Strike One: Cast and Crew

Orochimaru wasn't one to complain. He never cared for 'happy' reunions with two of the most famous producers/writers/pratically everything else of Hollywood and all around. Back in his day (which wasn't so long ago) he had been famous. The three of them would pull of the impossible. With a low budget of, oh, who knows how many, the three legendaries created an award winning movie with only themselves and the cast members they each single handedly picked.

Being Legend was, at the time, the accurate word for Tsunade, Jiraiya, and Orochimaru.

They were in their twenties, and they were stupid. Stupidly brilliant enough to create four movies, all of which that won more than five Oscar awards. It was the high-point of their lives, and they won't ever forget the pain and agonizing torture they went through to make it happen.

"Name, please." the security guard standing opposite of a door which lead to more fame.

"Orochimaru...," he replied with a lofty expression drenched on his face.

At that moment, the guard sputtered words unknown in Orochimaru's vocabulary. The man's eyes bulged with awe, he gaped in the realization of HIS presence and almost died. "I...I am a BIG fan of yours, Orochimaru-san."

Well, there's something he can finally understand.

"I've seen all your movies-YOU'RE A GENIUS!" he attempted to pull out a notebook and a pen, indicating that he wanted an autograph.

'Duh.' Orochimaru rolled his eyes with vain.

"Please sign my-"

"I have a meeting to attend to."

"O-Oh, right, well...later, then!"

"Sure."

"Go right on inside."

"Fine...move."

"Of course."

Orochimaru watched the man staring at him...still not moving. He tapped his foot impatiently and crossed his arms, showing him that it was not acceptable making a person wait for so long, especially the Legend. The guard couldn't care less about Orochimaru's hideous reaction, as long as he got to stare at him for one more minute.

"What the fuck is taking that bastard so DAMN long!" Tsunade responded in a way so violent, she created an earthquake within the building.

"Gosh, I arrived one hour early only to wait two hours for some fag who won't even show up." Jiraiya leaned on his palm and flicked a paper star into the air. Yondaime turned and twisted his fingers in order to create a field goal

...and Jiraiya missed.

Kakashi shook his head at the poorly accurate Jiraiya.

"Wow. A hundred misses in a row. A new record." Yondaime responded as blunt as he possibly could.

"SHUT UP! I wasn't ready."

"A hundred times, huh?"

"You ungrateful little...if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be a movie making millionaire right now!"

Yondaime snorted.

Tsunade huffed, inwardly fantasizing of many different ways to torment Orochimaru in her poor, demented mind. She will NEVER forgive him.

"I'm here." a voice presented himself ever so arrogantly to a crowd of people who obviously didn't care.

Tsunade's features brightened, which surprised everyone because ten seconds ago she was on a killing rampage, and now...? "OROCHIMARU, we ALL missed you!" she crushed him into a tight embrace inflicting ten thousand years of damage and broken ribs.

Yondaime and Kakashi fixed their eyes at her in disbelief.

Jiraiya only choked on his frosted flakes.

"Wow." the snake-like creature replied in an extremely bored tone. "Even I didn't believe a single word she said."

Tsunade's obvious fake cheeriness turned magically into a sinister growl. "Fine. I was paid to do this. HE MADE ME DO IT!" she pointed frantically at Jiraiya.

Jiraiya managed to swallow his frosted flakes properly in time to heal. But when she pointed that accusing finger at him, he began to choke hilariously on his push pop. I say 'hilarious' because that's what it looked like when it happened.

They all stared at him with a look of disturbed curiousity. Everyone waited there, indicating an explaination.

"I just wanted to see what it would look, okay!" he shrugged his shoulders erratically as if he had just been caught stealing hershey's chocolate milk from a six year old (which he actually did five hours ago before lunch).

Tsunade punched her fist into her hands and cracked her knuckles.

"Now, what's your punishment for today, Orochimaru."

For the first time, Orochimaru began to take his future and his will seriously. He decided that he was going to leave his water bed to Jiraiya. The thing is a few days from popping anyway.

"Give the guy a break, Tsunade!" Yondaime groaned. "I mean, just look at him. He's drenched in wretchedness and remorse-"

"Both words meaning the same, idiot." Kakashi bellowed.

"What's your point?"

"It's...nevermind."

