Sine he was turned Emmett had been really great at deciphering my feelings. He would always know when I was upset or when I needed to be held. After his transformation Carlisle sat him down and explained what he was now and our lifestyle to him. His only question when Carlisle finished speaking was "Where is the angel that saved me?"
It was actually sweet to know that I was the first thing he thought of. Although it didn't last very long as the thirst got to him. As a new born we knew it would take a lot to keep him under control. We took him on his first hunt. It was interesting, he had an uncanny ability to sense bears, and so started his war against grizzlies.
Watching him hunt was entertaining, he wasn't stealthy or fast or alluring when going after his prey. No, my Emmett used brute force. It was like watching a bull and bull fighter; he was the bull.
I spent time getting to know Emmett in between his hunting. He hunted much more frequently then I did even as a newborn. I had come to the conclusion that in his human life he had been completely Id based which was something he had brought with him into his immortality. He eventually gained more control as the years went by. It felt like absolutely no time at all.
Me and Emmett had grown close becoming friends first and then lovers but I had never truly let him in. he didn't know of why I was turned he only knew of when and who had turned me. I had fallen in love with Emmett; His dimples, his eyes his muscles his everything but I still hadn't let him in completely. For the first time since being turned I was happy in my eternal existence, but it didn't change the fact that I couldn't have the only thing I ever wanted.
I didn't realize that I was still barricading my emotions within. I didn't notice that the closer Emmett got the more I pushed him away. It wasn't until Edward and I got in to an argument that I realized just how mush of my past I still held on to and how much I keep away from Emmett.
Edward was sitting with a book in his hand as I sat with the radio on. I wasn't paying much attention to what was actually playing. I had drifted into my memories. I started remembering what happened on the night I was turned and trying to understand why he did it. Why he ripped away everything I ever hoped for. That's when Edward spoke.
"You know you really shouldn't live in the past it takes away from the present."
"What the hell are you talking about Edward?"
"I'm talking about your continual yearning for something that you can't have, and how it's affecting what you do have." He said closing his book to look at me.
I scoffed at his statement. He couldn't see how much I didn't want this life. "What exactly do I have that is so special Edward? I am living an existence I didn't ask for with nothing of the life I wish I could have had. I can't be the woman I wanted to be or have the family I wanted. I look in the mirror and see the monster I am." If I could've I would have been in a hysterical state of tears. But the stinging in my eyes just served to upset me more. I hadn't seen Emmett enter the room but I heard the pain in his voice when he spoke that let me know he heard my out burst.
"Rose… is that really how you feel about life with me… that we have nothing special because you cant have what you want." I looked at him I could see the rejection and anguish on his babyish face. I knew I should have been reassuring him that he was what made this life livable but it wasn't what came out of my mouth. I was pushing him away before he got close enough to hurt me.
"Emmett this isn't life. This is mere convenience. We can't go out and have a real life because we are not human. Humans have a life we have and existence made possible by feeding off of their life nothing more. Don't fall into the trap of thinking you can ever again be like them, it will only disappoint you."
He closed his eyes and clenched his fist. I could tell he was trying hard to control his anger but I couldn't take back what I had said or the damage I had done.
Emmett spoke his voice so lost it almost hurt to hear him speak. "Sweet heart, the only thing that disappoints me right now is you. I understand that you have a past and I don't know what that all entails but I was willing to help you get through it. I get that you weren't ready to tell me and I put up with all your moodiness and distant ways because I thought we were in this together because I thought I made you happy. After I awoke to this new life and Carlisle explained everything to me I was scared shitless. I asked for you because even though I didn't know you at the time when I was an inch from death your face made everything bearable. When I was burning during the change, the thought of seeing you, knowing if I could just hold on a little longer, long enough to get through that excruciating pain and see your face that everything would be alright. It disappoints me to know that I wasn't enough for you." He turned and walked away.
I sat there completely silence by his admission. I knew that I had messed up but I didn't know how to fix it. Edward stood from his chair where he had been sitting through the whole confrontation and left whether he went to find Emmett or not I wasn't sure.
