Entry for A New Chapter Contest
Title: Heart of Glass
Characters: Pam & Amelia
Word count: 3,830
Pen name: mystic_notions
Beta: Smittenskitten (All remaining mistakes are mine)
Status: New writer
Disclaimer: Charlaine Harris owns the characters and the SVM universe, I'm just playing with them. I promise to put them back when I'm done.
To see all the other entries please visit the C2: http:/ www(dot) fanfiction(dot) net/ community/ A_New_Chapter_Contest/84745/
The change that came over the room happened almost instantly as several things happened simultaneously. Pam, becoming frightened at how fast the colour had drained from Amelia's face, turned to get the nurse's attention when she realized that room was silent and the only noise she could hear was her own heart pounding.
Something was wrong, why wasn't anyone doing anything?
Looking around the room she saw fluttering of activity, they were all moving too fast for it to be that quiet. She felt a tugging on her arm and was confused as a nurse started leading her from the birthing room. Walking backwards to the door she watched as they transferred her wife to a stretcher. It wasn't until she reached to the door that sound came back to her like a wave crashing down, the doctor's brisk orders and the beeping of the machines seemed so loud she could barely hear the nurse speaking to her. The most frightening part was what she didn't hear.
Amelia.
She was silent, she wasn't screaming or crying or snapping that next time Pam had to do it. Not a sound. Pam allowed herself to be led to a waiting room, she still couldn't make out what the nurse was saying, the only she knew was that her Ames was in trouble.
After the nurse sat Pam in the chair and left her in the waiting room, she couldn't do anything but stare at the door. This wasn't supposed to happen, they had their drama and troubles, they were leaving that in the past. They were getting their happily ever after, it was even gift wrapped with a pink bow. She clenched her fists, her nails digging into her palm, knowing this couldn't, it shouldn't be happening to them.
With her hands clutched on her lap Pam took a deep breath, trying not to panic. Whatever was wrong the doctors would fix, they had to. Not wanting to keep seeing Amelia in her mind, the way she looked as they wheeled her away, Pam tried to think about happier things. If she stayed positive then everything would be okay, that's what Ames always says, "send good energy out in the world and it will come back to you".
She tried to concentrate on the way Amelia's skin seemed to glow in the last few months, the way she smiled and the sound of her laughter, which was what first attracted Pam to her. She needed to stay positive and send her love in Amelia's direction, she always claimed she could feel it, even when they were apart.
Apart. Separated. Isolated. Alone.
No. Shaking her head Pam knew she couldn't let herself go down that road. That was the past. If she allowed herself to start thinking that way then she would have to think about the possibility of having to make a decision if…
She wasn't going to go to the land of if's.
No if's, all three of them would be leaving the hospital together, happy and healthy, there was no other way.
She paced the length of the waiting room as she sent a text to her brother, letting him know what was going on, as much as she knew. Thankfully he and his wife were already on their way to the hospital, eager to meet their niece and would be there shortly. She prided herself on being strong but at that moment she needed someone to hold her and aside from Amelia her brother was her best friend, he would give her strength.
As her knees started to buckle Pam sat back down, she couldn't help think about her and Amelia's life, everything they had been though to get to this point. They had their share of ups and downs to put it mildly but now it was supposed to be smooth sailing. The last five years had been good, better than good. Oh they had their share of minor disagreements but they always managed to find a compromise that they both could agree to. Both knowing and understanding that the little things were just that, little things. They had survived what should have been the end of their relationship many years earlier and that was no little thing. You had to cherish what you had in the present, there was no telling when the universe would (and it could) rip the carpet out from under you.
That felt like a life time ago, that period they were kept separate, it was the distant past, they had made a new life together, that's what mattered.
They met in their Introduction to Women's and Gender Studies class freshman year at college, Pam had just told off a frat boy for saying class was going to be an easy "A", after all it was just about girls, how hard could it be, when she first heard her. Amelia had been sitting behind her and found Pam's snarky insults about the size of the boy's brain and genitals hilarious. She was laughing so hard she started to cry when the only comeback the embarrassed boy could think of was "whatever." After that introduction it wasn't long before they became study partners and then friends, learning they had a lot in common.