"Yeah, just like I said! He's drenched in wretchedness and remorse. His face is pale, twisted and absolutely unbearable to look at. You can just tell he's in deep pain!" he added a dramatic gesture with his hands and his face look comical, as if he was actually taking Orochimaru seriously.

The man listening to all this crap only frowned. "I always look like this."

The room fell into a silence of pity.

Yondaime opened his mouth to say something, but then was left speachless.

"Shall we begin our project?"

"Please." begged Kakashi for the first time in his ENTIRE life.

"All right, so what's the movie about?"

"Er...well, I haven't really finished it...,"

"Jiraiya, don't be a coward, just tell us!"

"Fine." he coughed nervously and had a sheepish look on his face. He tried to pull off the confident look, however, failed horribly. "Okay, well, it's about eight guys who decide they want to start a band, after being afflicted by critisizing taunts the rival band throws at them. So all through out the story, they argue about what instruments they want to play, what to name the band, who's gonna be the lead singer, all sorts of crazy stuff."

Tsunade looked mildly impressed.

"And we throw in a hot, wacky, manager-girl. So on the side, there's our stupid love story. There's humor, romance...er...more humor, and it all takes place in the main character's garage."

The woman who looked like she was about to kill everyone a while ago changed her mood and tried to go with Jiraiya's idea. "So what happens at the end?"

"Ah, here's the twist." a big grin appeared on the big guy's lips. "At the end, everyone realizes that...THEY DON'T KNOW THE FIRST THING ON HOW TO PLAY INSTRUMENTS! The lead singer can't even sing! The manager's only there because she's hot! And that's all I came up with...,"

Crickets chirped and everyone fell into an awkward silence.

"Well that's the stupidest thing I was ever forced to hear." Yondaime's eyes brightened all of a sudden "Wanna hear my idea of a movie?" .

Jiraiya snorted. "Now THAT'S the stupidest thing I was ever forced to hear."

"Actually...," Tsunade voiced in rather secretively. "I think it's...pretty good."

After many years of wondering, everyone knew for sure Tsunade was an insane person with abnormally large breasts.

"Really?" Jiraiya had hopes.

"Yeah. I mean, if you ever read the summary of a plot like this, you would think of it as a complete wreck. Did you ever see Little Miss Sunshine? Once you actually see the movie, it has depth, it has a great lengthy amount of dark humor, and well, it's a great movie. Won more than one Oscar-"

The room fell into one of those common awkward silences once more. Kakashi took Tsunade's words into consideration, and ultimately agreed. "She has a point there. The plot may seem lame, but Jiraiya may be on to something here."

"EXACTLY!" the white haired menace threw his arms in the air. "By the way, it's not LAME." he sneered.

Orochimaru sighed drastically. "Fine. Everything about this 'future' movie sounds like shit to me. But knowing me and my legendary skills, it'll be the best movie ever made."

"Yeah, whatever." Yondaime 'pfft'. "Now let's make this movie interesting!"

After days of trying to come up with decent scenes to include for the movie, the crew decided it was time to pick out the cast. It seemed like an easy enough job for five people, but there were many disagreements...

"All right, so Kakashi handles the camera."

Kakashi's eyes glittered as if he was listening, though he really didn't care.

"I'll be the producer since obviously I'm richer than nearly all of you."

Everyone rolled their eyes at Orochimaru's totally lame-ass comment.

"Tsunade will be the director. Jiraiya: the screenwriter. The make-up artist?"

Yondaime raised his hand furiously.

"Any other 'non-crappy' suggestions?" the yellow eyed fiend waited patiently to check this off his list.

"How about Kurenai Yuuhi? She'll agree, she hasn't been making money much lately." Kakashi commented.

"How about her husband, Asuma Sarutobi? Will he manage the special effects?"

"WHAT SPECIAL EFFECTS!? It's a movie about nine people and their stupid band. It all takes place in a garage. WHAT MORE CAN HAPPEN?"

They all ignored Yondaime's cry of rage.

"So, will he take it?"

"Yeah, he hasn't been making much either."

"Great." Orochimaru checked something off his list with the pink, sparkly, fluffy pen he borrowed from Jiraiya. "And Yondaime's our assisstant producer. Anyone have any objections?"

Yondaime raised his hand.

"Okay, then. Let's pick out our cast."

The blond haired, blue eyed hot guy slowly let his hand down and crossed his arms furiously. "I never liked you."

