No Boiz Alowd!

♥

A/N: Now, I'm gonna give ya'll a fair warning: THIS IS A CHICK FIC! Or in other words, a story made specifically for girls--for very important, personal, "puberty" reasons!

Cough.

So, if you're a guy, but you know what the heck I'm talking about in this story and you've been taught about this in Health class, then you are totally free to read along with us gals! Besides, I think you might enjoy it a bit!

Okay...whatever! I hope you enjoy my newest story, "No Boiz Alowd!"

Disclaimer: I only own Crystal. So, BACK OFF, Supreme Court!

PS: The Ham-Hams are human hams, BTW. Thirteen year old human hams!

♥

Chapter 1: Girls. Sometimes, You Just Don't Get 'Em!

"Dude...are you sure you know what you're doing?"

"Totally!" thirteen year old Stan Toorani nodded confidentaly. He heard a sigh on the other line as he held his green camouflaged-skinned cellphone to his ear. "Stan, I dunno! I mean, you know how Crystal can be with all your little pranks and such!" a doubtful Jingle told him. He wasn't too far away, just in the basement, hanging upside-down from a chair with his speakerphone on.

Jingle, Stan and all of their friends, the Ham-Hams lived together in one gigantic motel-like mansion. Well...it sort of was originally a motel with about twenty bedrooms, private bathrooms in each room, living room, kitchen, dining room, attic and basement, all for them to do whatever they wanted with it. Sixteen year old Boss, the oldest, was in charge of everyone and everything in the house.

Stan rolled his eyes. "Ahhh, come on! Crys has forgiven me for every prank I've pulled on her! This one won't be any different!" he replied carelessly. Crystal Donaldson was Stan's best friend. She had silky brown hair and pretty aqua-green eyes. Something you didn't usually find in every other Puerto Rican/Spanish girl. Course, it must've had something to do with her additional Italian and American background.

"Okay, look. It's just a prank! We've pulled millions of 'em on all the girls! So, what are you freaking out about?" Stan demanded as he walked down the hallways on the second floor. He stopped when he found Crystal's door. "Look dude, not to be a scientist or whatever, but have you noticed something...different about the girls?" Jingle asked.

"Hmmm...other than the fact that their bodies are 'developing,' then I don't think so!" Stan smirked amusedly. "Well, yes--gah, I mean NO!" Stan chuckled, knowing Jingle had been daydreaming about Pashmina's legs again. "What I meant to say was that, the girls have been, you know, a little off! Haven't you noticed that, Stan?"

"Ehhhh...not really!" Stan shook his head carelessly. "Stan, I'm telling you! The other day in math, I placed a whoopie cushion on Sandy's chair--and she beat me to a pulp the second I was on the street after school!" Jingle warned. "What? Wait, you said a runaway chimpanzee from the circus attacked you that day, mistaking you for his trainer!" Stan cocked his head.

"Hey, either way, Sandy's an animal!" Jingle exclaimed. And she's got a mean headlock too! he silently added, rubbing his neck. "Watch it, Jingle! That's my twin sis you're talking about!" Stan shot back as he headed for the porch.

"Stan! Don't do it! They've been really uncool about our pranks recently! Just ask Hamtaro! Poor...little...Hamtaro! He was so young..." Jingle muttered the last part sadly, shaking his head in mock-sorrow.

"Didn't he just come out of the hospital for tripping down the stairs over a plush elephant?" Stan asked. "HA!" Jingle threw back his head and laughed. "Did Crystal tell you that?"

"..." Stan's eyes widened slowly when he got the hint. "What did Hamtaro do?" the redhead said. "All I can say is, it all started with a harmless prank on Crystal!" Jingle left Stan to wonder about the rest.(A/N: O-O;;)

"Look, whatever Crystal's going through, I'm here for her! After all, who do you think is the one she tells all her secrets to?" Stan boasted. "Bijou?" Jingle teased. Stan glared as Jingle laughed. "Just kidding, man!"

