Mistakes Never Stay Buried- Oneshot
A/N: This is very outside my realm of comfort. I hope I did an alright job with it.
It had all been a misunderstanding. That was all. This is what they did though. They played, fought, loved, bitched at each other, and eventually made up. Ever since Chuck had told her that he loved her five years ago everything hadn't been perfect, but they weren't perfect. They were Blair and Chuck, and they didn't do the ordinary. Everything with them was special. Things had been hard at times, but only because they had two strong personalities and they balanced each other out. Things had never failed to get boring between them and that was one of the reasons why she loved him so much. Chuck had stayed true to his vow of love for her and never strayed, but that was before the misunderstanding.
They had a stupid fight about him flirting with an associate of his and he had explained to her that it meant nothing. That he generally flirted with all of the women he met, but it shouldn't matter because he was with her and that was all that mattered. She had raged and told him that she hated him because he made her feel insignificant, but it was said entirely in the heat of the moment. She had never meant it and she knew that he loved her, but she would be lying if she said that it didn't hurt that he flirted with other women. Yes, she flirted with other men, but that was entirely different in her mind, but looking back on that now, maybe it wasn't.
His face had contorted in rage at her words and he had said some pretty hateful things to her himself. She had rebelled by saying that they were over and nothing he could say or do would erase any of it. Chuck left soon thereafter because there was nothing left to say.
Once she had time to simmer down, she had realized how stupid their fight really was. It didn't mean anything and she certainly wasn't serious when she said they were over. She had decided to go to Bass Industries to see him and try to make things right. They would both apologize and everything would go back to normal. It was what they did.
Blair remembered walking down the hallway and she failed to knock because she never did that. She was a presence and she didn't like to be announced. This was one of these times that she wished she had knocked on the door before entering. A forgiving smile was plastered on her face as stepped into his wide, oval office, and she looked toward his desk.
He didn't seem to notice her, but that was probably because he was currently busy. His limbs were intertwined with the woman that he had been flirting with the other day. They were both naked. She was a model, blonde, tall, stacked, and everything that Blair herself wasn't. Her heart plummeted, dread filled her, her hands began to sweat, the compulsion to pass out came over her, and a little squeak of shock and disbelief came out of her throat.
Chuck's eyes found hers and terror, pure and simple, was distinguishable in them. The model quickly gathered her clothes, hastily put them, and mumbled an apology to Chuck before she rushed out of his office and therefore out of the mess that she had created.
Chuck quickly got dressed himself while tears cascaded down her face. They were silent tears, but deadly all the same. How could he have done this to her? The thought ran through her mind over and over again, and no possible explanation came to her. She said nothing to him, but only continued to cry. The heaviness in her chest made her feel like she was never going to be the same again. She wanted to go after the blond bitch that he had screwed and literally drag her in and tear her hair out. She wanted her to feel the same pain and humiliation that she was currently feeling. She wanted her to know what it was like to feel empty, alone, and without anything.
Chuck turned back to face her and ran a hand down his face while he buttoned his trousers. "Blair, I don't even know what to say." The sadness was evident in his voice and his eyes.
"How could you?" He deserved the venom that was currently dripping out of her voice and seeping into his skin right about now.
"You told me that we were over!" he explained. "You said it to my face Blair, and I thought you were serious. How was I supposed to know any better?"
She did nothing to wipe her tears away. She let Chuck see them because she wanted him to know what he had done to her. He had broken her. "So you think just because we had a fight and I said we were over which people tend to do when they're upset, that it's okay to go and fuck someone else?"
His face remained calm, but Blair was sure that he was brimming with anger inside.
"You have the nerve to claim that you loved me," she said in disgust and watched his face brighten with some emotion that she couldn't quite place her finger on. "That sure as hell was a bullshit lie."
Chuck reached out to touch her, but she moved out of his way right before he could touch her. "Don't you touch me! Ever again!" she hissed into his face.
His hand dropped instantly and he took a couple of steps back. "I know that you're upset and you have every right to be, but you have to understand that you said some hateful things to me as well and for the last few days I've been moping around because I've been miserable without you," he pointed at the desk. "That just happened. It didn't mean anything. I love you Blair, and I always will."
"Your words mean nothing to me anymore, Chuck."
"I'm sorry. I know it doesn't erase anything, or make you feel any better, but it's the truth. We can get past this. You know that. This is us and we can get past anything."
Her hand fumbled with the door and she finally succeed in getting it open. "Maybe," she replied thoughtfully and watched as the hope dawned on his face. "We may be able to get over this when I do the same thing to you."
He called her name hoarsely once and she ignored him. He was out of her life for good this time.
XOXO
As she thought back on that time, she hadn't meant what she had said. She had no real ambition of ever sleeping with someone else even though they were broken up now. It had happened though. Blair had gone looking for Serena and instead she had found Dan waiting to take Serena out for a friendly dinner. She had never liked Humphrey, but he was her only available comfort and she let down her guard, and the whole story had poured out. He whispered encouraging words and reassured her that it was Chuck's fault and not hers, but a nagging voice at the back of her brain told her that she was equally to blame. She looked into Dan's face and she wanted to hurt Chuck as much as he had hurt her. Dan had stared back into her eyes and gently laid a hand on the small of her back.
