All children grow up, except one. At least that is how it once was…
November 1915
The young woman's brow creased as she frowned over the dwindling family financial ledger. But the young man standing before her was not to be ignored.
"Please! Nearly half my class has already enlisted. The Darling men are not cowards!"
"No, they are certainly not. But Michael, you are 15 years old." She managed.
"It hardly matters. I have been told that men as young as 13 are being accepted."
It had been a difficult 5 years for the Darling family. Mary had been taken by consumption in the summer of 1910 and George followed quickly in the autumn. Wendy being the oldest of the children at 18 had taken place as head of household. She thankfully found employment at her old school as a teacher and managed to keep the family from falling into complete poverty. Forgotten were all of her parent's hopes of a marriage for her as she struggled to raise her brothers in the shadow of her grief.
In 1914 war had broken out. John had enlisted as one of the first in Kitchener's Army and left within a few months time for Belgium. The entire country had been assured that the fighting would be over by Christmas. But the war did not end. Nearly a year and a half later there was no sign of anything other than an eternal stalemate. Wendy received sparse communication from her brother, and the news was worsening. Terrifying images of chemical filled wastelands haunted her dreams. Though she had grown into the twin copy of her Mother, she still often still felt like a terrified child.
"No Michael, I'm sorry but I just cannot allow you to do this. You will be of enlisting age in only 3 years and then you may do as you wish."
"The war will surely be over by then and all chance of glory gone!" Michael cried in disgust.
"One can only hope. Now please I have no doubt that you have entrance exams to be preparing for."
He gave Wendy one last withering look before turning on his heel and exiting the study. Only when she heard the front door slam did she allow herself tears. Heaven knows where he was off to, but despite everything she would not run after him at this hour. Unable to stretch the numbers further than they already were she closed the ledger and rose to ready herself for bed.
Ascending the stairs and starting down the hall she paused outside the door to the nursery. Slowly she opened the door revealing the mostly empty room. Neither she nor her brothers had used the space in years and once her parents had passed she had sold most of the toys and games her Mother had been saving out of nostalgia. She wandered to the large window to gaze up and the sky. Stars were fighting against the clouds as the bare trees creaked in the chilly wind. Wendy shuttered. Shortly after moving out of the nursery at 13 this window frightened her. There was no logical explanation for it, but she feared that coming too close to it would cause her to lose herself forever. It was as if she feared the night itself would kidnap her and take her away. She shook her head warding off the uncomfortable feeling and hurried from the room.
She would talk to Michael again tomorrow. She knew in her heart that there must be some combination of words to make him understand that she couldn't bear the thought of possibly losing the two remaining members of her family. And with John so far away from her, it was her overwhelming desire to protect the one brother she could.
Wendy woke early as she always did. She lit the fire in the stove to prepare breakfast and began to pack lunches for both her and Michael. To her growing frustration she noticed that she would have to visit the grocers on the way home. She prayed that he would again be willing to extend her credit to the end of the month. As she set both plates at the dining table a crestfallen Michael entered and sat. Wendy steeled herself and began.
"Michael I know how much joining the military means. I promise I will do nothing to stand in your way once you reach majority. Please, you know how much I love you and John. It is so hard to bear having him so far away, I don't know what I would do if both of you left to never return. Try to understand that I am only…"
"I know Wendy, and I'm sorry." Michael interrupted.
Wendy stopped short. She had anticipated another battle and this easy win both relieved and caused her a deal of suspicion.
"Oh. I am glad that you understand. I guess there is nothing further to discuss then."
The remainder of the meal was completed in an uneasy silence. Wendy detested seeing him so injured but her stance on the matter was unwavering. She was also silently pleased that he seemed to have accepted her decision though he did not like it. She continued to look for signs of resistance for the next few days but all she saw was depressed resignation. One cold morning a week later as Wendy pulled on her mother's old winter gloves Michael caught her in an unexpected embrace.
"I love you Wendy."
A tear in her eye Wendy replied "I love you also Michael, and I always will."
