Part Fifteen in the "Reflections" Series,
written by Sapphira
Short Story Based on the WB TV Series "Tarzan"
Song sung by Eastmountainsouth
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Disclaimer: Don't own any of it… not the characters, the music, or the tv series in any form… I am making no profit off of this, or ANY of my other fanfics… I'm writing it purely for my own enjoyment, and hopefully for the enjoyment of some of the fellow fans.
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it… just drop me a line and tell me where it is going… ;)
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Author's Note – This is the fifteenth (and final, unless through some miracle the show is brought back) part in a series entitled "Reflections", and is the sequel to "I'm With You", "Lies", "Fallen", "Forever", "Hollow", "Nothing Thicker Than Blood", "Dangerous Parallels", "Breathe In", "So Are You To Me", "Choices", "A Similar Song", "It's You", "Trust", and "Checkmate"… Although all of these stories CAN be read as stand-alone pieces, I do hope that you will take the time and read all of them in order, if you have not done so already… Enjoy!
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Summary – "I've been a traveler of far away lands… I've got love on my mind, but death on these hands…" John and Jane's thoughts about what will happen to and between them next, at the conclusion of "The End of the Beginning"… Part 15 and the final installment in the Reflections Series…~*~
Sitting there in that courtroom, surrounded by dozens of people he didn't even know, with guards watching his every move from just a few feet away, John knew he was defying every rule of survival that he had been taught by the jungle life he had led for almost 20 years…
//…I've been a traveler of far away lands…//But he was still doing it. Partly because of the woman sitting right behind him… but mostly because of himself.
//…I've got love on my mind, but death on these hands…//
Sitting there on the hard chair, fighting his desire to just simply bolt out of the stifling confines of that room, he kept most of his focus turned towards Jane.
He knew enough to know what was happening. He understood enough of what was being said. The fact that there were people actually helping him, even though he had never met them before, was an interesting occurrence. But it was Jane's responses to those words spoken that he waited for. Her emotions that gave him the reassurance he needed to remain rooted in that chair.
He could have tried to leave. He could not have come willingly at all… but he had realized something that morning before climbing up the courthouse's steps. He had realized that he feared the look of disappointment on Jane's –and Kathleen's – face more than he did the possibility of being caged yet again.
Besides, he trusted them both. What was that worth if he wasn't willing to give them another chance to keep him free from his uncle? He owed them at least that much.
And if it would provide him the chance to be able to be more a part of Jane's life than he already was, then he'd do whatever he had to.
//…Come homeward angel… show me the way…//
There were many things that Jane didn't know about him yet. Many things that he was afraid to tell her, for fear she wouldn't be able to deal with it. He had done things that even he wasn't quite sure he cared to remember… He had ripped into the raw meat of his prey with his very teeth, and he had been soaked in the blood of his kills. But he had done the only thing he could have at the time... And he had survived in a world not meant for Man.
And maybe in the process he had lost some of the idea of what it had meant to be human by this world's standards. That was even to be expected, given the circumstances he had been forced to endure.
//…Or will fate leave me dead in the tracks where I lay…?//
But he wasn't going to lose any more of it to the animal that was still lying – maybe albeit dormant – within his soul. He wasn't going to prove his uncle right about him.
So he remained, and he trusted in other human beings the way he had never trusted in anything or anyone before. He clung to Jane's presence like the most precious of lifelines, as he waited to see whether or not there was any humanity left worth believing in, in those around him.
//… Show me the river that leads to my home… back to the one that I love… Show me the wind that constantly blows, and I will fly away… fly away home…//
He had thought after his first experiences with his uncle, he would be unable to trust any other, besides Jane. But Kathleen had never given him a reason to doubt her, despite how he had been waiting for it. And then he had slowly come to believe in his instincts when they had finally told him that he could trust her.
//…Since we were parted I know I have changed…//
She had once upon a time been a part of his life. He still remembered that sense of wonderment he had felt the first time he had looked into her eyes. Even though he had a hard time remembering any specific time or event, he did know those eyes…
As she had known his. Even after everything that had happened to him in the jungle, after all of the ways he had changed, she had still known him. And she hadn't given up on him.
