A/N Hola kids! :) More Fei Long introspection from me. If you can believe it this started out as an Asami!fic... but then I realized that I still don't know what his personality is like. At all. Cry for me?
This is dedicated to DelMarch for inadvertently reminding me that I had a half finished fic waiting to be edited on my computer ;D Thanks girl.
Please review :D
1.
Fei Long has never been given anything. For every miniscule, insignificant thing he has wanted he has fought and bled and broken his heart for it. He did not expect this to be any different.
He thought that Asami was another test of his will, of his strength. He thought that Akihito was another test of his heart.
He understands that he was wrong.
2.
Asami is an unrefined tyrant.
Fei Long acknowledges this and accepts it, wearily.
Akihito knows this and it frightens him.
The boy doesn't want to be controlled. He wants to be free. To be his own person, have his own thoughts, create memories with the people he chooses to, not be forced down a path he had no intention on treading.
Fei Long thinks he can understand in a way Asami never will.
Fei Long thinks he could have loved Akihito.
3.
His world is not empty. There are business contacts, business investors, brown-nosers. There are Tao and his maids. There is…Yoh.
He is not alone. His family is dead. He is not alone. They are gone. But he is not alone.
He isn't.
4.
He sleeps with Yoh once.
It is a mistake.
Fei Long does not repeat mistakes.
(Except for one but that doesn't count, it doesn't, he's paid for that egregious lapse in judgment in spades, clubs, diamonds, and hearts. He has nothing left to give so why do they keep trying to take from him?)
5.
There is a haze of opium in his mind, settling like dense fog in the layers of his thoughts. It calms their frantic pace. It does not allow him to breathe.
He does not enjoy killing. It is a brutal, animalistic thing but it is an almost weekly occurrence for him to at least witness one murder.
Fei Long does not like it but he does not mind it either.
He's come to realize that it's worthwhile not to care too much about anything.
His job is all he really needs. A purpose and a meaning.
He breathes in deep and the warmth of smoke fills his lungs.
6.
Tao is growing up to be a handsome young man. Fei Long deliberates about what to do with him for months before coming to a satisfactory decision.
"But I want to stay here!" The teenager screams, his large brown eyes shimmering with tears and despair, hands clasped in front of his chest as though praying.
Fei Long smiles gently, resignedly, and shakes his head.
The next day, Tao leaves for school in Japan.
7.
"Yoh?"
"Yes, Fei Long-sama?"
"Do you think I am cruel?"
"That's a dangerous question to ask, sir."
"It's only dangerous if the answer is something I do not wish to hear."
…
…
"Yes."
"'Yes' what?"
"Yes, you are cruel...sir."
"Hm. I suppose, you do have the most right to say so, don't you, Yoh?"
8.
Fei Long is neither a patient man nor a kind one. He isn't now and he never has been.
Two of his subordinates, hard and cold like stone in crow-black suits, come to him one afternoon, emotionless and respectful.
"Yoh is gone," they say, like the ice fortress of his heart didn't just tremble for a moment, like the closest man he had to a friend has gone, like he doesn't know that this has the stench of that bastard, Asami, dripping from it.
He dismisses them and finishes his tea in utter silence.
9.
Fei Long looks out his office window, over the ugly, fluorescent lights of Hong Kong, the unforgiving metal buildings and thinks, truthfully for once, 'This is mine.'
There is no longer room in his heart or mind for anything else.
A/N God I love Yoh. Liek srsly. He's second only to Akihito. I swear someday I'm going to write a crack fic starring those two :D But, first, I PROMISE I'll edit Stable Relationship sometime... The amount of errors. Honestly :/
Please review :) I love me some concrit too ;)