AN: This is a colab between Suki-Alanna and InLoveWithFred, for the Yours Sincerely competition in HPFC. Suki wrote Rose and Eleni wrote Scorpius. Hope you enjoy, and all errors from the first posting of this have been fixed! Yay!
Disclaimer: We don't own HP, any books by Tamora Pierce, Howl's Moving Castle, or the other things we mention in here. Except for awesome. We were born with it. :)
Dear Scorpius,
I hope you remembered to give Ariel a treat. Please remember what she's like when she doesn't get one. Honestly, Scorpius, you can be so scatterbrained! Anyway, this will have to be a quick letter. The man training me here wants me to go soon. I am no bloody Gryffindor. No true Gryffindor would be afraid of spiders.
Which is why I'm a Ravenclaw, I suppose. To get back to the subject at hand, I expect your reply promptly, and I won't forget to give Ariel some kind of reward. You are so stingy, Scorp. You're just like another Scrooge (Dickinson, A Christmas Carol). Except you're nicer... actually, you're nothing alike. Bloody unfortunate, that.
Your family is well, correct... darn. I need to go.
All my love,
Rose
P.S. Don't you dare address your letter 'Dear Rosie', you hear me?
-:-
Dear(est) Rosie,
Sorry, but when you forbid me from doing something, I have to go it. The lack of faith you have in me is shocking. I already gave Ariel a treat. And I am not scatterbrained! Mum and Dad want me home this Christmas. Perhaps we can delay explaining to our parents why we fell in love. There could be a few rough patches in that conversation…
I don't like heights. I'm no bloody Gryffindor. Spiders stink too. Scorpions are the worst.
Well, I did reply "promptly" and after I looked it up in the dictionary you got me for Christmas, I was just fine. (just kidding, I knew what "promptly" meant.) Anyway, I did give Ariel a reward. She's a good cat, but my food keeps disappearing mysteriously… Her fur is so fluffy, though, I can't stop stroking her. It's really quite an awkward situation. I am not like Scrooge! I'm nicer… actually we're nothing alike. Bloody unfortunate, really. (language!)
Well, I hope to see you this Christmas, Rosie-bear. I miss you, even though I know this training for the Ministry is very important to your future.
Lots of Love,
Scorpius H. Malfoy
Your Boyfriend
P.S. Don't you dare address your letter "My dearest Scorpy."
-:-
My dearest Scorpy-kins (I follow direction better than you, I see),
It's a good thing you did. Make sure to feed her as well, and you are quite scatterbrained. You missed half of the prefect meetings fifth year! Of course your parents want you home. They did decide to have you. And of course there would be rough patches. I wish I could be home, as this Ministry training is interfering with my last time home as a student. Seventh year holidays planned to be fun, I think.
I never thought you were. Let's just go with the fact that neither of us are particularly brave. I just love how you're afraid of scorpions when your name is Scorpius. My name is Rose, and I'm not afraid of them.
Aw, Scorp, I know you are just terrible with words, but you actually braved a dictionary for me? I'm touched. That's a good thing. Thanks for looking after her recently too, it's all hard with the Ministry training idiocy. I get to see my family for ten minutes on Christmas. Why did I want to be a Wizard Cop again? Yes, Ariel is fluffy, but it shouldn't be awkward. As long as you don't kiss her again, anyway.
No, Scrooge and you aren't alike. I wasn't aware you read Dickinson, though, being a Pureblood. I suppose it's Astoria. She's really nice, and when I met her we had a nice conversation about Emily Bronte. Oh... you didn't know I met your mum, did you, Scorpius? Sorry about not telling you, but she is a lovely person.
It is important. Thank you for letting me, as I would be reluctant to let you go. What would I do with out my little scatterbrained Scorpius? I might have to go back to torturing Al and James. Aunt Ginny actually asked me if I could last summer. James has an even bigger head. Hopefully Katie gives him hell at work.
Happy Christmas!
Rose
P.S. You die for calling me Rosie. No mercy.
-:-
Dear Rosie,
I've just tried feeding your bloody cat and she dropped a dead gnome at my feet. One word: disgusting. I am not scatterbrained and the only reason I missed so many prefect meetings is because I don't agree with the Prefect message. "Give detention to anyone who steps out of line!" It's just cruel!
I don't know whether or not I should go home for Christmas. It's always rather lonely compared to Hogwarts. I can't wait to have you back, Rosie. We'll see you soon.
Yes, Rose, I did brave a dictionary for you. That is a demonstration of our love. As is the fact I'm taking care of that fluffy cat thing you own. It's incredibly smart, really, but it's so bloody fluffy I keep having to snuggle with her. And it's just weird.
I don't read Dickens out of my own will. My mother, having gone to Muggle school until she was eleven, has this thing with Muggle literature. When I was little, she used to teach me proper grammar, and forced me to read dumb books like "Charlotte's Web" and "The Wizard of Oz." Hated the lot of 'em. Anyway, I kinda guessed that you must've met my Mum because after Easter Break you started sounding (most subtly, of course) like her. "You're not pronouncing that right, Scorpius." "Why didn't you read The Tales of Bob the Cat, Scorpius?" "Stop reading that Scorpius! It's complete rubbish!"
I miss you, but we'll be together soon enough. I know it. I think that Al is doing fine without you torturing him. He has Melanie to keep him in line. James, on the other hand has no one to keep him in line considering you're doing the Ministry training. Yes, his head is getting bigger, and Katie is actually avoiding him, not giving him hell.
