claire was finally reunited with her son after 3 years.
Kate had thought about leaving herself, a short while after they got back. She quickly moved past the thought. The thought of being alone with herself scared her. So she chose to stay.
James had comforted her after the loss of Jack, showing his gentle and caring side. Putting away the unfriendly feelings he'd always had for Jack, he'd actually seemed genueinly upset to know that he'd been left there to die alone. For a minute, James would have liked to believe that Jack could've made it with them to the plane. But then the island would have gone down, and several other people James had come to truly care about, would have died. Hurley, Rose and Bernard. Even the dog, Vincent. But in the end, James had come to terms with it all. He done it faster than Kate and had offered her comfort and a shoulder to cry on. She had gladly taken it, desperately needing someone to talk to.
Richard had become a sort of "dad" figure for them all. With his 200-something years, he was obviously the oldest of the lot and therefore took the place as the adult in lead. He took care of what needed to be taken care of. He stopped their stupid and often childish arguments, paid the bills and he was always the one to tell Miles to pack it in when he was being too much. Miles didn't seem to listen to anyone else and sometimes, not even Richard. Often though Richard would give Miles a look and with that he would win and Miles would back down.
Richard had also provided a house for them to stay in. A large, old house, mostly wood, single story, with lots of space and bedrooms. It had a nice large garden, and a big garage. It was just across the street from the beach. Kate had found a little pathway one day on a walk that she frequently used to get to the beach faster. It was located between two houses and the elder couple in the house on the left always greeted her when she passed by.
Sometimes Kate wondered where Richard got the money from to live in such a big expensive house, but she never dared to ask. After living in the same house with him for almost 6 months, she still didn't know him very well.
Richard spent most of his time learning to use modern things – like Iphones - and reading as many books as he could. He'd explained to Kate one afternoon that he wanted to read what he shouldn't be alive, to be able to read.
When James wasn't spending time with Kate, feeling he had to – which annoyed her to no end sometimes - He often joined Richard in reading and discussing books. She found this side of James very interesting and wondered if it had always been a part of him, or if it was something he'd grown into after 3 years in the Dharma Initiative. One thing Kate knew for sure was that James had matured tremendously after having been with Juliet for those few years. She'd really made him grow up. He was so different from the man Kate had met the day of the crash. She almost couldn't recognize him. Maybe it had all been in there from the start, deeply buried under all the stuff he'd experienced and done in his life. She would probably never know for sure. All she knew was that she enjoyed this side of him. He was so calm and relaxed all the time now. She hadn't heard him raise his voice since they came back from the island.
James and Richard would sometimes sit for hours talking about books, or even reading the same book, discussing it as they went along. Sometimes they would argue in a friendly way over something like a characters choice or the plot in general. One of them almost always gave in, saying the other one was right.
James had also showed great talent in cooking and always came up with new stuff to try out in the kitchen. Some of the stuff he'd cook up was a little out there. Sometimes it was success, other times it was pure disaster and pizza would end up being the better choice – much to James' disappointment.
As for Miles. He'd retreated into his old ways of being. He almost never did anything productive. He spent his days watching sports, playing Xbox and making snarky, sarcastic and pissy comments about everything, hardly ever saying anything positive. He usually slept in late, walked around in sweat pants or pjs and a worn down t-shirt, that he'd saved from his old apartment. He only ever went outside to buy junk food or if Richard forced him to go with them to a restaurant. Miles would often growl and bitch over having to change, but would eventually give in under Richard's stare.
Despite Richards way of dealing with Miles, their friendship had grown a great deal since the island. Even though Miles had worked closely with James for 3 years, he seemed to connect with Richard on a different level. Kate was sure it wasn't deep emotional conversations they had, but they were definitely close.
Ocasionally Richard would attempt to play Xbox with Miles. It was unsuccessful every time. Richard would yell and get confused, not understanding the games and Miles would yell back, trying to teach him how to use the controller. It mostly ended with Richard throwing the controller on the couch and storming out in frustration, leaving Miles choking on his own laughter.
As for Kate herself. Her life was just as empty as Miles'. If not more. At least he did something that gave him either entertainment or some form of comfort.
Usually when she wasn't listening in on James and Richard's book discussions, or sitting on the couch watching Miles play Xbox, ocasionally reading a book she wasn't interested in, she kept to herself in her room, only showing up to eat.
To help pass her time, she had turned to keeping a journal. She had purchased a couple of dark blue coloured books, a few weeks after they returned from the island. She borrowed the money from Richard and paid him back when she gained back access to her own accounts.
Keeping a dairy at the age of 30, she'd thought it might seem childish to some people, but then decided she didn't care. She quickly found out that it brought her mind and emotions peace, and that there were things she couldn't say out loud to James, or anyone else.
When she wasn't putting her thoughts and feelings into words, or having James hang around in her room for an irritating amount of time, she would sit and stare before her for hours. Ocasionally she would do some cleaning and laundry. Most days she found herself not wanting to do anything at all. She knew she could be out there, working a good job, meeting new people and making new friends. Living some sort of life. Then she realized that she could never actually be honest with anybody she ever met and when the realisation of that came, she suddenly felt lost and lifeless.
Kate grabbed her journal as the last thing and placed in in her purse along with a pen. She closed up her suitcase and left her room to join the others in the hall. James smiled at her and reached out to take her suitcase for her. She didn't need his help, but let him be a gentleman. Miles was impatiently tapping his foot, making his irritation over the wait very clear. She rolled her eyes at him, to which he made a sarcastic comment.
"Careful. Your eyes might get stuck that way."
And then she spotted Richard giving him a look.
The ride to the airport was quiet and seemed long. James was behind the wheel with Richard in the passengers seat, discussing their latest read. Kate was absent, listening to music on a recently purchased Ipod and Miles was staring out the window, seemingly far away in his own world.
Miles' thoughts floated towards his mom, who had recently passed away. He wasn't there when it happened cause he was trapped on the island.
Fucking island, he thought to himself.
His fingers automatically reached out and touched the face of his watch. His mom had given it to him for christmas many years ago. That was the last thing he had left that reminded him of his mom. All her stuff was gone and he didn't know where it was. All they had told him was that she was moved to New York for better medical treatment. When Lara died, he wasn't there to claim her body or her stuff. He didn't even know where she was buried. There were so many things lost.
Miles pulled himself together, sat up straight and cleared his throat. It wasn't the right time to think about his mom. It was better left for when he was alone. With that decided, he continued to stare out the window.
"You alright?" Richard asked from the seat in front of Miles.
"Yeah?" Miles emphasized a little more hostile than he intended to. Richard quickly let it go, knowing when to push, and when not to.
When they finally got to the airport, Richard paid for the parking space while they were gone, while Miles' stood off to the side from the others. His mood wasn't any better. If anything, it was worse.
Everything seemed to piss him off. The long lines, the people and the noise. When Kate's suitcase weighed too much, he couldn't hold back his anger and took it out on the situation and the wrong person, behaving like a complete child at the check in counter.
"Why the hell do you have to pack so much stuff?!" He yelled out at her, before he had any chance to stop himself. Kate took a step back, taken aback by the sudden outburst.
"Hey," James cut in firmly, putting a hand on Miles' shoulder, "No need to speak to her like that."
Miles made a loud frustrated snort and pointed a finger at the bags. He quickly threw his hands up in defeat and stepped back. During the rest of the check in he stood quietly, tapping his foot, his arms crossed over his chest. He didn't even bother to be nice to the check in lady. He threw his passport on the counter so hard it made a smacking noise and waited impatiently, letting out a loud sigh after a minutes time. Fortunately, his bad mood, didn't affect the check in lady, who proceeded to smile and speak nicely to him.
"Have a nice day and Merry Christmas," she cheered and smiled widely while handing him back his passport, along with a boarding pass.
"Yeah, don't count on it," he hissed as he took the papers from her hand and walked away.
Miles could not believe his luck this day. He was pulled aside at security and searched. They picked him at random but Miles wasn't having any of that. Not today. James dared to laugh as Miles walked past him and Miles simply flipped him an unpolite finger, making even one of the stern security guards' mouth perk upwards.
None of them had ever seen Miles in such a bad mood. They were used to his usual pissy behaviour but he was never like this. Even Miles himself found his behaviour odd and he couldn't actually find any reason. Well, not any reason he wanted to admit to himself or anyone else.
"Who do they think I am?!" He yelled out as they walked through the airport. "A terrorist or something?!" He continued, throwing his arms up in the air.
People were starting to notice and were looking as they passed them. "You know, it's funny. None of you got pulled aside. Only the asian guy!" He went on. "I'm telling you. It's because I'm asian!" He pointed a finger at them to make his point.
"Miles - " Kate tried, but he dismissed her with a wave of his hand, and opened his mouth to continue his loud outburst. She cut him off before he got the chance, "Miles," she repeated, speaking calmly, "They pick at random."
Miles snorted. She raised her hand to once again cut him off, "They didn't pick you because you're asian!" she said louder, finding herself more angry than necessary.
"I don't give a fuck! I'm gonna file a complaint!" he yelled out.
"Miles! Will you calm down? People are looking at us!"
"I, don't, give, a, fuck," Miles hissed slowly, holding his hands up pointing out every word, speaking to her as if she was hard of hearing, "And you don't tell me what to do!" he stated, pointing at her.
With that he turned on his heel and stormed over to a row of empty chairs, behaving like a 5 year old. Kate looked around and saw half the airport staring at the scene Miles had just created, including the security guard stading a little away. She slowly lifted her hand towards him in an apoligetic gesture and walked over to him. And once again, she found herself defending Miles' behaviour.
"I'm sorry. He just lost his mom. He won't be making anymore trouble, I promise."
The security guard sternly nodded once, gave her a firm look, wished her a merry christmas and walked away. Kate returned to James and Richard who were waiting for her.
"He," Richard said and pointed towards Miles, "needs to grow up." Then he walked away, sitting on a chair far away from Miles.
"He's right." James simply stated as he walked past her, joining Richard and they quietly continued their previous book talk.
Kate herself stood still for a good 5 minutes, wondering what had just went on. Why was Miles so incredibly angry? Why did he choose to take it out on her?
First one, she couldn't answer, other than assuming it had something to do with his mom's passing. The second. That was easy. He took it out on her, because she was the weaker person in the group. Both Miles and Kate knew that Richard would never tolerate such behaviour, and James would most likely punch him for speaking to him like that, but Kate was the weakest. The easiest target.