//… You'll see the blood that was shed in the lines on my face…//
Fighting against his uncle had been a hell John hadn't been prepared for emotionally, and it still wasn't anywhere close to being over. Even if everything went well today, he knew that it would never be over between him and his uncle. But he was tired of trying to fight his way out of everything the way he had been the last several months since he had met Jane. He didn't want to have to do that anymore.
//… But now that I've turned my back on the fight…//
But neither was he going to let his uncle get away with trying to destroy the life that John could now feel was stretching out in front of him. And it was a life at Jane's side.
If he could fight his uncle, utilizing the rules that Jane and Kathleen both placed so much of their faith in, then he would… and through them he would make sure that his uncle could never hurt anyone else ever again.
//… I'm gonna steal back my life like a thief in the night…//
//… Show me the river that leads to my home…back to the one that I love… Show me the wind that constantly blows, and I will fly away… fly away home…//
Turning back to look at Jane, he studied her carefully as she met his gaze and smiled reassuringly at him. He listened to the pulsing of her heartbeat, and knew that, although a little anxious, she was still rather calm. Obviously pleased with how everything was proceeding in front of them.
His emotions for her were powerful. Stronger than anything he had ever come close to feeling. The first time he had looked into her eyes when he had caught her in mid-fall that night so long ago on that roof, he had known... She was his, and he was hers. He had felt something inside of his heart suddenly shift, like the last missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle falling into place. And as quickly as that, he had found himself connected to her.
When he was away from her, she was still always in his thoughts. When he was with her, all he could think of was touching her in some way. Aching for their relationship to grow and change into something more, like it was meant to, but he was still determined to wait for it to be her decision.
//… I come to you through fire and snow…//
He never pressed her further than she was willing to go. But he never stopped wanting those boundaries separating them to fall away, either.
//… Over high rolling hills and valleys below…//
He burned for her, like he knew she did for him… and maybe, if all of this ended well, their fires would finally be able to burn within each other.
He worried though, that maybe she wouldn't be able to accept all of him. That she wouldn't be able to dwell with the knowledge of the full extent of the horrible demons of his past, or the feral nature that would always beat within his chest. A nature that he would never completely turn his back on as long as he drew breath.
Could she accept that in him? Or one day would he only lose her to the blind beliefs of what was considered proper and improper behavior by the world that now surrounded him?
//… With all that I've suffered, I'm still on this road…//
But she had asked him to trust her… and that is exactly what he chose to do. To believe in her, and in what they shared…
//… And if I hold you again, I will never let go…//
And in the knowledge that he'd never let her leave him without a fight. How could he do anything less? For them to be parted now would destroy not only himself, but her as well.
He loved her… and it was more than time for him to finally make her see the depths of that love. So if they made it through this, if the murder charges were dropped, then he would have to finally share that with her. He would have to make her see what she had already tried so hard not to see, yet already knew existed.
He wasn't going to risk losing this new life to his uncle at some later date, without having impressed upon her what he felt…
And he wasn't going to risk being forced back into that darkness without having at least once bathed in the light that she offered.
But regardless of what happened, he had no regrets. Granted, it had been excruciating at times, but he wouldn't trade any of it – not the fights, the cruelty, the cages, the bonds, or the drugs – if it meant that he could never have met Jane.
The words that he had spoken to her so long ago under that tree with the massive Greystoke building looming down upon them from such a short distance away, were still as true as when he had spoken them.
He was glad that he was here… Because he had found her.
And no matter what else came with the shifting of the months into years, he knew that would always remain as true as it had been that night.
//… Show me the river that leads to my home…back to the one that I love… Show me the wind that constantly blows, and I will fly away… fly away home…//
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Relief was too simple a word to describe what she felt when the Judge stated that John was free to go. As cliché as it might have sounded, she really did feel as if the weight of the entire world had just been lifted from her shoulders.