Happy Christmas to you too,
Scorpius Malfoy.
P.S. No one, and I mean no one, calls me "Scorpy-kins." Not even my mother.
-:-
Dear Scorpius,
Be nice! Ariel is a wonderful cat. Think about it this way: you have one less gnome to worry about in your garden. It is cruel. But that doesn't mean you have to follow it to a 'T'. The Prefects are corrupted, you know that. James and the Marauders bribed me not to turn them in-though part of that was family loyalty, I have to admit. You did (and do) patrol with me. I accept bribes for smaller things. And a lost first year is completely acceptable... even if they're in second year. The Head Girl slept with people for money, it doesn't get much more corrupted than that.
Scorpius, it's your family. I know they are occasionally donkeys, but you should love them anyway. Go home, even if it isn't at all warm. Al will let you come over, Melanie or not. You know that.
It is very sweet, Scorp. And Ariel is very cuddly. She's gotten me out of detention before. Don't knock it 'till you've tried it.
I know she did. And "The Tales of Bob the Cat" is absolute rubbish. Don't bother reading it. Perhaps you should try Howl's Moving Castle. I think you would enjoy it. I did no such thing, young man!
Really? Apparently the Weasley clan would fall without my iron rule. Will you tell James he's an idiot, please? Katie should be annoying him, certainly. It's better, I think.
Love,
Rosie
P.S. Well I do now. Deal with it. :P
-:-
Dear Rose,
I'll admit it, I do bloody love that cat sometimes. I have to agree that Prefects are extremely corrupted. I can only remember one that took her job seriously, and that was MacMillan's daughter, Jane. You remember her? So many detention sessions had to be added because of her…
My family is very lucky that I'm such a nice person! Fine, I'll go home for Christmas, even though I bet my dad is still mad for that prank I pulled with your cousins and brother in second year… Anyway, at least I'll see the house elves. I guess I love my family… Especially Mum….
How the hell did Ariel get you out of detention? Hang on a second… YOU ALMOST GOT DETENTION? Oh Merlin, it's a miracle, Rose Weasley getting into trouble! Impossible!
I tried Howl's Moving Castle, and I liked it okay. Not as good as The Tales of Beedle the Bard. Best story ever? The Warlock's Hairy Heart… So creepy. Anyway, you actually did not not do no such thing. Does that make sense? The point is, you did! Young lady! (Don't kill me.)
Without your iron rule, there's no way the Weasleys would survive. You know, except with Ginny and Molly…. Yeah, they compensate. It's really too bad, you three were the only ones who could keep James in line, and now none of you can…. Katie had already told James he's an idiot. Numerous times.
Love,
Scorpy-kins
P.S. Love you Rosie-bear-kinsy-poo. Beat that.
-:-
Dear Scorp,
She is very loveable. :D Jane was... wow. That was true. I always let my people go early.
They are. I love you, Scorp.
Oh be quiet. You do know my cousins, correct? I am quite sure that shall cover it.
The Wizard's Hairy Heart? God, Scorp, that kept me up for weeks after James first told me it. Scorp... I don't even know what you're saying.
Of course there isn't. But Aunt Ginny and Nana do come down somewhat hard...
Love,
Rosie-bear-kinsy-poo
P.S. Consider yourself beat. Scorpy-pooky-honey-cutie-sweetie-pumpkin-kins. I just dare you to bear that.
-:-
Dear Rosie,
Your cat just hugged me. Jane was… wow. Do you know how many detentions Hugo got from her? A lot.
Christmas will be… interesting. Our house-elves are so sweet, my Dad seems a bit bitter that I chose the name "Dobby" for their child. I was six, okay? I had just read a book by Harry about him. IT was moving.
I read it against the instruction of my mother… I liked it, but when I let slip that I read it, she ate me.
Yeah, speaking of which, your Aunt just recently sent James a Howler. He attempted to ask Katie out. Again. This time by wearing nothing but a swim suit. It wasn't pretty. The black eye didn't match his outfit.
Love,
Scorpy-pooky-honey-cutie-sweetie-pumpkin-kins
P.S. I love you Rosie-flower-darlin-cutie-mclovie-dovie-pumpkin-cakey-kinsy-poo. Ha. I win.
-:-
Dear Scorp,
How on earth did my cat hug you, you moron? She's lacking several things needed for hugging. Like a brain. As much as I love her, I'll be the first to admit she's more food oriented than anything. Oh, and everyone gave Hugo a lot of detentions. He was as bad as James, some days. I'm almost ashamed to admit he's my brother.
Aw, you named a house elf Dobby? You're adorable, Scorp, you really are. I loved that book. It still has the power to make me cry, occasionally.
Of course she ate you, Scorp. That story was seriously gruesome. I'm more than happy to stick with Alanna and Daine, thank you very much. They don't rip out their own hearts. Ugh...
James, James, James... what am I to do with that boy? Honestly, I think when I get back, he'll have another black eye to match his existing one. And what do you know about matching outfits, anyway? I thought you were a nerd like me.
Love,
Rose
P.S. Don't call me Rosie.
P.P.S. Sometimes I hate you, ya' hear?
-:-
Dear Rose,
She climbed on top of me and put her paws round my neck! That's how your cat hugged me! And she's actually rather clever… In a bad way. She's sneaky. Anyway, speaking of giving Hugo detention, your mum sent him ANOTHER Howler. This time he used a portable swamp. This Howler was actually rather scary.
Yes, I named the elf Dobby. Mum made Dad agree. He was rather resentful, and kept snapping at me in the next week. But I got three new toys through it.
