Prologue
Personal Log
Stardate 49282.41
The river Seska descends from the mountains and snakes its way through our forest until it spills out into our ocean. Cardassians have turned their backs on its namesake, a priestess of the Oralian Way and renowned healer. In actuality, Saint Seska of the River was most likely a doctor whose knowledge of the medicinal value of the local flora could stop or start a heartbeat. It was said that during the fall of the first Hebetian's civilization, Seska was persecuted and fled to the river, where she hurled herself in to be carried by the current into the ocean. From the water's depths, an advanced starship rose up from its depths and ushered the saint off to Bajor, where she died.
I am no saint nor a healer. I destroy everything that comes into my path until there's nothing left but ash in my hands. I let it slip through my fingers, and the wind carries the ash as if it were sand until I can find something else to completely ruin. I've always known this day would arrive. Like a premonition come true, I've reached the day where I've become consumed by an inferno that I created. There's nothing to contain the raging flames, nothing to stop the fire from spreading until everything I love burns to the ground.
I will never see that river again. I will never feel the rain of Cardassia Prime fall against my skin nor will I see the hills of Dahkur. Even if I could return to the Alpha Quadrant, I could never set foot on my native world's soil again. I am a traitor to my people, forever scorned by my dissent. My only hope of returning to Bajor has been dashed forever. All that's left for me is the Hall of Memories, where the shadows of my memory will once again find the light.
If you find this, Chakotay, I want you to know that I apologize from the deepest, most profound depths of my heart. Had I known that you would get swept up in my embers, I never would have laid eyes on you. The minute we stepped aboard Voyager, I knew that I would lose you forever. I hope your memory of me isn't tainted because of the things I've done. I did this for us, Chakotay. You and I shared something so beautiful and powerful that it produced a son. There will always be a part of you that resides with me, the part that loves the most and hurts the deepest.
Lakota, my precious boy, I am sorry that you have to carry your mother's shame. I pray that you can shed it from you like a snake's second skin and that it will be no longer a burden for you. The legacy that I leave behind is that of a traitor but there's more to my life than the lies spread about me. Since I am not on Cardassia to perform my shri-tal, this personal log will have to suffice as a confessional.
It is true, I was a spy. Is anyone unworthy of redemption? I spent my whole adult life trying to correct an error of judgment. I was conditioned to hate, to destroy, to fight for a cause that I slowly stopped believing in. It was too late. Nothing could ease my conscience, not Starfleet, not fighting alongside the Bajorans with the Maquis, not being an officer. No matter how many times I attempted to start over again, I would get lost even deeper into my own abyss. Everytime I tried to forge a new path - Bajoran, cadet, Maquis, ensign - something would rip me from my planned destination and lead me astray.
I have made mistakes. I have been hurt and I have hurt others, but I am worthy of my story being told. Perhaps winding up in the Delta Quadrant wasn't the worst thing that could've happened to me, if the Cardassians knew I was a alive, I'd be dead. You see, I didn't begin life as Seska. When I was born, my mother named me Kattell...
[Author's Note: First and foremost, a huge thank you to Rose for being my beta-reader. We met through Shadowfleet, a Star Trek RPG we both participate in. This is a divergent re-telling of Seska's arc. from her time working as a spy all the way until her demise. Expect a lot of OCs in the beginning as I flesh out her humble beginnings with a sprinkling of old DS9 faces up until she makes her way to Voyager. Hope you enjoy!]