It's late and I'm feeling so tired
Having trouble sleeping
The clock showed midnight.
Midnight. How the heck could it have gotten to midnight? Keely thought, staring up at the ceiling. It's midnight, and yet I'm not sleeping. Is there something wrong with this scenario? I think there is.
She had been having a weird few days, to be brutally honest. Being with Phil seemed like the best thing on Earth. Being away from Phil was like losing an arm. Or a leg. Or any other limb on her body.
Yet, she seemed to be avoiding him.
Yes, it sounded completely insane, and ludicrous, but it happened. Somehow, for some reason, she was avoiding Phil, even though without him it felt like she was armless. Or legless. She was deliberately causing herself to feel limbless, when all she had to do, was walk up to Phil and talk to him. Not that hard. Especially considering that she'd been able to do it every day for the past year and a half.
But something felt different.
Before, when she had looked at Phil, she had been utterly happy. Because he was so awesome. He was great, and okay, he complained a bit when she forced him to put face mask on, and shop for shoes with her, but most of the time he sat and took it. Phil was great like that.
But lately...
Oh, she didn't even know. Somehow, whenever he said something, she had to think for a minute before replying. Sometimes, when she saw him, she'd find that her eyes wanted to stay permanently watching him. Some days, she just wanted to kiss him...
No.
No, she didn't want to kiss him.
Did she?
It had never really been something that had come up before. Best friends didn't kiss. It didn't happen.
But were they ever destined to be just best friends? Or was there always something there, that was aching to break from their hearts.
Ugh, Keely thought, and closed her eyes, trying to fall into the darkness. I need sleep. I'm not thinking rationally.
This constant compromise
Between thinking and breathing
The clock showed midnight.
Ninety-nine. One hundred, Phil counted in his head, and then groaned. Another hundred. Another hundred to add to the six that he had already counted. And he still wasn't sleeping. He was tired. Yes, there was no doubt about that, but sleep didn't come to him.
And why not?
Even Pim was asleep at this hour. Pim Diffy. The girl who stayed up half the night, ringing the Ambassador of Spain, to try and negotiate terms of some deal that Pim's twisted mind had come up with. She was asleep, yet her brother, who had never even learnt Spanish, couldn't seem to drift off. Where was the sense in that?
Of course his life didn't make all that much sense right now, anyway. He knew that all teenagers said that, but he really meant it. A couple of weeks ago, he truly thought that his life was completely sane, but it seemed to have turned around.
His thoughts drifted to Keely.
Keely Teslow.
He didn't understand why, but even thinking about her name made him feel... different. But not in a bad way. God, no. In like a... different way.
Yet, for some reason, he felt this twinge of pain when he was away from her. And a twinge of pain when he was near her, because he wanted more than what they were. But he didn't know what he meant by more. Did he want to see her more? Did he want to talk to her more? Did he want to hug her more? Kiss her more?
He shook his head.
Kiss her more? Kiss her more? Where the heck did that come from? Phil wondered. He had never considered kissing Keely.
Okay, well maybe he had. Maybe fleetingly, but he had instantly dismissed the thought. Best friends didn't kiss. It just didn't happen.
I need to sleep. Maybe things will all make sense when I wake up. Phil sighed, and closed his eyes, trying to fall asleep.
Could it be I'm suffering
Because I'll never give in
Won't say that I'm falling in love
The clock showed twelve thirty.
Half an hour. Usually it takes me three minutes to get to sleep. So it's taking me... ugh, it's too late to even think about how many times more it is. No math, Keely thought, twisting around.
She gave up, let out an exasperated sigh, and closed her eyes to think.
Okay. So. Something is keeping me awake. Probably something that I need to sort out. Something that I've refused to think about before, and so my mind is telling me that I have to sort it out now, or else I can't fall asleep.
Well. She hadn't finished her book report for English class. And Messerschmitt had a test coming up, but she'd just study tomorrow night. And as for the book report... well she'd hurriedly scribble an ending paragraph in the morning. The first part was good enough, and so she assumed she'd get a B. At least.
That wasn't it though. That wasn't why she was awake. It wasn't a guilty conscience or anything. Nothing like that. It was something deeper than that.
Keely knew what that something was. Deep down she knew. But why jump to conclusions? She'd go through a list of possible possibilities, and then, if it did come to that...
It wouldn't.
She hoped.
Tell me I don't see myself
Couldn't I blame something else
Don't say I'm falling in love
The clock showed twelve thirty.
Sleep. Sleep is good. Sleep. Sleep is good, Phil chanted silently in his mind. Sleep. Sleep is good. FOR GOD'S SAKE, MIND, GO TO SLEEP!
He sighed, and opened his eyes in exasperation. Why, on tonight of all nights, couldn't he get to sleep. He had a book report due tomorrow, and he hadn't finished it, but then again, he had bargained on getting up early to finish it. At this rate, he'd be lucky to get six hours of sleep before school.
Maybe... maybe I need to sort something out. Usually sleep can be stunted by your mind telling you that you've forgotten to sort something out. Phil vaguely remembered reading something like that in a magazine. Although, he was so tired, he could have read that Pim had baked cookies for the homeless, and believed it.