I don't know if she should have EATEN me. It was a little harsh. I had to sit in the corner for ten minutes. Ten minutes. That's a long time for a ten year old. And by the way, Alanna and Diane is for babies!
Katie gave him two black eyes. The second was for stealing her quill. He got another Howler. This one from Katie. And for your information, I am a fashion genius. And a nerd.
Love,
Scorpius Malfoy
P.S. Rosie. Please don't kill me!
P.P.S. I love you too, Rosie-pumpkin-flower-dinky-popkin-doodle-flower-poopy-kitty-kinsy-poo.
-:-
Dear Scorpius,
Are you sure that you weren't asleep...? I suppose... but she's an angel. And Hugo uses portable swamps half the time, so I don't see why you're worried. Mum often sends scary Howlers. Remember the time I got an E on my Transfiguration exam? Darn, that was scary.
Your family... Your mum loves house elves, you love house elves, your dad loves you and your mum, but hates house elves... and whenever he gets mad at you, he "buys you things". Honestly...
Ten minutes... Scorp, James has spent half his life sitting in the corner. You're a wimp. And Alanna and Daine (Spell it with me, D-A-I-N-E) are NOT for babies. Honestly, Alanna spends a lot of time bedding Jon/Liam/George (who is majorly epic) but we need not discuss Tamora Pierce now, you wimp.
Oh my... maybe a broken nose? I don't know what to say, other than "GO KATIE!". You guys leave soon, don't you? You'll get to go home to Astoria, and the man who buys you things.
Love,
Rose
P.S. You're going down.
P.P.S. F you.
-:-
Dear Rose,
Yes, I'm SURE if wasn't asleep! She was soft, too… Anyway, Hugo is currently in detention with Jane MacMillan. Scary girl, she really is. Yes, I remember your one and only Howler… your dad interrupted it at the end. "Now I'll send Hugo his! I can't believe he got a T in Herbology…" Good times, good times.
Fine, I'm a wimp! It's not like you ever got sent to the corner! You know, if I tally up all the times I've been in the corner, it comes up to an forty five minutes! Ten for the Hairy Heart, ten for trashing Dad's office, twenty for stealing Dad's antique stone that paints pretty pictures on instruction, and five for stealing all the cookies before dinner. I'm a bad boy!
Yeah, speaking of "GO KATIE!"… James just forced Katie to kiss him. The mistletoe trick. She punched him four times before she kissed him. He said it was worth it. And yes, we do leave soon. Tomorrow actually. It'll be okay. I think Dad has finally stopped being mad at me for that time we (James, Fred, Hugo and I) tried to prank the McLaggens. I was twelve… Do you remember that Howler? And that lecture you gave me? Ech. Anyway, Mum is making food with the elves (Disty, Quinky, and Dobby.) Should be okay…
Love,
Scorp
P.S. Hehe. Nervous laugh.
P.P.S. Would you EVER say that in front of your father? Oh wait...
-:-
Dear Scorp,
If you say so... Jane is okay, if you look past the uni brow and Mary-Janes (who wears those? Seriously? Converse all the way!). Ah, those were the days... I get a Howler for getting an "Exceeds Expectations" and Hugo gets one for a "Troll". Which, I ask, was more deserved?
That is very true. I am a good child. You're bloody mad, that's what you are! I still can't believe you actually trashed your dad's office...
THE PRICK! TELL MY BROTHER TO TELL JAMES THAT WHEN I GET BACK, I AM GOING TO MURDER HIM! HE CAN KISS HIS FREEDOM GOODBYE! VENGEANCE IS MINE!
And he had better have gotten over it. That was four years ago.
Love,
Rose
P.S. Oh, you just wait until I see you...
P.P.S. Of course not.
-:-
Dear Rose,
The cat hugged me! Jane is actually really pretty nowadays. She used a hair removal charm on her uni-brow and wears sleek flats. Not that I'd ever fall in love with anyone but you. ;) Love you, Rosie. Anyway, I know how you feel. Not really, I have no siblings. But yes, Hugo did deserve the Howler more…
You are a goody-goody two shoes. How you fell for a bad boy like me, I don't know. Trashing Dad's office was entertaining. Until I was in the corner. And I was eight.
Language, Rose! Anyway, he's already kissed freedom goodbye. Apparently, Uncle Harry, who is, as you now, head of the Auror department, found out about the mistletoe and had now forced James to stay with that mean Auror trainer that makes James run in circles. Should teach him a lesson.
Yeah, it took him a while… He didn't even buy me anything after he grounded me for two weeks! I was in shock.
Love,
Scorp
P.S. I've got till Easter… You'll forget
P.P.S. Would you say that in front of your mother?
-:-
Dear Scorp,
Yep, I (don't) believe you. And Jane... wow. She doesn't look like a prude anymore? Wow... I cannot comprehend this...
I love you too, Scorpius. :) And one would think that would be obvious, about Hugo...
I am a very good child. And you aren't all that bad. You are in Ravenclaw, after all. It must have been, but the corner must have been terrible...
I said nothing that was all that bad, really. Aw, I love how you call him Uncle Harry. It makes you almost part of the family. :D And that would be a good thing, for James. It's also practice for professional Quidditch.
Wow, I am very impressed. I'm sure he bought you something really awesome to make up for it, though.
Love,
Rose
P.S. Please. I won't forget.
P.P.S. Are you kidding me? I wouldn't say darn in front of my mother!
