Vegans and Carnivores

America decided to spend an afternoon with each of his fifty-one children. Sometimes they just seemed to descend into a massive bunch with no individuals, so he took an afternoon a week to spend time one-one-one with each state. Every weekend he chose a state at random and took them out to dinner or lunch. At first it was great. Texas showed him the best barbeque in Dallas, Pennsylvania introduced him to real cheese steak, and Connecticut took him to the restaurant that made the first hamburger.

But then came California.

The last time America had eaten a meal with just Cal, it had been maybe a decade or so after the Gold Rush. Ergo, back before the Californian Health Craze. America had been under the assumption that Cal hadn't followed the craze, but boy was he wrong.

"Dad, are you sure you want to go to my favorite restaurant?" Cal asked for the tenth time in five minutes.

America laughed at his son's unneeded worry. "I'm sure, kiddo. Now seriously, how do we get there again?"

Cal sighed as he directed his father to his favorite restaurant. Maybe America wouldn't realize what the food actually was. It was worth a shot, right?

When America parked in front of the restaurant, he and Cal headed inside together, the younger only a few steps behind the elder. The hostess recognized Cal as one of the regulars and greeted him warmly.

"I see you finally brought one of your brothers," she grinned as she led them to their seat.

"Actually, I'm his dad," America said before Cal could stop him. "I'm Alfred."

Cal shook his head at his dad's stupidity. A nineteen year old being the father of a twelve and a half year old wasn't exactly normal in today's society.

"Did I forget to mention I'm adopted?" Cal chimed in.

The waitress smiled kindly at America. "Well, if you're half as sweet as Angelo here, then you're guaranteed to be sweet enough to give someone a cavity, sugar."

America was confused by the woman's choice of words before Cal quickly explained that she was originally from Georgia, which he had learned about three months ago. The woman, Jeanie she introduced cheerfully, led them to a booth before taking their orders.

"Do you want your usual, sugar?" Jeanie asked Cal.

"Yes ma'am."

"What'll you have then, Alfie?"

Blinking in shock at the nickname, America requested a burger and Coke. Cal gave Jeanie a look that said 'just humor him.' Jeanie left the father-son duo, heading to the kitchen in the back of the restaurant.

"So this is your favorite restaurant?" America asked to break the silence.

"Yeah. I don't expect you to like it, though."

"I'm sure it's fine, kiddo. It's not like Iggy's food, right?"

Cal shook his head vehemently. "No, it's nothing like that, promise."

America glanced around the restaurant and saw a hoard of spray-tanned, stick-thin surfers and pretty people picking at salads and oddly colored burgers. What sort of place had Cal brought him to?

When Jeanie came back with their orders, America was more than ready to hurry up and eat so they could leave. Cal watched in amusement as his dad took a huge bite of the burger. The look of disgust on the nation's face would've been hilarious if it had been at a different place and time. He swallowed loudly before expressing his displeasure.

"This is awful," he spat, reaching for his drink. After taking a sip, America looked like he was about to spit it out when he realized it was diet. "What kind of hamburger joint is this?"

"It's not a hamburger; it's a tofu burger," Cal sighed. "This is a vegan restaurant."

"Vegan?" America echoed. "Isn't that where people don't eat meat?"

"Sort of," Cal said, knowing that his dad wouldn't really understand it.

"Why are we at a vegan restaurant? Neither of us are vegans."

Cal frowned. "Dad, I've been a vegan for the last decade. I thought you knew that."

"You are?"

The state face-palmed. "Seriously? How have you not noticed? I've been talking about it for years."

America was still confused as he called for the check. He had a lot to think over.

After they left the restaurant, America asked Cal how he became a vegan. That opened up a whole new topic of conversation for the American, one that he didn't even think existed. And after a while, he was sorry he asked.

"How would you feel if someone stuffed American citizens until they died, then stuck them in a meat grinder and cooked them?" Cal asked harshly.

"Um . . . bad?"

"That's right! So why do we do it to cows? And besides the animal-rights stuff, being vegan is super healthy. You really should consider it Dad."

America silently admitted that he would rather exchange friendship bracelets with the commie bastard than go vegan, but he didn't say it. Instead, he just grinned as he and Cal walked down the sidewalk. All in all, it was an . . . interesting meal. After all, it wasn't everyday that America learned one of his sons was vegan.

"Dad, did you see that guy? Wow, he was hot!"

. . . and gay.

Okay, so headcannon time: California is a vegan health nut, 12 ½ years old, and is gay. I'm not saying that you Californians are like that, I swear. It's just the stereotype. Man, I really hope I don't end up offending anyone with these state fics. Thanks for reading!

~C