"Snow Man"
****
"When our hands come apart,
will you remember… about me?"
"I will never…"
****
I have never thought we'll end up here. But wherever you are, you always look beautiful, even on this hospital bed. Maybe it's just because you're too clumsy you've gotten in here. And every time that silly clumsiness of yours strikes, I always end up saving you.
However this time…
…
… I failed.
Back then, you were too irritating… too irritatingly adorable that I can't even take my eyes off of you. Or else, your obnoxious cheerful face might suddenly hit the g**damned forsaken ground and I will not, ever in my life, would let that happen.
Right, Sakura?
Not to you.
Not to the one who gave my life back into my palms.
Just this once, I felt so weak.
I couldn't do anything...
Because I'm powerless against fate even though you told me to never give up. I got nothing to what our fate dictates us.
And it orders us to part...
It always amazes me on how you can smile so candidly while looking at me with those unwavering eyes… while all I could give back is this cold impassive face.
You saw through me, my existence, my core, my disillusioned soul. You saw the aggravation and unending hatred that grew deep within me… my hatred to my life…
My LIFE…
…you had a glimpse of them.
"Sasuke-kun, I want a snowman for my birthday… but you see, I want the one that wouldn't melt away… even when winter's gone." She mumbled faintly with her remaining strength.
I stood silent with troubled eyes. Nonetheless, I nodded hesitantly. Her warm hand slowly reached unto me and cupped my face… this cursed stoic façade of mine.
Her hands, so delicate and temperate… they're slightly trembling. I held them in my larger ones. These hands that I long sought for and her face that's always smiling, I want them all.
Although, it looks like I'm not the fated person to have her… even just for a while.
"Sasuke-kun, I would really want to see your smile…"
"Would you… for me?"
She asked, though she knew very well our condition.
I have never smiled before, not even once. I was known for my unmovable stoicism. Until that unfortunate day when I met her, when she fell from a tree and serendipitously landed on me, I was… changed.
How ironic.
The truth is, I was the one who truly fell… for her, for her ugly looking smile, for her foolishly stubborn self.
She caught me.
Yet I couldn't bring myself to do what she asks of me right now. I'm just so dejected to carry out a HARD thing like that.
But it kills me.
I can't seem to resist her.
"Sakura… you're so annoying." I said … as I convinced myself and smiled faintly.
"…thank you..." She spoke softly. Her expression pleased in content.
"…Sasuke-kun."
I wrapped my arms around her, embracing her securely, trying to keep my misted dark orbs from flowing… with tears.
I'm not letting her see my pathetic state.
And then I felt her fragile arms clutched on to me, shivering.
"Hey, you need to rest now."
"Hnnn… sure. But don't leave, alright?"
We lay down together on her bed. The moonlight shined brighter this night and the sight of her beside me tells me this will never happen… ever again.
She appears ethereal under the silver linen rays. Serene face lit in the dimness of the night.
Tranquility.
Peace.
Is this goodbye, Sakura?
As if time stopped… and I was hoping, praying it will…
Because is our only weapon against our iniquitous fate.
The frail little body next to mine shifted for comfort in my embrace. It let out an audible sigh.
"Don't forget my snowman, Sasuke-kun".
"I promise…"
There's something about this uncanny night that urges me to stay awake. Somehow, this weird feeling keeps my consciousness alive.
As I'm watching her sleeping form, the sounds I hear made me quiver.
Chest heaving… slow… slower…
so... slow…
Her breathing gradually becoming slower and slower each passing minute and I prayed that the beating noise of the IV machine will keep on going, at least until tomorrow.
However …
TttOooOOTtt…
Only this instance did I let the tears overflow from my useless wretched eyes.
I held her body tighter… closer to mine.
But now, I'm only left with an empty shell.
Silence.
Suffocation.
Misery.
I can only hear the sound of my cries.
"Sakura, you're the one who left…"
March 28, 2008, today, is Sakura's birthday. Just like her, the cherry blossom petals unravel its purity all around… dancing with the wind.
as if I'm a little spectacle disrupting the scenery…
as if I'm tainting the rosette garden of precious innocent blossoms.
Here I am in front of her, standing.
But I'm not here to mourn. I'm here to deliver her present.
Winters long over, and the white snows have already melted into spring… beautiful springtime of blooming cherry blossoms.
Yes, I'm still standing, not moving.
Still.
Steady.
The promised gift she wanted, I understood her words clearly.
She hoped for a snowman that could withstand through time and keep on existing 'till spring, a snowman that could open his eyes to watch her endless beauty. The snowman was clearly not something I can make. Rather…
that 'snowman' is already existing.
"You know Sakura,
the snowman was already yours a long time ago…"
****
"…forget about you."
****
…end
Another one of my sasusaku fetish.
I hope you like it.
I was trying to keep myself from writing angst... but i can't get this out of my head!!!!
I'm so glad I did write it ^^. Well, thank you for reading and I hope you would write a short comment.
dislaimer: --do not own naruto. If i were, sasusaku will be cannon.