She took a seat a few chairs away from Miles who was still sitting with his arms crossed, his eyes closed and his breathing calm and slow. She breifly wondered what he was thinking about or if he'd actually fallen asleep, then she drifted off into her own thoughts.
Miles centered her thoughts more than she'd like to admit. It was annoying her, but at the same time, she was confused about it. Why did it annoy her to think about him? Why was she feeling so confused? And last but not least. What the hell had made her see him in such a different light? When had these odd feelings snuck up on her? Was it that time he brought her a cold drink out on the patio, out of the blue, making a sarcastic comment about her not getting dehydrated. Or maybe the time where she was craning her neck, trying to get it to crack and Miles for a brief moment massaged it for her? She didn't know. All she knew was, that these feelings had at some point snuck up on her and they weren't going away. They were growing. While pondering on all these things, what she didn't know was that Miles was sitting just a few chairs away, pondering the exact same things.
A good 20 minutes had passed, when Miles all of a sudden flew up from his chair, as if someone had put a needle in his ass, and stormed off. All 3 of them looked up in confusion. Their departure hadn't been called out yet. There was at least 45 minutes to boarding.
"Miles, where are you going?" Kate called after him, regretting it the second later.
"I'm going to the damn bathroom," He stopped and turned to look at her, "Is that allowed, or do you want to come along?"
Kate quickly shook her head and he turned back around and headed towards the bathroom.
"What is wrong with him today?" she asked the others.
"It's more like every day," Richard said calmly, without looking up from his book, "And I don't know." he ended. But Richard knew. He had figured Miles out a long time ago and Miles hated it.
The more Kate thought about it, the more she realised that these mood swings had been happening back at the house too. She just hadn't noticed cause Miles always seemed to be in a bad mood. She thought about the hours of long flight to New York. Even less space to escape her feelings and his bad mood. She drew her feet up on the chair and pressed her knees into her chest, somehow feeling more shielded from Miles' verbal attacks and her emotions.
When Miles returned 15 minutes later, he had a sandwich and two sodas with him, looking like he was in a better mood. They all knew for a fact that food helped Miles' mood in most situations, so Kate allowed herself to hope that maybe he wouldn't be yelling anymore at her for a while.
Miles sat down on the chair next to Kate, without thinking any further of it. He held out one of the sodas to her, knowing it was an extremely weak attempt of an apology. When she didn't lift her head at first, he tapped her leg with it, finally getting her attention. She took the can without saying anything and opened it.
Miles unwrapped his sandwich in silence and slowly started eating, drifting off into his earlier ponderings. He felt horrible for speaking so bad to Kate all the time, but it had become a habbit for him ever since he noticed the feelings that were creeping up on him.
Where had they come from? What had made him bring her a cold drink on the patio? What had made him go outside and help her carry groceries? And most of all. What had made him massage her neck the day he saw her craning it? Confused about all these things, he refused to give it a name. Miles didn't do feelings. Not these feelings. So he went into defense, and his best defence was to be an asshole. Always had been. But now, he felt bad for not being nicer to her. He'd never get her to like him by treating her like trash all the time. His stomach churned and suddenly he wasn't all that hungry anymore. He wrapped the rest of the sandwich up and put it on the chair next to him and then putting his arm on the back of Kate's chair, letting his head fall as far back as it could, closing his eyes once again.
He took a deep, all too loud and obvious breath, letting it out just as loud, clearly showing his frustrations. It earned him a look from Richard, along with a raised eyebrow at the sight of Miles' arm. Miles sent him a stern look and Richard merely turned back to his book.
Richard had figured Miles out a long time ago and even tried talking to him about it. Using their stronger friendship, he tried to get Miles to open up a bit, telling him to just go tell Kate how he felt, but Miles had strongly protested to that. Richard might have been mature enough to not make fun of Miles and blabber to everyone about it, but Miles wasn't so sure about Kate. He knew she wouldn't make fun of him, she wasn't that type of person. But Miles was afraid of rejection. That was the worst part. If she rejected him, things would be even more awkward in the house and he knew she would tell James about it, cause she told him everything. And James would make fun of him, that he was sure of. James would make jokes and comments, making Miles as uncomfortable as possible, or maybe he'd get angry, and punch Miles in the face for…. For what? For being in love with a woman James had once loved himself and probably still did.
This is a mess, Miles thought to himself and closed his eyes once again, trying to block out Richard and James' book discussion.
Kate and Miles sat in complete silence, each with their own thoughts, for the remaining time, one listening to Richard and James' book talk, the other one annoyed.
"Flight 177, to J.F.K, New York is now boarding at gate 16A. Please go to gate."
The sound of the woman on the sound system startled Kate and woke up Miles, who had fallen asleep in the last 30 minutes. They slowly got up and stretched, while Richard searched through his bag for their boarding passes. Miles grabbed the sandwich and the empty soda cans and walked off to find a trashcan, squinting his eyes as he looked out the window at the sunlight.
James got up and put his book away. Getting his jacket he walked over to Kate who was putting her own jacket on.
"Are you okay?" James asked her, touching her shoulder lightly.
"Yeah," she whispered, "It's just… flying, you know," she laughed nervously, "Not my favorite thing to do." She raised her eyebrows.
James smiled, laughed lightly and put his arm around her shoulders as they walked towards the gate.
As Miles walked up behind them, seeing James put his arm around her, he felt a stab of jealousy in the pit of his stomach. He remained in silence, but let out another deep sigh, keeping every little piece of anger to himself. Richard walked up beside him and padded his shoulder lightly.
"Cheer up." Richard said and smiled.
"Piss off." Miles growled and shook off Richards hand, but Richard simply gave him a saddend smile and kept walking beside him.
As they reached the gate, James quietly held out his and Kate's boarding passes, not removing his arm from her shoulders. The gate manager checked and nodded, then held his hand out towards the door and smiled.
"Have a nice flight and Merry Christmas."
"Thanks Kiddo," James said with his deep southern accent and contiuned on towards the door.
The usual flight attendant stood inside the plane, smiling and ready to show people the way to their seats.
"Hello. Merry Christmas," she cheered as she looked at their boarding passes, "Mr. Straume you'll be in 20B, Miss Austen in 20A. That is right down there, and to your left. Have a nice flight"
In response Miles merely growled something that sounded like a thank you, and Kate smiled weakly. The attendant continued, still smiling widely.
"Mr. Alpert, that's 20D, and Mr. Ford that is 20E. That's right down the same way, but to your right," she smiled in apology and continued, "I'm sorry for the seperate seats, but we've had some seating trouble, I sencirely hope that this will be ok."
"That's fine, thank you," Richard smiled in assurance.
Kate didn't comment on the fact that she had to sit next to Miles. She was planning on sleeping or listening to music the whole way. She didn't wanna risk saying anything that could piss him off again. Miles didn't comment on it either. He was struggeling with trying to control his temper so he wouldn't open his stupid mouth again.
Kate sat herself down in her seat by the window, placing her bag between her feet, halfway under the seat infront of her. She pulled the shudder blocking the window up and looked out at the sun. She probably wouldn't be seeing much of it in the next weeks time. Miles placed his own bag in the overhead compartment, and slowly sat down next to Kate, being careful not to touch her arm with his own, or her knee with his.
The middle seat was in Miles' opinion, the worst seat on the plane. You'd be mashed in between two people, with barely any space to move on and no places to lean, except forward. Miles was praying that the seat next to him hadn't been bought. Sadly, Miles had no such luck. He saw a shadow appear out of the corner of his eye and let out a deep sigh. A rather large man with grey hair was putting his luggage in the overhead compartment, panting heavily as he did. Miles brought his hand up to cover the right side of his face.
"Great," he whispered to himself, as he let his head fall forward on to the seat infront of him.
The elder man sat down in his seat, with much trouble and fastened his seatbelt, letting out a huge breath, showing just how bad shape he was actually in. Miles was officially in hell now.
Fuck, he thought to himself, sitting back up straight. He was now squeezed in between a large man who didn't smell very appealing and Kate, whom he tried so hard to keep a distance to.
Miles, un-noticed by the man beside him, shifted slightly and turned his head to Kates side. Her perfume was indeed a better smell than the smell of sweat and what smelled like someone who hadn't showered in a while, and horses. He couldn't wait to be in the air. Hopefully then he could sleep through this hell trip he'd been put on. He fastened his seatbelt and waited impatiently for the plane to take off.
After a short while, the stewards on the plane started to move around, getting ready for the usual safety walkthrough and so forth. Miles kept his head turned and his gaze fixed on Kate's tapping hand on the armrest by the window. He barely listened to the voice on the sound system, as his eyes caught Kate's seatbelt open and laying over her legs. She was miles away.
Slowly and with slightly shaking hands, Miles reached over. Careful not to actually touch her thighs, he took the two parts of the belt and quietly clicked them together, pulling it a little tighter, then returning to his original position, not saying a word.
Kate barely registered when Miles reached over and closed her seatbelt, without a single word. She only shifted her eyes enough to see the slight shake in his hands. Since when did he care for something so little as a seatbelt? It didn't keep them safe on the oceanic flight. Though still, she almost felt the will to smile over the fact that he'd done that little thing. Just like all the other little things he ocasionally did for her.
"Thanks," she whispered so low that she wasn't even sure she could hear it herself. She could see Miles reflection in the window. It showed no humor, no sarcasm, no anger. He simply nodded and looked away, picking up a duty free magazine from infront of him.
"Ladies and gentlemen, we have been cleared for take off. We are expecting turbulence at the beginning of the flight, but there is nothing to worry about. Please remain seated until the Captian turns off the seatbelt sign. Enjoy your flight,"
The young woman on the speaker got Kate's attention. Turbulence? She thought to herself. The panic started to rise in her chest and stomach as the plane started to move down the runway. The faster the plane went, the more she tightened her grib on the armrest, her knuckles turning white.
She tried to control her breath, holding it in as long as she could, closing her eyes, feeling her chest tighten, as the plane shook violently. The sound of the huge engines made her want to cover her ears. She just wished she would fall asleep fast and when she'd wake up, it would all be over.
The plane took off into the air, shaking violently again. Miles didn't think anything of it. He'd never been afraid of flying. Sure, the plane ride back from the island hadn't exactly been comfortable, but it hadn't really stuck any fear in him. He'd always read that turbulence wasn't a bad thing anyway. It wasn't what made planes crash.
