The first thing Mario notices when he wakes up is that he's on one side of the bed.
And he's not alone.
This rarely happens. In fact, when he moved to LA, he's never had anyone else in his bed. Not that he hasn't slept with other people, of course; he just never invited anyone over. It's always him who sleeps in other people's houses, because it's easier- easier to leave when he wants to, easier to remember that he shouldn't get into anything serious and become attached.
Yet, here he was. Here they were, lying side by side, Angus' back facing him. It takes all his willpower to stop himself from simply stroking the other man's spine with his own finger, and trailing kisses down the path his finger would make. He wanted to feel him so badly, but he might wake up and he isn't ready to face him. Not just yet.
He slept with his best friend last night.
Mario tries to remember how exactly it happened; everything seemed like a blur of kisses and touches and moans and god Mario, don't stop! He smirks at that thought, because Angus sounded exactly like how he did in Mario's fantasies, and he's pleased that he was able to make it happen. But the night didn't start out like that. It actually started horribly, with him wracked with sobs as Angus drove his Impala to take him home after his father's funeral.
"He doesn't deserve my tears! But they won't fucking stop!" Mario was furiously wiping endless tears with the back of his hand, fists clenched in anger. His cheeks are already reddened by the force he uses, and he senses Angus reach out to stop him. Angus takes one clenched hand in his, stroking with his thumb, ever so gentle.
"You're right, he doesn't deserve your tears. But you deserve to grieve and to let yourself feel the hurt. You're strong, Mario, but you can break, too. And I'm here for you." Angus softly murmurs, and Mario cries, cries until he's tired and there are no more tears. But even when he's quieted down, Angus never lets go of his hand.
"Let's get you home", Angus says, as he navigates through LA traffic with one hand on the steering wheel, and the other twined with Mario's. Mario looks at their joined hands, and feels like he's already home.
Angus stayed to cook him dinner, because he knew that if he left Mario wouldn't eat. Mario remembers fondly how Angus tried to whip up something decent with the few items he's got stocked in his apartment, all the while whining and trying to lighten the mood. He gets Mario settled, and that was supposed to be it, but Mario couldn't stop himself.
"Stay."
Angus was already at the door, hand on the knob, when Mario utters the word. Angus turns to look at him, and he wants to slap himself mentally. Angus has already done so much to support him, and here he was demanding for more.
"What did you say?" Angus asks, but the look in his eyes tells Mario he heard it perfectly the first time. Nevertheless, he repeats his request, this time gentler, less panicked, less desperate.
"Stay for tonight." Angus' expression softens, and he nods.
Mario tries to ignore the all-too-familiar feeling of guilt as he reconstructs last night's events, knowing that once again, he asked for too much from Angus. That's how it's always been though; Angus has always been the giver, and he just takes, takes whatever affection Angus willingly gives, and more.
And he took again, last night.
They were sitting on the sofa, Angus now in what clothes he managed to find in Mario's closet that fit him. Angus was once again holding Mario's hand, squeezing every now and then, making sure Mario knows he's still there. Mario looks at the TV, eyes unseeing, only focused on how Angus' hand seemed to fit with his, and how it feels like the most natural thing in the world. He looks over at Angus, softly chuckling at whatever it was they were watching, and something inside him snaps.
"Angus." Mario heard himself say.
Angus turns to look at him, and before he could even respond, Mario kisses him. He lets it linger, lets himself savor the sensation, before pulling back.
"Wha- what was that?" Angus' eyes were wide with shock, lost for words.
"That was a kiss", Mario said with a smirk.
"I know what a kiss is!" Angus hissed, blushing. "But what was that for?"
Mario's smirk is gone, and he tightens his hold on Angus' hand. "I… just wanted to. Kiss you, I mean."
"Why?"
Mario looks away from the other man's gaze, and steadies himself. "Because you're here. You're here, with me, even when you could have left long ago, even when you shouldn't even have come with me in the first place. Because you're the first person who really tried, and stayed. Because you've seen my mess, and you're still looking at me like I'm something special."
Angus touches his cheek, turning his face towards him. "You are special, Mario. Always will be."
Mario narrows the gap between their lips, and whispers, "Then show me."
