Author's Notes: This fic was inspired by watching/reading too much episodes of Ouran High School Host Club and watching a LOT of comedy shows and movies (like Family Guy, The Simpsons and SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!!). Actually, I've read a fic similar to this one, but that fic didn't really have a plot. So, I hope you enjoy this one!! There is a LOT of Suboshi bashing and Miaka being all creepy. This isn't a Miaka/Suboshi pairing, nor an Amiboshi/Yui pairing! I swear! By the way, if you're asking why I wrote this, it's not because I hate Suboshi… Suboshi's one of my favorite characters! Actually, I try to write as much stories about him. I'm a Seiryuu Twin fan ^^; that's why this fic is starring them again!
By the way, everyone might be a tad too OOC here, but it's for the sake of comedy, people!! Again, enjoy!
Prologue: "Forced and Tortured"
One day in the beautiful place of Ancient China, inside the book called "The Universe of the Four Gods", Taiitsukun called all of the Suzaku and Seiryuu Seishi including Miaka and Yui for a special announcement…
Tamahome: Hey, hey, ugly old hag! What are you calling us here for? Huh, huh?
Tasuki: (in a sarcastic tone) Yeah, yeah! Huh? Why? Huh?
Taiitsukun: (wacks the two using Tasuki's Tessen) Shut up! Keep quiet! Silence! Shush your mouth! Shut yer pie-holes! Stop talking!
Tamahome and Tasuki: Umm… okay… (then both of them fall of unconscious with nasty bumps on their heads)
Taiitsukun: Anyways, I called all of you here because I've got a special announcement I need to make, regarding Miaka and Yui-
Miaka: Kyakyakyaaaaaa~!!! (squeals, jumps, unties both the ribbons on her hair and begins shaking her head like a retard) Yes, yes, yes, Taiitsukun?! You called for me, Taiitsukun?!! What is it, Taiitsukun?!!! What do you want me to do Taiitsukun??!!! Is it something really, really exciting Taiitsukun????!!!!
Everyone: (sweatdrops) ……
Taiitsukun: (clears her throat) *Ahem* As I was saying… Miaka and Yui will be joining this rather interesting game… together with the Seiryuu twins!!!
Suboshi: (sparkles surrounding him) Yay!! (starts glomping both Yui and Amiboshi) Yay!! I can be in a game together with Yui-sama and Aniki!!!
Yui: (cloud of doom appears) Hey! Wait a minute! Don't I have a say in this?!
Amiboshi: What kind of game is it Taiitsukun-san?
Taiitsukun: (grins) Mwahahahahaha!!! (two of her eyeballs pop out) Bwamwahahahohohohehei!!!! (starts sticking out her tongue and twists it madly) *cough* *cough* Umm, sorry for that… Now, to answer Amiboshi's question… this game is sort of like a "survival-love game". Do you want me to start with the rules and guidelines?
Amiboshi: Yes, please!
Taiitsukun: Okay… (takes out the list of rules from her hair) The rules are very simple. You, Suboshi, Yui and Miaka will be paired up into couples, by the boy-girl combination… duh. Once you have your partner, you will live with him/her for exactly ONE month as a couple inside a cabin deep, deep, deep in the mountains.
Yui: What the hell? I don't wanna do this game… (eyes start tearing up) I still have school to attend…
Suboshi: (glomps her like a maniac again) Don't, don't, don't cry, my Yui-sama!! (hugs her too tight, she can't breathe) I'll be the best partner you'll ever be partners with!
Yui: ugh… ackk… keh, brih…!! ::can't… breathe!::
Taiitsukun: (cackles wildly) Suboshi… who says Yui will be your partner??
Suboshi: (stares bewilderedly and looks around) Huh? Yui-sama's not? Then who- *his sentence is cut out by Miaka who 'accidentally' pukes out rotten dog food on to Suboshi's orange tunic*
Miaka: Hey… (unties her ribbons again and shakes her head like a crazy, crazy idiot)… Suboshi… my partner… is YOU!!!