-:-
Dear Rose,
THE DARNED CAT DID HUG ME, OKAY! And yes, Jane is hot now. She'd already gone through two boys: Daniel Bromick from Ravenclaw and Samuel Byron from Hufflepuff.
Just trying to be a supportive boyfriend! A guy always has to agree with the woman.
Yes, both you and I are very good children. I just went through a rebellious fase... But I didn't like the corner...
Here's a good test to see if what you said is "all that bad": would you say it in front of your mum? Thank you for awing me. He gave me permission to do so. And yes, I am almost part of the family. Yes, Katie agrees that this is a good thing for James. He is still running in circles. She is entertained.
Impressed? I was grounded for two weeks and didn't get any good gifts in return! What kind of parenting method is this? And no, he never bought me anything to make up for it.
Love,
Scorp
P.S. You will. Memory charms.
P.P.S. Oh. DARN! I feel naughty. Mum would've eaten me for that.
-:-
Dear Scorpius,
I never said she didn't, Scorp. You're over reacting. So... Jane is hot, then? Why don't you just ask her out, then?
That is very true. We are superior, after all.
A rebellious faze, eh? That's putting it a bit lightly.
She would be proud of the "vengeance is mine" line. Les Miserables all the way. You are very welcome. That's Uncle Harry for you. He's great. :D You're like Teddy. Except, you know, he married Victiore, and you won't.
Yes, I am very impressed. Your dad always gives in. You need discipline Scorp, discipline.
All my love,
Rose
P.S. Charm against memory charms.
P.P.S. Please. Your mum wouldn't mind "darn". "Damn" maybe, but "darn"... no way.
-:-
Dear Rose,
You implied she didn't. And I am NOT over reacting. Yes, Jane is hot . BUt no, I will not ask her out. I love you, Rosie.
We are equals! But you're better, honey.
What is that supposed to mean? "Putting it lightly..." I'm a good kid.
Yes, your Mum would be proud of "vengeance is mine." Uncle Harry is great. I'm like Teddy? You're right, I won't marry Victoire, I'll marry you.
Why on earth would be IMPRESSED? My dad does NOT always give in! Just 99% of the time. And I don't need discipline! I'm a good kid! I good kid I tell you!
Love,
Scorp
P.S. Fine.
P.P.S. Yeah, she would definitely mind "damn." Like send me to the corner again. And I'm seventeen.
-:-
Dear Scorpius,
That may be true, but I will not be tied to anything incriminating. Hm... just a word of advice, perhaps no matter how laid back your girlfriend usually is, it is not wise to tell her you think another girl is hot. Just a suggestion. Also, "hotness" suggests that a girl is an object in some ways.
Why thank you, dearest Scorp.
Well... you did trash your dad's study. Of course, my sire doesn't have one, so I don't know the feeling...
She is a huge "fancy words" freak. He is awesome! Is that a proposal?
Just 99% of the time... sure Scorp, sure.
Love,
Rose
P.S. I win. :)
P.P.S. Astoria is just awesome enough to do so. I always knew I liked your mum...
-:-
Dear Rose,
You could work as a lawyer. Thanks a lot for the advice! Now I feel abashed and ashamed!
Your welcome, dearest Rose.
Yeah, she is. . Bam. Yes, Teddy is awesome, and no, I'm very sorry, but I think I may fall in love with another woman. Ten years from now and she'll call you mommy. ;)
It's true! He has stood firm twice! Once when I stole the rock and again when I played the prank. 99% of the time he does give in.
Love,
Scorpius
P.S. You always do.
P.P.S. Awesome enough? Would you send me to the corner?
-:-
Dear Scorpius,
Why thank you. I shall consider that. And you should feel abashed. You have no experience with girls, it seems.
What does silicosis have to do with anything? Yes, he is. Aw, Scorp, that's the most adorable semi pickup line ever!
...oh Scorpius, Scorpius, Scorpius. You are such a troublesome child.
Love,
Rose
P.S. And you know it.
P.P.S. Of course I would. With a bit of shouting to go along.
-:-
Dear Rose,
You're welcome. Thanks for being understanding. (Sarcasm)
It's a big word. And do you really like it? I got it from Al.
I AM NOT TROUBLESOME! I am fine! UGH!
Love,
Scorp
P.S. I know you always do. I'm not naive and stupid. That would be Leia Delaney.
P.P.S. Meanie.
-:-
Dear Scorpius,
Hey, you messed with me, didn't you?
It's a lung disease. Rose=not impressed.
Oh Scorpy, Scorpy, Scorpy... you have so much to learn about the world.
So, Scorp, you're home now, right? How is that going?
Love,
Rose
P.S. That is true. Leia is both of those.
P.P.S. That I am, Scorp, that I am.
-:-
Dear Rose,
I did not mess with you! That would be wrong! And I am a well-mannered, kind and sensible young boy. NOT TROUBLESOME.
I do not have a lot to learn about the world! I already know everything!
Yes, I am home, and it's good. The house-elves cooked great. Mum did okay. Dad is fine, but he's still a bit stiff about the whole "my son is dating a Weasley" thing. It's okay, though. My family is weird. I wish I had a sister. Or a brother. Maybe that would make it better.
Love,
Scorpius
P.S. I agree. As does the rest of the class.
P.P.S. That you are, Rose, that you are.
-:-
Dear Scorpius,
I didn't hear you saying anything about manners right before I left... it was more kissing... just saying. You trouble Jane with dirty thoughts about her... I'm never letting that one go.
Really? You have so much to learn. You still don't know what you want to be, do you?