They would spent hours chatting in the local campus coffee shop or shopping the boutiques together, something they both loved. The change in their relationship from friendship to something more happened so gradually that taking that next step felt as natural as breathing to both of them. While it may have been Pam who realized first that she was starting to think of the other as more than just a best friend, it was Amelia who made the first move with a public declaration of her feelings in a way that was pure Amelia.
It wasn't the first time Pam was attracted to a woman. She had come out to both friends and family before starting school but she wasn't planning on acting on her feelings since Amelia hadn't shown any romantic or sexual interest in her.
Then it happened, they were celebrating the return to school at the beginning of their sophomore year at an all ages Karaoke club when Amelia let everyone know how she felt. She serenaded Pam with Blondie's The Tide is High; she even threw her own twist in, changing the word man to woman.
After she got off stage she was greeted with a kiss that had everyone hooting and cheering for them.
It didn't come to a surprise to any of their friends who were more aware and could see the changes, from both sides, watching the two young women grow closer together. No one questioned it, it just was.
Sometimes you don't know what you have until it's gone, there was no exception with Pam. It wasn't that she didn't know what she had; it was that she didn't know how much of a happy bubble she and Amelia lived in until it popped. Living on campus at their liberal leaning college they were surrounded by people who supported their relationship or at the very least kept their mouths shut if they didn't. There were some thought that they were only Lesbians Until Graduation but those people were easy to ignore. Amelia had told Pam that they were soul mates, destined to live happily ever after so it didn't matter what anyone said, they just didn't understand what they meant to each other.
It was a close call with their physical wellbeing that had a catastrophic outcome on their relationship. Amelia had been driving her home after a movie date one Friday night in January, when they were side swiped by another car due to icy roads. Pam managed walk away with only a sprained wrist and bruises from the seatbelt but Amelia hit her head hard on the window and the doctors had a battery of tests that they wanted to run.
They had whisked her away while Pam was seen by a doctor in the ER. An hour of pacing in the waiting area of the emergency room had Pam feeling worried and on edge; no one was willing to tell her anything. After listening to the desk nurse repeat once again that since Pam wasn't family she couldn't tell her anything Pam lost control of her temper. She slammed her hand down on the desk and leaned in closer to the nurse, she was seething when she snapped that as Amelia's girlfriend she had every right to know her condition. A harsh voice beside her made her jump back, Amelia's father had arrived and wasted no time telling the nurse in charge that he was family. Pam had only met him a few times and found him to be a very intimidating man. She tried to tell Mr. Carmichael what had happened but the look he shot her made her take a step back. He glared at her and told her that she had done enough and should go home. Confused at his tone but believing it was caused by worry over his daughter Pam decided to go back and sit in the waiting room. She thought that he would come out and tell her if it was something serious, after all how could it be her fault, it wasn't like they were drinking.
She texted a few of their friends and her brother to let them know what happened. She had already spoken to the police when she was first brought to the hospital and now all that was left for her to do was wait for Amelia and her father. After another hour of waiting she went back to the desk to see, if they would tell her what was going on. She was shocked when she was told that Mr. Carmichael had checked Amelia out and taken her home twenty minutes earlier.
How had she missed them walking past her in the waiting room? She pulled out her phone to call Amelia but it went straight to voicemail, she left a message hoping that she was alright since she was allowed to leave the hospital and took a cab back to her dorm.
She tried Amelia's number one more time before texting her nightly "love you" and going to bed. When she woke up the next day Pam was surprised that there was no message from Amelia and started to get worried, maybe her injuries were more serious than she thought. She had just finished sending a text asking Amelia to please call her as she was worried when a familiar and welcome ringtone started. Her usual greeting of "hey babe" was cut off by an angry male voice. Mr. Carmichael informed Pam that if she didn't cease with attempting to contact and harass Amelia that she would be hearing from his lawyers.
It took days and the help of all their friends to piece together information since Pam couldn't directly contact Amelia, who's only message she asked to be relayed to Pam was to tell her that she was sorry.
