Don't Deserve You, a doctor who fanfic

A/N Ok. So I don't own Doctor Who nor Don't Deserve You by Plumb. Read on!

You're the first face that I see

And the last thing I think about

You're the reason that I'm alive

You're what I can't live without

She was the first face he saw. The first thing his new eyes looked at, seared into his hearts for the rest of Time.

And she was the last face he looked at with those eyes. Eyes that had lost her and left her, but still and forever loved her. Eyes that, when they changed from brown to green—and green to who knows what—would always love her.

Even though she wasn't there anymore, she was saving him.

He still found Bad Wolf in random places. Rory had told him of a women drenched in gold who helped him save Amy from a fire, and River told him about a women in gold who would talk to her when she was Mels, helping her cope with knowing who her parents were, and not being able to tell them.

Whenever the Doctor needed to remember who he really was, he went to her room. After Donna said no; after meeting Martha and dealing with her constant flirting; after the Master and the Year That Never Was, and burning the Master; Pompeii; The Library; after loosing Donna.

Giving up Rose.

He still went there in his eleventh regeneration, but mostly at night.

You never give up

When I'm falling apart

Your arms are always open wide

And you're quick to forgive

When I make a mistake

You love me in the blink of an eye

He'd always known how she was always there for him, but he never realized how much he needed her there for him until she was gone.

She'd asked him what he was becoming when he wanted to kill the Dalek in Utah; while in Manhattan Martha had stood and yelled at them to kill him. Maybe Martha hadn't been traveling with him for that long, but someone needed to stop him because he couldn't.

Rose knew he wasn't perfect, that he had flaws and made mistakes: like Reinette. He'd left Rose stranded on a spaceship, and she hadn't left. Oh, she'd been furious, but deep down she'd known that he really loved her.

I don't deserve your love

But you give it to me anyway

Can't get enough

You're everything I need

And when I walk away

Take off running and come right after me

It's what you do

And I don't deserve you

The Doctor knew he loved Rose. Had known since run, but he hadn't known how much he needed her until he sent her away on the Game Station.

Jack had agreed because they both loved her. She was Rose, the pink-and-yellow-human. Even though Jack had gotten the hands off the blond message, it didn't stop him from falling in love with them both-and he knew that they loved him—even when he was stranded in the year 200100 and immortal.

When the Doctor watched Rose come back, bathed in golden light he wasn't worried about anything except her. He gave his life for her.

And when he sent her away to the parallel world, his hearts broke and felt like lead in his chest. He would never see her again, but he needed her safe.

And she'd still come back, saying she'd never leave him just before being pulled away, stuck not by either of their consent.

And on Bad Wolf Bay, she'd said it. What they'd both been thinking since seeing the end of Earth. I love you.

And he couldn't say it back. For the first time in so long, he'd been willing to give in, to accept the pain and the threat of loss—how he'd already lost her—and his time had run out. She was just gone.

You're the light inside my eyes

Give me a reason to keep trying

Give me more than I could dream

And you bring me to my knees

You bring me to my knees

When he dressed like an old man but had a young mans body, she was the thing that truly made his eyes light up. Small things on the TARDIS or things Sexy put in places that made him think of something they'd done made him smile.

The Ponds noticed it, but after asking once and seeing the horribly sad look—for once—Amy left the topic alone.

River knew she wasn't the first woman to love the Doctor. She didn't know the other names, just that they were in the past and he didn't like to bring them up. She knew that some things made his eyes light up, and others made him look his 1000 plus years. She thought that since he never talked about them, he was over them. Sure he'd still love them, but thought he loved her now.

The Doctor did love River, but not like she loved him. He didn't love her like he loved Martha, the one who put up with after Rose; or Donna, who was like a sister; Jack, who was Jack; Sarah Jane, who had still loved him after he'd left her in the middle of nowhere; Amy, who had believed in her Raggedy Man; or Rory who even after his fiancé had run away with him, hadn't hated him. His love for River wasn't platonic, but it certainly wasn't the kind of love he'd once had. He loved River as little Melody Pond, married her to save the universe, but if he could have chosen who he married, he would have chosen another woman.

He didn't love her like he loved Rose. Rose who'd fallen in love with him when he was a soldier, loved him after regeneration, and crossed the void to find him. He could never love anyone like he loved Rose. She would always be in his hearts, what kept him moving, the little voice in the back of his head telling him what to do, the odd bits he had in his pockets.

Your heart is gold and how am I the one

That you've chosen to love

I still can't believe that you're right next to me

After all that I've done

He stood on the burning Earth, taking a picture and looked up at the sky. He could almost see them—leather him and his pink-and-yellow-human—fighting for everything.

He could see them in his minds eye, holding hands as they watch the Earth burn, and it was like a hit of something, reminding him why he was still fighting. Would always fight.

It reminded him that somewhere, some when, he was running around with Rose Tyler. They would be laughing, getting in trouble, and doing a hell of a lot of running. And she'd be making him better.

He kept going, so that always, in a basement, a broken soldier saves a shop girl, and they never stop running.