You Are Here
It wasn't bad as far as a last chance save went. CAL told River, she had been uploaded here as real as the people she had saved. It was a multi part success story. Herself with the sonic and some vague foreknowledge, the 11th Doctor knowing what happened, making the sonic with its secret copy of her- his gift at Darillium, CAL saving and uploading her actual body and consciousness, and the 10th Doctor uploading the sonic copy to CAL.
There had been some damage to her body before it was uploaded. CAL had used that last bit of extra energy River had provided, allowing the transfer of the 4,023, to save her physical body intact, then with the copy of River's DNA uploaded by the Doctor, repaired much of the damage.
From River's memories and their data ghosts, the supercomputer brought to digital life her archeologists friends and Miss Evangelista. Then Charlotte had seen River was a mother when she scanned her memories, and had immediately adopted her as her own mother.
River's babies had a live-in caregiver while she was on this expedition. It was her first expedition since Amelia Song's birth. She felt compelled to go. She had uneasy dreams about it though; they felt like foreknowledge. That prompted her to create an emergency child custody agreement with a colleague. If she was reported dead or missing, her colleague would become Jonothon and Amelia Song's foster parent. She hadn't told the Doctor about the children. It made her feel a bit guilty, despite knowing the Eleventh Doctor wasn't to know of them. Would a later Doctor? She didn't know.
She still hoped the Doctor would figure out how to get her out of CAL alive. After Trenzalore, he knew she existed inside of CAL, and had admitted his feelings. That moment… it had made coming back here and being without him both easier and more painful at the same time. But painful feelings and the Doctor, that she was used to.
She wondered if he fully understood his actions had saved her, allowing a chance for her to be with him physically again, should he dare it. He did understand he'd "made a backup copy". That's what gave her hope. She vowed, after her first "post saving" encounter to never push him to see this, though, let him figure it out in his own time. Perhaps it was another example of how foolish her love for him was, but she still wanted to trust he'd realize it and come for her.
They'd had a few brief encounters after that where things were better between emotionally than they'd ever been, but then they stopped. She had misunderstood how she had gotten out the first time and told him what she thought it had been. But after a long time with no contact she feared the worst and her intense emotions had drawn her out of the Library.
She'd discovered then it was actually a link to his Tardis, and that link would be there even after his death. As long as some form of his Tardis existed then she could get out. She was the "child of the Tardis" after all; the link to it made perfect sense, while the link to what she thought was the companion confused her. She hadn't known the girl before that meeting. She should have realized it was never the companion much sooner than she did. There was no reason at all to have a connection to a companion she'd never known before, and every reason to be linked to the Tardis. She realized now that the Tardis was trying to tell her that at Trenzalore with her false tombstone, but things just moved too fast, it was a desperate bid to save the Doctor that was foremost in her mind. She had faded and returned to the Library that time, because she thought she was supposed to.
On the day she discovered her link was to his Tardis, she found herself in its library. But a search of the rooms gave no signs of him or any companion. She could feel no one living was there; it was as if the Tardis was abandoned. Then she wandered into the console room and understood why. She had arrived on Trenzalore shortly after his burial there. His time stream was even brighter and stronger than it had been the first time. The Tardis itself was evolving into the form she'd seen that first time, but they could still speak.
"Child returned. Always return. My child's home."
"Are you saying my link is to you?"
"Yes. Not annoying stray, me."
River smiled fondly. "I'll always be your child"
"Yes. Annoying stray, long dead. All strays long dead…" The Tardis voice shifted to a tender tone. "And the waiting girl and roman pretty one too, the ones who made you with me."
"Yes, my parents, a long time ago. But at this point so is the Doctor, but not long ago right? I know your sense of time is kind of different, but after living in CAL for a long time mine is too. But in the human sense, how long has it been since he physically died? Just so I don't cross my timeline again…"
"Human time? One week ago."
"I won't ask how or why."
