A/N:
This is what happens when you are bored and you are reading Russian fairytales.
I put the second to last decoration on the Christmas tree. It's two flags crossed. American flag, and the Confederate flag. I pick up the last ornament carefully. It is three flags tied together. A Canadian flag, an American flag, and the Confederate flag. I hang it in the place of honor, the center of the tree. I smile happily. I hear someone running down the stairs. I turn to see Alfred crash into the living room. He stares at the tree for a minute then breaks into a grin.
"That's beautiful Conner! Wow, the states are gonna love it! Oh, by the way, the states are here!" he tells me, examining the tree. I smile. I really do love the states but they can be a little…overwhelming. I walk to the front door, peering out. All 50 are there since Rhode decided to spend Christmas alone. I grin. This Christmas is going to be the best ever!
I open the door with a flourish. "Hey everyone! Please, come inside. It must be freezing out there!" I announce. Actually it was around 43 degrees Fahrenheit outside. The Northern states are mostly good but the Southern states are shivering. Everyone walks inside. Alaska is the last to come inside with something beneath his jacket. Then I realize I hadn't seen Hawaii come in. Alaska grins at me.
"I have Hawaii Uncle Conner," he tells me. I smile and nod gratefully. No matter what state or temperature, Alaska always had his down parka on.
"Awesome! I'll make everyone some hot chocolate!" I say, clapping my hands. Alaska chuckles and sniffs the air.
"I think Louie beat you to it again this year," he says, chuckling. His jacket squirms again, causing him to walk inside.
I sniff the air as well, and, sure enough, I can smell hot chocolate drifting in from the kitchen. I close the door as Alaska unzips his jacket. Hawaii jumps down and totters. She regains her balance and looks up at me, smiling.
"Aloha! How have you been, Uncle Conner?" she asks sweetly. I laugh and pat her on the head.
"Hawaii, you can't wear grass skirts in winter!" I scold. She looks at her choice of attire, a grass skirt and a tank top with a lei.
"Why not?" she asks. I laugh and so does Alaska. He picks her up and taps her nose with his finger. "Because you will get very sick and die," he says, smiling. I look at him with a mixture of surprise and horror on my face. Hawaii just giggles. I shake my head in bemusement and walk back to the living room. I look around, counting the states.
"Ok, where is Maine, New York, Massachusetts, and New Hampshire?" I ask. Everyone looks around and shrugs. Louie comes in with several mugs of hot chocolate.
"I need some help gettin' the mugs. Will one or two of y'all help me out?" he asks, raising an eyebrow. Missouri gets up and walks into the kitchen without a word. Pennsylvania follows Missouri into the kitchen.
We all hear very colorful language from the front door area as we finish our hot chocolate. I turn around and walk towards it. I can hear Rhode, but I can't see him. I hear a knock and some more muffled yelling, "I'm on the goddamn front door!" I open the door to find a very angry elf tied to a wreath. I really do try not to laugh, but fail miserably. Rhode glares ice at me. I chuckle and take the wreath down. I untie Rhode's wrists and ankles, helping him up. He glares at someone behind me. I turn to see the missing states standing there acting innocuous. I raise an eyebrow.
"Where were you four?" I ask casually. Massachusetts glances around nervously. Maine bits his lip. New Hampshire fiddles with his shirt. New York is acting normal.
"I went to the bathroom. I'm not sure where these three went," he says casually. "These three" turn to look at him with shock and hurt on their faces. I smirk.
"What about you three?" I turn to them. They turn red. Maine shoots the other two an apologetic glance.
"I was out back checking the fence," Maine claims. The other two are even redder.
"Well Massachusetts? New Hampshire?" I turn to them. New Hampshire opens his mouth to say something but Massachusetts starts wailing.
"We're sorry! We kidnapped Rhode and came back here! We then dressed him up and tied him to the wreath! Maine took pictures and New York was the one who put him on the door!" she wails. Maine looks shocked and hurt. New York just looks indifferent. He shrugs.
"Oh well. I did it. Looks like our cover's blown. Not that we had one to begin with. Louie you might as well admit too," New York says, bored. I grin.
"This is great! Good job guys. I've never seen Rhode look this good," I say proudly, hugging all four of the teens. They freeze. "After dinner we can tell stories OK?" I say gleefully. They glance at each other, knowing they have no choice in the matter.
As we sit down to eat, I smirk internally. I had committed many stories to memory mostly because I was bored. There is loud chatter at the table and the usual arguments. I hear a knock on the door. I brighten up, rocketing out of my chair and to the front door. I yank it open, revealing Canada lecturing all of his kids. I give a confused look. He stops mid sentence and sniffs the air.
"Is that food?" he asks. I grin, nodding.
"What else could it be?" I challenge. Canada smiles and shakes his head. I look behind him, looking for a soot covered face. I locate the adorable guy and pull him inside. He has a curl like his dad, but his doesn't make a complete loop-de-loop. Just a part of one. His white jacket and blue jeans are singed and have soot on them. His violet eyes have a mischievous glint as he smirks at me.
"Hey Conner! Would you like a bonbon?" he asks, holding up the delicious sweet. I know what he puts in them though. I shake my head.
"No, but you can give one to Rhode! Maine, York, Mass and Hampshire kidnapped him, dressed him as an elf, and tied him to a wreath!" I inform him, grinning. Quebec laughs, a light tinkling sound. If anyone had heard that before they got to know him, they would think he would be exactly like his dad.
His next words would shatter that illusion. "Man, Rhode is an ass! What story are you going to tell first? Father Frost? The step-mom and daughter got what they deserved for messing with winter!" Quebec sneers. I pat him on the shoulder.
"At least Pennsylvania hasn't poisoned the food this year. The Carolinas' haven't caused any trouble yet. Washington hasn't threatened to kill anyone. So far, it's a pretty boring Christmas. I think I'm going to tell Costanza first," I reply, leading him and his family to the dining room. Everyone is shouting at one another for some reason and food is flying through the air. I sigh, about to step into the middle of it but a hand stops me.
"I got this," Quebec tells me confidently. He takes out a lighter and an entire case of his bonbons. He jumps on the table and lights a small string that's coming out of the top of one of the bonbons. He throws it into the air then dives off the table. "DUCK!" he yells as he hits the floor. Everyone drops to the ground. A second later, we all hear a loud 'boom' from the center of the table.
"At least Quebec's explosive bonbons come in handy for something," Canada grumbles. I grin at him. I bounce to my feet.
"Story time! Everyone in the living room now!" I announce. The slightly sooty states go clean up before they go to the living room. I practically skip into the living room with Quebec tailing me. We sit down and pull out a normal chess game; not the twins' chess set. We play until everyone is in the living room, then we finish it as everyone waits. I turn to them, grinning.
"This is the story of Costanza," I begin.
A/N:
Okay, so all I will post a chapter with the action, then I'll post the story. Costanza is an Italian fairytale. Honestly, Italian fairytales are just as scary as Russian fairytales.