Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: I don't own any of them...JKR does.
Warning: This fic contains mentions of slash. If you don't like it, don't read.
A/N: I'm not sure where this came from...the idea somehow popped into my head right before I fell into a sickly nap.
A/N2: So I'd say this takes place sometime in Sirius and Remus' 4th year.
Remus and Sirius sat nervously in Dumbledore's office. Actually, after taking a chance glance, Remus noticed Sirius was sitting quite comfortably and looking proud of himself. While Remus looked completely dishevelled, Sirius' appearance was perfect-as always. The only indication of what they were doing in the hall was his loosened tie and the undone top buttons of his shirt that revealed his pale collarbone. If Remus wasn't so worried right now, he'd consider licking the flesh. Then again, that urge was the reason why he was in trouble.
No matter how many times Remus had been called into this office, he still felt nervous. The last thing he needed was to worry his parents more with owls about his misbehaviour. Sirius on the other hand couldn't care less and this was obvious in the way he leaned back in his chair so the back legs were the only ones touching the floor. Remus wondered how he could be so calm about this. Was he intending to bluff his way out? Remus didn't think he could find an excuse as to why he had his tongue down Sirius' throat in a darkened corner.
"Lemon drop?" Dumbledore offered, ever-lasting twinkle in his eye. Remus declined but Sirius took a handful. Squirming a little under the headmaster's all knowing gaze, Remus started to focus on his shoes and hoped he wouldn't be expelled. As well as trying to figure out the best way to explain it all to his parents just in case he was. Obviously, Hogwarts didn't welcome such acts of perversion. This must have just shown Dumbledore his error of judgement when he let a werewolf onto Hogwarts grounds. A werewolf could only corrupt the students of Hogwarts.
Though Sirius was the one who made the first move so perhaps the corruption was the other way round.
"Now, the two of you must have an idea of why I brought you back into my office," started Dumbledore solemnly, bringing Remus' attention back up. Sirius smirked and Remus wanted to punch it off-or perhaps kiss it away.
"You two must be well aware of both the wizarding and muggle world's contempt of... homosexual acts. As such, it was lucky for the two of you that it was in fact I who caught you, as I am more tolerable that most men. Not everyone will be as understanding if you are caught again. I hope this will be a warning for the two of you. I trust what is said in this office will not be repeated to anyone else?"
Remus looked down in shame and saw from the corner of his eye that Sirius was acting a little less jolly. Dumbledore continued.
"Now while I can't say for certain whether this is mere schoolboy experimentation or your actual preferences, I still want the two of you to be safe. Which brings us back to the reason of why you are in my office." After a few wand movements and some incantations, a small chest appeared on Dumbledore's desk. The headmaster opened it and peered inside but gave no hint of what was in the box. Tensing up, Remus feared this was some sort of torture that was only reserved for the most horrible and ill-behaved students of Hogwarts.
"I understand that Madame Pomfrey already gave everyone in your year the mandatory sexual education talk. Now, many of the spells she mentioned, though frowned upon for students your age, aren't of interest to you. But I don't want my students to continue without important information." Dumbledore started to pull various jars and parchment out of the chest until finally he pulled out a large wooden penis. That made Sirius lose his balance and fall backwards.
"Are you all right Mr. Black? Good. Now, when two men are aroused..."
An hour later, Remus and Sirius walked out of Dumbledore's office a few shades whiter. While the talk had been extremely helpful (and at one point Remus started taking notes), it still didn't make up for the fact that their ancient headmaster just taught them about gay sex.
"So is Dumbledore gay?" Sirius asked in an awed whisper, looking around to make sure no one was near. "How did he know all that? Ugh! I thought he had a thing for McGonagall. Now I'm going to have nightmares about him getting off with Slughorn or something."
"Well, it could have been worse. It was nice of him to give us some lubricant though," Remus put a hand in his robe pocket and gripped the jar, still not fully believing it was in his possession. "And now I have the instructions of some spells that might come in handy."
"Yeah it was helpful but a spell for light bondage? What did he get up to in his day?"
"Just be glad he caught us and not Filch. He's right though, we need to be more careful. Did you understand that odd thing he mentioned about walking around Barmy and the dancing trolls on the seventh floor if we were ever in a bind for a private place?"
"Dunno, he's probably losing it. Now don't look at me like that! I'm just as relieved as you that Dumbledore's bent. Once we get that map finished though, we won't have to worry about being snuck up on." Sirius said confidently, already making his way back to the common room. Remus glanced at his notes before folding them and putting them next to the jar in his pocket before hurrying to catch up with Sirius.
"If we're lucky, James and Peter will still be on the Quidditch pitch." Called Sirius, sly suggestion dripping off every word. Remus couldn't help but smile as he and Sirius ran towards their dorm room.