Stan scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Look, I'm gonna be in Crystal's room for a while, so I'll tell you everything when I come down, okay?" Jingle was having Stan, and the other guys over for an all-boys sleepover in the basement.

"Fine, dude. But don't say I didn't warn yaaaaa'!" Jingle cooed. "Thank alot, Mom!" Stan taunted. "HEY!" Jingle complained. Stan laughed. "Alright, bye!" he smiled. "Bye!" Jingle replied and hung up. Stan snapped his phone shut as well.

Back in the basement, Hamtaro, Oxnard, Maxwell and Panda were just arriving. They had heard Jingle warning whoever it was on the phone as they came down the stairs leading to the kitchen upstairs.

"Hey, Jingle. Who was that?" Oxnard asked, his sleeping bag slung over his shoulder. "Stan. He's gonna be at Crystal's for a while." Jingle sighed. He ran his fingers through the brown mohawk dyed in the middle of his neck-lengthed sandy blonde hair.

"Doing what?" Panda added. "Watching a movie. But he said he's got a new prank up his sleeve for her." Jingle explained. "A prank?" Hamtaro's sapphire blue eyes widened in horror. "I was trying to warn him! Honest!" Jingle shrugged. "DUDE! Doesn't he know what the girls are capable of these days?" Oxnard gasped. "Apparently, not!" Jingle frowned.

"Stan is so dead!" Maxwell shook his head.

♥

KNOCK KNOCK!

"Coming!"

...KNOCK KNOCK! KNOCK KNOCK!

"I saaaaiiiid I was coming!"

...KNOCK KNOCK! KNOCK KNOCK! KNOCK KNOCK!

"COMING, DAMNIT!" Crystal growled and rubbed her forehead in frustration. She rushed to her bedroom door as she adjusted her miniskirt. "GOD, why is it that people don't wait patiently for you anymore? Besides, I already said I was com--EEP, STAN!" Crystal squealed as she opened the door to find the redhead smiling innocently at her.

The brunette hid behind the door, blushing like crazy. Oh God, I can't let him see me like this! she silently moaned. "Hey Crys! So, where's that new DVD you wanted to show me?" Stan walked in, making sure to pull off his shoes and leave them by the doorstep. Crystal, ducked her head, shutting the door.

"E-Ehh...a-ahhh...b-by th-t-the TV! Wh-W-Where t-the DVD player is! T-That way!" Crystal pointed towards her TV, even though Stan had been to Crystal's room at least a thousand times the past month. "Crys...I know every room in this house like the back of my hand! Thanks, anyways!" Stan chuckled. Crystal bit at her thumbnail in embarassment. God forbid he sees me!

Both tweens made their way to Crystal's big bed. Stan bounced happily on it and landed on his stomach. Crystal rushed past him, her head still ducked as she grabbed the DVD box. She pulled out the disc and put it in the DVD player. Once that was done, she grabbed the remote for the DVD player and turned down the lights.

"Hey. What was that for?" Stan wondered. "U-Uhhh...i-it's a little hot in here! And besides...w-we kinda need to l-lay off on the electricity! Electric company's orders." Crystal lied. Stan cocked an eyebrow amusedly as Crystal laid on her stomach beside him with the remote control. "Uhhh, okay!" he shrugged. Since when does Crys care about money?

Eventually, the movie started, and Crystal started feeling more comfortable around Stan. After all, he couldn't see her, so what he didn't know, wouldn't hurt him, right? Stan noticed this and smirked to himself. He knew that what Crystal had rented was horror, which made his prank perfect for the event.

As the movie deepened into the plot, the movie only got scarier and creepier. Crystal, as if on queue, started inching towards Stan, on account scary movies always freaked her out. At first, she hated it. But eventually, she started to enjoy being scared out of her wit. She still refused to watch them alone though. Inching towards Stan only meant one thing: anything that moved would scare the living hell out of Crystal!