"Like I haven't heard that one before."

Everyone agreed with that comment.

Mentioned before, picking the cast seemed like the easiest decision to make. However, it was as hard as Yondaime's perfectly toned abs. And that's hard. The crew spent long minutes throwing paper airplanes at Orochimaru, laughing when they hit the target: his nose.

"Cut it out." he spat.

Yondaime and Jiraiya snorted with laughter.

"Enough, already!" declared Tsunade. "If we don't make a decision soon, we won't have anytime to buy the delux double cheesburger from McDonalds! Are you happy? You made me hungry!" she stormed like a wild hurricane.

And everyone was used to it, so they let her.

"We can have Sai as the main character." Kakashi suggested bravely.

A snort was heard. "Nah, he ain't ALL that. I heard rumors about him taking art lessons from a gay guy, and them getting it on. I am NOT working with some homosexual." Yondaime crossed his arms and sneered as if he made up his mind.

"Why not? You work with Orochimaru." Jiraiya replied slyly and Orochimaru clearly hated him.

"Sai's not gay. I read it in Teen Magazine. He's dating a French model." Kakashi replied as a matter of fact.

"Did the magazine happen to say the SEX of the french model?"

Kakashi suddenly became a mute.

"I think Itachi Uchiha is an excellent choice. Through out his entire life, he's been nominated for more than ten Oscars." Orochimaru commented, highly impressed.

"What can be more gay than Orochimaru, staring at Itachi Uchiha all day?" Yondaime whispered secretly in Kakashi's ears.

"You, two millimeters away from my face." Kakashi surpressed a disgusted look.

"I don't think Itachi Uchiha fits the part of this certain main character. He's too old."

"What about his little brother? What's his name again...,"

"Was it Sasuke?"

"No, I don't think so." Tsunade replied.

"I'm pretty sure it was Sasuke." Jiraiya narrowed his eyes in irritation.

"And I'm pretty sure that's not it."

The arguement went for many, long, agonizing seconds.

"I checked on the internet! His name is Sasuke." Yondaime grinned.

"Suck on that, STUPID!"

"You can't even spell stupid, MORON!"

"Sure I can. T-S-U-N-A-D-E."

"Oh, real mature."

"Yeah, baby. And don't forget it."

"Can we please get back to what we originally planned on talking about." Kakashi has just about had it with everyone's stupid bickering. They looked at him, trying to figure out what exactly HE was talking about. Kakashi paused. "The cast?"

"Oh, yeah!"

"Completely forgot all about that."

"What the fuck were we doing all this time!?"

Kakashi sighed, disappointed with the assembled team he decided to join. "So it's agreed. Sasuke Uchiha is our main character."

"So who's our second main 'guy' character?"

This comment went into serious consideration. It was hard enough thinking of the main guy, but who's the second main guy? The best friend. The commander in second. The right hand man. Who?

"I think it should be me." Jiraiya said, making a suggestion nobody wanted to hear.

"Okay, not only are you in your late fifties, but...you're just old...," said Yondaime.

"Everybody, let's get serious here!" Tsunade roard.

"I was being serious." muttered Jiraiya.

Another silence fell upon the room. Silences seem to be doing that a lot lately. Just when hope was lost, Yondaime finally made a decent recommendation.

"How about my nephew? He's really high on the acting standards and he's been on more television shows than anybody I know."

Orochimaru shrugged. He really didn't care anymore. Everyone else really didn't have a decent say in this.

"Well, if he's good, then..."

"Wait a minute. What nephew are you talking about? The fat one or the annoying one?"

"First of all, those are my nephews you're talking about." Yondaime raged. "And second of all, it's the annoying one." his highly offended voice suddenly turned into a dull one.

"Naruto's not at all a bad actor. I noticed he's been working on it through out the years. He's actually really good." Kakashi decided it would be time to speak his mind. "I personally think it's a good choice."

"Great." Yondaime's teeth brightened.

"So that's settled."

"So who's the villain?" asked Orochimaru, quite concered about the topic.

No one actually had a real thought about this. No one really cared (except Orochimaru who is the definition of evil).

"Um, what about Hinata Hyuuga's cousin? Neji Hyuuga. He's been playing the bad guy for years."

Yondaime shivered. "Yeah, I remembered him on 'Child Murderer'. He's creepy."

"Than he's perfect!"