Suboshi: *gulps* No… no, no… no fuckin' way… not you-
Miaka: Suboshi… [::says this in a scary, creepy, hoarse tone::] *picks her boogers then eats it* Suboshi…
Suboshi: (screams and breaksdown) NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Amiboshi: (pats his brother's back) it's okay, otouto.
Yui: (trying not to laugh) Yeah., Suboshi! Don't worry. I've been with Miaka all my life, you'll get used to her. One month's easy!
Suboshi: (ignores Yui, and grabs his brother) Aniki! Let's switch partners! NOW! You've been with this smelly fatty chicken-wing Priestess before right?! So, let's switch!! Please, please, please!!
Taiitsukun: (storms in on them) NO CHANGING OF PARTNERS!!
Suboshi: N-NO! I can't live with that thing! (points to a drooling Miaka)
Tamahome: (finally becomes conscious) Yeah Taiitsukun! He can't live with my girlfriend! Only I can – plus,he's a pshyco perverted yo-yo freak! Before you know it, he'll be touching Miaka like a maniac that he is!
Suboshi: What the fu-?! Eewww!! Yuck!! Gross! Who'd wanna do that with her?! I don't even wanna touch her! Disgusting!
Taiitsukun: (makes tons of money, gold and wealthy-looking things appear before everyone's eyes) Tamahome, if you allow Miaka to join this game with Suboshi, you can keep all of this money… (grins)
Tamahome: (doesn't hesitate) Sure! Go ahead! Miaka's all yours! Take good care of her Suboshi!
Suboshi: (bawls his eyes out) In that case, I QUIT!
Taiitsukun: Nuh-uh-uh. You can't quit! If you do, I will make your brother forget you again, and again. And I will use this curse so that he will never ever remember you. I'll curse Yui too!
Amiboshi: Get yourseld together, Shunkaku! It's only for a month!
Suboshi: (he hangs his head low) Ughhh… (he changes his shirt to a black one, then he puts on dark-black converse shoes) Ughhhhh….. *puts dark eyeliner on his eyes, gets rid of his forehead protector and combs his bangs front so that it covers his eyes) Ugghhhhhhhh… (then, he slashes his wrists with the cords of his Ryuuseisui) Now… my… life is… over…. over… over…
Yui: (slaps him lightly on the shoulder) Stop that! It's creepy. Being Emo doesn't cut it for you!
Suboshi: (not listening) over… over… over… (slashes his wrists some more)
Amiboshi: ouch! (lifts his sleeves up and discovers several cuts on his arm) Shunkaku! Stop doing that! Your slashing is affecting me too!
Suboshi: (stops slashing) my life is still over… over…
Taiitsukun: Okay, moving on to the next rules… Whoever wins by the end of the month gets a fantastic, awesome, fabulous prize!
Suboshi: (widens his eyes) Yesss….
Taiitsukun: The prize is… 3 wishes from each God!! So, the winner of this game is equivalent to winning 12 wishes!!!
Suboshi: (stars grinning) Yess… Yesss. (gets rid of his emo get up)
Nakago: (his symbol on his forehead glows) hey! It's not fair to us!!
Everyone except for Amiboshi, Suboshi, Yui and Miaka: (holds torches, rakes, knives and whatever) YEAH! NOT FAIR!
Taiitsukun: (ignores them) You are allowed visitors once in a week.
Suboshi: Yesss… yesss… *imagines killing everyone, especially Tamahome and the Suzaku seishi when they come and visit*
Taiitsukun: You're allowed to bring weapons, knives and anything deadly with you.
Suboshi: Yess…. Yessss…. *imagines killing Miaka with a fork when she sleeps* Yesss…
Taiitsukun: BUT…
Yui: What now?
Taiitsukun: (looks up at everyone, especially Suboshi) you are NOT allowed to go out of your cabin; food, clothes and everything you need will be given to you every week or anytime you need it. You are also not allowed to go visit the other cabin. But you may call the other players to see how they are doing.
And most importantly… (grins)… you are NOT allowed to kill anybody, especially your partner! This is why I call it the "love-survival game"!