I'm glad... o.O When did you tell your dad? Mine still doesn't know! You must be bloody mad! He'll skin you! Wait, did he? Oh God, my boyfriend is dying soon at the hands of his very own father. Or my father...
Believe me, Scorp, you don't want a sibling.
Forever Yours,
Rose
P.S. Except her.
P.P.S. Oh, believe me, you'll see how mean I can be when I get back. You and your ear shall be punished for the Jane comments. And you can add to your corner count. Muahahahaha.
-:-
Dear Rosie,
I have manners… PLEASE LET THE JANE THING GO! I know you'll kill me for it…
I have nothing to learn. I'm such a genius; I don't have to think about "what I want to be." Thats for sensible people like you.
I told my dad about us the day I got back. He said I couldn't date you, but that's not stopping me! I am so bad a**. And yes, he almost did skin me alive. Your dad doesn't know? Ya' know you have the advantage of being in another country… Lucky.
Why? What's wrong with siblings?
Also Forever Yours,
Scorp Malfoy
P.S. Very true, except her.
P.P.S. That's only extremely worrying.
-:-
Dear Scorp,
That's why I won't let it go. Things like that hurt, Scorp.
Scorpius Malfoy, don't kid. Go choose a profession.
Wow, Scorp. I'm shocked. Does he know we're owling? Obviously not, what am I thinking? That is a very good point, and there are also very good reasons Dad doesn't know yet...
They're annoying little brats. You would hate one.
Love,
Rose
P.S. Don't call me Rosie, Mister. Does your arse need a spank? I learned a spanking curse...
P.P.S. It very well should be, kiddo.
-:-
Dear Rose,
Please, please, please let it go! It'll haunt me! I'm sorry. *Ashamed face*
Rose Minerva Weasley! How dare you address me in that tone? (Sorry, you used my full name.)
Yes, I assumed you would be. No, he doesn't know we're owling, and if he did, I wouldn't care. I love you.
Are you sure they're annoying? You seem to like Hugo behind all that frustration.
Love,
Scorpius
P.S. No, ma'am! Where the hell did you learn a spanking curse? Rose? (Happy?)
P.P.S. Sometimes I worry about our children.
-:-
Dear Scorpius,
Maybe I'll let it go... if we're eighty. If we break up, I'm telling Jane. And I'm not stopping James, Hugo, Dad, Freddie, Louis, Teddy, and anyone else from going after you. Be warned.
Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy, you are a disappointment.
I love you too, Scorpius.
Oh, right. I love him, but like... that's a bit hard.
Love,
Rose
P.S. Good. And Uncle Charlie is a very kind person. Doesn't stop any knowledge... he is also very kinky, I hear.
P.P.S. Our children? What, am I pregnant and a mother of three without knowing it?
-:-
Dear Rose,
Maybe? When we're eighty? We will never break up, Rosie! I love you!
Rose Minerva Weasley, if you speak to me that way one more time, you will be sitting in the corner! For twenty minutes!
Love you too, Rose.
A bit hard? I'm getting mixed messages here!
Love,
Scorp
P.S. Okay, ew! What was he teaching you and how? That's very inappropriate!
P.P.S. Our future children! Two blondes and a ginger. You know it!
-:-
It's too much fun to let go of anytime before we're eighty. I hope we won't either, but Scorp, you never know!
Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy, you had better not be attempting to insinuate that you are in any way better than me. I will send your skinny arse right back to that corner...!
I love Hugo. But I don't really like him. It doesn't go beyond family.
Love,
Rose
P.S. Let's not even discuss this. I now know twenty charms to keep me from getting pregnant, as well, as several kinky ones, and one or two meant for, er, cleaning up after the act, if you know what I mean...
P.P.S. No way. I'm no Kate G. and I'm no Duggar. One kid, maybe less. Adoption is plenty healthy, you know.
-:-
Dear Rose,
The way you enjoy torturing me is adorable… and evil. We will never, ever break up. I promise.
ROSE MINERVA WEASLEY! ….. Okay, I got nothing. I'll go to the corner now…
That makes NO sense. But whatever…
Love,
Scorp
P.S. That was dirty. Who needs to be shouted at now? I'm sending you to the corner.
P.P.S. Fine, we'll adopt two, make one.
-:-
Dear Scorpius,
...I think we should break up due to the fact you have blond hair. I'M KIDDING! But it could happen.
I am an insane torturer who gets her lulz from your pain.
You wouldn't get it, only child. But if Hugo and I weren't related, I would probably hate his guts.
Scorp... I miss you so much right now.
Love,
Rose
P.S. Uncle Charlie? I'm not letting you spank him. That's gross!
P.P.S. Okay, that's it, your ear will be in extreme pain by the time I'm done with you.
-:-
Dear Rose,
WHAT? You gave me a heart attack! Not nice Rose, not nice. I almost died. DIED, I tell you!
Yeah, I noticed that a while ago… When you gave me a lecture on the prank. One of your few flaws. But I love you anyway! I'm such a faithful guy.
Still making no sense to me… But I'll live with it.
Love,
Scorp
P.S. You are so dirty! And that was a rhetorical question! Yuck! Ew, ew, ew!
P.P.S. What'd I do? Ah, the make one comment. Yeah, didn't think about that one… You are cruel, Rose. To me and my ear
-:-
Dear Scorp,
Would I really break up with you over the color of your hair? I'd be more likely to break up with you because of Dad. Or your nose.
Oh, really? I know where you're ticklish...