Slowly, Stan pulled something out of his pocket. It was a horrible, large and quite hairy plastic spider. Stan had been searching for the most realistic-looking fake spider he could find all over San Diego. But when he did, he hit the jackpot: this one vibrated when you pulled the string attached to it!

Stan silently pulled the soundless string and held on so it wouldn't start shivering. Yet. He grimaced. The spider was so gross! And it was huge! This one's gonna give Crystal a heart attack! he thought evilly to himself.

"Crys, you can come closer if you want." Stan offered sweetly, lifting his arm(making sure to keep his hand away from her), and draping it around Crystal's shoulder. Crystal hesitated, but gratefully accepted.

Stan smirked to himself. The hand held onto the spider tightly. Crystal almost leaned on Stan, but stayed where she was. "Man, this is freaky!" Crystal hissed. "Heh. I know." Stan nodded, turning his attention to the spider.

That morning, when Crystal invited Stan to watch the movie with her, he was sure to ask which one. Then, he secretly went and rented it, so he would know exactly when the freakiest moments of the flick would be. That way, when he saw it with Crystal, he would scare her with the spider at the perfect moment. And that moment was coming in a mere thirty seconds.

As the music only got louder, and the tension grew higher, Stan made this his queue to inch his hand slowly towards Crystal's head. The spider had a little bit of a stickiness to it's legs, so if Crystal moved, it would cling to her for only a few seconds. He had seriously hit the jackpot this time!

Closer and closer, the moment drew. Louder and louder the music got. And Crystal grew tenser and jumpier by the second! By now, Stan had the spider right over her shoulder.

Finally, just as the music went into it's screeching climax, Stan let out a "SPIDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRR!" and dropped the spider. As he let go of the string, it began to vibrate violently.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Crystal immedietaly started freaking out. She flew out of the bed and waved her arms wildly. She spun around, her hair all over the place.

"EWWWW! HELP ME, STAN! HELP ME! GET IF OFF ME! GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF OF ME! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Crystal could do nothing but scream.

Stan acted like a maniac as well, screaming out things like, "GET IF OFF, CRYS! IT'S GONNA BITE'CHA! UGH! THAT SPIDER IS HUGE! HURRY CRYS! EWWWW! IT MOVED! GROSS!" until he cracked, broke character and doubled over laughing.

Finally, Crystal grabbed the spider and threw it across the room. It hit the wall with a loud "THUD!" and slumped onto the floor, still vibrating. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" Crystal shrieked, shuddering from the disgusting experience. Her hair was frizzy and all over the place. Her cheeks were flushed. Her eyes were wild and out of control. Her clothes were wrinkled.

Crystal's heart pounded hard against her chest. DAMN THESE SPIDERS! Suddenly, the spider stopped shivering. Crystal was certain it was dead. Until she saw the last few centimeters of a white string disappearing into the spider's back.

A string? What's a string doing on it's--Wait a minute, IT'S A FAKE!

"Stan, the--" Crystal, however stopped when she saw Stan falling out of the bed from laughing so hard, pounding his fist against the carpeted floor and gasping for air. After a millisecond of silence, he burst out into another fit of uncontrolled laughter.

"Ohhh man! Crys, you should've seen yourself! It was priceless! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" Stan managed to spit out before cackling out loud again and falling back onto the floor, clutching his stomach.

Crystal just then saw the light. "You pranked me!" she demanded. "DUUUUH! And God, it was awesome! You totally fell for it!" Stan pointed at Crystal teasingly, tears starting to roll down his cheeks.

A few seconds later, Crystal started to shake. Her cheeks flushed from embarassment and rage. She suddenly started seeing red. The Taurus bull within her began to take over. She growled at an unaware Stan, who was on his stomach, pounding the floor again with his fist.

"GrrrrrRRRRRR...YOU BASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD!"

"Hu--" Out of nowhere, as Stan sat up, he was tackled to the ground by a furious Crystal. He saw that her eyes were no longer a sweet aqua-green. They almost looked like an evil blood-red. She had steam pouring out of her ears and her nostrils.