They had won the first major battle, and although there were still a few yet to come, it was the one that had really been the most important. Proving that John was innocent of murder, meant that no matter what else happened, he at least wouldn't be rotting in jail somewhere, and dying a little more with every passing day. His soul wounded beyond repair.
When she thought of him in that situation, she thought of the times she had seen wild animals kept within the confines of a cage much too small for their full range of motion. She had seen how it had broken them down. Made them crazy. You could see it in every straining line of their stressed forms.
She always saw those scenes occasionally in magazines or on TV, and it was nothing new… but it had gotten to a point where she didn't see the eyes of that particular animal staring back, but rather a pair of brilliant topaz blue eyes so familiar to her heart… deadened and crushed. Nearly driven insane. That was what she knew captivity would do to him, and that had been her worst nightmare ever since this had all began.
But now that frightening possibility was no more... And she had to resist the urge to let the tears begin to fall from the relief of that one simple miracle.
Turnings towards him, even as Kathleen followed her brother out of the courtroom, Jane looked up at John almost shyly. Unsure almost of what she should do next. Looking at him standing there in front of her, she wanted to throw her arms around his neck and never let go… but it would have hardly been appropriate given their circumstances and the already shady details of her speculated relationship with the lost heir of the Greystoke dynasty.
"Jane…" John spoke her name softly, and she looked at him expectantly. Wondering what was on his mind.
"… Thank you." He stated simply after a slight pause. But those two words in that moment were anything but, as she knew the weight of his thoughts behind it, and all the words he would have liked to have said in their stead. She knew that he was thanking her for more than just getting him through this trial, or even stopping him from killing his uncle just that night before.
He was thanking her for having believed in him with every fiber of her being from the very beginning… and for having never given up… even when almost everyone else around him had.
But she had only believed in him the way he had in her.
Her lips curved up at the corners, and that smile slowly grew into an all-out, almost mischievous grin, as she thought back to their first conversation what seemed like light years ago. Hadn't she known then, how her life was going to be completely changed forever? Hadn't she always known that nothing would ever be the same after having been with him for just those first few moments in time? How could you ever even hope to forget someone like him?
"You're welcome…" she replied. Eyes lighting up from within with the hidden hint of laughter. "… Tarzan."
She felt the faintest tinge of a blush rush up the column of her slender neck and turned away when she saw the way his eyes lit up at the use of the name he had given her so long ago… a name that had branded his past with its significance of the life he had led in order to survive in the jungle, where the aid of his previous life as an innocent child could no longer reach him with its comforting touch.
But yet it would always make up who he was, and who he would become. She knew that now. She finally understood…
And she didn't want that to ever change about him. What had changed him so significantly in the jungle was what made him who he was… And who he was, was why she loved him.
And you didn't change the people that you loved. Rather, you let their love change you.
And he had. He had entered her life with no previously given warning, and had fulfilled a longing within her she hadn't even known existed. He had wrapped himself so tightly in everything she herself was, till she knew she would never be able to untangle him. He had altered her perspective on so many different levels that no one else could have ever even hoped to achieve. Even when she had tried to fight him, he had never let her go. Not completely.
Or maybe it was the other way around. Maybe it was herself that wouldn't let go of him. Her soul, after all, had already known where it had belonged long before her mind had agreed with it. And John… well…
He had always known. And he had never been willing to give up what they shared. Even when she had –inadvertently or not – tried to destroy it.
Was she still frightened? Hell, yeah. But the murder charges had been dropped, and although there were still legal battles left to fight, the worst of it was over… And no matter what happened, she wasn't going to give up fighting for and with John. And he would never give her up, either. There was no reason why their relationship couldn't finally… begin to grow into something more.
They had already shared such an amazing intimacy. And although she was still afraid, she thought she finally understood why. And strangely enough, that was what it had to do with.
She knew that whatever they would share physically would change her forever in ways that even the past few months couldn't have even done, and she would be powerless to stop it. And that loss of control was frightening. Especially for someone such as herself obsessed with remaining in control.