Seeing Kate next to him, holding her breath, squeezing the armrest, keeping her eyes tightly shut, he felt bad for her. Without thinking about it, Miles slowly lifted his hand and brought it towards Kate's on the armrest. But a second later his brain kicked in and he quickly drew it back again and let it fall to his leg. He wanted to comfort her, but holding her hand would most likely only gain him a look of disgust and she'd pull her hand away from his, making the trip even more awkward than it already was.
He looked to his side to see if James was reacting the same way as Kate was. He wasn't. He was deep in conversation with Richard. Must be one hell of a book, Miles thought to himself. They'd been talking about it all morning.
"Hello folks, this is your Captian speaking. I'd like to welcome you all aboard this flight to J.F.K, New York. I apoligize for the bumpy start, but we shouldn't be expecting any more turbulence on our way. The weather says for pretty much clear sky, so the view to the ground should be good. Our fantastic staff on board will be there to take care of you all, so with that I wish you a Merry Christmas and hope you all have a pleasant flight."
Miles' thoughts were interupted mere minutes later, when the Captian spoke. A few minutes later the fasten seatbelt sign was turned off. Miles quickly opened his and slid down in his seat, trying to get a little more comfortable. He kept his head turned Kates way, as the man next to him, only seemed to smell worse by each passing moment. He was looking at her, way more than he wanted to admit. Her new hair really suited her. She'd cut it shorter, just a little over the shoulders, but still the same brown colour. He quickly shifted his gaze when she moved beside him, still not turning her head. He noticed that she kept her seatbelt closed and tight, and before he could stop himself, the words flew out of his mouth.
"Why so nervous?" he blurted. Great job Miles.
When Kate heard Miles' voice, she was pulled back to reality. She'd been miles away in her imagination, trying to block everything out.
She's been thinking about snow falling quietly from the sky, calmly covering the ground. A few footprints from the ocasional people walking through, maybe with a dog, or a little happy child. She'd thought about how the lights would light up the streets, creating that comforting, nice atmosphere she'd always loved. When she was a kid she used to sit in the window and watch it all night, when her mom thought she was sleeping. She'd been imagining a beautiful christmas tree, that smelled of pine and fresh air, covered in lights of different colours and ornaments, with a big star on top.
All that was just images in her head though and they all disappeared when Miles' voice broke through. She thought about what to answer for a minutes time, then she took a deep breath.
"Just… not very good at flying anymore," she started out with a low, weak voice, not turning her head.
"I'm scared that we'll end up back there. After all we did to get away. You'll never know which flight is… destined or chosen, to crash there. And," She took another deep shaky breath, "I don't wanna go back there ever again. I don't wanna forget, but I want to move on. You know?" she paused, waiting for an answer but Miles merely nodded.
"It's just hard sometimes," she tried holding back the tears that were burning her eyes, as she thought of Jack. He was dead now, she knew that. There had been no one to help him. Hopefully Hurley had buried him. A tear fell down as she let out the breath she'd been holding.
"That's why I prefer not to think about the past. But yeah, it's hard." Miles whispered slowly, leaning a bit closer, being careful of anyone who might be listening in. Specially the man next to him.
"You think about the island too?" she asked him, drying a few tears away, finally turning her head, not prepared for how close he was. Their faces merely an inch from each other, if not less. Their noses almost touched.
"Sometimes. But mostly I think about my mom. I wasn't there when she died. That haunts me. Every day." he paused to think, "After all I saw on the island. What she did for me. Leaving her husband like that. Knowing he'd die. Choosing to put all her energy into raising me and all I did was cause problems for her."
"I'm sure your mom never saw it that way," Kate whispered, feeling another tear fall.
"Maybe not, but that's how I see it. Now. I didn't care back then. Not the way I should have and now she's gone and I can't change anything." he paused again.
Miles wasn't the crying type, Kate knew that, but his face was all sadness. His eyes were glistening. This was what haunted him. Not the island. He'd managed to move on from that and she wished she could do the same. His hauntings was his mother's passing. All the memories and the things he'd like to change. She almost wanted to reach up and touch his face. She wanted to comfort him, but she didn't know how.
"She had this, gold necklace, with a locket," he continued without realising it, "I used to play with it when I was a kid. It had a picture of me, my mom and my dad inside. I don't even know what happened to all her stuff. Old holiday ornaments, pictures. The locket."
He took a deep breath and sat up straight. His nose almost brushed her's as he did. He cleared up his voice, "I don't know, maybe they buried her with it."
"I'm sorry," was all Kate managed to get out. It was a low whisper, barely audible.
"Me too," he mumbled back.
As Miles looked to his side, he saw Richard looking his way, glasses pushed down on his nose. Had he been able to hear what they said? The guy was a freaking alien. Heard and saw absolutely everything around him. It annoyed Miles to no end.
Maybe Richard was just making sure Miles wasn't being harsh on Kate again? Or maybe Richard was wondering why they'd been sitting so close all of a sudden. Miles realised how it would have looked to people around them. Clearly it was the first one, because Richard raised an eyebrow when he saw Kate wipe tears off her face and turning away to look out the window.
Miles ignored him and turned his head. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Kate shyly wipe another tear away. He leaned well back in his seat and let his head fall to her side. He still preferred the smell of perfume over sweat. The man next to Miles wasn't breathing so loudly anymore and was reading a magazine quietly next to him. All that was to be heard was low whispering from the people around them and the engines on the plane. Miles was positive he'd get a bit of sleep. He closed his eyes and tried to relax. A few minutes later, he drifted off into a dreamless sleep.
Kate felt Miles' head drop on her shoulder. She turned her head and saw that he was peacefully asleep. At least as peaceful as possibly on a plane. She didn't have the heart to move his head. It didn't bother her. She crossed one leg over the other as she took her purse from the space between her seat and the plane. Quietly and carefully she took out her jounal and her pen and started writing. At some point she must have felt her eyes drift shut. Somehow she'd been able to put away her journal. She didn't remember when.
Kate was woken by the captain speaking. He informed them that they were decending and if people would please right their seats and fasten their seatbelts. She slowly blinked her eyes and raised her head. Her head had been resting on top of Miles' the entire time she slept. She didn't remember that either. She stretched her legs out as best she could before her. Their knees had been touching as well. She turned her ankel's to get the blood going.
She turned her head towards Miles and lightly touched his arm. "Miles, wake up." she whispered as she shook his arm a bit.
Miles' head flew up at the sound of her voice. He just barely stopped a grunt. For a moment he looked confused.
"What?" he asked, a little annoyed - his voice raw from having slept.
"We're decending." Kate answered as she sat up straighter in her seat.
Miles rubbed his eyes and tried to wake up. Were they already decending? He almost felt relieved. Sleep was always the best way to pass time.
As he slowly woke up, he realised he'd been sleeping with his head on her shoulder. Dammit, he thought to himself. But then he wondered why she hadn't just pushed him away.
The plane calmly decended into JFK airport. They got their bags and walked out through the terminal. As they left the warm and busy inside of the airport and walked outside, Kate froze for a mere second. It was snowing. And heavily as well. She couldn't help but smile. She hadn't seen snow in years. James had stopped next to her.
"Told ya." He grinned when he saw the smile on her face.
She stood still for a moment. She could feel the christmas mood slowly finding it's way inside her. Maybe it was gonna be an OK christmas after all.
Richard hailed a big yellow cab just outside the airport and helped the driver load their bags. They hurried back inside the car and Richard gave the driver the adress.
Kate, Miles and James sat in the back of the cab, while Richard took the front seat. The drive was roughly an hour and a half long because they had to drive in the snow and holiday traffic. No one complained though. Everyone seemed to just sit in peace and enjoy the quiet.
Kate was looking out the window the whole time. She took in everything she saw. The snow on the streets, the snow on parked cars, the snow that was falling heavily from the sky. Maybe it would evolve to a snow storm? She would have to check the weather channel once they got to Frank's house.
Finally the cab pulled in on a quiet street in a cheaper erea of Manhattan. The street was mostly empty except for a few people walking past. It was classic town houses on both sides, with trees planted in small squares on the sidewalk. The driver helped them with their bags, whished them a Merry Christmas and slowly drove off. There was at least 3 inches of snow on the curb.
They walked up the few steps to Frank's front door and James knocked on the door a couple of times. A few moments later, Frank opened the door with a wide smile.
"Hey! I didn't think you were gonna make it. Snow's getting worse every minute."
He pulled the door open wide so they could pass through. As they each entered the hallway Frank greeted them. James shook his hand. So did Richard while politely saying hello. Miles and Frank gave each other a brief hug. Kate was the last to walk through the door. She put her suitcase down in the hallway.
"Hey Frank. Merry Christmas" she smiled at him.
"Hello Kate," he answered as they gave each other a hug. "Glad you could make it as well." he smiled.
After they'd all gotten rid of their boots and winter jacket's, Frank showed them upstairs with their bags.
"Plenty of rooms to stay in." He smiled as he walked up the stairs, taking the lead.
They all got their own room to stay in and when Kate was left alone for a few minutes, she couldn't help but wonder how Frank could afford such a big house. Maybe she'd ask him later when the time was right. Frank didn't seem like a person who would be offended by something like that.
She lifted her suitcase up on the bed and zipped it open. She wanted to change into some relaxing clothes. She grabbed her toiletry bag and walked out into the hallway. Frank was just leaving Miles' room as she walked out.
"I hope you don't mind that pizza is on the menu for tonight?" Frank asked her as she passed him, heading towards the bathroom. She almost laughed. Miles would love that.
"No, not at all." She smiled.
She closed the bathroom door behind her and locked it. She took a deep breath and enjoyed the thought that no one could just walk in and disturb her. She opened the bag and took out her hairbrush. Pulling the hairband out of her hair, she whinced as it got caught and pulled her hair. As she started to work the band out of her hair, her mind drifted to what Miles had told her on the plane. The expression on his face when he talked about his mother's necklace.
She sighed. She spent too much of her time thinking about Miles.
She ran the brush through her hair quickly, ignoring that it hurt. She made a new pony tail. After splashing some water in her face and putting some lotion on, she brushed her teeth.
A bit of deoderant later, she packed up her things and exited the bathroom quietly.
Back in her room she changed into a new pair of sweatpants, a long sleeved shirt and an open cardigan. She exited her room and walked downstairs. The others were already there, catching up, when she entered the living room. She gasped out loud, making all conversation stop.
