*A little one shot set immediately after Mars Landing. Sorry, I'm not sure where this came from lol...*
Didn't See It Coming:
It had been one week since Nick and Jess broke up, and Jess was not okay. Everyone knew she was not okay. The repeated screenings of Dirty Dancing and comfort baking of copious cupcakes was a near daily reminder to the guys that she was barely holding it together, but this was new territory for them all, and no one was completely sure how to handle the situation. So it was barely mentioned, but in some ways Jess found that easier to handle - she was too heartbroken to want to talk about what had happened between her and Nick, even Cece only had the basic information. The rest stayed locked inside her heart and burnt her chest from the inside like scolding hot water.
Tonight had been particularly difficult. Before the break up, Jess had a special night planned for them both as a surprise. She'd had to call the restaurant to cancel the table she had booked, and the new dress she bought remained hanging in the back of her closet hidden from view. Jess had contemplated taking it back to the store, but even that was too much to handle right now. In all the times she had imagined how her relationship with Nick might go, this was never an ending that entered her mind. Although it had taken Jess longer than Nick to realise her feelings for him were something more than friendship, once she was there everything just seemed to fall in to place. Nothing had ever felt easier than when she was with him. She would wake up smiling and go to sleep the same way. Now it was all gone, and if she was completely honest with herself she still had little idea why. Their argument had spiralled out of control and what should have been something easily fixable took a turn that neither of them had been expecting.
She loved him. More than she had ever loved anyone in her entire life. But it seemed like they just weren't on the same page where their future was concerned. It hurt Jess to see that Nick couldn't bring himself to say out loud that he saw his future with her, even though she knew deep down he probably thought it. If he couldn't say the words when they were about to lose each other, perhaps he was never going to be ready to say them. Jess felt a pain like a knife being twisted in her gut at the thought of it. She didn't want this to be the end. Maybe it was what they needed right now, a little breather from each other, but the idea that she might never get to be held by him again? It hurt more than anything in the world.
Jess had tried to go to bed early. She wanted to fall asleep to escape the heavy ache in her chest and the constant background nausea in her stomach. But sleep would not come, no matter how hard she tried. The tears, however, were so forthcoming she could not hold them back. Every time Jess thought she was cried out, another wave of upset would hit her. It was so intense she felt actual physical pain and ended up curled in a ball on her side, sobbing under the comforter that still smelt like Nick's aftershave.
By 1am the loft was quiet, and Jess still lie there awake and sad. She had never felt more alone in her life than right at this moment, but the only person who could make it go away was asleep across the hall in a room that was now off limits - for the time being at least - where comfort was concerned. Jess contemplated calling Cece, she even had the phone in her hand and fingers poised over the contacts list...but shoved it away on to her nightstand with a sigh. Talking to Cece wouldn't help. Jess stood and walked to the bathroom - she'd been awake for hours and couldn't fool her bladder any more. Splashing some cool water on her blotchy, tear-stained face, she stared hard at herself in the mirror. The hot tears were prickling at the back of her eyeballs again and she took a few deep breaths to try and calm herself. If she couldn't sleep, perhaps she could make herself useful and go and do some baking for the guys breakfast. Tidy the living area. Something.
As she stepped back down the hall, Jess noticed something she hadn't seen on the way out - a dim glow from under Nick's door. It wasn't entirely unusual for him to be up at this time, especially given the extra hours at the bar he had been working (his feeble attempt to distract himself from their break up.) but there was no sound where usually he would be watching a film or listening to music. Without thinking, her fingers tapped at his door and she pushed it open without waiting for an answer. Clicking the door shut behind her, Jess stood awkwardly in the half dark of his bedroom and felt her heart thud against her chest. She shouldn't be in here. Nick was lying there awake, room dimly lit by a fading table lamp on his dresser as he stared at the ceiling with his arms crossed behind his head. He hadn't moved from the position, because he knew it was Jess at his door - who else had reason to be shuffling around at this time of night? Turning his head to face her, he gave a sad smile.
"You couldn't sleep either, huh?"
Jess merely shook her head, throat burning from the effort of holding back her cries. Nick rolled on to his side towards her and pulled back the covers without speaking, shifting himself across to make space. There was a moment of pause as Jess hesitated, before slowly walking towards his bed and climbing in bedside him. She silently curled up in a ball with her back against his chest and closed her eyes as his arm fell across her waist and hugged her tightly under the blankets. Her body jolted with tiny sobs and the tears now fell, plummeting swiftly from her face to dampen his pillow beneath her head. Jess heard Nick sniff a few times as he tried to fight the emotion that overwhelmed them both, but as his head rested on her shoulder she felt the unmistakable sensation of his tears against her skin. His hand reached up to her face and Nick used a thumb to wipe away the wet trails from her cheeks. He linked his fingers with hers and bought her hand to his mouth, gently kissing the back of it. Right now, it felt the only safe place for him to lay his lips - anywhere else would be a terrible mistake and they both knew it. Things were messy as they were, and neither wanted to risk jeopardising their friendship any further. So they lay there together, holding one another tightly in Nick's bed, each feeling comfort from the presence of their best friend beside them at a time when the only cure for their pain was also the reason for it.
They had fallen asleep half an hour or so later, both succumbing to the pull of dreams as the feel of the other person's heart was beating rhythmically against their skin. At 6am, Jess stirred to find herself still encompassed by Nick's strong arms. His breathing was slow and measured, the warm air falling on her neck a painful reminder of what was no more. And although lying there against his chest was still her favourite place in the world - she knew she had to leave now, before he woke. They couldn't wake up beside one another, not anymore. Not if they wanted to salvage their friendship and maybe one day find their way back to each other. Carefully sliding away from the heat of his body, Jess slowly crept to his door. Stepping out, she couldn't help but look back at him, still asleep and unaware of her absence. She knew the way he would be hurting when he woke - because it was the same way she was feeling right now. But she forced herself to think this was the right decision for them.
For now.
For the future.
*FIN*