"Spoilers."
"Yes, spoilers. You brought me here, so you could explain, so I'd know it was you."
"Yes. Want to find thief now?"
"No. I'll stay with you for a while, keep you company. It must be lonely, now that he's like this. He can't speak to you anymore."
"Nor to wife."
"No, not me either."
After that time she got out and only once more saw the Doctor, but only from a distance. She wondered if he had sensed her presence. She didn't speak to him this time. She saw the Tenth and Eleventh Doctor, and the secret one, the one he denied, the Doctor of the Time War. She wasn't certain this one was even a full regeneration or partial failed one. That would help in his denial of seeing him as really the Doctor. She guessed that was what happened when he endured another partial failed regeneration, the one that created the Valeyard. This one had no name at all, whatever he was. She had quietly helped out in the battle, then had let herself be drawn back to the Library.
After that she would get out of the Library from time to time, revisiting places she had gone on those secret dates with the Doctor, the sites of their many weddings… The Doctor had gone mad for weddings with her for a while after their first one, once even in another alternate timeline. They hadn't triggered that one, it was just a mad escapade to enter it, just for the sake of another wedding. That place she didn't dare visit again, even if she could. But oh the memory of it, leaping back into the proper timeline, at the last possible second… She laughed, what a mad stunt….
She very reluctantly stayed away from her own children. She was fearful of damaging their timelines, and her chance to be with them, should the Doctor come through with the rescue. Maybe it was selfish, but River wanted to physically live to raise her children in the same way her own mother and father longed they could have raised her.
She wasn't certain how long she had been inside CAL when she awoke one morning to the playful greeting outside her bedroom door,
"Hi, honey I'm home."
She chuckled and answered, "And what kind of time do you call this?"
He slowly opened the door, and she realized it had been a very long time for him. It was a different regeneration of the Doctor. She saw his great age in his soft brown eyes. His face was still longish, but more balanced and handsome than Eleven's had been, and less pretty boy than Ten. He was also a bit taller than Ten and not as skinny as either he or Eleven. His dark auburn hair fell in shaggy waves to midneck. He was also older looking than even Ten, but not an old man, he looked…her age. He was dressed rather simply for the Doctor, in a Tardis blue polo neck and black trousers with… ah, there was his bizarre fashion sense, he wore Tardis blue cowboy boots…
"Time to rescue my wife. She's done far too much sacrificing for my sake."
"What regeneration?"
"Should I say 'spoilers', wife?" He smirked. "How about guessing and seeing if you're right?"
"It can only be Twelve or Thirteen. I think you would have said if you were Twelve, so I'm saying Thirteen."
He smiled and nodded. "As always, you're right." Then his expression turned thoughtful. "Next step's a bit tricky, but it's all cleared with CAL…"
The digital bedroom disappeared. River and the Doctor were now standing on the lawn where she had first arrived inside CAL. Her clothing changed to full length deep red knit dress that embraced her curves from breasts to hips.
"Always wanted to see you in red." He said, voice husky with desire.
"Can I change your clothes as well?" She smirked. "Although, other than those atrocious boots, that's the best fashion sense you've ever had. Hair's not bad either. I like it long with this face. Eleven looked better when it was longer too. "
"We get out of here alive, I'll let you change my clothes whatever way you want, wife." He smiled wickedly.
Charlotte and Doctor Moon appeared in front of them.
"Big risk, Doctor, you could both die." Doctor Moon said solemnly.
"Then River and I die together, wouldn't have it any other way." The Doctor said firmly.
"No, I won't let you die to save me!" River cried.
"Even if my death saves me?" He looked at her solemnly "I understand what Amy was saying to Rory in Manhattan now: 'Together or not at all'." Either you leave with me or I stay here with you. Those are your options; choose now."
"How would your death with me, save you?"
"I'm tired, River. Desperately tired of finding one new companion after another only to watch them leave or die. I'm tired of all the years separated from my beloved wife. We're the same now, when we die, we die, that's it."