Frank had bought a big beautiful christmas tree and decorated it with ornaments, coloured lights and a gold star at the top. She hadn't expected that. At most she thought he would have bought a small fake one with white lights and no more. She was frozen for a moment. As her eyes scanned the rest of the living room she saw that, that too was decorated. There were even stockings hanging by the fire place. She felt all the eyes on her and snapped out of her amazement.
"Frank, this is a beautiful tree." she whispered.
"Ah," Frank dismissed her, "That's nothing. You should have seen my house when I was a kid," Frank laughed. "That was beautiful," He finished and his smile grew even wider.
That evening they all sat in Frank's living room with a fire burning in the fire place and a few family sized pizza's all over the coffee table. They hadn't rounded any unconfortable or sad topics which Kate found relaxing. She'd been all tensed up by the thought that someone was gonna bring up the island and it would create a bad atmosphere. She was sure it was gonna be brought up at some point, but right now she enjoyed just talking about life now instead of the past.
"Does anybody want coffee?" Frank asked when there was a moment of silence in their laughs.
"Yes, please," Richard answered, forever politely.
"Yeah, I could go for a cup as well," James said.
Miles shook his head as a no thanks and Kate did the same.
"No thanks, Frank. I don't wanna be up all night." She added.
Frank nodded and walked through the dining space and into the kitchen. Richard got up and started collecting the plates and left the room. Frank returned not a minute later.
"I'm out of coffee," he announced. "Anybody want something else?"
Kate almost flew up from the couch. "I'll go get some," she said quickly.
"No, Kate, it's alright, I'll go buy some in the morning," Frank began.
"No, really, it's ok. I saw a store just around the corner. It'll take 15 minutes." she smiled assuringly at Frank. He nodded and smiled back.
Kate turned and headed upstairs to get her wallet out of her purse. Truth was, she was just looking to get outside. It was still snowing and she was dying to get outside and enjoy it for just a few minutes. Not that she would tell anyone that. Getting coffee from the grocery store around the corner was the perfect excuse. Grabbing her wallet, she headed back downstairs.
She pulled on her winter boots. They were new. Nice and warm. As she reached for her jacket, she saw Miles get up from the couch.
"I'll come with," He announced. Truth on his part was that he wanted to pick up a few things for himself. Maybe there was another excuse as well, but not one he was willing to admit to himself.
Miles pulled on his own boots and grabbed his jacket. James entered the hallway.
"You two, be careful now," He ordered. "Snow is pretty heavy. Might hide the ice underneath."
"Yeah, we'll be careful," Kate assured as she sent him a smile.
She grabbed her scarf and swung it around her neck. Putting on her gloves, she turned to the door and opened it. Instantly snow was blown inside. She took a step outside and almost sighed at the sound of her boots crunching in the snow. This was one of reasons she came here.
Kate walked down the few steps to the pavement. She held on tight to the bannister. She heard Miles close the door behind her. He hurried down the steps as he pulled his own scarf close around his neck and chin.
"Shit," he commented. "It's getting seriously cold out here. I miss L.A already." He laughed shortly.
Kate didn't answer. She was taking it all in. The snow on the street. The darkness. The quiet the snow made. The way the street lights lit up the road. A few cars were parked and covered in snow. There was no wind, no footsteps in the snow. It hadn't been messed with. The road hadn't been cleared for hours. Kate felt her soul soothe itself at the calm atmosphere. She had nothing against summer and warmth, but this. This was better.
Kate would hear people saying how much they hated the cold and the difficulty of snow. And yes. It was difficult at times, but she refused to let it anger her.
Miles had stopped several steps infront of her. He wondered what the hell she was doing, just standing there staring into the wind. It was dreadfully cold and for a minute he thought about just moving on towards the store. But he had to at least admit to himself that she was one of the reasons he chose to come with.
"Come on," he hurried her. "What are you doing?"
"I'm enjoying the snow." Kate simply answered him.
She finally turned her head and looked at him. He was waiting for her, patiently and politely hiding his impatience. She moved her feet. The snow crunched under her feet. She caught up to Miles.
They walked in silence down the street. She didn't mind. She enjoyed the quiet. For a New York street, it was indeed very quiet.
Miles didn't really know what to say, so he just walked in silence next to her. They didn't speak much on a daily level, so what would he even say to her? How's it going? Come on.
As they rounded the corner, a few cars passed on the street. They drove slowly and carefully. The grocery store had put up christmas decorations outside. Lights hung from above the doors and a few small christmas trees stood on each side with lights on them as well. They quietly walked inside and moved through the aisles. They picked up the coffee and Kate put a few oranges in a little plastic bag.
While Kate took her oranges, Miles slowly started moving away towards his own goal. She caught him out of the corner of her eye though.
"Where are you going?" she called after him.
Miles turned and looked at her. She could have sworn she saw a little smile on his lips.
"Candy aisle." Miles grinned. Then he disappeared.
Kate laguhed. Out loud for a change. Maybe it was more like an amused scoff. She should have known Miles had his own agenda. She walked towards the place where Miles disappeared and found him standing with a wide selection of chocolate in his hands. She smiled and shook her head at the sight. Sometimes Miles was just like a little boy and some of the things he did surprised her. She actually thought he might have been heading for the alcohol.
She gave in to her own temptations and picked out a few candy bars of her own and a few bags of other kinds of christmas candy. They were probably best off bringing something back for the others as well. She had no idea if Frank had bought anything desert like at all for tomorrow evening.
As they reached the counter, an elder lady got up from a chair. "Good evening," the woman greeted as she put aside her book. "Merry Christmas."
"Good evening," Kate politely answered. "Merry Christmas."
The elder woman wore no name tag. She smiled widely back while beeping their stuff in to the registrar. They quietly paid and put their things in plastic bags. As they turned to leave, the elder woman suddenly spoke in a gentle caring voice.
"Be careful outside the door. The pavement is covered in ice."
Kate smiled at her, touched by her words. "Thank you. We'll be careful. Merry Christmas."
They both turned to leave. They each had their own plastic bag in hand. They exited the store and started walking back towards Frank's townhouse. They didn't get very far before Kate lost her balance on the ice beneath the snow and slipped. She fell promtly and hard on her ass.
"Woah," she exclaimed as she fell and hit the ground.
The bump and her voice made Miles stop and turn.
"Woah," He hurried back towards her, "Are you OK?"
"Yeah," Kate said, out of breath. The fall had knocked the wind out of her.
Miles twisted the plastic bag above his wrist and held out his hands for her to grab. She took them and let him help pull her back to her feet.
"Ouch," she muttered.
"Old lady jinxed it," Miles grinned.
Kate laughed as she dusted the snow of her sweatpants. "Yeah." She grabbed a better hold on her own bag.
Miles didn't let go of her arm. Instead he gently slipped his left arm under her right. His mind caught up with his action and he almost pulled his arm straight back. What was he doing? Maybe he should just pull it back and start walking?
Kate was surprised when Miles slipped his arm under her's. For a second she thought he'd pull it back again, but he didn't. She didn't mind. She was grateful for the gesture. She didn't want to fall again. It hurt enough the first time. So instead of making an awkward situation out of it by just standing there staring at him, she took a step forward. It pulled lightly on his arm. Not more than a few seconds later Miles quietly started walking with her and they turned the corner to the street where Frank lived. The snow was falling even more heavily it seemed. The snowflakes were bigger than she'd ever seen before. Their footprints from just 15 minutes earlier were already covered.
As they walked down the snow covered street arm in arm, they both enjoyed the quiet evening. They were both fooling themselves into thinking that walking arm in arm was just for safety. An elder man with his dog passed by them. He'd crossed the weather and taken his dog out on an evening walk. Maybe he enjoyed the snow and quiet as much as them? He smiled warmly and nodded when he passed them. Both Kate and Miles returned the gesture.
Miles broke the silence a few minutes later. "Why were you so eager to get outside?" he quietly asked.
Kate adjusted her arm in his and he heard her breathe in air. She took so long to answer that Miles was starting to think she wasn't going to. Then she opened her mouth to speak.
"It was the snow," she admitted. "I wanted to enjoy it before it got ruined by cars and the streets becomes crowded with people."
Miles simply nodded. He didn't get it. He didn't mind a little bit of snow, but he had no idea what Kate found so amazing and peaceful about it. He could see it in her face the minute she walked out Frank's front door. Sure snow could be beautiful – like now – and it created a nice christmas mood but it was also difficult and dangerous. He liked L.A better. Despite the earthquakes.
"Why were you so eager to come?" She asked back after a minutes time.
"Oh, I just wanted the candy." He lauged.
Once finally back inside and free of the winter boots and jacket's, Kate decided to join the others for coffee after all. She didn't speak much, just listened as the others carried on their conversations. Frank and James were talking about sports while Miles and Richard stood off to the side whispering instead of talking. She wondered what they were talking about since they didn't join them in the living room. The feeling of being talked about grew stronger when she repeatedly saw the both of them looking over at her. Miles somehow seemed angry or annoyed. The feeling that she might have said something to make him angry, hit her like a punch in the gut. She wasn't sure what she could have possibly said. Suddenly she didn't feel very well.
She sat her cup down on the coffee table and got up. She walked over to Frank's desk which was placed off to the side in his living room. She picked up his laptop and turned to Frank.
"Can I borrow this for a few minutes?"
Frank looked up from his conversation about NFL. "Sure," He smiled
"Thanks, I'll bring it back when I'm done."
With the laptop in hand, Kate quietly left the room. She felt eyes aimed at her back, but didn't turn to look who it was. She walked straight up to her room and closed the door quietly behind her. Putting the laptop on the bed, she sat down and opened it. Clicking on the google mark in the top of the internet tap, she thought about what to search first. It loaded. She put her fingers on the keyboard and typed.
Lara Chang, New York City.
All day she hadn't been able to let it go. What Miles had told her on the plane. It had come back to her over and over all day. So now she made a decision. She was going to find out what happened to all of Lara's things. The things Miles had told her about on the plane. The things that almost made him cry. Her own eyes almost welled up when she thought about how his face showed grief and guilt.
After numerous of seearches all she'd been able to dig up was a hospital name, the cemetary and an adress that might have been Lara's last known. She knew the hospital wouldn't give her any personal information on Lara unless she was family. Instead she decided to try the Priest at the church that held Lara's funeral a year ago. She almost laughed to herself. If a Priest wasn't willing to help on christmas, she didn't know who would.