"CRYS! What's wrong with your eyes? They're glowing!" he exclaimed. She had his arms pinned to the ground, and their noses were inches apart. "Stanley...I'm..gonna..KILL YOU!" she roared.

"Heke! Crystal, relax! It was just a joke! You'd always laugh at our pranks!" Stan coaxed. "Well, things change! And this was different, you A-HOLE!" Crystal hissed. Stan's eyes widened in horror. Was this what he had been warned about earlier? I gotta get outta here! Try to calm her down a bit! Thankfully, he found his way out of Crystal's grasp.

By reaching up and kissing her hard on the lips!

"EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Crystal broke the kiss and jumped off of Stan.

Now's my chance! Stan rolled around, hopped to his feet...and gagged from the kiss. "UGH! Man, that was foul!" he spat onto the ground. Crystal wiped her lips hard, scrunched up her nose and glared up at Stan. "Now, I'm really gonna get'cha you pervert!" she yelled.

Stan screamed like a little girl and took off just before Crystal could knock him out with the boomerang-like DVD box. "What you did was rude, insensitive and so not something you do to your best galfriend!" Crystal scolded as she ran after him around and around the bedroom.

"You think I WANTED to kiss you? I'm just as nauseous as you are!" Stan replied as he found himself backed up against a corner. "I was talking about THE DAMN FAKE SPIDER!" Crystal's eyes became slits as she neared up to his face.

Stan suddenly noticed Crystal's face for the first time all night.

"Hey, Crys...is that a zit?"

"...!..."

♥ Half an hour later... ♥

KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK!

Jingle and the others perked up at the sound of knocking against the door that led to the backyard. They were in the basement, enjoying themselves to a game of Monopoly. They all stared knowingly at each other. "Gee. I wonder who that could be?" Jingle cooed sarcastically. He hopped to his feet and opened the door.

Stan just then hobbled inside, one hand clutching his side. "S-SHE'S AN ANIMAL! A PURE SAVAGE, I TELL YA'! Ouch...!" he flinched in pain as he collapsed onto the comfty sofa. "Lemme guess. Crystal beat the living daylights outta you for that prank you told me about." Jingle smirked in triumph as he shut the door.

"Don't get me started." Stan frowned up at him, rubbing his sore shoulder. The guys winced sympathetically at Stan. The poor guy was a mess. His hair and clothes were wrinkled up, scruffier than usual and dirty, like he had been rolling around in dirt for ten minutes. His cheek looked like it was slightly swelling up. He had a few pink, red blue, and purple bruises, scratches and scrapes all over his body.

"Sooo...what did you do?" Panda asked with a sigh. "Nothing! All I did was put a fake spider on her shoulder and she flipped the whole 360 degrees into the air!" Stan explained. "Oh really? Just a fake spider?" Boss cocked an eyebrow.

"Yeah..." Stan nodded. The boys frowned diapprovingly.

"...with a vibrating string attachment..." Stan added. The boys' scowls grew.

"...and sticky legs..." Stan confessed.

"...and real spider-like features."

"Well, there we go!" Oxnard shrugged. "But I swear, she was insane! She pinned me to the ground, and before she could do anything, I kissed her to get her off." Stan said. "Ewww!" the boys grimaced.

"I know. It was not pleasant!" Stan shook his head. "Anyways, I started running for my life, cause she was threatening me. Finally, she trapped me in a corner and beat me like raw meat! And then, she threw me out from her window--LITERALLY! And I have the mark to prove it!" Stan massaged his behind from landing in those bushes.

"Damn! What else did you do to her?" Hamtaro asked. "NO-THING! I'm telling you!" Stan told him. "Did you insult her, or anything like that to get you kicked out? Cause compared to what happened between me and Sandy, she was only feeling sorry for me." Jingle wondered.