Apparently her father was so horrified and disgusted that his nearly 20 year old daughter was involved with another woman that he gave her an ultimatum; she could end it with Pam and switch schools or be cut off and disowned. As it was he was listening in to all her calls or had someone else doing it.
Amelia, feeling she had no choice in the matter listened to her father and seemed to disappeared from everyone's life in a matter of weeks. It wasn't just Pam that was shut out as everyone realized when emails bounced back and her cell was no longer in service. It was as if she never existed, like she was a mass hallucination.
Pam, who usually deflected her emotions with sarcasm and humour found herself unable to cope or even to stop crying the first week. It didn't help that within a few days it seemed everyone on campus had heard and weighed in on the matter, Pam really didn't care that random acquaintances were upset at Mr. Carmichael's attitude or beliefs, it didn't make her broken heart hurt less. Amelia hadn't even tried to explain the mess to Pam herself, did she not really love her? How could she give up so easily when she herself believed they were destined to be together?
In the end Pam decided that she couldn't think about it. The break-up, or about Amelia, who obviously wasn't the woman she thought her to be, or about Mr. Carmichael, who used his power and money to bully people, any of it. If she was going to survive, she would put it behind her just like Amelia had apparently done.
She spent the rest of the term hiding from her emotions and thoughts under mounds of school work. Her social life, when she allowed herself to go out consisted of hanging out on her brother's couch with him and his girlfriend, who was also trying to come to terms with loss of her close friend. They may have all had different types of a relationship with her but all three now had Amelia shaped holes in their hearts. It was easier to be with people who didn't feel the need to ask how she was, they knew.
Weeks turned into months, spring to summer and then fall, as time march forward Pam attempted to as well. She begrudgingly went on a few dates, that well meaning friends and even her parents had set up but she didn't put effort into it, she wasn't going to risk getting attached and hurt. She managed to get to a point where she didn't forget about Amelia but was able to not actively think about her.
Life went on; everyone seemed to move past the Amelia Situation, including Pam. It was a few weeks before graduation that she came across an article that left her reeling. Amelia was now engaged to the son of one her father's business partners. Pam tried to ignore how her heart clenched when she looked at the picture and how she knew with just one glance that Amelia wasn't truly happy. It wasn't any of her business any more that Amelia who used to practically shine when happy, had the fakest smile pasted on her face. If Amelia wanted that life she was welcome to it, Pam had her own road to travel. She already had a job lined up in the fall as a guidance counsellor at one of the local high schools. After she was able to think rationally about the situation she realized she never considered that some families weren't as accepting as hers and what young people go through, not just in regards to sexuality but making any decision or choice that might go against their parent's beliefs or wants.
While her parents accepted her for who she was, they were less inclined to believe how serious she had felt about Amelia. It was her mother's belief that one had to date a few people before finding the right long term partner, relationships from collage never lasted. That was major catalyst in Pam's life. She wanted to be an advocate to other young people, an ally where others might disregard them or their ability to make the right choice based on their age, she knew differently.
It was another two years before fate seemed to step in again. Pam had joined her brother at their favourite pub, regaling him with the story of her latest bad date, set up of course by their mother. Mrs. Northman was bound and determined to find Pam a successful girlfriend, she had even joined the local PFLAG chapter hoping someone would start talking about their daughter, the lesbian doctor or lawyer or CPA, career and possible future income had more standing than personality. Pam had made her brother start laughing when she quipped that if their mother had known the size of Amelia's bank account she would have changed her tune when he suddenly froze. The way he stared at the door made Pam turn to look. There in the door way stood Amelia, like she knew they were talking about her and teleported to their location. Pam and her bother each let out an expletive as the young woman made her way to their table leaving no question who it was she was there to see, why was another matter entirely.
The two women stared at each other as Amelia stopped in front of the table. At the same time they both began to speak. Amelia, stating that she couldn't marry him as Pam pointed out that she was wearing a wedding dress. Pam literally bit her tongue, first to shock herself out of what could only be a hallucination and then when Amelia turned out to be real, to stop herself from making a sarcastic quip. At least for the moment. She was curious as to Amelia's sudden appeared in the bar and in an expensive looking wedding dress no less. Amelia looked down as she ran her hands down the bodice of her strapless gown, it was the only thing that she had any say in that day, up until she walked out of the church mid-ceremony that is. After making sure she even wanted to speak to her ex, Pam's brother got up and went to sit at the bar, leaving them to talk in relative privacy.