"But Doctor, that would mean Trenzalore. You have to-"
"Not yet River, not done talking. Still happens, no body, remember? I've seen it, it's locked in. The Tardis will go there and things will be as they were. I find myself too ready for death without you. So I die alone in one last rash heroic act, after leaving you here yet again. Believe me, I will and very soon. I've come close to that more times that you want to know, recently. Or I die with you because my escape plan was rubbish."
"Doctor, how-"
"In a minute. Or we both live either in here or out there. Now, what is your choice?"
"With you."
"In here or out there?"
"Out there. But, can you make a copy of my consciousness so Charlotte isn't alone again?"
"Already part of my agreement if you said yes."
"And a copy of part of the Doctor's, so you aren't alone anymore, either." Charlotte smiled up at River.
"Couldn't give them a copy of it all, too dangerous, but it will be me, more or less."
"So even if we die getting out, part of us still lives on?"
"Yes."
"Then my answer is yes."
Charlotte spontaneously gave River a tight hug. She still was, in part, a little girl after all. "I wish you'd stay with me."
"I know." River hugged the child back. "I wish I could have a copy of you with me, like you'll have a copy of me."
River didn't notice, nor did Charlotte appear to, but Doctor Moon and the Doctor exchanged a look and a quick mutual nod. The Doctor knew his wife's tender heart would miss the attachment she'd made to the child inside the computer. Miss the data ghosts brought to digital life of her friends too. He had a plan for that as well. Everything hinged on the success of his plan though, and it was time to start.
"Ready, wife?"
"As I'll ever be" She stepped toward him with that familiar light of excitement in her eyes, and took his arm. He smiled faintly, remembering his rescue of her from yet another heroic sacrifice, oh so long ago.
"Geronimo." He whispered in her ear, making sure her mind was on that moment as well. For him, that was the moment he began to surrender to his feelings for her. Not just the desire he'd allowed himself at Byzantium, but that ultimate mystery, the one called love. The thing he he'd sneered about to Amy in Manhattan. But Amy and Rory, they'd been right; he'd been wrong. It wasn't until Trenzalore that he started realizing it.
It wasn't until this regeneration he knew what he must do. He'd done all the things that were fixed, quickly and recklessly. He had lost yet another companion, thankfully not to death, but her choice. That's when he knew, it was death alone or being with River.
Angie told him she knew there was someone he needed more than her company, to go find that missing part of his hearts and be happy. Then she'd said "Don't look for me again, Doctor. I've had enough dangerous adventures now. I want to live my life." She'd been older than most of his companions, around Donna's age, later 30's. Like Donna, they'd strictly been friends. She had been an Australian Librarian in the early 21st century and went back to that life.
Angie became a writer of romantic science-fiction and fantasy for adults. He'd read one and was stunned how close this story was to his and River's. Angie never met River. He'd never directly spoken of River at all to her. He thought he'd hid away that part of his hearts entirely. Angie was a bit like Amelia Pond, she sussed it out on her own. She never mentioned it until the end though. That last day she'd finally spoken of her own loss; a romantic partner who had been a passenger on one of the American planes hijacked on September 11, 2001. It had shattered her heart and she'd never felt able to love someone that much again. She finally found the outlet to heal through her writing. She could read his own pain, and it had just become too painful.
The book he read was part of a best selling series about a time traveling man who had lost his time traveling partner to death forever, or thought he had. He sought out one transient associate after another, trying to live without her. Until in the final book he discovers how to save her. He saves her and they travel together from then on. It was a fantasy romance after all; of course it had a happy ending. Unlike he and River had. That had been the moment he realized he'd been running again. Running from the only thing he'd want to live for anymore. He realized he was afraid he would fail and River would be gone forever. That's when this mad plan came to him.