The day had been a difficult one. Another student in her dwindling class informed her that her mother was pulling her out of school due to cost. She was to start employment at the garment factory the following week. This girl had only been 11. Wendy sighed as she made her way through the winding streets of London back to Kensington Park Gardens. At 23 Wendy could barely remember what it felt like to be a child. She had long outgrown stories of Cinderella and pirates. She found that the older she became the less she could even remember of her youth. But she would not help but ache for the little girls she knew were being forced to grow up too quickly due to the desolation of the war. They had watched their fathers and brothers go off to fight, too few to return. Many already knew the destruction that a Zepplin Raid could bring as pieces of their beautiful city were rendered to rubble. No, gone were the days where a child could dream of mermaids and moonlit lagoons.
She arrived at No. 31 and unlocked the front door. Stepping inside she was suddenly hit by just how alone she felt. The quiet dark of the foyer threatened to suffocate her where she stood. She pressed her back up again the door as a great feeling of dread overwhelmed her. She found herself fumbling for the door handle behind her to escape the foreboding feeling. Turning, she finally yanked the door open to find a young boy, no more than 10, with arm outstretched to knock.
"Evening missus. Telegram for yeh." The boy announced in a cockney accent.
Wendy held out a shaking hand to take the two small envelopes. The fear that had taken her earlier now seems no more consequential than a summer's breeze.
"Thank you." She managed to whisper as the boy ran down the steps to his waiting bicycle.
Wendy closed the door and slumped to her knees against it. Every woman in London dreaded receiving a telegram these days, for they usually contained the worst news they could receive. Gathering her courage she tore the first envelope open. Scanning past the names and titles she found the words that she had known would be there.
"… DEEPLY REGRET TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR BROTHER FIRST LIEUTENANT JOHN NAPOLEON DARLING HAS BEEN KILLED…"
Crushing the small slip of paper to her chest she let out a strangled cry. No, it just couldn't be. John was only 19. They had promised to keep the young soldiers safe. Shaking Wendy pulled her hands back to glance at the paper again. She numbly noticed the other telegram currently being shredded in her small hands. Wondering what other horrors the world could possibly visit on her she lifted the paper to read.
"Wendy,
I love you. I will stay safe, I promise. I am to be sent to Belgium, perhaps I will see John. I will give him your love if I do.
I am sorry,
Officer Cadet Michael Nicholas Darling"
Wendy surrendered to an all encompassing grief that washed over her as a wave. She cried until her body lacked the ability to produce a single additional tear. She was unsure of how long she sat at the front door clinging to the 2 pieces of paper that, in an instant, changed her life in a way she never dreamed possible. But as she slowly unfolded her aching limbs to stand, she noticed dully that the lamp lights were lit and stars shone brightly in the sky.
She stumbled down the hallway and up the stairs to her room. She allowed her clothing to fall into heaps on the floor realizing there was no one left to care about the state of the house. Pulling on a simple nightdress she splashed cold water from her basin on her face reveling in the cold that seemed to be the only thing that could push past her numbness. She looked around the small space that now seemed to be an alter to the dead. Smiling faces of her parents and brothers stared at her. Three she would never see in life again and the fourth seemed destined to meet the same fate. Wendy felt utterly, totally empty.
As if in a trance she moved out of her door, down the hallway to the nursery. She moved into the room and stood again at the window. Opening the glass, she wondered if it would be so bad to lose herself to her fears. She stepped onto the cushion of the window seat and leaned out into the night. The air felt like shattered glass in her lungs which she inhaled with relish. Just one step, she thought to herself darkly, just one step and the pain will end. She slid her foot to the sill of the window and began to let go. Looking down at the beckoning courtyard below, she caught a glimpse of something red. She stopped and bent down, momentarily forgetting her plans, and plucked from a crevice a red feather. It was worn and battered as if it had been stuck there for a number of years. Wendy was confused. There was nothing that lived in London that could have left this feather at the window and it had been wedged in a place that neither she nor her brothers could have misplaced a toy or piece of costume there. She gazed at the plumage willing it to divulge its secret. She felt strangely that she had seen this feather before. As if it was a memory of a memory. All thoughts of falling from the window forgotten she lay down on the seat and watched the starlight glint off the crimson feather until sweet nothingness took her.