About an hour later Carlisle and Esme entered the house. Esme's dress ripped and Carlisle's shirt spattered with blood. They had obviously been hunting.
They walked past me in the living room wrapped up in each other. I didn't want to interrupt their time together but I had come to see them as my parents and I needed my mom to hug me and tell me that everything would be okay and that Emmett just needed time to cool down.
I spoke not loud but then they were vampires so they would hear me no matter what. "Esme? Can I talk to you please?" upon hearing how broken my voice sounded she was at my side instantly.
"Rose, sweetie what's wrong?" she sat down next to me and I wrapped my arms around her and buried my head in her shoulder. I sobbed uncontrollably. She rubbed my back and let me sob. When I calmed down some I told her what happened.
"Rose you have a choice and once you make that choice you'll know what to do?" she told me. I looked at her with the only expression I could muster confusion. I had no idea what she was talking about and I told her as much.
"I don't understand what you mean."
She laughed lightly. "What I'm saying is ... you have to choose whether you're going to let you past rule your life or are you going to start using your present to make a better future. Sure you can't have a child of your own and trust me I understand how much that hurts but it's something you can't change. Now you may not have gotten, who you thought, was the man of you dream and that same man took away your ability to get what you wanted in life but you were given a second chance. Don't let that same man take this away too." She kissed me on my forehead and walked away. Leaving me to digest what she had said. After a few minutes I was confident in m decision. I would have the best life I could get. And I would have it with Emmett. I just hope I hadn't pushed him too far.
I ran out the house in search of Emmett's scent. I picked it up after a short while and followed it out to a large clearing right before cliff side. I looked around but Emmett was nowhere in sight. I walked around the large space and I could smell him. His scent always calmed me, he smells like a mix of fresh water and maple. I peered over the side of the cliff I could see Emmett in the river below. He always swam when he was upset. He said the rushing water seemed to relax him and wash away his troubles. It was a long drop but being a vampire meant I could handle the distance. I took to steps back ran and dived. I hit the water with like a torpedo.
I came up and looked around for Emmett. I had to find him and apologize for being such a bitch. I had to let him know that he was my choice. When I finally spotted Emmett he was sitting on the river bed looking at me. I could see how hurt he was it looked like his swim didn't help at all with relaxing him.
I swam over to him and got out of the water. I sat in back of him, wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms around his chest. I place my head against his back. He didn't move or speak he just sat there and waited for me to speak.
"I… Em…" I took a deep breath and started over. "Baby I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. What I said was cruel and insensitive and an over all lie. I haven't been the best girlfriend and I know that and I don't ever want you to think that you mean anything less than everything to me. There are things in my past that you don't know about and that's what was fueling my emotions earlier."
He was quiet for a while be fore speaking again. "Rose from day one I've been thee for you. I never questioned your actions. I never pushed you to tell me about your problems although I knew you were hiding them from me, though not well might I say. I hoped that you would trust me enough to come to me on your own. I would never hurt you babe but in return I don't want to be hurt either. I'm trying but you have to try with me otherwise I can't do this."
My body shook with silent sobs. "Em, I know I'm a lot to handle but I love you. I made the choice and I stand by it. My past isn't going to hinder my present and future anymore. I'm going to get over this but it won't just go away over night. But I know with you by my side I can do this. Baby I really am sorry for what I said earlier and I promise I didn't mean it. Since I found you my world has changed, there is light now, chasing away the darkness and shadows that were threatening to overpower me."
He pulled me in his arms and held me close to him "babe you're the only reason I keep trying to build up control so I can be a better vampire for you. Everything I do I do for you. I need you to trust that I'm here for you."
I buried my head in his chest and he tightened his hold on me. My words came out muffled but I knew he would still be able to understand me. "Babe I do trust you. Promise you won't leave me."
"I promise babe. You ready to go home?"
I nodded and we headed home. I made my choice and I will stick by it Emmett is my life now he is my world.