I go home tomorrow. The Ministry training was okay, I guess... ah well. I'm just ready to be with the family again.
Love,
Rose
P.S. Yes, yes I am. I retract my former statement. I would love to see you attempt to spank Charlie.
P.P.S. Yes, well. If you weren't so dirty occasionally, I wouldn't have to threaten to shout at you, now would I?
-:-
Dear Rose,
I suppose not… And what exactly is wrong with my nose?
HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? That is top secret, that is!
I can't wait to see you! We have to find a way to get together!
Love,
Scorp
P.S. ROSE WEASLEY! You are so filthy, dirty, yucky gross!
P.P.S. And if you weren't so mean, I wouldn't have to worry about you shouting at me, would I? How would you like it if I threatened to shout at you?
-:-
Scorpius,
Nothing. I just like poking fun at it.
You laugh in your sleep, Scorp. What can I say?
We do. Al will probably cover for me, the sweet little Hufflepuff he is.
Love,
Rose
P.S. Aren't I, though? I'm the only one you get to shout at. Plus, weren't you talking about making babies before, anyway?
P.P.S. I don't know, Scorp. When is this shouting taking place? Actually... ew. No shouting at me, Malfoy.
Oh, God, Dad just walked in and almost saw that. I'm home, by the way!
-:-
Dear Rose,
I still don't understand why both you and Al enjoy poking fun at it. Yes, it looks exactly like my father's, and yes it looks funny when I sneer. LEAVE THE NOSE ALONE!
You listen to what I say/do in my sleep? And you test for tickle spots. That is so low… and weird. Anyway, I am now making it a point to find your ticklish spot. And don't even try to tell me that you haven't got one. Everyone has.
Of course Al will cover for you, this is Al we're talking about. He is such a Huff. I think that's something Uncle Harry likes about him, you know?
Love,
Scorp
P.S. Okay, enough, this is making me SICK! You are surprisingly dirty for a girl with all O's, a prefect AND Head Girl badge…
P.P.S. Yeah, that would be a pretty bad way to make an impression… Although I don't think your letters are helpful for your rep here either. Allow me to quote: "Okay, that's it, your ear will be bright red when I'm done with you."
-:-
Dear Scorpius,
It's so huge and funny! I hope your children don't inherit it.
Only when you fall asleep in my lap, you idiot. And of course I test for ticklish spots and other suck blackmail opportunities. Oh, I just dare you to find mine. You'll never think to look for it there.
Uncle Harry likes something about everyone, especially Al. It's just who he is.
Love,
Rose
P.S. Well, technically I don't have the badge yet. Not until next year. But I have to do something entertaining, or I'll wither up.
P.P.S. It would be. Shut up, Malfoy. I'm aloud to write you whatever I want. You're my boyfriend. I can also threaten you-no kissing for a week after I get back. How do you like that?
P.P.P.S. Also, a lot of and corner time.
-:-
Dear Rose,
I thought we were adopting?
Look for it where? I immediately though something very naughty right there!
Okay, the best thing about Uncle Harry is he said he liked me. Even though I was dating you. He was wonderful.
Love,
Scorpius
P.S. That is soooo not the point, Rose! The point is, you are super dirty for such goody-goody.
P.P.S. Don't be so mean, Rosie. I know your "aloud" to write anything you want. I'm ALLOWED to write anything I want too. (I'm holding this against you forever.) NO KISSING FOR A WEEK! I'll be good, I promise!
P.P.P.S. "Okay, that's it, Missy, your ear will be bright red when I'm done with you!" Quotes!
-:-
Dear Scorp,
If we get married, we are. But as I said, you never know. Remember, Uncle Harry and Aunt Ginny separated for a time.
Good God, Scorp, get your mind out of the gutter! But I'm not telling you. It just has nothing to do with feminine parts, okay?
Uncle Harry likes everyone. But even though you were dating me... wow.
Yours,
Rose
P.S. True, I am. But it's more fun.
P.P.S. Damn it, I need to sleep before writing to you. Ugh. You know what? No kissing for a week is definite now.
P.P.P.S. Scorpius Malfoy. I will not be buying you or giving you things until you shape up, okay?
-:-
Dear Rose,
Just one baby? One little baby? I want a mini-me! We are not under the circumstances Uncle Harry and Aunt Ginny are. We are in love, and the only thing in the way is our fathers.
Okay, not feminine spots? Im thinking ear!
Uncle Harry rocks! What was the wow for?
Love,
Scorp
P.S. How can you possibly, possibly think like that? YUCK!
P.P.S. Hermione's gonna' EAT you!
P.P.P.S. Hey, I'm just quoting! Why should you stop buying me things! I just want to use that shouting curse on you!
-:-
Dear Scorpius,
I'm not promising anything. What if we never get married? What if I'm infertile? What if I have a girl? And in someways, our conditions are worse, due to the Malfoy-Weasley loathing.
Can ears even be ticklish?
Yes, yes he does. He's one of m favorite uncles.
Love,
Rose
P.S. It's quite easy. Many girls have dirty minds too, you know.
P.P.S. What, are you going to tell her I have a boyfriend, despite the fact that I'm not allowed until I'm seventeen for academic reasons? We would have to break up-I respect Mum too much. And then no kissing at all.
P.P.P.S. I should stop buying you things for your terrible quoting habit. And you know, Scorp, now you're in trouble. A fat load of it.
-:-
Dear Rose,
Whats wrong with girls? They can still be mini-mes. And just so you know, I don't give a damn what they think, my Dad, and with all due respect, your Dad. I love you so much, and I would never, ever break up with you for my Dad. Not in a million years. You have to know that.