Okay. Well, seeing as my mind doesn't seem to know what is bothering it, I'll close my eyes, and try to conjure up a picture of what I need to sort. Then, I'll sort it, and drift to sleep. Simple, Phil sighed, and closed his eyes, telling his head to conjure up a picture.
His face.
Phil opened his eyes. Well that helped. My mind is telling me I have a problem. Well, yes, I agree. It's called I-Can't-Get-To-Sleep!
He closed his eyes again, this time seeing Keely's face in front of him.
Keely? Why Keely? Keely has a problem I need to sort out? My problem has to do with Keely? Keely has a problem that I think she should sort out?
Phil's mind buzzed with so many possibilities, and he groaned. If this was what happened after fourteen hours of sleepless-ness, he didn't want to imagine anything more than that.
But until he faced his dilemma, that's exactly what he was going to be imagining.
Some kind of therapy
Is all I need
Please believe me
The clock showed one thirty.
Keely looked at it and groaned. An hour, of trying to come to some logical conclusion about why she was feeling like this, and so far, she had nothing. Nada. Zilch.
I need like, counseling or something. Especially if this is going to happen to me every night now, Keely thought, as she wrapped her duvet around her again. Or yoga. Mom goes to yoga. Says it's real relaxing.
She frowned. I hate exercise though. Ugh. No yoga.
Keely lay still for a few minutes, trying to fall asleep once more, but nothing happened. She debated going into her mom's room, and trying to fall asleep there, but that's what six year old kids did.
Not that her mom would care. Sometimes, Keely thought that Mandy still looked at her as if she were six. And she wished she wouldn't.
Why am I feeling like this?
Keely turned and looked at the clock.
One thirty-one.
She thought about ringing Phil up, but decided against it. Best not to wake him up. Especially since she didn't even know what he could do to help yet.
Some instant remedy
That can cure me completely
The clock showed one thirty.
Sleeping tablets, Phil remembered suddenly. They help you fall asleep.
He shook his head, as he realized how Keely-ish that comment was. Sleep deprivation was doing weird things to his mind.
Keely.
He lay thinking about calling her. Maybe she'd help him fall asleep.
Then he sighed. Best not to wake her up.
Sleeping tablets. Too bad Mom's afraid of going into a 21st century pharmacist. And way too bad my Wizrd battery has gone.
Could it be I'm suffering
Because I'll never give in
Won't say that I'm falling in love
Tell me I don't see myself
Couldn't I blame something else
Don't say I'm falling in love
The clock showed two o' clock.
Sleep, sleep, sleep, Keely sung in her mind.
One sheep, two sheep, three sheep, Phil counted in his head.
Both had their eyes shut tight, trying to block out the reason that was becoming clearer, and clearer in their minds.
Cause I've been there before
It's not enough
So nobody say it
Don't even say it
I got my eyes shut
Whoah, no
Whoah, no, no, no
The clock showed three o'clock.
Via said it would come to this. She told me, that if I didn't admit it, then I'd suffer big consequences. I doubt she meant for me to lose a night's sleep over it though, Keely thought, finally giving in.
Keely. She's the reason I'm not sleeping. Owen said something like that ages ago. I dismissed it. It was Owen. What was I supposed to do? Listen to him? Phil sighed, letting the reason take over his mind.
Could it be I'm suffering
Because I'll never give in
Won't say that I'm falling in love
Tell me I don't see myself
Couldn't I blame something else
Don't say I'm falling in love
The clock showed three oh-five.
Keely raked her hands through her hair. It was awfully messy for someone who hadn't slept.
Fine. Fine, okay. I admit it. I'm in love with Phil Diffy. Now please, can I sleep now?
She closed her eyes, and tried to fall asleep.
It didn't work.
What do you want me to do, announce it to the world? she groaned, and threw her head back on her pillow.
The clock showed ten past three.
Okay. I guess I can't deny it to myself, because I know, so my mind knows. Ugh, another Keely comment.
Phil lay down, trying to let sleep overcome him.
I. Love. Keely. Teslow. Now, let me go to sleep.
Don't say that I'm falling in love
Don't say that I'm falling in love
Don't say that I'm falling in love
Don't say that I'm falling in love
The clock showed three fifteen.
Both Keely Teslow, and Phil Diffy were fast asleep.
Don't say that I'm falling in love
Don't say that I'm falling in love
The clock showed nine twenty.
Whoa, he looks rough, Keely thought, as she walked up to Phil at school the next day. Then again...
Keely looks tired, Phil observed as he watched her walking up to him.
"You okay?" she asked him, when she got close.
He nodded. "Yeah. Just had a bit of a rough night."
"Me too," Keely agreed. "A bit of... trouble sleeping."
Phil considered this for a moment, knowing that there was obviously more to her story. Then he decided to leave it. If it were that important, he'd know soon enough anyway. "Exactly. Trouble sleeping."
Don't say that I'm falling in love
Don't say that I'm falling in love
It probably sucks, but it's 12:30, and I can't sleep, and what better way to celebrate not-sleeping, with a not-sleeping fic?
I had a great holiday, thanks for asking.
I'll update Revenge ASAP, thanks for your concern.
I'm going to sleep now, just so you all know.
Trouble Sleeping - Corinne Bailey Rae