Yui: For Suboshi, I think it should be called "enemy-survival-game" *looks at Suboshi who is 'dead'*
After the little meeting, Taiitsukun brings everyone on the mountains, in the remote lush forest where two cabins stand. It's not very big; just your usual, wooden cabins, with only ONE room (not to mention, only ONE bed!). The kitchen and the living room is combined and outside is just your regular, average-looking garden and forest.
Taiitsukun: Alright. I'm the facilitator and the judge. As I said earlier, you are not allowed to go out of your cabins nor kill anyone. These trees (points to the trees) are actually video cameras made especially for this game! *points to Nakago, Tamahome, Tasuki, Soi and Chiriko* And you, are going to be my assistant-judges.
Nakago: Why do I have to listen to you?
Soi: (hugs Nakago) Yeah! Nakkie-poo only listens to me… you, Taiitsukun, are not sexy enough!
Taiitsukun: If you do this, I'll give you one wish.
Nakago: Okay! I'll do it! Bring it on!
Taiitskun: (grins) Very well… are you all ready for the game?
Yui: Ugh, you people had to drag me along. But, oh well, sounds fun. Yeah! I'm ready!
Amiboshi: I'm ready too! This time, I'll get to know more about Yui-san. (smiles)
Miaka: I'M READY!! *she says it like how SpongeBob says it!^^;* I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready!!!!!!! (she turns to Suboshi) This is gonna be fun!! Right, Subu-chan?!
Suboshi: (looks annoyed) Don't call me that!!!
Taiitsukun: Looks like our players are ready!!! So, let's get this game started, shall we? (opens the doors to both the cabins) Amiboshi and Yui, you two take the one on the left.
Amiboshi and Yui (in unison): Okay.
Taiitsukun: (turns to Suboshi and Miaka) Now, you two, take the one on the right!
Tamahome: Take care! I'll visit you every week… Miaka!
Miaka: Aishiteru, Tamahome!
Tamahome: Wo Ai Ni! Miaka!
Miaka: Tamahome!
Tamahome: Miaka!
Miaka: Tamahome!
Tamahome: Miaka!
Miaka: Tamahome!
Tamahome: Miaka!
Miaka: Tamahome!
Tamahome: Mia-(Tamahome is grabbed by Nakago and Tasuki)
Tasuki: that's enough, Tama! We have to let them get started on this game! Plus, we get to have wishes after this!
Tamahome: Right! Bye! Miaka!
Miaka: Tamahome!
Tamahome: Miaka!
The two cheesy lovers hug and hug.
Miaka: Oh… Tamahome!!
Tamahome: Miaka!
Miaka: Tama-
Suboshi: (interrupts her sentence) Enough with this gag!
Miaka: (groans and pouts) fine!
Taiitsukun: (pushes Miaka and Suboshi into the cabin) The game has begun! You two have fun now! (closes the door shut)
Silence… at least for three seconds and suddenly the whole cabin shakes and a thunder-like roar fills the room.
Suboshi: (looks out the window) What the hell was that?! Is there a storm heading this way or something?
Miaka: No… I'm just… HUNGRY!!! (bites Suboshi's fingers)
Suboshi: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
His piercing cry can be heard from outside the cabin, entering its way to Yui and Amiboshi's turf.
Amiboshi: (Putting on a futon inside the bedroom) Poor otouto.
Yui: (fixing her stuff) Yup. Suboshi's lost it.
Suboshi: No, no! (small tears already making its way down his cheeks) I'm so gonna die!
Miaka: Suboshi… (unties her ribbon again) Suboshi… (she moves slowly towards him. Closer, and closer…)
Suboshi: No! get away from me! Get away! (His Ryuuseisui comes to his aid) Back away now or I'm going to kill you!
Miaka: Nuh-uh-uh! You're not allowed to kill me remember? Heehee.
Taiitsukun: (watches everything from her magical mirror) Hahaha! This is going to be interesting! *cackles wildly like an old lady*
Well, that's it folks! That's about it for the introduction! The next chapter (?) will contain more plots! How was it? If it was kind of lame, I'm sorry, I'll discontinue it! So please REVIEW and tell me what you think! Later days! ^^;