But finally being with John in every sense… It would cross all barriers, all divides… and it would tie her to him for all time.
But wasn't that already true? Wasn't her heart tethered to him already regardless? Incapable of being separated, without damaging her for all time?
All she had to do was think back on that frightening moment in the ambulance, when she thought she had lost him, and she knew the answer to that. The shock of that moment had numbed her, but the wide yawning void within her heart had still opened wide and had swallowed her whole. Leaving her trembling with the coldness that had swept over her, and the sense of budding agony that she knew no amount of tears would be able to relieve.
It was that moment when she thought she had finally lost him for all time, when her regrets had nearly driven her to the floor of that racing vehicle, but she had been unwilling – and unable – to release his hand clutched so tightly in hers.
Remembering how she had felt in that moment, how could she possibly continue on in the same fashion that they had for the past few months? How could she possibly risk something like that happening again, and losing him for good, without having expressed to him the depths of her feelings? Without having given him everything of herself? Just like he had already so unselfishly given everything of himself to her.
How could she risk never holding his body within hers, or never exploring the expanse of his skin with her fingertips, or tasting the contours of his mouth, when she already knew that the next time she might find herself trapped within the nightmare of a similar situation, that it just might turn out to be permanent?
Just a few days ago that idea would have been enough to convince her to pull away even further. To not risk giving herself to him so intimately, only to then lose him to powers she would be unable to influence.
But now… Now, she knew she would give up so much more than that, to just finally hold him in her arms and not think or care about any potential consequences.
She heard him vault over of the railing behind her, and smiled to herself as he followed her towards the door of the courtroom. She glanced over at him and amusement again gently crept into her eyes when she saw his sudden discomfort and the reason for it.
"These hurt." He complained. Looking at her in total bafflement as to why someone would wear such painful devices on their feet.
Actually, she knew exactly how he felt.
Turning to look over her shoulder to confirm that indeed the Judge had retired to his office, she leaned down and lifted up one of her feet. Complete with a dark colored high-heel shoe.
"You know what? So do these."
Taking her shoes off, she grinned up at John. A smile that he quickly answered as he just about threw his own shoes off. Leaving them, abandoned in the middle of the court room floor.
She tried to keep from laughing at the expressions of the people around them, and they both quickly exited the court room. Heading into the massive hallway leading to the front doors… and beyond that to a world that John was now capable of walking through freely… in the light.
He walked beside her. Silent once more as he calmly observed his surroundings. Gone was the tension she had come to expect him to feel when in such strange locations, with people about that he didn't know. Gone was instinctive, defensive aggression. In stead, she saw a glimpse of the man he was slowly becoming.
When they reached the doors leading out into the city, she couldn't help but come to a stop, and turn to look at him. Really look at him.
He had changed in so many ways… and he had done it for her. He had stayed here in a world he had despised… and he had also done that for her. He had fought, and struggled, and had been willing to give up everything… all for her.
What else did she need from him before she was willing to commit herself to him?
Her answer… Nothing.
Nothing at all.
When they stepped out those doors, they would be stepping into a brand-new world. One that from this moment on would never be the same for them ever again.
A new chapter in their now combined lives was opening. A new story was beginning. And she may not have known what was going to happen next, and she sure as hell didn't know how it was all going to end...
But she did know how it was going to begin. And it was beginning now.
Clutching her shoes in one hand, she reached out with the other, and slipped it up against the roughened skin of his own. Feeling the way his lean fingers slid sensually between hers as their hands entwined tightly.
John turned to look into her eyes even as he welcomed the embrace of her hand, and she saw that familiar heat suddenly flair to the surface. Saw that same look in those pale sapphire eyes that had always haunted her dreams and body whenever she had closed her eyes at night.
Her breath caught in her throat as he suddenly shifted closer, and her heart rate picked up. Something inside of her clenching tightly.
