Desdemona walked to the blackboard and took a piece of chalk. She turned around to see if everyone was sleeping. Tears were forming in her eyes again and there was no need for the rest of the group to see her like this. Dez never cried in front of her agents. She thought it was unprofessional. But now she was alone so she could let her tears fall.
"Dez will protect us. She always does." One of her agents had told Whisper when the Brotherhood attacked the HQ. I tried. Dez thought. And I failed.
The railroad leader started to sob quietly. She placed the chalk next to Glory's name. "I'm sorry." She whispered and tired to draw an even line. The line ended up being uneven and looking more like a sinus function than an even line.
Desdemona took a step back looking at the board. Too much was crossed out on it. So many lives were lost. She put the chalk away and then walked out of the HQ. The floor of the tunnel was still covered in blood of the Brotherhood soldiers but she couldn't care less. All she needed was fresh air.
When she arrived outside she took a few deep breathes. She should be happy. The Institute was destroyed and so was the Brotherhood. Dez sat down on the cold stairs and pulled out a cigarette and her lighter. After three tries it finally lit her cigarette. She took a deep drag and exhaled the smoke. Her eyes looked into the night sky.
"I've never appreciated the star when I was a courser and was up here." Glory has said when she has joined Desdemona outside once. She was smiling. "The stars are beautiful."
Desdemona had watched Glory as she stepped past her while looking up. "Tom said there might be other living beings out there..."
"You forgot that inside." Carrington's voice said and interrupted Dez' thoughts.
Without saying anything the leader took the gun which Carrington offered her and placed it next to her on the ground.
Carrington had planned to give his boss the gun and go back inside but after seeing her face he wasn't sure if he should leave her. Sure they both got into arguments a lot and sometimes he doubted that she was the right choice to be their leader but that didn't mean he didn't care about her.
"Are you alright?" he asked and mentally slapped himself. Of course she was not. He could see that she had cried.
"Yes, I am. You can go back in." Dez answered and took a drag of her cigarette. "I just need a few minutes."
Carrington couldn't leave. He was a doctor and supposed to help people and if not physically than mentally. The second in command sat down next to the red haired woman. "I know a lot has happened in the last few days…"
Desdemona nodded. "At least the Brotherhood and the Institute didn't survive these last days." She took another drag. "But it came with a high price."
The doctor sat there in silence until he had enough confidence to finally say: "I know about you and Glory. And I'm sorry. And…" Carrington started but Desdemona interrupted him and threw her cigarette on the ground: "Don't say something more."
Dez looked down to the floor and her hair fell around her face so Carrington wasn't able to see it. She wiped the tears away. Only the thought of Glory bought tears into her eyes.
The doctor looked at her. He was not stupid. He knew it must hurt her, he knew she was wiping her tears away so no one could see them. Carrington didn't know what to do. Should he pretend he didn't know it? Should he hold her?
Carrington put a hand on the woman's back. "She would be proud of what we achieved." He said.
"I know." Dez whispered with a trembling voice. She put her hands in front of her face. The tears wouldn't stop falling no matter how hard she tried to stop them.
Carrington felt how Desdemona's body started shaking and heard how she sobbed quietly. He put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her carefully closer to him and she let him. She sobbed into his shoulder while he stroked over her back.
"I loved her." Dez admitted between her sobs. She never told Glory she loved her and now when she was dead she finally admitted it. But it was too late now. Glory would never hear her say it.
"I know." Carrington whispered. "And Glory knew too."
They sat like that for a while; Carrington holding Dez while she cried. He wished her knew what to say to her but he didn't and he doubted words would help her.
Desdemona took a few deep breathes and then leaned against Carrington who's hand was now on her shoulder. "We should go in. You're freezing." He noted.
Desdemona pulled away from him and shook her head. "You can go. I will stay here for a few more minutes."
Carrington knew he wouldn't be able to convince her to go with him. She barely listened to him in the past why should she now? He got up and pulled his lab coat off. "At least, cover yourself with this, alright?"
Dez took the coat and put it over her shirt and vest. "Thanks." she said and then got herself another cigarette and lit it.
With that Carrington walked back into the HQ leaving Desdemona alone. He hoped that he helped her at least a bit but he didn't know for sure; He didn't know the woman, he only knew the leader of the Railroad.