She wrote all the information down on a blank page at the back of her journal. After deleting her search history so no one would know, she closed the laptop. It was late already. She would have to get up early if she wanted to sneak out without being seen. She pushed the laptop aside and got under the covers. For what seemed like a long time she stared up at the ceeling. Tomrrow would not be easy. She would need a whole bunch of luck to find anything at all, but she was determined to try.
She set her alarm clock and finally drifted off into a dreamless sleep.
Kate woke up at the sound of her alarm clock. She quickly shut it off to avoid waking anyone else. It was 6AM in the morning. After a quick shower, she applied a bit of make up and jumped in a pair of clean jeans and a sweater. Her hair was put back up in a pony tail.
Back in her room she put her wallet and her journal in her purse and closed it up. Then she quietly opened her door and snuck out. Tip toeing down the stairs she swiftly avoided the step she'd noted as the creaking one. Down in the hallway she took a quick look out the window next to the door. There was at least a foot of snow out there. The roads had already been cleared. She started putting on her boots.
"Good morning."
She jumped and gasped at the sudden voice. She turned to see Richard sitting with a book and a cup of coffee in the living room.
"Richard," she breathed as she put a hand to her heart. "You startled me."
"Sorry," he apoligised, "So where are you sneaking off to this early in the morning?"
"Haha," she laughed as she pulled on her coat. "I just have a few errands to run. Couple of christmas gifts."
"I can go with you if you want?" Richard offered.
"No it's ok. I, uh," she paused. "I have to do this on my own."
Richard was clever though. Having been alive for over 200 years he'd developed skills in reading people that Kate couldn't even comprehend. He'd figured her out already. What had Miles told him last night when they were whispering? Had he told Richard about the conversation on the plane? The necklace? Was she really that easy to see through?
"So where are you gonna start looking?" Richard suddenly asked.
She was busted. She didn't even bother playing it dumb.
"I was gonna start at the church," she finally admitted
"Good idea," Richard agreed. "Be careful."
"I will," Kate assured him with a smile. She turned and grabbed her scarf.
"Richard?" she asked with hesitation.
"Yes?"
"Please don't tell him where I've gone."
"I wouldn't think of it," Richard smiled at her and behind it was a silent promise. He turned back to his book.
She let out a relieved breath and turned towards the door.
She walked back up around the corner where the grocery store was. It was open even though it was the 24th of December. But the store wasn't what she was heading for. She was heading for the flourist next to it. It was open. She pushed the door open and walked in.
Ten minutes later she walked out with a bouqet of flowers on her arm. She hailed a cab and gave the driver the adress of the church. During the ride she thought about what to say to the preist. If there even was one at the church. Hopefully there would be someone who could help her. She knew there were always many people in a church on christmas eve. The ride took over half an hour because of the snow and traffic. She paid the cab driver and gave him a generous tip, whishing him a Merry Christmas. The driver smiled widely at the tip he was given and thanked her many times.
She pulled open the gate leading into the graveyard. The church was just up the path. The snow was deep here because the dirt paths didn't get cleared. Kate figured that it might have something to do with not wanting to disturb the resting ones.
As she reached the big wodden door leading into the church, she checked herself over. She wasn't a religous person, but she still had enough respect to look decent when she entered a church. She pushed the big door open and it creaked in protest. The church was quiet and empty. It was decorated with simple and beautiful christmas decorations. She walked up the aisle hoping to find someone. Someone cleared their throat behind her. She grabbed her chest and turned, gasping for the second time that morning.
"Oh," she exclaimed.
"Can I help you?" a kind voice asked. An elder man approached her calmly. He was a Priest.
"Yes," she answered as she held out her hand and the Priest took it, "I'm looking for a grave."
"So I would have guessed," the priest smiled as he nodded to the flowers. "Who are you looking for?"
"I'm looking for a woman named Lara Chang. Her funeral was held here about a year ago."
"Let me see," the priest said quietly as he looked like he wondered. "Follow me."
He led her outside and they walked down the path's to the back of the church. The snow was deeper here it seemed. The Priest walked in silence the whole way. Kate didn't want to disturb him while he was finding Lara's grave. They turned to the left and walked a few meters down another path.
"Here we are. Lara Chang. November, last year. I remember her. Not many people came. Not even her son." His face showed a hint of sadness.
Kate bent down and gently laid the flowers by the stone. She cleared it of snow.
"Actually, Mr - " she started and turned.
"Mr. Benning," The Priest told her.
"Mr. Benning," she smiled. "I actually came here hoping for some help in finding something. Something dear to a friend of mine."
"Oh?" Mr. Benning said and tipped his head to the side.
"Lara's son. Miles. He's missing some of his mother's things. A necklace, to be precise."
Mr. Benning nodded, but looked confused. "And how is it that I can help you?" he asked kindly.
"I have an adress." Kate began to explain. "I was hoping to find someone who could confirm it for me. I was hoping maybe a landlord or a janitor could tell me what happened to Lara's things after she died."
"Oh," Mr. Benning uttered in surprise. "Follow me, child. I'm sure we can find something."
The elder man started walking back towards the church. She quietly followed. As they got inside, he continued to his office. Without a word he pulled open a drawer and looked through it. Kate stood patiently and waited. He was a man of few words, but he was willing to help her.
She took out her journal and opened it to the page where she had the adress. Mr. Benning turned after a couple of minutes.
"Let's see here. What is the adress that you have, dear?"
She held her journal out for him to look at. He looked for a few seconds and then to his own file in his hand. He nodded a couple of times, then shut the file.
"According to my paper's, the adress you have there is correct." He turned to put the file back in the drawer.
"Thank you," Kate whispered. It felt like she had something caught in her throat. She felt a rush of relief to have confirmation that the adress was correct. Now all there was left, was to hope that Lara's stuff was still out there somewhere.
The Priest came around his desk towards her. He smiled at her. Kate cleared her throat.
"Thank you, Mr. Benning. You've helped me a great deal."
"Oh, you're welcome, my child."
She held out her hand for him to shake. The elder man took it and shook it gently.
"Merry Christmas," Kate said.
Maybe it was because it was christmas, or because it was a church. Or maybe it was just because this stranger had been willing to help her as much as he could, that her eyes now almost filled with tears. Perhaps she was just too emotional.
Her emotions didn't get past the priest. He reached out and caressed her cheek with a touch only a priest could have. Kind, warm and fatherly.
"You care a lot for Lara's boy, don't you?"
Kate took a shaky breath in and tried to gain control of these sudden emotions.
She nodded. "Yes. I do."
"Then what you're doing will reward you. Even if you don't find the item that you seek. The act itself will be a great gift." He smiled whole heartedly.
"Thank you," Kate whispered once again. She was definitely too emotional today.
"Merry Christmas dear. And god bless."
"Merry Christmas."
She turned around and left the Priest's office. As she headed back down the aisle of the church the tears pressed her eyes even more. By the time she was outside and walked down the path through the graveyard, a tear fell. Had admitting that she felt something for Miles caused such a strong emotional reaction in her?
She walked back down to the street. It wasn't very busy today. She figured most people were at home enjoying the day in loving company.
As a yellow cab came towards her, she held out her arm. It pulled over a few meters infront of her. She got in and showed the driver the adress she was going to this time. He nodded shortly and said it would take about 45 minutes to get there because of the snow. Kate told him it was fine and leaned back in her seat. She decided to pass the time with writing in her journal. She started with the day before. The airport, the flight, the time at Frank's house and up until now.
She also decided that tonight when she, hopefully, gave Miles his gift, she would tell him where his mother was buried. She would also offer to take him there so he could lay flowers himself. If he wanted to. Kate didn't know anything about Miles' relationship with his mother. He was grieving, that much she knew. But she honestly wasn't sure if he would even visit the grave.
The time seemed to have flown by while she was writing and thinking things over. The cab suddenly came to a halt and the driver turned in his seat to look at her.
"Here we are, Miss. It's the building right there." He pointed to the door right across from the cab.
"Thank you."
She pulled cash out of her wallet and paid him. Giving him the same generous tip as the other driver, she wished him a Merry Christmas and turned. As she did she saw his face light up when he realised the tip she had just given her. He yelled Merry Christmas after her, and she could hear the joy in his voice. Then the cab pulled away from the curb and drove down the street.
She stood infront of the door to the apartment building. It was like she froze for a minute. Fear suddenly hit her. What if there was no landlord in there? What if he couldn't help? What if she did find the necklace and Miles would hate her for having done so?
Stop it. Stop it right now. She thought to herself. She took a deep breath and grabbed the handle on the door. Another deep breath.
"Here goes." she whispered to herself.
The door shut behind her as she stood still inside the apartment building. The soft click it made as it shut, brought her back to reality again. She looked to the side. There were mailboxes along the wall. She found the one for the landlord. Mr. Jacobs.
She walked down the stairs to the basement. Her winter boots had drug in snow and she left a mess behind her. She was met with a door that said 'Office.' She knocked. No answer. She kocked again. Still no answer. She tried the doorknop. It was unlocked. The office was empty.
Dammit. Kate thought to herself. Then she heard a noise down the hall. She turned and walked towards it. She could hear someone cursing out loud. She turned a small corner and saw a man standing with his back turned. He was messing with a fuse box.
Kate cleared her throat loudly. "Excuse me."
"Yeah?" the man answered.
"I'm looking for Mr. Jacobs."
"You found him," he turned to look at her. He was a middle aged man. Bald. Slightly overweight. He was wearing a blue jumpsuit that made Kate think back to the Dharma Initiative. "What can I do you for?"
Kate cleared her throat once again. "Did you have a tenant here, about a year ago, named Lara Chang?"
"Lara?" he asked. Kate sensed a sort of hostility. "Why would you be looking for her?"
"I live with her son." Kate simply stated.
"Her son? You mean Miles?"
"Yes."
"I've never met the boy. Lara talked a lot about him though." He paused. "I thought maybe he'd show up when she died. He never did." His face filled with sadness. "Why are you here, Miss?"
"Austen. Kate Austen." She stepped forward and held out her hand. Mr. Jacobs shook it.
"Mr. Jacobs," She hesitated as he let go of her hand. "I was wondering. What happened to Lara's things when she died?"
"I packed them up myself. Stored them in an empty room here in the basement. I figured maybe, some day, Miles might show up to collect them." He paused and started putting his tools back in his toolbox. "I was gonna give up on it after New Year."
She heard the hint of guilt in his voice. Then a wave of relief came over her. He still had them. Lara's things were still here. Stored in a room close by. She let out a loud sigh of relief.
"Mr. Jacobs. May I look through them?"
