Author's Note: I know we don't know that much about Julian and Peyton so far, but I think it's enough to imagine this little OneShot. :D It just came to me to write what they both feel for each other now and how they would say goodbye. I just loved them as a couple in the flashbacks and I so would love them getting back together! 3 A lot of you guys probably don't like Julian, but I can't resist him! His character inspired me so much I'm simply thankful! ;) I hope we'll see MUCH MORE of him on the show!
By the way, this is my first OTH-Story and my first story to be published here, so please be kind! :) Also: English is not my mother tongue, so there might be tons of mistakes, but I made my best, hope it's okay, though. Oh, and: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING!
Reviews would be amazing! Anyways, enjoy! :)
Julian & Peyton
"...we were in love"
"I'm leaving", he said and looked at her.
"Why?"
He sighed. "Well, my work here's done. No need for me to stay put, right?" At his last words, he glanced at Peyton with this look on his face that she knew all too well – it was as if he was about to declare his love for her as he had done it three years ago back in Los Angeles.
Now it was her turn to sigh heavily. "Well then, I guess this is goodbye", she stated and avoided to look at him directly. She was afraid he might read every expression on her face as he had always been able to do.
"Yeah, it is…", he said and turned to walk out. Out of her office, out of Tree Hill, out of her and her fiancé's life. But then he suddenly turned around and with three long steps, he was standing right in front of her, only her wooden desk parting them.
"Peyton, I need to know something before I leave", he said. Clinging on to the desk, his knuckles were paling.
Peyton closed her eyes and shook her head. "Julian, please, just leave."
"You owe me an answer to this one question, Peyton", he said calmly and walked around the desk to stand mere inches away from her.
"What do you want to know?", she asked and sounded very tired.
She was actually tired – the stress of the last months, with her ex-boyfriend being in town and working with her fiancé, was weighing her down. She had been avoiding Julian as much as possible, which was not easy in a small town like Tree Hill, where you would eventually run into each other once in a while. More than once in the last months, she had come home exhausted from work and recording with Haley, only to find Julian sitting on her couch with Lucas. She knew she wasn't the only one to suffer from the situation: For Lucas, it must have been even harder to see the man his soon-to-be wife had been with when he hadn't talked to her at all. And after he had found the photograph of Julian and her that Julian still kept in a copy of Lucas' book, she had confessed to him that Julian and she had been in love. It had hit Lucas very hard but he was very sweet and understanding and caring. He said he was okay with it and as long as Julian acted professionally, he would do the same. Julian had acted professionally; in fact, he hadn't even tried to talk to Peyton alone. On the rare occasions when they ran into each other, he had been very nice, polite and – distant. It had been somewhat strange that someone she had been so close to acted that way around her but she couldn't blame him.
"Peyton, if…you know, if it hadn't been for Lucas, do you think you and me would've worked out?", Julian asked with a broken voice.
He had tried to sound composed and calm, but he could sense the tremble in his voice clearly. And he knew that she would, too.
Peyton gawped at him. This sound in his voice had – for the first time – been the voice in which he had talked to her while their relationship. The always somehow trembling voice, so full of questions and insecurity. She shouldn't have been so surprised about his question. She had asked herself that question many times after he had left her and after he started working with Lucas. And he did have a right to know what she thought.
She looked up and met his eyes. The moment she saw that his eyes were filled with tears, her own started watering. Her lips trembled.
"Julian, I…", she started but stopped.
Julian came a bit closer. He could now see every inch of her broken smile. When he came to Tree Hill two and a half months ago he somehow knew it wasn't right, but he also wanted to see her again. He had heard from mutual friends that she had gone back to Tree Hill some time after their break-up and that was when he knew: She would eventually end up with Lucas. She did like her hometown, but there were also too many painful memories: Of her mother, of Elli, of stalker-Derek, of Lucas…so the only logical explanation to him was that she wanted to see Lucas again. Before he had seen Peyton together with Lucas, he had even imagined winning her back somehow, apologizing for breaking up with her and telling her that he loved her. He had been ready to stop working on the film if it meant that he would get Peyton back. But then he saw how happy Peyton and Lucas were and how much in love. It had shaken him to his very core and he had realized that she wasn't his anymore. That she probably never had been. Lucas was the one her heart belonged to unconditionally. He had been a little stop on her way to Lucas. He had rented her heart for some time, but eventually the owner had wanted it back and Peyton had obeyed his will, for it was hers, too.
