LOFTY LEAVES, DYLAN GRIEVES
I think there are a lot of sad Dyfty fans out there so it's time for a bit of silliness. I'm not including Cal and Ethan in this, simply because their storyline was too sad to joke about and it would have been tasteless and an insult to their fine acting last night.
Lofty went up to Dylan and gave him a huge hug.
Dylan just glared at him and thought "You poxy little slug.
I thought we had a future but you're leaving my heart sore,
Your turn to suffer, Benjamin, you're not my boy no more."
Lofty said somewhat nervously "Please come and have a drink,
I'll always keep in touch with you, even when I'm a shrink.
I owe you lots for what you've done, you've helped me all the while,
But it would be nice if now and then you broke into a smile."
"Go f*** yourself" bawled Dylan, "I don't need scum like you,
I felt secure beside you but you're going to leave me too."
"Well yes", young Ben admitted, "But if your soul's so hollow,
Why don't you take a chance on life, and pack your bags and follow?"
"You mean it?" Dylan stammered, and Ben held out his arms.
"We can travel round the country, we can stay at inns and farms,
Now go and round up Dervla, and we'll jump on the first train,
It was tearing me apart to see you standing there in pain."
Well what a treat for all the staff, "Well done lads" Charlie said,
And Connie whipped her panties off and whirled them round her head.
Robyn danced in Gangam style and Noel kissed Big Mac,
While the new paramedic fondled Rita, Iain and Jack.
Max took Zoe in his arms and waltzed her through the door,
To prove it was a happy place, they had sex in Bay 4.
… And all this time, that crafty blighter Dervla, proud as punch
Had bitten through a handbag and was eating Connie's lunch.