"May I ask why?" he asked. Curious.
"I'm looking for a specific necklace that Lara owned. I would like to give it to Miles for Christmas. It might help ease his suffering."
Mr. Jacobs sighed. "Poor boy. Lara was all the family he had."
Kate didn't respond. She waited, patiently, for him to say something more. She wondered whether or not he was gonna help her. She debated with herself if she should just leave. Then Mr. Jacobs talked again.
"Come with me," He walked past her down the hall. Storage rooms were on each side of the corridor. One to each apartment. "This way. It's just down here."
Kate followed him quietly.
They turned another corner. He stopped at storage room number 210. He took out his own personal keys and unlocked the padlock on the door. He pushed it open and flicked on the lights. "It's all in here. Clothes. Books. Jewlery. Personal stuff. Everything except furniture."
"Thank you."
"Let me know when you leave, so I can lock it back up."
"I will. Thank you." She touched his shoulder as she passed him and walked into the room.
The storage room was filled up with brown cardboard moving boxes. They had all been labeled with the name of it's contents. 'Clothes', "Pillows', 'Kitchen'
Kate looked at the labels as she went around the room. She started moving the boxes she didn't need to look in. 15 boxes later, she spotted a box with a label that said Holiday Ornaments. Crouching down, she pulled the box over and opened it. Coloured christmas lights, christmas stockings and ornaments for trees filled the box to the edge. She took out the lights, then stockings. They both had names on them. Lara and Miles. They were old, maybe about 25 years.
Folding the stockings gently, she grabbed her purse and placed them carefully inside. She also chose one of the more child-like decorated ornaments and placed it in her purse on top of the stockings. It was red with a polarbear on it and some gold glitter. It seemed like something Miles could have picked out in a store as a kid. It was cute. Kate smiled to herself as she got the image of little Miles picking out ornaments with his mother. She pushed the christmas decorations aside and pulled over another box. It was labeled 'Products and jewlery.'
She felt a sting of hope in her stomach as she opened the box. Everything inside was placed neatly and organised. Makeup, perfumes, lotions and over a dozen jewlery boxes from different places. Gently she took all the jewlery boxes out of the box and placed them on the floor. She opened one. Earrings. Beautilful. Gold. She closed it again. Next box, miss again. Third box, another miss. Same with fourth, fifth and sixth. She was about to give up. She grabbed yet another box that looked promising and opened it carefully.
Inside the box, carefully and beautifully placed was a gold necklace. Thin chain, strong lock. There was a locket on the chain. She took it out of the box and opened the locket. There it was. The picture Miles had described just 24 hours earlier. His mom, his dad, and himself as a baby. His parents looked happy. She smiled as a tear ran down her cheek. She guessed it was a mix of the happiness and relief she felt over having found exactly what she came to find and the picture inside, showing a happy family. Why was it that Miles had believed all his life that his father never loved him? If he'd seen this picture all his life, he should have known, just by looking at it, that what he believed wasn't true. Maybe she would ask him one day, but not today. She closed the locket and placed the necklace back in the little black box.
After putting all the moving boxes back in their place so she wouldn't leave a mess, Kate took the little black box and opened it once again. She took the necklace out and once again made sure that it was the right one. It had to be. She put the necklace in her jeans pocket and swung her purse up on her shoulder. After flicking off the lights, she pulled the door closed again.
She found Mr. Jacobs in his office, drinking coffee. She cleared her throat to get his attention. "Excuse me."
"Oh, yes. Miss Austen. I almost forgot you were here." He stood up from his desk and came around. "Did you find what you seeked?" He asked, smiling.
"Yes. I found exactly what I was looking for." She smiled back at him.
"Good!" he exclaimed enthusiastically.
"Mr. Jacobs," Kate cleared her throat again. "Would it be alright if I brought Miles back here one of these coming days?"
Mr. Jacobs' smile seemed to become even wider. "Yes, of course!"
"Thank you. It will probably be tomorrow, or the next day if that suits."
Mr. Jacobs pulled out a set of keys. These weren't his personal ones. He looked carefully at the keys and then took one off the chain. He approached her, checking the key one extra time.
"Here. Take this key. It's for the padlock. In case I'm not here when you come by."
"Thank you, Mr. Jacobs," She took the key he held out and put it in her jacket pocket. She held her hand out to Mr. Jacobs. "Thank you very much for your help. I can't find the words to describe how thankful I am."
Mr. Jacobs shook her hand and smiled. "Lara was a special woman. Of course I will help her son."
Kate nodded. She was running out of words by now. She'd said thank you more times than she could count. And somehow, those two words just weren't enough, but they were all she could get out. She had never expected this day to go well at all. She couldn't wrap her mind around her luck. She wasn't superstitious but she almost believed it was because it was christmas.
Mr. Jacobs was looking at her. Kate realised she hadn't said anything for several minutes.
"Thank you. Again," she spoke. "And Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas, Miss Austen," Mr. Jacobs greeted her. She smiled, then turned to leave.
Once back outside, she took a moment to breathe in the fresh air. This day had been so crazy already, and it wasn't even 11 o'clock yet. She decided to walk around for a bit before she went back to the house. Maybe she would get some food and a cup of coffee. Sit down for a little while.
She walked quietly down the street and turned a corner. Spotting a McDonald's a bit down the road, she decided it was as good as anything. The snow on the pavement was over ankel deep and her legs felt heavy. Her stomach rumbled, reminding her that she left the house in such a hurry that she didn't have time for breakfast. Her throat reminded her that she hadn't even taken a bottle of water with her. As she got closer to the McDonald's, the smell hit her nose, making her stomach churn even more.
Once inside, she pulled her scarf off. There were barely any people in the place. A couple of families and an elder couple sat around along the windows. After getting her meal, she also chose an empty table at the window. She ate so slowly her food nearly got cold. She lost herself in looking out the window. A million thoughts filled her head. If only she could sort them and get a bit of peace. Hopefully tonight when she'd be able to tell Miles everything she'd been doing, her mind would be more at ease. There was still a feeling in her gut. A fear that Miles would get angry for what she'd done. Yell at her and not speak to her again. But as long as she got him when he was alone, the chance's of a calm reaction was higher. Hopefully.
After finishing her meal and coffee, she took a quick trip to the rest room and then walked back out into the snow. It was falling more lightly than the day before. Putting her scarf back on, she started walking down the street to find a cab. It was time to go back to Frank's house. Maybe see if there was anything she could help with, if not she'd probably sleep a little before the dinner tonight. As far as she'd understood the evening before, Frank had planned on making a really big christmas dinner.
She hailed a cab, gave the driver the adress and sat in silence the whole way. The music on the radio annoyed her, but she didn't say anything. Hoping for peace and quiet back at the house, she ignored the radio best as possible and focused on controlling her feelings. The nervous feeling in her stomach and chest was making her nauseous. She had to take deep breaths to battle it. It would all be over soon. No matter how Miles reacted tonight, at least it would be over.
Exiting the cab right infront of Frank's house, she wished the driver a Merry Christmas, and for the thrid time that day, handed him the same tip she'd given to the others. He thanked her shyly and wished her a Merry Christmas as well. She shut the door and watched him drive off.
Once inside she freed herself of her boots, jacket, scarf and gloves. She placed the boots on the towel on the floor so they wouldn't ruin it when the snow melted off of them. Setting her purse on the staircase, making sure it was closed, she checked her jeans pocket to make sure the necklace was still there. It was. Then she put on a calm face and walked into the living room.
"Hi," she exhaled as she sunk down on the sofa. Richard sat in the other end, still reading his book but had come far since she left this morning. "Where are the others?"
"Frank is in the kitchen and James went to pick up a few last minute gifts. It seems he wasn't the only one who forgot a few things." Richard played it completely cool.
"Ah."
Frank entered the room. His hands were held up in the air. They were covered in all sorts of food. "Oh good, Kate, you're back. Can you help me for a minute?"
"Yes of course," Kate jumped off of the couch. "But, where's Miles?"
"I believe he's still sleeping." Richard replied.
"Of course," Kate mumbled. That wasn't news to either of them.
Frank turned and walked back into the kitched. Kate started to follow when Richard spoke again. "Did you find it?"
Kate stopped in her tracks. She turned and looked at him. "Yes." she nodded. She walked back towards him while pulling the necklace out of her pocket. "I think it's this one."
Richard leaned forward and looked at it. "Very beautiful."
The creaking step on the stairs made itself known and Kate quickly put the necklace back in her jeans and headed for the kitchen.
"So. What can I do to help?" She asked Frank who was buried in a mountain of food.
"If you would please peel the potatoes while I finish some of all these small things."
"Alright," she smiled.
Miles walked into the kitchen as Kate dumped the potatoes in the sink.
"Woah," Miles commented. His voice raw. He cleared it roughly and yawned. "I think I'm just gonna skip lunch." Taking a bottle of water from the fridge, he left again.
"Miles still isn't very talkative, is he?" Frank asked after Miles had left.
"Haha," Kate laughed shortly, "No. Specially not in the morning. Or noon."
"He lost his mother, right?"
"Yes. In November last year." Kate sighed quietly.
"Oh," Frank uttered, knowing where Miles had been at the time of her death. "That's unfortunate." Kate simply nodded as she dumped a potato in a big pot on the kitchen counter.
They worked together in silence for the next couple of hours. It wasn't awkward. At least not on her part. It was comfortable. They only spoke when asking for things to be passed, or when asking for help.
"Alright. That was that. Now we just have to wait for the bird to cook." Frank smiled as he dried off the counter after they'd cleaned the whole mess up.
"Where did you learn to cook such a meal?" Kate asked him. She couldn't hide her amazement. Frank really knew what he was doing in this kitchen. Down to the last detail.
"My mother of course," Frank's smile became even wider. "When she got too old to cook, she passed it all onto me. My brother's were useless." He laughed loudly. It was such a nice sound in her ears. There wasn't much laughing home in L.A. She laughed with him. It felt good.
"Would it be alright if I went to rest for a bit?" she asked him when the laugher died down.
"Of course. Richard said you were out by 7am. If you'd waited a few hours, you could have went with James."
"Oh well, can't have that can we," She laughed. "Can't buy presents for someone who's there."
"True, true," Frank laughed again. "Thanks for all the help with the food, Kate. I was starting to doubt I had time for it all."
"You're welcome," she smiled.
She quietly exited the kitchen and walked through the living room. Richard had moved to a chair while Miles had taken over the couch. A christmas movie was on the tv. Kate identified it as the one with Olivia Newton John. She quite liked that movie. She countinued to walk upstairs, too tired for watching it.