Her lips parted on a sigh as he reached his free hand up to stroke against her temple, running the pads of his fingertips over the smooth curve of her cheek, and down to her mouth. His thumb rasping gently over the soft smoothness of her bottom lip, until the tenderness of the gesture had her eyes fluttered closed for the briefest of moments.
After a moment though, his caress fell away, leaving her feeling strangely bereft without it.
Disappointed, she opened her eyes… only to swallow painfully around the dry lump that formed in her throat when she saw that raw promise still shimmering there in that gaze.
And it was something far too primal for words.
Would she ever fully understand everything that he had been through? Everything that he had endured in order to survive in a world not his own? Probably not. How could she, if she had no basis for comparison? But he was who he was, and that would never change. And it never should. As long as he was strong enough to know when it was necessary for him to curb his feral nature and when not to – and he had proven to her last night that he was now capable of doing just that – then she would have to be strong enough to acknowledge the fact that he would never be a normal guy.
She may not have been able to fully comprehend at that moment the world he had come from – One day that might change, or it might not – but she understood him and the wildness that would always live within every beat of his heart… and she accepted that. She accepted him.
And it was enough.
John, Tarzan – for surely he would always be both – pressed his palm to the door in front of him… and paused. Still watching her intently
She turned to look at him, still trying to get her heart back down in her chest where it belonged, and mirrored his movement. Knowing what he was waiting for.
Still holding his gaze with hers, she pushed the door open at the same time he did, and it swung open under their joined pressure. The heavily tinted glass giving way with a slight hiss to the slightly cold mid-afternoon air beyond, and the sunlight shining brightly through the clouds gracing the sky above.
And as they walked through that door hand in hand, and out into the daylight, the first page in the next chapter of their destiny began to turn…
And their separate destinies were forever forged into one.
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"Whatever they do to us… Whatever they take from us… I'm your home… and you're mine."
Excerpt from the movie "Swept From The Sea"
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So suddenly… so strange…
Life wakes you up… Things change.
I've done my best… I've served my call…
I thought I had it all.
So suddenly… so strong…
My prejudice was gone.
You needed me… I found my place…
I'm different now these days.
Now the greatest reward is the light in your eyes…
The sound of your voice… and the touch of your hand…
You made me who I am…
You trusted me to grow…
I gave my heart, to show… There's nothing else, I cherish more…
I stand by you… For sure.
Now the greatest reward is the love that I can give…
I'm here for you now, for as long as I live…
You made me who I am.
So suddenly it's clear to me…
Things change…
Our future lies in here and now…
We made it through… somehow.
Now the greatest reward is the love that I can give…
I'm here for you now, for as long as I live…
You made me who I am…
You made me who I am.
~ Lyrics to "The Greatest Reward" by Celine Dion ~
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Well, that's it. I can't believe that this is the last one in the Reflections series. I'm both relieved and disappointed all at the same time, if that makes any sense. This turned out to be a much bigger project than I had originally anticipated, but I am very proud of it. It weathered the difficult months of uncertainty as we all awaited news on whether or not we would get our series back… and although it doesn't look so good now, I will still continue to hold out hope that another network will pick it up and we'll see our favorite Tarzan back on the small screen…
But if not… Then as the lyric to Barbi's music video tribute goes, 'weep not for the memories'… I fell in love with this show, and I will always be in love with it. I thank the WB for giving it to us at least for the eight episodes that we had. I will continue to write fanfic for it, regardless of its fate. So even as the "Reflections" series now comes to its close, don't worry… you'll see more from me soon…
There are far too many fans to thank for the support of this entire series, and I dedicate it to each and every one of them. They too, weathered an uncertain storm right alongside me, and if my series brought any of you a small measure of relief or comfort, then it fulfilled its purpose.
I hope you will let me know what you thought of this final installment, and those of you that are lurkers, I also hope you will come forward and tell me what you thought of the series as a whole… but if not, just know that I know you are there, and I thank you for also sticking with this series throughout all of its installments. Your support means more to me than you could possibly know…
So until next time, warm regards always… ~*~ Sapphira ~*~
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