Yes, I think so… I hope so, Why don't you check.
I don't play favorites, but I have no uncles, so, yeah.
Love,
Scorp
P.S. Okay, does that mean you have to have one too? Its scarring me.
P.P.S. You know, maybe you should wait till we graduate. It might be better for our relationship. And our kisses.
P.P.P.S. You would stop buying me things? Cruel. And, why exactly, am I in trouble? You're the dirty one! I shouldn't be the one in trouble. Injustice. Is this how siblings work? I think we should only get one kid, then. I think you'll be a pretty strict mum, Rosie.
-:-
Dear Scorp,
Don't even discuss it. I love you too, but Dad... he's always been here, and I feel like I'm being disloyal to him by dating you, sometimes. I'm sorry, but I've always been a Daddy's girl, Scorpius.
You can't tickle yourself, you idiot.
I wouldn't, but there's Uncle Percy...
Love,
Rose
P.S. Deal with it, Malfoy.
P.P.S. To tell? That sounds like a very, very good idea.
P.P.P.S. Of course I would But you see, you are male. The blame lies with you. And Scorp, no future talk for now, okay? What if one of us dies or something?
-:-
Dear Rose,
I love you. That's that. I'm pretty sure you love me. Why should our parents stand in the way? I understand that you have to be loyal to your dad. He was a way better dad than mine was. My dad spent his time being strict, feeling bad and buying me stuff. But can we agree on something? We'll try to stay together. Forever.
Fine get Hugo to do it. I'm sure he'd be willing.
He's not that bad.
Love,
Scorp
P.S. Okay, okay. Chill out Weasley.
P.P.S. Yeah, that's why I cam up with it.
P.P.P.S. Okay, so let me get this straight. I asked you this: You would stop buying me things? You respond with: Of course I would. I ask you this: Would you send me to the corner? You respond with: Of course I would. With a shout to go along. I offer a compromise (adopt two, make one) and you respond with: Okay, that's it, your ear will be bright red when I'm done with you. You don't really follow through with you threats though, do you, Rosie-pumpkin-flower-dinky-popkin-doodle-flower-poopy-kitty-kinsy-poo.
-:-
Dear Scorpius,
Of course I love you. You would know by now if I didn't. I love him, Scorp. I love you too, but it's a different kind of love, and I'm not sure I can say no if he wants us to break up. But I want to try forever.
Hugo knowing my ticklish spots? Are you mad?
Obviously you have never spent an extended amount of time with him. He is that bad.
Yours Semi Forever,
Rose
P.S. It comes with the hair.
P.P.S. Oh, you cam up with it, eh?
P.P.P.S. See if I ever kiss your dirty mouth again, Malfoy. Maybe I should just end all of this.
-:-
Dear Rose,
I love you so, so much. I would die if we had to break up, but I understand what you mean. I love my dad, but I want you more. You're too loyal.
Okay, okay, just offering suggestions!
Okay, even if he is that bad, he can't be terrible.
Definitely Forever Yours,
Scorpius.
P.S. I know.
P.P.S. Yes, I did come up with the genius idea. I am a genius.
P.P.P.S. Okay, that's following through with your threats. In a bad way. I would've liked it more if you just shouted at me and sent me to the corner, Rose-fluffle-cutie-pie-ruffle-dinky-pooples-bobo-snuffles-mcflufflysnugglykins.
-:-
Dear Scorp,
I love you so much too, but with loves so different, who do I love more?
You are mad. Wow.
You have never met him.
Love,
Rose
P.S. I want a dog when I graduate. Just so you know.
P.P.S. That is very debatable.
P.P.P.S. You're visiting "Al(ly)" tomorrow. See if I kiss you then.
-:-
Dear Rose,
I know exactly what you mean. I don't think there is a more. I think you need a both.
You never noticed that?
I have so!
Love Forever and Ever and Ever,
Scorp
P.S. I knew that too. A German Shepherd, right?
P.P.S. Not debatable, as it's a fact!
P.P.P.S. Okay, okay. What time should I be at Al's?
-:-
Dear Scorp,
That is very true. A both would be nice.
Of course I noticed it, but due to the fact you are my boyfriend thing and I love you so very much and would never spank you or send you to time out, I had to avoid saying it at all costs. You might take offense, and we couldn't have that, now could we?
These letters are getting shorter and shorter. Thanks for returning Ariel earlier. She's sitting on my lap purring right now. Oh, and Al says he's not impressed with the fact you sat on him. He says that you really should watch where you're going. And then he asked me to make sure to apologize. He decided what he said was too mean. I worry about those Hufflepuffs sometimes...
Hey, Scorp, what's the Hogwarts gossip I missed?
Love,
Rose
P.S. You do know me well. I'm impressed.
P.P.S. Very debatable.
P.P.P.S. Obviously you got Al's owl, as you made it there on time. I'm impressed.
-:-
Dear Rosie,
Okay, I think you knew that I meant "both", not "a both." It was the middle of the night, which is when I'm writing my letters to avoid getting caught. I love you so much, Rose.
Well, thanks for noticing that I'm mad. I appreciate it. And thanks for being my perfect girlfriend. I love you too. Thanks for considering my feelings when refraining from calling me mad. I appreciate it very much Rosie.
