fUNhOUSE

Damn. I've been creating fanfiction nonstop nowadays. (Curse thee evil fanfiction sprites!) Hopefully, my horrible story-writing skills won't make your eyes, mouth, and/or brain bleed. Proceed on with caution.

Bleach belongs to Kubo Tite-sama.

Nothing belongs to me.

Unfortunately.

Chapter One: Ichigo Kurosaki

01. Candy: "Kurosaki! I told you I hate chocolate!" The captain of the Tenth division, Toshiro Hitsugaya, roared as the guilty party, Ichigo Kurosaki, sneaked off into the Eleventh division…which was also a bad idea.

02. Ignorance: "Why's she damn crying Rukia!?...Inoue? Y-You okay?" [WAHHHH!] "Shut up idiot! Don't you see you're making it worse!?"

03. Socks: When Byakuya opened the top drawer in his dresser, he was puzzled to find all his socks missing. He was furious, however, when he read the note that was left behind by a certain strawberry. 'Borrowing these'?! His ass.

04. Fear: Ichigo gulped as he tried, fruitlessly, to escape from the Captain of the Fourth division. "U-Unohana-san! I think a check-up would hardly be necessary! I am per—!" Unohana-san had backed him into a corner. Shit.

05. Tattoo: Renji glared as Ichigo flagged him down. "What? And make it quick, I'm busy." The Substitute Shinigami held up two drawings (of a butterfly and a unicorn, mind you) as he questioned him. "Which design would Byakuya like more as his tattoo?" Blinking, Renji replied very intelligently. "Huh?" "Which one?! BUTTERFLY OR UNICORN? God Renji…It's not that hard of a question." As Ichigo impatiently waited, the red-haired man managed to fumble out a wimpy 'butterfly'. Grinning, the fake Soul Reaper pranced away, leaving a very confused lieutenant behind.

06. Tea: Ichigo quite liked having tea with Ukitake-san, it was refreshing. That is, until Kenpachi shows up…demanding for a fight.

07. Band-Aid: Ichigo cried out as Renji ripped off the plaster that was on his face. "Oi! Renji! That hurt!" "Wuss."

08. Stereo-Types: Rukia always seemed to grin when she remembered the first time she met Ichigo. "So…basically you're a badass angel that kills monsters for a living, worships a freakin' bunny, and lives in Heaven?" (He laughed at that point.) "Never 'woulda guessed."

09. Soccer: "Ichi-nii!" Yuzu tugged on her older brother's shirt. "Come play soccer with me and Karin!" Looking at his younger sister's pleading face, Ichigo groaned and shut his textbook. She cheered as he replied, "Fine."

10. Apples: Yachiru gave him a sweet candy apple on New Year's—that's what Ichigo had originally presumed. But when he had turned (to offer her a piece of licorice in return) and found her shaking with laughter…he had second thoughts.

11. Coffee: Ichigo looked at Renji with incredulity as the red-haired male dumped fourteen sugar cubes into his bitter drink. It wasn't even coffee anymore, it was simply a caffeinated cup of melted sweetness.

12. Silence: When he and his friends hung out, Ichigo would deliberately choose a seat next to Chad: because even Substitute Soul Reapers want peace and quiet sometimes.

13. Confusion: Orihime Inoue mystified him, did she like Ulquiorra or not?! He fucking wanted to know.

14. Sentimental Value: Hat-and-Clogs' hat was so worn out and old, Ichigo wondered exactly why the old man hadn't thrown it out yet.

15. Love: Ichigo had decided to accept that Rukia's way of showing affection was to blush and injure him—severely.

16. Enemies: He wondered why so many people like Renji, Ishida, and Grimmjow hated him so much.

17. Accident: Soi Fon always found a way to trip Ichigo. And she always passed it off as an accident. It pissed him off so much…he had actually considered tattling on her to Yoruichi.

18. Spy: Sure, Ichigo hated Aizen….but he had always had a feeling that Gin was actually a super-secret spy sent from the Soul Society with a mission to gain Aizen's trust and ultimately bring the evil man to justice. So when Ichigo found out that Gin had died from trying to double-cross Aizen, he actually felt some tears drip down his face.

19. Afterlife: Even though he had tried to murder him, Ichigo prayed for Ulquiorra; hoping that the vanquished Arrancar would find some kind of tranquility in the spirit world.

20. Simplicity: "Your Hollow mask sucks Hiyori. You should upgrade it to this!" Shinji Hirako pointed to a drawing Ichigo was holding. It was a sketch of a flashy Vaizard mask with two gigantic horns sprouting out of its forehead, crazy swirls painted on the one side, and sparkly gold glitter sprinkled on generously. Scoffing, Hiyori flicked her left sandal off and slammed it into Shinji's face…making him pass out. "I like my mask, asshole."

21. Party: When Ichigo had finally turned twenty-one, Rangiku, Hisagi, and Izuru had decided to take him out to a bar to celebrate…and they returned a week later with a monkey, tattoo, and baby. What a wild night.