She collapsed on her bed the second she'd closed the door to her room. Having been on her feet for nearly 8 hours had exhausted her. Setting her alarm to 5pm, she pulled the covers over her head and closed her eyes. She didn't get a chance to stress over anything before she fell fast asleep.
Kate once again woke to the sound of her alarm. She pulled the covers off and rised from the bed. Looking out the window, she wasn't surprised. Snow. It was still falling, but lightly. Once again, the roads hadn't been cleared this close to evening. She smiled. Just like this morning, she grabbed her bag and headed to the bathroom. She took a quick shower, blow dried her hair and staightened it. It went just to the edge of her shoulders when she did that. She then dressed in a dress she'd brought for this evening. Black, tight fitted, almost knee length. The zipper went all the way down her back. Not one she could close herself. She put on a pretty pair of matching black shoes. Flat, so she wouldn't fall on Frank's old woodden floor. In several places she'd noticed the gab was significant.
She applied a tiny bit of make-up. Just enough to make her look presentable. She put everything back in her bag and closed it. With her dress still unzipped, she unlocked the door and opened it.
Miles bumped into her right on the other side of the door when she opened it. Both faces changed to an expression of surprise.
"Oh," Kate uttered in surprise.
"Good thing we got more than one bathroom at home, huh?" Miles commented as he passed by her, taking her place in the bathroom.
He had a clean t-shirt and a pair of black dress pants hanging over his arm. He'd figured it was probably best to look presentable tonight. Looking at Kate, he knew he wasn't the only one who had that thought. As Kate turned around to leave him alone, he noticed the open dress. Once again, his mouth was faster than his head. This happened too often now.
"Um," he hesitated, "Your dress is open." He scratched under his nose, even though he didn't have an itch. Kate turned and looked at him.
"Yeah. I know." she smiled shyly. Miles thought he saw a hint of embarrasment. He was pretty sure his own cheeks were getting red. Sometimes he should just keep his mouth shut. Around her though, it was starting to get hard for him.
"Do you need help?" he offered. Stupid, stupid, stupid! His internal voice mocked him. Kate looked as if she hesitated. Of course she was. There was no way in hell she was gonna let him get that close to her.
What he didn't know was that Kate was hesitating for entirely different reasons. The thought of Miles being close enough to touch her skin almost sent a shiver down her back. It made her cheeks flush. That was, so far, the most intimate private thought that she'd ever had about Miles. She returned to reality.
"Yeah," she exhaled suddenly, after too long a pause. "Yeah, that would be great."
Kate walked the few steps back towards him. He stood in the bathroom door waiting. She stood infront of him for a few seconds. Their faces once again, only inches from each other. Then she turned and Miles was staring at her bare back. The zipper went all the way down to the end of it. He could tell she had spent a lot of time being covered up. Her skin was white instead of tanned.
With shaking and insecure hands, Miles reached out towards the zipper. He zipped it up slowly. His finger ran across her skin shortly. He hoped she didn't notice that. Or the way his hands shook. He reached her neck and just like that, in a matter of seconds, the dress was closed.
"Thanks," Kate whispered. Then she started walking away from him.
"Yeah," Miles mumbled just as Kate reached her bedroom door. Then he turned and closed the bathroom door behind him. He leaned up against it and exhaled hard. He was going to have to start keeping some distance. First the arm at the airport, then the belt on the plane, then the arm in arm the night before, and now this. If he was going to live with her around, he'd have to keep some distance, otherwise he was sure he was gonna go crazy.
He showered quickly and dressed up in his fancy pants and his dark blue t-shirt. A bit of deoderant would do the trick and then he was done. He threw the towel in the hamper and excited the bathroom to go get some socks and shoes.
Kate stood in her room, once again, looking out the window. She was ready to be social. Her hair was set, her dress was closed, but her anxiety had returned. Now with a giant pile more on top of it. Was it gonna be awkward tonight? After the moment her and Miles had just had. Or was it just her who felt it? Either way, tonight would hopefully end well once she gave Miles his present. She went to pick up her jeans from the floor. She pulled out the necklace and looked it over once again. It was still breath takingly beautiful. It was completely un-damaged. She gently stuck it in the small pocket of her dress. It would be safe there until it was time to hand it over to it's next protector.
She excited her room to join the others downstairs. Overall she believed it was gonna be a good night.
That evening, December 24th, christmas eve, they all laughed until their sides hurt and until tears ran. They ate Frank's fantastically cooked christmas meal. It was perfectly done. Before dinner they breifly toasted to people who couldn't be there. Naming no names, they all knew which people they toasted to. Each with their own person in mind. James, with Juliet, Richard with Isabella, Frank with his mother, Miles with his. Kate didn't only have one person in mind she gave each name a chance to pass through her mind. Dead or alive but not here. Then she pushed it aside and raised her glass with the others. Frank insisted that just this one day, they would say a grace before they ate. No one protested to it.
After the biggest dinner they'd had in a long time, Kate helped Frank in the kitchen. They small talked while cleaning the things that couldn't go in the dishwasher. Kate complimented his food to the sky, while they packed the leftovers away in the fridge and Frank once again thanked her for her help earlier.
They ate desert, cookies and christmas candy while continuing the good mood. Kate was pleasantly surprised with how the whole evening turned out. Her anxiety was barely to be felt and there was no awkward moments like she had feared.
As the evening came to it's end, everyone slowly started retreating to their own. Richard helped Frank clean up after wine, desert and candy, while Miles retreated to his room and James was briefly looking over the sports news on tv. Kate sat on the couch, with her legs drawn up and a pillow infront of her, where her arms rested. Her mind, for the first time that day, was fairly empty. She sat quietly and looked at the christmas tree and enjoyed the silence.
Under the tree was more gift than Kate had imagined there would be. It seemed everyone had thought about it. It had been difficult for her to buy gifts for the others. She had no idea what they would like. She'd settled for a book for Richard. A dress shirt for James. A gift card for Frank, so he could decide himself, and for Miles, she had the necklace. It wasn't exactly a gift, but she hoped that what the priest had told her that morning, would be true. That the act itself would count as a gift. Kate almost felt like a little child again when she realised that, there were probably a couple of gifts for her as well under the tree. She was unable to remember when she'd last gotten a gift.
Frank and Richard quietly said goodnight and merry christmas and went upstairs to sleep.
"So," James started after a few minutes of silence. "How was your evening?"
Kate dragged her eyes from the tree to meet James'. "It was good. Better than I expected it to be"
"Yeah. One thing I gotta say though," James went on. Kate felt a touch of fear over what he was going to say. "Frank can cook one hell of a meal." He ended.
She laughed out loud shortly. Relief washed over her and again she felt calm. "Yeah. It was the best meal I've had in years."
"Well," James got up slowly from the chair. "I'm gonna get some sleep."
Kate rised from the couch and rounded the coffee table. She put her arms around James and pulled him in for a hug. James held her back. They stood for a minutes time before Kate spoke quietly.
"Thanks for convincing me to go after all."
James pulled back from her and smiled. "You're welcome."
Then he lightly kissed her on top of the head and walked towards the stairs. He turned briefly and saw that she stood where he left her. "Merry Christmas, Freckles." He smiled once again.
Kate smiled back. James didn't always call her Freckles anymore. "Merry Christmas, James."
She sunk down on the couch. The tv was off, everyone was upstairs in their rooms. The silence fell around her.
Frank's grandfather clock rang 2am. Kate looked up from her journal. For over two hours she'd been sitting in the window in Frank's living room. Her purse sat on the couch below her. She glanced down at the things in it. A sigh left her without her realising. She hadn't had a single chance to give Miles the necklace. She'd really wanted to give it to him tonight and get it over with and find out whether he would be happy, or angry.
Maybe she was sitting here for a reason? Maybe she sat here until this hour, because she knew that Miles would show up at some point. She knew him well. She knew that every night, at some point, he'd wake up and go to the kitchen for a glass of water. She couldn't help but wonder what exactly it was that made him wake every night.
Kate sighed once again and looked out the window. How could it still be snowing? Grabbing the tea pot next to her, she poured the luke warm tea into her cup. She put her pen in between the pages of her journal and placed it infront of her. Dragging her legs up to her chest, she took the cup and let the little heat from it warm her hands. The blanket around her shoulders wasn't much help for warmth. The big window was probably leaking in air somewhere.
She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the wall. She longed to get out of her dress and into bed, but she knew she wouldn't sleep. Too many thoughts was roaming her mind. Most of all, she was disappointed that she hadn't been able to give Miles the necklace. The anxiety she'd had in her gut all day long was just there now. It didn't bother her anymore.
The step on the staircase in the hall creaked. Loudly in this silence. Her eyes shot open.
A few seconds later, Miles quietly entered the living room. His hair was messy, and his t-shirt was stuck in his pajama pants. He yawned as he passed through the living room. Kate didn't say anything. There was nothing worse than being scared half to death in the middle of the night, walking through a dark room.
As Miles walked back into the living room, glass of water in hand, he saw her sitting in the window behind the couch. Blanket around her shoulders and a tea cup in her hands. So he wasn't the only one awake at this hour, he wondered.
"Hey," He said, and his voice almost rang in the empty room.
Kate turned her head from the window. She didn't even jump at the sound of his voice.
"Hey," she responded.
Miles took a few steps closer, towards the coffee table. "What are you doing?"
"Can't sleep."
"Makes two of us then," Miles stated as he stepped up on to Frank's couch and joined her in the window.
They sat in silence for a long time, both staring out the window. Miles took a sip of his water now and then. Kate sat with her thoughts. Maybe she should give it to him now? They were alone and they probably wouldn't be again for a few days. She figured now was as good a time as any. Maybe then she could get some sleep.
"I have something for you," She whispered as she turned her head and looked at him.
Miles' face changed into surprise. "I thought we didn't get presents until the morning," He joked.
Kate didn't comment on it. She reached down and grabbed her purse. Gently she pulled out the ornament and the stockings. "It's not wrapped, I'm afraid," she said. Her voice shook a bit.
She gently handed him the stockings first. Miles reached out his hand. He hadn't seen the names on them yet. His face was confused. Then he saw.
Kate watched as his face went from confused, to even more confused. Then to recognition. Then to surprise. Then to something she couldn't read. His hands shook as he unfolded the stockings and looked at them. She watched his eyes change.