"Well...I did ask her about this tiny zit on her face. B-But that was it!" Stan confessed. "She had a zit?" Howdy looked surprised. "Yeah, but it was microscopic! All I did was ask, 'Crys, is that a zit on your forehead?' and she went ballistic! She was all like, 'How dare you!' 'You insensitive, know-it-all, clear-skinned, pretty boy!' 'Get out of my room!' Dadadadada!" Stan explained.

Hamtaro couldn't help but let out a laugh. "She called you a pretty boy?" he snickered. Stan blushed. "Sorta."

"Whoo! Crystal sounds pretty steamed." Jingle folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the wall.

Stan nodded and stared at the floor. He also couldn't help but note that Crystal had looked offended when he had pointed out the tiny pimple. Almost hurt too. He barely saw the tears welling up in the corners of her eyes. He felt that he couldn't tell the boys though. Yeah, sure they're my guys, but Crystal's my best friend. I couldn't do that to her!

"She is steamed! Do ya' think she'll come around?" Stan asked, not exactly sounding hopeful. "Oh obviously! Crys wouldn't just dump you and leave it at that. No way!" Hamtaro reassured him. Stan sighed and rubbed his arm once more. "Thanks...say, does anybody got any ice?"

Jingle pointed at the mini-fridge. "Knowing you were gonna be with Crystal, we prepared you the ice packs an hour ago."

♥ Meanwhile, upstairs... ♥

Crystal continued to type angrily at her laptop.

AND he pointed out the humongo-gigantic zit on my forehead! she wrote it down in the IM reply box. She was in the middle of an IM chat with Bijou after throwing Stan out of her window. That lil pretty boy! Just b/c he's blemish-free, doesn't give him a rite 2 rub it in! she later added before Bijou could reply.

Crystal...ur zit is the size of a brain cell! Relax! Bijou's response popped out with a "PING!" Crystal's jaw dropped in disbelief. "Do NOT tell me she feels sorry for Stan!" she muttered.

BIJOOOUUU? Ur supposed 2 b on MY side! she whined on IM.

Sorry Crystal, but u should really take it EZ! Ur zit will vanish! R u usin that cream i gave u? Bijou typed back.

Yeah. Crystal typed.

Then it will work! Bijou added a smiley face to her reply. Crystal pursed her lips. "I hope it will." she sighed.

Hey, Bij. BRB. Gotta pee. Crystal typed before standing up and walking into her private bathroom.

She couldn't help but think back at Stan. Hmm...do you think I was harsh on him? she asked herself. After all, Crystal had been acting wierd lately. And she had thrown him out her window. She just wasn't herself anymore. Not to mention she got sicker than usual. Well...it was more like these horrible cramps she felt in her stomach area. Sometimes, they were so painful, she could barely walk!(A/N: Too true! X.x)

"First, the cramps. Then, the temper. Now, this zit!" Crystal sighed as she glared at the pimple staring back at her in the mirror. Sure. Recently, Crystal's temper had been incredibly short. Anything stupid that the boys tried pulling on the girls especially blew her top. Sandy, Bijou and Pashmina had been experiencing the same thing. However, Crystal didn't really know that.

"Ouch!" Crystal winced and bent over. The cramps from Cramp Hell were kicking back. "Owwwwww! What is happening to me?" Crystal moaned. Finally, when she was finally able to pull her skirt down, she sat down and bent over to ease the pain. After a few minutes of fighting and resisting the aching cramps finally eased down.

Crystal sighed and opened her eyes. Then, something unfamiliar caught her eye. When she took a closer look, her face was drained of it's color.

"Oh my God!"

♥

A/N: Dun dun duuuuuuuuun! What do you think happened(although, it might be pretty obvious to some of you's)? And that's the end of Chapter 1! Sorry if it's so short. But this IS a short story! Not like one of those long soap-opera dramas(Although, I love those)! PLZ be patient with me! Chapter 2 will arrive as soon as it can!

Muah! Lots of love,

Crystalgurl101 ♥