Now that he could see every single tear building in her eyes and every feature on her painfully beautiful face, she was again the girl he knew: The saddest girl in the world.
He took her hand and she didn't protest.
"Just tell me, Peyton", he begged. "Please. I need to know it to find my own peace. Answer the question and I'll leave. For good."
Peyton took a long breath and tried to steady her voice.
"Yes, if Lucas hadn't been, I think we would've worked out", she said and started crying.
She couldn't hold back the tears and the exhaustion and the pain she had felt for over two months – she just had to let go and she knew that now was the time. And she was honest for once: She knew that she would probably still be with Julian if it hadn't been for Lucas. Maybe they would even be engaged or already married, who knew? She didn't and sometimes she wishes she did. They had been in love. The way she had been in love with Jake. But it wasn't enough…because Lucas was there. Her soul mate. Her other half. The one and only for her. She knew that she belonged to Lucas, but did that mean she couldn't feel sorry for not making it work with Julian? Peyton knew that if she would've been able to get over Lucas and stop loving him and the idea of them being meant for each other, she could've been very happy with Julian. It would've certainly been a lot easier and uncomplicated with Julian than it had been with Lucas. There hadn't been any bad times with Julian at all…
Julian gasped and finally closed the gap between them by embracing her. He could feel her hot tears wetting his white cotton shirt but he didn't mind. If it meant that he could hold her this close, it was all worth it. The scent of her hair and body remembered him of old times and he could barely hold himself from crying, too. She always smelled like a thousand fresh strawberries with a hint of vanilla. He loved her scent. He loved her. He had the answer he had been waiting for since he had left her in Los Angeles.
"Ssht, it's okay, Peyton", he whispered into her ear, stroking her hair and trying to comfort her.
She broke out of his embrace and shook her head.
"No, it's not okay, Julian! You know it's not!"
She was still crying and he wiped off her tears with his thumb.
"I'm so sorry, Julian, for all of it", she said. "I shouldn't have started dating you when I clearly wasn't over Lucas. It wasn't fair…but you know, I thought I was over him and I thought I'd be able to forget him and move on with you. Because…I did love you, Julian, you know that, don't you?", she pleaded.
Julian nodded. "Of course I know that. It just wasn't enough.", he stated calmly.
Peyton kept silent.
He sighed heavily and laughed a deep, joyless laugh that didn't reach his eyes.
"It's just so…sad, you know? We would've been great, Peyton. You were made for me. I never thought about the possibility that you might not be made for the person that's made for you, you know? I guess that's the case with us", he said and swallowed hard.
She nodded.
"I guess", she said with a broken voice and looked up to meet his gaze. Somehow, she would always love Julian. She knew it was the right decision to be with Lucas, because she loved him more than anything and they were meant to be. But a small spot in her heart would always remain Julian's.
"Thanks, Peyton", he said and smiled sadly.
"For what?"
"For telling me what I needed to hear and for telling me the truth."
She smiled widely. It was comforting and reassuring that he knew that she wasn't lying. That she wasn't telling him what he wanted or needed to hear to make his peace with their love. That she had told him the truth.
"Goodbye, Peyton."
Julian put his hand on her soft cheek and gave her a gentle kiss on her forehead.
"Goodbye, Julian", she said and breathed heavily while she watched him opening the door of her office. In the doorway, he turned around to look at her one more time.
Without making a sound, she formed the words "I'm sorry" with her mouth.
"I know, Peyton", he said smiling and left.