Summary: All the thoughts and feelings are haunting him. Will he ever be able to cope with his loss? Paaring: Bobby/John
AN: I don't own anything, etc.
English isn't my first language but I read so many fics that I had to write in English. But I want to apologize for messing up with grammar rules or making other mistakes. Don't be too critical. (Rated T because there might follow some more chapters)
Hide and Seek
"This was the day our story ended. A story without a beginning. Even without the story itself. I tried to push everything away. To show nothing to the others., but my world fell apart when you walked out of the plane. I really wanted to hold you back. I even thought about beating you down so you cannot leave. Leave me!
But there was a voice in my head. The voice with the buts. It was always there. It told me you would be unhappy and cross with me for holding you back. And loosing you would be easier than standing your disappointment or hate. I would have done anything to make you happy. And if you would only be happy without me I have to accept.
Maybe you would think I have Rogue to comfort me, but what is Rogue compared to you?
I like her, yeah I do, but she couldn't give me the oblivion I tried to find when I recognized my feelings I had, no have, for you.
You were a great friend but I knew you would never feel more like friendship. Maybe I would have ruined our friendship by telling you. I couldn't destroy the only thing we'll ever have. You might have laughed at me and this would have killed me. So I played my game. A friendly but distant façade outside and a despaired and lonely boy inside.
I can imagine you saying or thinking: "Why the hell is he telling me now?"
I don't know if I can answer the question honestly.
For 138 days I have been trying to ignore the dreams, trying to hide from my nightmares and trying to forget the pictures in my head, but they won't leave. Maybe I have to tell you so I won't talk to you in so many nights because I still haven't accept that I'm alone in our room. I still call it our room, even if I know that you will never come back. I would ask you, beg you to come back. But you made your decision and i have to live with it. Maybe one day I will be able to.
I don't want you to answer the letter. Or do I? No matter. I already told you the reasons of writing it, so… .
Forever yours Bobby "
He put the letter into the envelope without reading it again and tried to clam himself down. After his tears stopped to fall he stood up to head for dinner.
The envelop still lying on his desk. There were no address on it.
AN: Please send many reviews. It was my first fanfic and the problems with the language might be worse than I expected but I really tried.
I do not know if I should continue or if I should stop here. I might have something to continue but I don't want to destroy this. What should I do?