My first fanfic... will be adding more chapters soon! Let me know what you think of the idea. :)

Part 1 – Jacob Black
Chapter 1

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit.

Come on, Jake, you can't do this to her, or yourself. It's the best thing for both of you. You can make it happen, just freaking force it to happen!

There she was, sitting across from me at the Cullen's rarely used dining room table, politely eating a slice of the disgustingly pink birthday cake Charlie had brought over for her 7th birthday. She giggled at something Emmett had said, and it was the lightest and sweetest sound I had ever heard. The bronze curls that hung around her pink shiny cheeks all the way down to her elbows swung slightly as her shoulders shook with laughter.

"Gosh, kiddo, you're growing up too fast," Charlie beamed at his granddaughter from one end of the table. "Seven years old and you're already taller than your mother." He chuckled nervously at his joke, though Bella ignored it. Charlie still preferred to remain in the dark when it came to all the vampire and werewolf business, so he didn't ask and we didn't tell. The rate at which Renesmee grew up was still a mystery to him, but at least he didn't seem too phased anymore.

Renesmee's cheeks turned a gorgeous shade of magenta, even brighter than the cake. She smiled sweetly and ate the last bite of her cake. She was never much of a talker. Not out loud, at least.

Today was the day everything was supposed to fall into place. The day on which she was officially and completely fully matured, all grown up. The day I had been waiting for for what felt like a century. There I was, sitting across from her, unable to pull my eyes away from her perfection, loving her just as much if not more than I did that very first day I had seen her.

And yet I just couldn't freaking make it happen.

Then she turned to face forward, her eyes looking up to meet mine. I felt my stomach spasm. Those big amazing brown eyes, the color of milk chocolate. The eyes that used to belong to....

Oh, shit.

"Jake, you ok?" Bella's voice was the first to reach my brain since I had sat down at the table fifteen minutes before that. I tore my own eyes away from Nessie's and realized that there were thirteen other pairs gazing at me.

"Yeah," I managed to choke out. "Yeah." I felt my head bobbing up and down on my neck long after the attention had been turned away from me and back to whatever the topic of conversation had been. I reached up, fork still in one hand, and folded my arms behind my head to hold it steady.

In my peripheral vision, I saw that Leah was smirking in my direction. I closed my eyes and dropped my arms to my sides, fighting back the urge to jab my fork into her leg. Yeah, sure, we had become pretty good friends over the past few years, but in this very moment she had no clue in hell what I was going through. I knew she was jumping to conclusions that couldn't be further from the truth, and I hated her for it.

Just then, she leaned over so that her chin rested on my right shoulder and her mouth was less than an inch away from my ear. "Jacob, is it really that hard to keep it in your pants at least long enough for Nessie to celebrate and enjoy a little cake with her grandpa?" Oh gee golly, so sweet of her to lower her voice so that Charlie, Billy, and Sue wouldn't hear. The eight vampires, on the other hand, had no trouble whatsoever.

I tightened my grip on my fork.

I opened my eyes to find Blondie wrinkling her nose a little in disgust but mostly everyone going about the conversation as usual, pretending as if nothing had happened—mostly everyone. Two vampires were looking at me with very different expressions.

Bella was glaring. Of course she was glaring. As far as she knew, the creepy wolf boy who was her best friend could hardly wait for Charlie to finish his cake and leave so that her poor, innocent, 7-year-old, fully matured daughter would be available for a little fun in the doghouse. Ugh.

But then there was Edward. Edward was wearing the expression I hadn't seen on him for more than seven years. The expression of a man burning at the stake, his eyes full of the searing agony. It wasn't in response to Leah's comment, of course not—it was because of me. Because of what had been running through my head over and over since I had woken up that morning. He could hear it. There was no way I could shut it out of my thoughts, it was impossible. It wasn't something I could control.

I'm sorry, I just can't. That was all I could offer him. I had nothing else to give.

He looked down at the table and gave a small quick nod. When he looked up again to rejoin the conversation, I could still see the blaze in his eyes. There was a sharp pang of guilt in my chest. Of course Nessie wouldn't be the only one who got hurt. It would hurt me, Edward, Charlie, Alice, anyone else who loved her…

It would hurt Bella.

Oh, Jesus. It would hurt Bella worst of all. And that would completely defeat the purpose. The reason for all of this would just come back and bite me in the ass. Whatever happened to the answer to all of life's problems and questions? I thought I was done with this shit. This isn't supposed to happen. This is the one thing in my life I could be sure about, the one part that I could be positive wouldn't backfire.

And now, here it is, backfiring all the freaking way.

I felt someone's foot nudge mine under the table. I looked forward and saw Nessie gazing at me curiously. My mouth twisted into what I hoped was a smile, but she didn't buy it. Her brows slanted upward with worry and her perfect cherry lips rounded into a pout. It broke my heart. At that moment all I wanted to do was climb over the table and take her into my arms and tell her everything would be alright. Everything was going to work out, because it had to. It was fate. It was meant to be for us.

But I couldn't bring myself to lie to her like that. I loved her too much.

… But I wasn't in love with her.

I was in love with Bella.