OK, Humpty Dumpty appears in the Caterpillar's Plot and serves no purpose other than to help you locate the Blunderbuss to help you kick baddie tail. I actually heard he originally had a bigger role but was reduced to a cameo due to scheduling or something. So, anyway, this is what I'd think would happen if American McGee's Alice actually talked to Humpty when she saw him on that rock.
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When Alice had received the eye to the fabled staff she needed, and had begun to leave the Jabberwock's lair, it was hard to avoid focus of two things - the first being how much the lair in question resembled her home, her precious, loving home that she lost so many years ago, and the second being the Jabberwock flying away from the Gryphon, furiously breathing fire in his direction. She wanted to ignore these things; when this is all over, that house will disappear forever and she will be able to cope with those memories, and how could the Gryphon not triumph over the Jabberwock? He could breathe ice, he could fly quickly, he fights for justice - what could go wrong? These thoughts didn't make her feel any easier, however, so she just made her way down the mountain and through a gate - finding herself slap-bang in the middle of the Caterpillar's Plot again. A little devil crawled out of the lava and poked her, but she easily rectified the nuisance by shoving her knife through its brain. She tried to ignore the rancid smell of the boiling lava, the thick black smoke, even the lousy shots of the more inexperienced card guards that littered this area.
Yet she couldn't ignore him.
"Alice! It's me! Remember me?"
Right there, sitting on a rock, legs crossed like a turk, was none other than Humpty Dumpty. Like many, he hadn't gone through the nightmare unchanged; a few more wrinkles than usual, half his face broken off and the cigar dangling from his lips.
"Alice! Sit down with me! Won't you give comfort to your old friend?"
Alice grunted. "I'm the one in need of comfort right now," she said, "And you're no friend of mine. Weren't you shattered?"
Humpty raised his hands in the air, slowly flailing them about. "Oh yes, Alice, yes. But the Queen of Hearts got all her horses and men to put me back together,"(the King's horses and men were much less skilled than the Queen's) "She did this just so she could make me suffer without the sweet embrace of the grave, oh, woe is me, woe is me!"
"Well, where's your eye then?"
"That was my favourite eye, so she took it away! Woe is me!"
Alice rolled her eyes. "Look, I don't have time for pity when I'm in dire need of some myself. I have an appointment with Her Majesty and her guardian quite soon and I don't want to keep them waiting."
"But don't you want to stay and talk a while? Don't you think it's remarkable how I managed to recognise you?"
"No."
"But all you humans look alike. Two eyes, two arms, two legs...some may even get you confused with that Jabberwock!"
"I don't like you, leave me alone."
"But-"
"Leave me alone."
Alice turned away and walked on.
"How old did you say you were?"
Alice sighed and turned to Humpty once again. "I didn't say my age, but if you must know I'm seventeen. Now let me finish my errands."
Humpty grinned. "Remember when we last met, Alice? I said you should have left off at seven. You said one can't stop growing. I said one can't but two can."
He held a knife in his hand.
"With proper assistance you might have left off at seven."
Humpty Dumpty leapt off the rock and began running towards Alice, swinging about the knife in an effort to slice her like bread. Alice saw this as a marvellous opportunity to use her new weapon and with a single blast, she murdered Humpty Dumpty right on the spot.
"Bloody omelette."
Then the Cheshire Cat appeared.
"Alice, I just found a Blunderbuss. It's very potent."
"Thanks."
THE END