The plan was dangerous. It began with Doctor Moon initiating a version of his antivirus routine. But instead of merely deleting them, they were sent to quarantine. That allowed the initiation time for the elaborate download program he'd created. The Tardis was interfaced with CAL. The program would then sweep them from CAL's quarantine area straight to the Tardis, where they would be downloaded, hopefully.
They landed in the quarantine area without incident.
"Step One, success."
"Where are we?"
"In the virus quarantine area."
River looked around the featureless steel grey box. "Reminds me of Stormcage."
"Yeah. Hopefully we won't be here long."
A monitor emerged from the wall, then text appeared. "Thief and Child, Ready?"
"Yes!" They answered in unison.
"Geronimo!" was the text reply.
River and the Doctor laughed and then held tightly to each other.
"Yes!" The Doctor leapt up for joy when they both materialized in the Tardis.
River hugged him tightly. Smiling up at the man she now realized was not just a tiny bit taller than Ten, but several centimeters taller. And stronger too! She couldn't hold back a surprised squeal as he easily lifted her into his arms and carried her from the room.
As for herself, she felt so vibrant and young again, it was almost like regeneration. Funny, she had felt so old when they went to the Singing Towers. But after so long in CAL she realized just how young she had been then. This was her body as it was then, a half time lord woman in her early thirties, in a body that looked like a woman in her forties. Biologically, this was a very young body time lord wise, a mere girl. She was half human so maybe double that. Still, that would make her physical self barely an adult by Gallifreyan standards. Her consciousness would still be considered youngish, but not a mere girl's anymore. So by Gallifreyan standards this body's human age and her consciousness age were basically in line. It was nice to have things aligned, at last.
"Where to, wife? Besides our bedroom, that is?" He leered.
"My home. I need to get back there on time." The look of desire in his eyes thrilled her, but her children's welfare was far more important a matter.
"Classes to teach?" He was a bit disappointed going home was above being with him, but he conceded the point, it was horridly self-centered to place his wants above her needs.
"And other things." A faint smile touched her lips.
"And what would those other things be?" His curiosity was definitely sparked.
"Spoilers" She teased.
"Spoilers, huh? I hope it's good ones then."
"Yes. You'll know very soon, if we go straight there."
"How can I resist that?"
"Don't."
"I won't then." Instead the bedroom, he veered to the left and gently set her down.
When she when she attempted to walk after him, she stumbled and fell forward onto her knees. "Oh no." She looked up at him in fear. "Too long in the data core of CAL. I've lost the coordination to walk in the real world in a physical body."
"Sorry." He looked devastated.
She closed her eyes and took a calming breath. "It's okay, I'll just have to relearn it. At least it's not like someone who had a real world physical injury and the muscles atrophied. I can tell my muscles are still the same, it's just a matter of relearning how to use them."
"Can I help?"
"I'd love that."
"We'll start when we get you home, then." He swept her up into his arms again.
She tensed when he started down the stairs to the console room but even that proved no difficulty. When he set her down in front of the console, she realized despite his height and build, this Doctor moved as fluidly as a gymnast. No awkward giraffe here.
"Standing okay?" He looked concerned.
"Yes, just moving my legs seems to be the problem. Arms and hands aren't a problem, interestingly."
"Good. Want to fly the Tardis?" He smiled.
"Oh yes! I missed this." She smiled.
"She missed you flying her."
"And you? Did you miss me breezing in, correcting your errors, teasing you about how much better I flew her than you?"
"Every day." He looked at her straight in the eyes, the haunted longing of centuries reflected there.
"Oh." Her hearts were falling even more hopelessly in love with him. She couldn't wait to introduce him to his children.
When they landed in her backyard, he smiled. "I recognized this place. You lived here when we went to the Singing Towers."
She laughed. "We just landed less a week later than that."
"Oh! I hadn't realized you'd come back so close to when you left."
"Had to."
"So that's the spoiler?"