"I thought the movie was a comedy!"

"Yeah, what's your point?"

Yondaime sat there in cowardly silence. "Just don't make me go near him."

Tsunade sighed, going through Jiraiya's bag of candy, stealing everything and at the corner of his eye, he saw everything. However, for the greater lives of man-kind and all other living things, he decided it would be best to ignore her childish behavior and let her eat all of his skittles.

"So what about the hot manager?"

"Hmm...this is gonna be tough. How about Ino Yamanaka?" Yondaime quickly proposed.

Tsunade looked at him with the utter most disgust. "The rated 'R' chick?"

"Tsunade, Tsunade, when will you ever learn? She's called the 'Rated R whore', not 'Rated R chick'" Jiraiya and his companion laughed at her.

"I told you she was stupid."

"Whatever. I am not going to direct some Rated R whore on a rated PG-13 film. That's just not going to happen!" Tsunade pounded her fist in her hand.

"Rated PG-13? Now that's gay...," said Orochimaru.

"Sure, Orochimaru. Just as gay as your long, hippie hair!" Tsunade spat.

Though, Orochimaru thought Tsunade was a bird brained bitch, he bowed his head in agreement. "I'll back up Tsunade's opinion on the Yamanaka girl, she's not at all pretty."

"That's because you're gay."

"Nice."

Jiraiya and his student hi-fived.

"I think Hinata Hyuuga is a good pick." Kakashi openly recommended.

"Nah, she's way too...rated G." Jiraiya rolled his eyes as if he were disgusted.

"What about Tenten? She's almost rated PG-13, and she's very attractive."

"But she's not that certain kind of 'sexy'." complained the white haired child. "And besides, she's totally rated PG."

"Well, I got nothing."

"I got it!" Jiraiya licked his lips luciously (as if). "If there is a single soul who doesn't agree with me, than I don't want him or her working with me."

"Just tell us who it is already!"

"Sakura Haruno."

Seriously, Jiraiya really lacked the professional skills of...well...everything. "She drips sexy."

"She sweats sexy." Yondaime added.

"She's everything sexy."

"She's the heir of sexy."

"She shits sexy."

"Okay, that was gross."

"What?"

Tsuande rubbed her head, and almost took the thought of killing everybody who made her want to take a knife and use it to stab out their eyes. If she hadn't stole that bag of candy from Jiraiya, she would've done so. "Not to kill the moment, but Sakura Haruno is not an actress, she's a singer."

"She's the Queen of Hip Hop. Seriously, says so on her third album."

"She's not a fucking actress!"

"How the hell do you know that?"

"Because I KNOW!"

"She's a freaking household name! If we had her in our movie, EVERYONE would watch our shit!"

"Sure, they would watch it. BUT WOULD THEY LIKE IT!? Just look what happened to Britney Spears!"

"I think you're overreacting."

"MADONNA!"

"This is insane."

"MARIAH CAREY!

"You're crazy!"

"Some other chick, I have no idea what her name is, because her status of being a famous pop singer was ruined because of the movie she attempted to ACT in!"

Yondaime sighed. "Well, I'm convinced. I think Haruno should be in our movie."

"WHAT?"

"I knew you were smart." Jiraiya chuckled as manly as he possibly could. "Kakashi, are you in?"

Kakashi looked extremely bored.

"Well, there's three votes. Orochimaru?"

All eyes were on him. Tsunade had hope in her eyes for the first time. She truly knew Orochimaru wouldn't let such a stupid idea like this happen.

"Whatever."

Tsuande fumed. "ARE YOU PEOPLE INSANE!"

The air of intensity in the room really stepped up a notch. Everything and everyone was making things very hard for Tsunade and she just could not cooperate with four stupid, 'not considered to be human', ass holes.

"Wow, the first sign telling us Orochimaru isn't completely gay." Yondaime nodded his head and looked at Orochimaru as a real guy for the first time.

"Well, Tsunade. Four against one. What are you going to do now?"

She huffed. "I'm going to Disneyland and all you fucking idiots aren't invited."

And that's when things got serious.

A/N: Well, there goes the first chapter. Hope everyone enjoyed it. The second chapter should come in within a week or more. But worry not, it won't take more than three weeks. That I can promise you...or not...I'm not sure, really. Just stay tuned 'till next time. BYE!

Reviews are positively necessary, and everyone knows it.