Things had escalated from there. All of a sudden his mouth was on hers and she let it happen. She just wanted to feel alive again, to feel wanted, and to forget about Chuck. So she had sex with Dan Humphrey. It was horrible, awkward, clumsy, and she had cried during the whole thing. It wasn't that he was a bad lover; it was just that he wasn't Chuck and she didn't want to do this in the first place. This wasn't her. She didn't cheat just because she had been cheated on and especially not with Dan. She hated herself after it was over. She had gotten no pleasure out of it. It was just something that happened in the heat of the moment.
As soon as he withdrew from her body, the hot, scalding tears blurred her vision and fell perfectly down her cheeks. At the moment, Blair Waldorf looked like a vision, but she couldn't see that. Dan had tried to murmur words of praise, but she couldn't look at him. As much as she hated herself in that moment, she hated Humphrey even more for allowing it. She was inconsolable and heartbroken, but he knew better. She brushed her skirt down her thighs and without looking at him, she told him not to tell Serena. She fled before he could answer her.
XOXO
Of course he didn't listen to her. Weeks later Serena had come to her and told her that she knew the truth about what happened because Dan had of course snitched. Serena had been furious, hurt, ashamed of what Blair had done, but it was nothing that she didn't feel herself. She regretted the encounter with everything that she had. If she could go back in time and erase it, she would.
Serena had eventually forgiven her when she found out about Chuck and his infidelity. As she tried to comfort her, she had gotten annoyed because she was worse than Chuck in a way. He had cheated on her and she had done something worse. She had slept with Dan Humphrey. She had slept with someone he actually knew and it was all to get revenge. That was worse than anything he could have done.
After all the weeks that had passed, she was still miserable without him.
XOXO
Chuck had found out that she slept with Dan when they were at an annual party. For the most part Chuck ignored her and she attempted to do the same. They hadn't spoken since that day in the office and neither one of them were about to make the first move. She had drifted over to get a flute of champagne in her tight, hip-hugging Armani dress when she was intercepted by Dan. Chuck was in hearing distance and he looked at them curiously.
Dan had begun to prattle on about how he couldn't forget about their one night together and Chuck's head had jerked back in shock. He had looked at her in disbelief and her eyes had pleaded with his that it had all been a mistake. A bitter smile had crossed his face and he threw a look of utter disdain in her direction before moving quickly out of site. Her legs started to shake because she wanted to go after him, but she forced herself not to move from the spot that she was in. They had been over for months; she just had to accept that.
She tried to regain the calmness that had been floating inside of her before the party started, but that entirely faltered when Dan admitted to her that he loved her. He tried to explain how they were so alike, he had seen a side of her that no one had ever seen before, that opposites attract, and all of it culminated in his being in love with her.
Blair had stood her ground and listened to the entire speech that he had obviously prepared, but anger started to creep into her. Dan finally looked into her eyes and gave her a look full of admiration, love, and longing. There was even hope in his eyes.
She dashed that instantly. She shook her head furiously and uttered the word no over and over again until it penetrated his brain. He finally seemed to understand and the stark pain was evident on his features. Her expression softened and she whispered that she was sorry, but that she would never be with him. He nodded once and left her.
That wasn't the last time that he told her about being in love with her, but she always shot him down. They had formed a small friendship, but she didn't want Dan and never had or would. Her heart would always belong to one person.
XOXO
A year to the fateful day that she had found him cheating on her with the model, Blair returned to the scene of the crime. She checked her appearance first in her small compact and made sure that she looked perfectly in order. She knocked lightly on his office door. A small smile crept over her mouth when she heard him bark for the person on the other side of the door to enter. She was sure to be a surprise.
She opened the door slowly and walked into the room until she was in the center. Chuck's movements paused and he got up from behind his desk. He stood like a statue, erect, and frozen.
On the other hand, she took him in. She had missed him so much and she just was beginning to realize that. His grin, his demeanor, the way he said her name, just the whole package.
He came towards her and she moved fluidly towards him. When they were just an inch apart, she laid her head against his until they were touching. Her hands went around his neck and he circled her waist. It was their first contact within a year and it felt good.
Tears clouded her vision and she swiped a hand across her face. "I'm sorry," she repeated it over and over again. "I never meant for anything like this to happen. I was just desperate, miserable, and I missed you. I didn't know where else to turn."
It was the elephant in the room. They never mentioned his name, but they both were aware who she was talking about.
He looked deeply into her eyes and she was shocked to see the unfallen tears shimmering in his eyes. "I'm sorry, too, Blair. I never meant for it to happen either and it was definitely the biggest mistake I've ever made, and I've made quite a lot of them, but this was the one that made me lose you."
Her heart melted at his words. Her eyes never left his as she said very clearly, "I haven't seen you for a year. And every day during that time, I've thought about you, missed you, I just wanted to hear your voice, and I finally realized that I don't want to be away from you anymore. Nothing matters anymore and I just want us to be together again. The way we used to be. Do you think it's possible?"
Chuck hugged her until she felt like she couldn't breathe, but in a way it was a pleasant feeling. "Anything is possible with us, Blair. We're Chuck and Blair. The rules don't conform to us. I don't think our past matters anymore; it's only about what's right in front of us. I just want you."
The first true smile that she had felt in over a year came to her face. She raised herself on tiptoes and pressed her lips lightly against his. It wasn't a kiss of passion or lust, but rather gentle and honest. A kiss of understanding. A kiss of promises that they wouldn't mess it up again.
He smiled back at her and encircled her in his arms again. They would be alright. Not today, not tomorrow, and maybe not even next year, but eventually they would be alright again.
Finished.
A/N: This was not easy to write in the least. It's been bugging me for days, but I finally got it out there. Well?