A/N: Hey there kiddos! I'm back with yet another story! I felt like I needed to write a Hetalia story and I was just in Bye Bye Birdie the musical. So after a chat with one of my awesome cracked out friends at two in the morning this idea popped into mind then three days later was actually written and another day later finally put up on FanFic.

Pairings: USAxFem!UK

Disclaimer: I'm fairly sure that this goes without saying but I don't own Bye Bye Birdie, Axis Powers Hetalia or anything else that could possibly get me sued.

Without further adieu (yeah I'll shut up now), I give you…

Bye Bye Gilbirdie!~

Scene 1- Alfranlou Music Corporation Office

A blonde man with blue eyes and a messy business suit sits at a desk piled high with bills and debts. He sits alone in his office trying desperately to find some miss calculation in his numbers.

Dazed he looks out the window at a small yellow canary that has always visited him daily since he started the company.

"Thirty thousand dollars in the red..." he says to the bird "Can you believe it, Gilbird? I've run this company straight into the ground.

Not only that but Gilbert's been drafted. The only singer who could understand my awesome songs let alone sing them is going to be in the army. Even with my heroic-ness I can't magically make thirty thousand bucks appear out of nowhere-"

"But lucky I can do that for you Alfred!" interrupts a pig tailed British woman as she bursts into the room.

"If it's another one of your fairy incantations I don't want to hear it Alice."

"It's not, but that wouldn't work because fairies hate you and wouldn't want to help you anyway. No my idea should help you make enough money to pay those debts, go back to college and then some!"

"Well are you going to tell me or what?"

Alice just smiles and saunters over to sit on Al's desk. "I'll tell you but at a price."

Grabbing her hand Al pleads "Anything you want, Alice, just name it!"

"Anything?"

"Anything."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm absolutely bulletproof, water-tight, solidly, 100% sure! Now will you pleeaaaasssseee tell me?" he whines.

"Alright. For this plan, after it's all over you have to dissolve the company and marry me."

Alfred stares at his assistant in shock for a moment, "No way Ally. You know that would kill daddy!"

Alice pulls her hand from Al's and crosses her arms "Nothing could kill your frog of a father, Alfred. Except maybe a silver bullet."

"Al-fran-lou is me, dad and lou! You know that! I couldn't possibly dissolve the company! As for the whole getting married thingy..." he pauses his rant for a bit, retaking Alice's hands and looking into her forest green eyes, "You know I love you Ally but..."

The Brit sighs "But you love your bleeding father so much more that you'll wait till he says okay. You do know that he's never going to say yes. He hates me."

"Ally-" Al cuts in only to be interrupted.

"Don't you even try to convince me doesn't!" Alice jumps off the desk.

"I suppose you'll only agree after I tell you the plan."

"You're really gonna tell me!" the business man asks practically jumping up and down.

"Not if you keep that up I won't, you git."

"I'll stop," and he does.

"Good. Now try this on for size, suppose we-"

"Try what on? You're not holding anything," the man questions.

"I don't mean it literally. It's a figure of speech. Any who, suppose we have Gilbert go on the Ludwig Welldishidt show, sing a song and kiss all of his fans, symbolically of course he'll really only kiss one girl, just before goes into the big cold army. Why it'll make him the hottest soldier since Joan of Arc!"

Alfred's eyes sparkle with hope and excitement "I'm seeing it! We'll make the song here in New York.

"We take Gilbert on the show-"

"He'll sing the song-"

"Let him kiss the lass-"

"See him off into the army-"

"And live happily ever after. The end," Alice finishes with a smile, "I've already talked to Ludwig and he says were on right after the Moscow Ballet in Columbia, Ohio."

"Ally you're awesome!" he screams as he picks her up and spins her around before kissing her with all his internal happiness.

A/N : Woot! Gender bending is kinda fun. I'm pretty sure that I'm going to mix the broadway version and the movie version of the story cuz I just feel like being confusing!

Here's the cast list (so far):

UK: Alice Kirkland = Rose Alverez (or DeLeon if you like the movie better)

USA: Alfred F. Jones = Albert Peterson (They're both called Al!)

PRUSSIA: Gilbert Beilschmidt = Conrad Birdie

HUNGARY: Elizabeta Héderváry = Kim MacAfee

FRANCE: Francis Bonnefoy = Mrs. Peterson

Next up is Telephone Hour! Not sure how I'm gonna pull that off but I'm sure it'll be awesome!

Song in my head: Talk Talk Talk by The Ordinary Boys (They're British, Alice is British. It worked in my mind.)

A healthy argument to start the day, what better way? We chew the fat of life. We're moved to tears. Lend me your ears. But you spend all your time waiting in static shopping lines and all your troublesome debates are solved in glossy magazines. Too much small talk leads to a small mind. So tell me what your views are and I will tell you mine. How's the weather? Grey and boring. It's back to work on Monday morning. Oh, let it go. Tell me things I'd like to know. Frighten me, Enlighten me, oh no.