A/N:

I wrote this late at night on Labor Day when I should've been sleeping, so it's a little nutty, but is that ever really a bad thing in Marauder fics? xD

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns these fabulous characters.

Biting Remarks

Sirius Black was lying on his bed in the Fifth Year Boys' Dormitory, covered in at least seven different creams and ointments. His face was blotchy, he was insanely itchy, and the words in his potions textbook were blurring slightly due to his sleepy, bloodshot eyes. He had barely enough energy to keep turning pages after keeping Moony contained the night before. He was absolutely miserable. Letting out an aggravated groan, he continued to resist the urge to scratch himself. While he was in the middle of internally cursing Fenrir Greyback for turning Remus into a werewolf, James Potter walked into the room.

James took one look at Sirius, and promptly burst out laughing.

"Hey Padfoot, Moony just told me the funniest joke. Want to hear it?" James greeted when he could finally breathe.

Sirius turned his head to the side to glance at him, said, "No." and continued to search for itch-relief potions he would force Remus to make for him later.

"What's the difference between dogs and fleas?" James asked, lips twitching.

Sirius shot him a dirty look and kept quiet.

"Dogs can have fleas, but fleas can't have dogs!"

Sirius raised his eyebrows, not amused. "If you don't want today to be your last, I suggest you quit taking the piss or bugger off Prongs." His voice sounded bored.

James grinned. "You know Sirius, sometimes I think you should just become Padfoot permanently. You wouldn't make half as many death threats."

"Ha! That's rich considering I wouldn't even be in this situation if it weren't for that mangy mutt! Now the tail, I can live with. But the fleas?! They're murder!"

"Maybe you should invest in a flea collar." James suggested innocently.

"Very funny."

"Why don't you just go see Madam Pomfrey? I'm sure she could fix you in less than a second."

"Oh, of course Prongs. I'll just stroll into the Hospital Wing covered from head to toe in small red dots with Madam Pomfrey asking me a billion questions about how I got them. 'You see Poppy, I secretly became an illegal animagus this year that happens to take the form of a big, black dog. The fleas just couldn't resist my long, shaggy locks!' That conversation will go smashingly." Sirius said dryly.

James smirked. "Merlin, Pads. What's with all the biting remarks?"

"That's it. OUT JAMES! GET OUT!"

James snickered as he ducked the Potions text being thrown at his head and exited the dormitory to go pester someone else. Presumably a pretty, green-eyed redhead.

A/N: "Normally, I have a very sweet disposition as a dog. In fact, more than once, James suggested that I make the change permanent. The tail I could live with. But the fleas? They're murder." -POA movie

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