Amelia tried to explain how it wasn't until she was standing at the altar with the man her father hand picked for her that she gathered the courage to stand up to him. She had never wanted to marry the man, he was nice enough, she just didn't love him. When asked to repeat "I do" all she could do was shake her head before running out of the church. She hadn't thought to even change before she jumped in her car.
She used the first hour of the five hour drive from New Orleans deciding she was ready to throw her family and inheritance away, even when she wasn't sure if Pam would let her apologize for the last three years of silence or spit in her face. Amelia knew that she owed Pam an apology and an explanation, even if it was over due. Deciding not to repeat past behaviour she called her jilted fiancé and told him the truth. He was naturally upset but admitted that he always knew there was someone in her past that he could never replace; he was surprised that Amelia nearly went through with the wedding.
When Pam wasn't at her apartment, Amelia went to the pub remembering how much she loved the place, the owners always turning a blind eye when they would sneak in. Amelia hoped that she might find her there. Once she spotted Pam, Amelia prayed that she would let her speak.
It wasn't an easy conversation but it was a start. When last call was announced they decided to meet the next day in the restaurant of the hotel Amelia was staying at. Finally hearing first hand why Amelia agreed to leave school and everyone behind and how much pressure her father put on her, gave Pam a lot to think about, she wasn't sure if she even wanted to forgive Amelia but she was willing to hear her out.
True to his threats Mr. Carmichael cut off Amelia but not before she managed to transfer the money in her bank account to one he had no access to. Within a week she managed to find a small affordable apartment and a job in an insurance agency as she embarked on a journey to repair relationships not only with Pam but with the other people she left behind.
Pam had wanted to hold out but Amelia's sincerity and joie de vie won her over, at least as a friend. They spent a lot of time together getting to know on another as adults; both had grown a lot since school.
Six months later Amelia once again made the first move by asking Pam out on a date. She let out a huge sigh of relief when Pam accepted.
They took things slowly, both cautious with their hearts. There were a few ups and downs, as with any relationship but they had learned that honesty and open discussion was the best policy to stopping miscommunications from turning into a fight. Once Mrs. Northman allowed herself to get to know Amelia she was quick to admit that none of her picks had ever suited Pam so well and after a frank and terrifying (from Amelia's perspective) conversation about what her intentions toward Pam were, Amelia was welcomed into the family.
It was three years after their second first date when they decided they wanted to start a family. Mrs. Northman was their biggest supporter, going so far as to hand them a list of lesbian friendly sperm banks located in the state before they even finished telling her what it would involve. She didn't even blink as she admitted that she was waiting for them to make her a grandmother.
That thought brought Pam back to the present. She was surprised to find her mother sitting next to her, holding her hand, her sister-in-law was holding her other hand. Pam didn't notice when they came in. Or her brother and father who were both currently pacing the waiting room. They were all here, she wondered how long had she been spaced out, lost in thought. As if sensing her daughter's rising panic Mrs. Northman squeezed her hand and assured her that the doctors were doing everything they could, they had to remain positive. Pam noted that, despite the tension in the beginning; it was obvious that Amelia had rubbed off on her mother. She allowed herself a brief smile as she pointed it out to her family.
As everyone nodded or spoke in agreement the waiting room doors opened and Amelia's doctor walked in. They all seemed to be holding their breath until the obstetrician said the magic words, "Congratulations Pam, you have a daughter." After everyone collectively exhaled the doctor explained that Amelia was fine but she would sleep for a while and Pam could come meet her daughter. There were some quick hugs and promises to wait before Pam followed the doctor.
When Amelia woke an hour later she was greeted by the sound of Pam softly singing to their newborn. She still felt groggy but she beckoned her wife over and patted the space beside her on the bed, she wanted her two girls. They snuggled on the thin bed as best they could while Amelia fed baby Sophie. Neither spoke, both lost in their own thoughts but thinking the same thing. Family is what you make of it.