22. Cloud 9: Everybody knew that Ichigo Kurosaki was very protective of his sisters. Well, imagine his reaction when he had pushed open the door to Karin Kurosaki's room and found her and Toshiro Hitsugaya, Captain of the Tenth division, err…passionatelymaking out on the floor. Yeah.

23. Resolve: Ichigo constantly remembers the time where Inoue had gotten snatched up by that bastard Aizen, and the helplessness he had felt during half of the ordeal when he didn't—couldn't fight. It frustrated him, and he had vowed to get stronger; in order to protect his precious ones.

24. Lights: Whenever he was close to death, and when he just plainly wanted to give up, Ichigo would see Rukia's angry face; promising him real hell if he died, so he didn't.

25. Maturity: "Hey Shorty." Hitsugaya had decided to give up, Ichigo wasn't changing anytime soon. "Kurosaki." The older boy didn't have to bend his neck to look at the captain anymore. He was pleased. "Shorty," Ichigo started. "You are in Karakura, in front of my humble residence, and holding flowers that better not be for me. I'll call Karin." In no time flat, his younger sister had zoomed out of the house and launched herself at Hitsugaya. As the couple walked away, with the girl teasing the boy, Ichigo mused to himself. 'They grow up fast.'

26. Respect: "Yo, Gramps!" Head Captain Yamamoto stared as the Substitute Shinigami lazily strolled into the 'Captains Only Meeting'.

27. Alarm: Ichigo had always suspected that he had a danger signal that was specially designed for Kenpachi pre-installed in his mind. That's why he was so lucky.

28. Sports: "FOOTBALL IS SOCCER IN ENGLAND WHILE FOOTBALL IS FOOTBALL IN AMERICA!? THE HELL?!"

29. Thrill: He wouldn't admit, of course, but Ichigo Kurosaki is, in fact, in love with bungee jumping, sky-diving, and all those extreme sports that very few people do. He found it all pleasurable while others would foam at the mouth. And that is crazy.

30. Deserted: The first thing Mizuro had asked him about the Soul Society was: "How's the cell-phone reception?" Ichigo was speechless.

31. Training: What Ichigo didn't know was that Isshin Kurosaki, aka Beard-o, plans out all his 'surprise' attacks each morning and jogs to keep himself in shape, solely for the kicks. And another thing he didn't know about his old man was that he does what he does for the sake of Ichigo's training. Well…it's a believable enough excuse, I guess.

32. Smooth: Ichigo didn't think that Kisuke Urahara had what it takes to make Yoruichi happy, but when he witnessed him nonchalantly push a bouquet of roses into her hands…it was revealed to Ichigo that Hat-and-Clogs was, actually, super cool.

33. Girly: Sowing was a non-masculine habit right? So why do all the girls crowd around Ishida, fawning and batting their (fake) eyelashes at him?!

34. Virus: "I TOLD YOU I'M NOT SICK BEARDO!"

35. Heaven: He wouldn't tell you, of course, but Ichigo really believed in God…and passionately worshipped him after experiencing the Soul Society.

36. Flirt: Rukia would always try to keep him always from Orihime, Nel, and those other girls. And Ichigo kept reminding her that nobody else would—could handle him.

37. Paranoia: After meeting Grimmjow, Ichigo (for two months!) slept with Zangetsu under his pillow. He had a feeling that the fucker wouldn't stay dead.

38. Technology: Bang! His smart-phone was never the same again.

39. Family: Ichigo had a pretty high tolerance level. But when some stupid jack-ass starts on his family members (Even ol' Beardo), he breaks.

40. Music: He had always known, deep down, that K-Pop was indeed wonderful.

41. School: Keigo Asano ticked him off 95% of the time, but at the same time, he was the reason that school was bearable.

42. Style: The first time he had seen the Shinigami uniform, he had laughed so hard he felt as if his guts were being ripped out of him.

43. Power: The only time Ichigo had truly cried was when his mother had died. That, little fuckers, shows a great deal.

44. Cupcake: Those damn things, Ichigo only got them because Karin and Yuzu adored the sweets.

45. Playlist: Heavy-metal, Rock, and Scream-O. Enough said.

46. Study: Ichigo purely loved to experience that horrendous look on the teacher's face when he gets amazing high scores on an exam.

47. Sexy: "I am so turning you on, right I-Chi-Go?"

48. Subtle: Ichigo twitches at the 'NO' sign pushed up against his desk at school, and at the fuming Rukia; who guards the desk—daring any girl to try and get past her.

49. Transparent: To the captains of the 13 divisions, Ichigo is as see-through as glass.

50. Ichigo: He was a warrior, lover, and friend to all of the people in his life, one way or another.

So….That's that! I plan to make a lot more chapters, involving other characters, so hang in there! And for those of you out there that actually read the author's note: I love you guys. Thank you. Review Please! (Next up—Byakuya or Ulquiorra. Sorry! I'm only doing guys. :P)