I noticed that too. I guess we're getting tireder and tireder. I wish I could see you more! I miss you! And you're welcome for returning Ariel. Ask her, she'll back me up with the hugging thing. Tell Al that being sat on builds character. I've never been sat on, which is why I have none. Also tell Al that he needs to stop being such a Hufflepuff, and instead be a bit more like Melanie. She's a Hufflepuff, but at least she knows how to kick some butt.
Hogwarts gossip… Well, Albus and Melanie are in looooove. Jane MacMillan is on her third boyfriend, Harold Gedster, Slytherin. Then there was a scandal where Maria Sottelle. She cheated on the Tranfiguration test and MacMillan found out. She is currently in detention. Also, Hugo is currently on his (let's see, um, twelfth) girlfriend in the last two years. Your mum doesn't know about any of them. The current girl is a tall, skinny, really attractive blonde named Julia.
Love,
Scorpius
P.S. Yes, I do know you very, very, very well. Best boyfriend ever, right here.
P.P.S. Okay, the fact that I'm a genius is so not debatable!
P.P.P.S. I got the owl about an hour after I sent the letter. Timing just didn't work out great right there.
-:-
Dear Scorp,
Of course I did. It's midnight right now, so obviously we use the same strategy.
You're very welcome. It is my job to notice, after all. Aren't I just overall perfect? So modest, too.
That's a very good thing. And Scorp, you are aware what you just asked me to do, correct? You told me to ask my cat if she hugged you. You need more sleep. Yeah, Al will totally believe that being sat on builds character. He isn't that gullible, you know. Al and Melanie are different breeds of Hufflepuff. Besides, he has Melanie to kick butt for him.
Aren't they always? That's messed up. Really? And you are aware it's winter break, right Scorp? You seriously need more sleep. And I'm going to kill my brother. Honestly.
Love,
Rose
P.S. I suppose you do. Quick, what's my favorite color?
P.P.S. Want to debate it?
P.P.P.S. No, I suppose it didn't. But it's all good.
-:-
Dear Scorpius,
Oh please. When do you think I send most of my letters? I came up with it, you just mentioned it first. Though if I recall correctly, I made a mistake with allowed because it was late. Or early, depending.
Why thank you... what a back handed compliment.
How will Ariel speak to me? Reall, Scor? Yes, yes there are. There are good Ravenclaws like me, and lazy ones like you.
I know they are. And what did I say about mentioning Jane and how she got hot? Oh yeah... wow, I feel bad for her. Detention over break. Hugo and I live in the same house. I knew about that. And yes, I've met Millie. She is not good enough to date my brother. Or actually, she's probably too good for my brother.
Yours,
Rose
P.S. No duh.
P.P.S. Good decision, mister.
P.P.P.S. Yes well. Relatively all good.
-:-
Dear Rose,
Okay, fine, you win. But I will win something. Someday. Somehow, It will happen!
Ariel has sign language or something! I don't know, but she connected with me or something, because we are too close! Way too close! And Scorpius does not appreciate the Ravenclaw comment. He will retaliate with another: There are sensible Ravenclaws like me, and complete nutters like you.
Al and Melanie sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. Let's not show Mel this letter. I still don't understand why you take the Jane thing so hard! You know I love you! Don't feel bad for Maria. She's terrible. And she deserves the detention. About Hugo… Millie's nice enough. She's just a shade too happy. I really hope you don't tell your Mum.
Yours Forever,
Scorp
P.S. Okay, I bet it's BLUE
P.P.S. Thanks, Mister. (See, it's annoying when people address you like that.)
P.P.P.S. Relative to what? Starvation?
-:-
Dear Scorp,
Perhaps... but unlikely.
...my cat knows sign language. That's a new one. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Nutters like me, eh? Oh believe me, you are going to get it when we go back to Hogwarts in a few days! Spell it with me. R-e-g-r-e-t i-t. With a capital "R".
Let's really not. Maria isn't all that bad, just... misunderstood. That's it! Misunderstood. She is nice. But Hugo... he's messed up, I think. Something went wrong. Maybe it was the pink hair... oh my Merlin, it was the pink hair, wasn't it?
Love,
Rose
P.S. Good job, genius. It is.
P.P.S. I'm female, you idiot. Of course it's annoying when someone thinks I'm male. Honestly...
P.P.P.S. Death? Disease? Poverty?
-:-
Dear Rose,
It could happen…
Your cat is a fricking genius, okay! She knows sign language and she has a telepathic way to communicate with me. And, yes, I said nutters like you. And what exactly am I going to get? A pie? A monkey? A cat? If you insist on giving me things, I suppose a spelling test isn't too much to ask. R-e-g-r-e-t i-t.
Okay, first of all, Maria is that bad. She is obnoxious and rude. Millie is nice, but they aren't a good couple (her and Hugo.) Hugo needs someone… crazy. Don't put it on yourself about Hugo. I'm sure the pink hair had no affect on him.
Love,
Scorp
P.S. Thank you. You know you are jealous of my smarts.
P.P.S. Okay, okay. How about this: Don't call me an idiot, MISSY.
P.P.P.S. Oh. You just depressed me.
-:-
Dear Scorpius,
keep kidding yourself.
Scorpius Malfoy, my cat is not Sophie Hatter or Faithful, my cat is Ariel. She does not speak. But she is awesome! And as for buying you things: how about a knuckle sandwich?
Let's not debate my brother's love life, what say you?
Love,
Rose
P.S. What smarts?
P.P.S. Mr. Malfoy, please seat yourself in the corner.
P.P.P.S. My job here is complete.
-:-
Dear Scorp,
We'll be back tomorrow!
Love,
Rose