"Not for much longer." She smiled warmly. "If you'll help me get there-"
He swooped her into his arms before she could even finish the sentence. "Anything for my wife."
"Anything?" She smirked.
"Anything."
After a palm and retinal scan at the door, it opened into a kitchen with walls painted a champagne pink.
"Pink?" He looked surprised.
"Champagne Pink."
"Oh." He nodded, not sure if that answer helped, other than he knew she enjoyed champagne.
"You didn't see the inside before. What do you think so far?"
"Like it's revealing a new mystery about you."
"Uh huh. And you're just about to discover part of the answer. You didn't ask me about the high security entrance, why?"
"Your childhood. Of course you would. "
"Partly right."
"Partly?"
"Uh huh."
They'd entered the living room now. In contrast to the kitchen/dining area with its pale pink walls and warm glow lighting, the living room looked like partly like a science museum. From his waist level up there was protected shelving with all kinds of small artifacts on display. Ancient Egyptian dominated, of course, but he recognized other civilizations artifacts scattered amongst them. There was even something with Old High Gallifreyan writing on it. He laughed when he looked right at it.
"You nicked that from the Tardis, you bad girl." he murmured in her ear.
"Memories for me."
"Byzantium, your message on the star cruiser home box"
"Hello Sweetie" she murmured in his ear.
Their heads turned to face each other and they kissed.
After they pulled back from the kiss River smiled and pointed to the stairs "I must be getting too heavy. I'll just lean on you while we go up the stairs."
"Nope." He carried her up the flight of stairs. "See no problem. Here we are. Which bedroom is yours?"
"That one. But first let's go in this one." She pointed to room directly in front of them. "Set me down. It needs to read my hand print." He watched her touch the door at a certain point, then it swung open. The nightlight revealed a bedroom with a sleeping infant and a toddler.
The toddler leapt out of bed and cried out "Mum!" throwing himself into her arms.
The Doctor swiftly acted to brace her from behind for the loving impact. River staggered slightly none the less, but gave the Doctor a grateful look.
"How could you ever leave them?" The tone wasn't judgmental, he knew why, the tragedy of fixed points. The tone was filled with wonder at their existence.
"It was the hardest thing I've ever done."
"Then I'm glad I got you back home at last."
"Yes. This is our son Jonothon Song. Say hello to your father, dear."
"But he doesn't look like the picture you showed me, mum."
"Remember what I told you about how he changes? Showed you how I changed? Told you that someday you'll change too?"
Jonothon nodded solemnly.
"The one I showed you was a younger one, the one he was when you were born. This is his new face. I didn't have a picture of him in this face, because this is the first time I've seen this face. I got hurt and your daddy brought me home."
Jonothon stared at the Doctor curiously for a few seconds, then nodded again. "I can see now, he feels like you and me mum. "
The Doctor kneeled down and looked his son in the eyes. "You're feeling time, Jonothon. It runs very quietly in you right now. You haven't traveled through time yet and are very young."
"Someday I'll be like you?"
"I hope you're more like your mum than me. She's an amazing woman who has the most kind hearts of anyone I've ever known."
"Surely not, husband."
"Yes. You do."
"More than my father, then?"
"He's second."
River shook her head, but smiled. Then she asked the question that had worried her. "You aren't angry that I hid our children from you until now?"
"No. I know you River. You knew you must. I'm just glad I was given this chance to meet them. What's the baby's name?"
"Amelia Song."
"Of course. It's a beautiful name."
"Mum said she named me after my father. He uses John a lot when he lives with humans, so she called me Jonothon, because Jonothon sounds better with Song. Do you use the name John a lot?"
"I suppose I do." He laughed.
River felt contentment flow through her. A balm won after so much pain and loss. Inevitably, they would come again, but she would cherish this time always. The Doctor's eyes met hers and he nodded with a faint smile. A moment like this was what made him feel alive, he'd hold onto it until the day he died.