"Where did you get these?" his voice was barely above a whisper. It cracked as he spoke. He was holding back tears. She could hear it.
"I looked up your mother's old landlord." She answered. "I found this as well," she continued as she handed over the ornament. She watched him. He sank and cleared his throat hard as he reached out and took it. He touched it feather lightly, like it would break in his hands at any moment. Or disappear like a phantom.
"I saw her grave as well," Kate whispered after a minutes time.
"What?" Miles croaked as his face once again turned into confusion.
"I left some flowers. I can take you there tomorrow, if you want." She turned her head to look out the window. She was preparing for some sort of lash out.
"How did you find her grave?" Miles whispered. Was there a bit of hostility in there? She couldn't tell.
"Google," she calmly stated. "The priest I met confirmed her last known adress. The landlord I found there liked your mother a lot. He stored her stuff in case you came for it."
She looked at him. She could see he was fighting between whether to get angry or cry. She might as well continue and get it all done now. Without large movements, she pulled the necklace out of her pocket and palmed it. "But," she continued before Miles had a chance to say anything, "I didn't go there for those things."
She held out her hand. The necklace laid inside her palm. "I went there to look for this."
Miles looked at her palm. The feelings that went through his body the moment he saw it, almost knocked the wind out of him. He felt surprise, shock, happiness and sorrow. All at the same time. It was a whirlwind of emotions. The breath he drew in was loud, shaky and too fast. His eyes burned something awful. His nose started running. With still shaky hands, he took the necklace out of her palm.
He looked it over best he could. His eyes were cloudy with tears. It was still in perfect condition. Not a scratch on it. He exhaled loudly and shaky. He opened the locket. The picture of his mom and dad was still in there. Another shaky breath went into his lungs. He felt himself slowly loosing control of his emotions. He felt his lip wanting to shake like a little childs. Blinking a bunch of times, he felt a tear slip out of his eye.
Shit. The last thing he wanted was to cry. He was a grown ass man. He shouldn't be crying just because someone gave him a gift. Then again. This was something he thought he'd lost forever.
Fuck that. His mind scolded him. It was just Kate. He'd heard her cry almost every day since they came back from the island. She was human and she knew he was human as well.
He clutched the necklace in his hand. He felt a tiny bit of embarrasment. He turned his head away and looked out the window. Fighting the emotional outburst he felt inside his chest, he thought about the gesture Kate had just done for him. Tracked down a priest, then a landlord. Searched through boxes upon boxes, just to find this tiny little thing that he'd mentioned in a conversation, almost 2 days ago.
No one had ever done such a thing for him. He was convinced that Kate hated him. Well, maybe not hate. But he had been pretty sure that she wasn't very fond of him. It seemed now that he'd been wrong about that.
He closed his hand harder around the necklace. The picture. After having found out on the island, that his father actually did love him and had wanted him all along, the picture meant so much more to him. It was the only one left. The only one there'd ever really been. After the island, he knew why. That his mother had left all their things behind, even her husband, when his father yelled at her to get on the sub. Miles briefly remembered Hurley asking why Pierre had been yelling at her. He remembered how he felt when he realised that his father did it to protect them from the disaster that was about to happen. The incident. The incident that killed his father.
After that Miles experienced an anger towards his mom. He wanted to understand why she'd said the things she did when he was a child. Why she'd lied. He was angry at her for that and that left him feeling an extreme amount of guilt when he found out that she'd died.
His lip still quivered uncontrollably. A few more tears had fallen during his thinking. Kate had remained silent since she handed him the necklace. He wondered what she was thinking about. Was she thinking about him? His reaction? His display of emotions?
His chest felt tight. He'd fought hard to try and control it. The rollercoaster of emotions he'd just felt, had taken over his body. He felt his upper body jerk as the tears ran without his permisson.
Several minutes had passed since Miles had turned his head. Kate had chosen to remain quiet and let him feel whatever he felt. She had been waiting for an anger outburst, but then he was silent. She'd noticed a few tears that had made their way out and ran down his cheeks. Her anxiety disappeared when she realised he was not going to yell and be angry. It was then replaced with sorrow. Seeing the silent tears fall from his eyes made her feel sorry for him. Not in a pity way, but genuinely sorry. She couldn't imagine the feelings that must have been ripping through his body. She had honestly been expecting anger or no show of emotions at all, maybe even a snarky comment. So when she saw his shoulders and upper body jerk suddenly, she almost gasped out loud. This was honestly nowhere near the reaction she'd expected.
Instinctively she leaned forward onto her knees and slid a few inches closer to him. She reached out both her arms and whether Miles would have it or not, she pulled him in for a hug. Miles didn't protest when she did it. His forehead rested on her shoulder and she felt the small sobs all the way through her arms as she held him.
His arms rested in his lap as he let her hold him. He wasn't sure if he was allowed to move them. If there was one thing he wasn't very used to, it was this sort of affection. He'd always convinced himself that he didn't need it. Right now though, he found that having someone hug him during his completely insane emotional breakdown was comforting. He sniffled and moved his chin up on her shoulder instead, before his nose started dripping down on her dress. He took the chance. A dare, almost. Awaiting to see if she pushed away from him, he moved his arms. Around her waist, to her back and finally he embraced her hug.
Kate almost smiled widely when she felt Miles put his arms around her, but she didn't cause it wouldn't fit the situation very well. Instead she hugged him a little tighter as his small sobs continued. They sat like that for a while. It was an awkward position to sit in but luckily Kate had a strong back, so she could take it.
Miles' sobs had died down. He'd finally gained a bit of control over his emotions. Now he was just grateful. Happy too. The thought that the position they sat in, wasn't ideal for Kate, had hit him many minutes ago. He knew he should probably let go before she had to do it. But he didn't want to. Right now he was too selfish to let go. He settled for, that she would move or let go when she wanted to.
Until then, he enjoyed having her arms around his back and the smell of her hair and perfume in his nose. He could feel the zipper on her dress with one of his hands and briefly his mind wandered to what it would be like to not close it, but open it. He quickly pushed the thought away before it created an awkward situation that he wouldn't know how to deal with.
Kate glanced at the grandfather clock. A little over half an hour had passed since Miles walked into the living room. She was reluclant to let go of him. Honestly she feared that this might be the only time she'd ever get to be this close to him. Tomorrow Miles would probably return to his normal self and pretend his show of emotions had never happened. Suddenly she felt sad.
She slowly started to let go of him. She could feel his resistance to her moving away, but it only lasted for a moment. His arms fell from her back gently and she sat up straight. Her back ached, but she wasn't gonna show or tell.
Miles noticed how her knee lenght dress had slid up her thighs when she'd moved forward. Kate didn't seem to notice herself, cause she didn't pull it down in a hurry. He moved his eyes to avoid questions. They moved back to the necklace, that he'd managed to hold on to for a good 15-20 minutes. He smiled a little to himself.
Kate broke the silence. No one had said a word since she handed him the necklace, almost half an hour ago. "I'll go get us a drink." she said. Her voice almost sounded like yelling in the quiet house.
She moved towards to couch and stepped down on it. Then she disappeared into the kitchen.
Miles sat still for a moment. Once again, he looked at the necklace. Tomorrow, he would let Kate take him to the cemetary and the storage room. He grabbed the stockings and the ornament and slid down on the couch. He didn't really want a drink. He already had a little headache from too much wine earlier that evening. But he knew Kate was just trying to be nice to him, so he would accept the drink and enjoy it with her.
In the kitchen, Kate had begun preparing the drinks. She hadn't specificed to Miles what it was. She'd noticed that he'd consumed a fair amount of wine over the evening, so she wouldn't dream of giving him more alcohol at almost 3am at night. He probably thought that though. Hopefully he'd be pleasantly surprised when she presented him with a much different kind of drink.
She grabbed the milk from the fridge and poured it into the two cups on the counter. The cocoa powder was already in there. She stirred it together and placed both cups in the microwave. Leaning against the counter, she waited the couple of mintues it took to warm it up.
Miles sat quietly on the couch, reading the sports scores on tv, when Kate returned. His face once again changed to surprise when he spotted the two cups in her hands. He took the burning hot cup from her, when she held it out for him. He laughed. There was even whipped cream on top. She smiled at him when he laughed and sat down on the couch next to him.
Kate sat back on the middle of the couch and pulled her legs up in a buddha position. Miles sat next to her, with his legs up on the coffee table. Her knee rested up against his thigh. They sat quietly together once again. The silence was not awkward. Miles finished reading his sports scores and changed the chanel to an old christmas movie, they didn't know the name of.
The grandfather clock once again made itself known. It rang 5am. They were both still awake, still sitting on the couch watching another movie that started after the other. The empty cups stood on the coffee table.
Miles hadn't paid full attention to the movies they were watching. He'd been replaying a lot of things in his mind and thinking a lot of things through. He realized he hadn't even thanked Kate for the gift she'd given him. He turned his head to see if she was still awake. She turned her head almost at the same time. Her face showed calm emotions.
"I forgot to thank you," he whispered.
"It's OK," she quietly responded and smiled.
"I'd like to go to the cemetary later today," he paused for a bit, "And the storage room too."
"I'll take you there."
"Thank you." he whispered again.
"Anytime."
It sounded like a promise. Kate leaned in and gave him a feather light kiss on the cheek. Miles made no protest. Obviously, she didn't know that his heart jumped a beat or two when she did it.
Then she settled in closer and rested her head on his shoulder. She slid an arm under his and gave it a tiny squeeze. A few minutes passed where she watched the movie on tv. Then her eyes slowly started closing. She tried to fight it a few times, thinking that she should get up and go to bed properly. But she was so comfortable right now. In the end she stopped fighting and let her eyes drift shut.
Over 20 minutes had passed since Miles thanked Kate for her gesture and when he turned his head he saw that she was fast asleep. Her head still rested on his shoulder. He smiled. He'd imagined a moment almost like this, a long time ago. Sitting on the couch by her side, her head on his shoulder. It didn't matter now, that it was well past 5am in the morning. He pulled a blanket from the armrest next to him and covered her legs with it. His own as well and then he settled in as well. He wanted this moment to last for as long as possible.
As he rested his head on top of her's, he let his eyes drift shut. The tv volume was turned down and besides the lights on the christmas tree, the room was dark. He knew the snow still fell outside.
He let the peacefulness overtake him and he thought to himself that this christmas hadn't been as bad as he thought it would. Then he drifted off to sleep. A calm sleep full of postive and beautiful dreams.