Somehow, they managed to get to the bedroom, clothes discarded along the way, and Mario thinks about just how Angus showed him that he was indeed special. He trusted Mario to lead; he surrendered himself in absolute trust and Mario relished every moment of it. It was a first for Mario, to have someone just be so open with him, and he knew right then that what he shared with Angus would never be paralleled.
They made love.
Well, he made love- he was never one to make assumptions, and he wasn't going to start now. Just because he felt it doesn't mean it should hold true for Angus as well, because Angus was just like that, wasn't he? Always vulnerable and ready to pour himself out for anyone who needs him, and it leaves Mario with a bad taste in his mouth. Because he'd taken, again, demanded something from Angus, and he was just so willing. He knew Angus would have given anything he'd asked, because he was good, even if it meant giving him a pity fuck.
Mario feels tears prickling his eyes, stupid tear glands, because he knew for certain that while it meant the world to him, this was nothing more than an act of kindness from Angus. He'd asked Angus to show him that he was special, and he did, by god he did. It was the best moment in Mario's life, and he was dreading for it to end, for Angus to wake up and treat him the way he did before- like he was just a friend in need. Or worse, for Angus to realize Mario had asked too much this time, and decide that enough was enough.
Angus, still asleep, turns to face him. His arm reaches out to wrap around Mario's waist, and Mario's breath catches in his throat. This is all he wants- all he fucking wants- and he was so sure he'd lose it by the time morning comes.
"Why are you too far?" Angus mumbles, eyes still closed, his arm around Mario's waist tugging to pull him closer. Mario shuts his eyes tightly, a few tears escaping, and pushes Angus' arm off. Angus fully wakes up at that, and sees Mario struggle to disentangle himself from the sheets to get out of the bed.
Angus sits up and grabs Mario by the shoulders. "Hey, hey, hey. What's the matter? Are you okay?" Mario avoids his eyes and stays silent. Angus rubs the dark-haired man's arms in an attempt to comfort him, but he shrugs him off.
"Is… is this about what happened? Between us?" Angus questions meekly, as if he's afraid of what is to come. Mario simply nods, still not looking directly at his friend.
"Oh. Uhm. Okay. Do you… want to talk about it?"
Mario stiffens at the question, then sighs. He steels himself for what he's about to ask. "Why did you sleep with me?"
He watches as Angus' expression shifts from one of concern to, strangely, a look of shame. "I- I thought you wanted it." He softly stammered. Mario suddenly feels like he couldn't breathe.
"So- so that's it? Because I wanted it? You… you just can't stop, can you?" He finally manages to disentangle himself from the sheets and gets up to stand.
Angus gazes at him in confusion. "What do you mean?"
Mario paced. "Ever since we first became friends, you've always been the one to provide whatever it is that I needed- companionship, support, encouragement, criticism, whatever! You've never faltered. You just gave. And you did it again, did you?" He stops in his tracks and points a finger at Angus. "I needed you tonight, and you gave me what you thought I wanted. You didn't even hesitate, you just, god!" He rubs his face with the palm of his hands in frustration and sighs. He looks at Angus and brokenly mutters, "You're just so good at it you probably didn't even realize you've made love to me because you thought I needed it. But it wasn't real, was it? It wasn't real." He walks towards the window, his back towards the other man, arms crossed at his chest.
"What? Hey, no." Angus leaps up from the bed to stand behind Mario, and calls out as he gently places both hands on his shoulders. "Hey, Mario." Mario merely shook his head. "Look at me, Mario, please." Mario turns around, and Angus tilts his head gently upwards by the chin. "It was real, okay? How can it not be?"
Mario's heart flares with hope, but he insisted, "You're doing it again. You don't have to lie because you think it's what I want to hear."
Angus shakes his head and strokes his friend's cheek with a finger. "But I'm not lying. I'm no saint, Mario; I wouldn't lie about this for your sake. Besides I thought you knew."
"Knew what?"
He smiled lopsidedly, that smile that Mario has grown to adore. "How I felt for you. Why else would I be here?"
Mario obstinately retorted, "I don't know." Angus laughs and wraps his arms around Mario's smaller frame. His lips brush against Mario's ear, and he shivers.
"Only because I love you, Mario Savetti."
"I- really?"
"Yes, really."
Mario feels all the fight leave his body, and murmurs an embarrassed "Oh."
Angus pulls back, staring at him. A minute passes, and Mario realizes that Angus was looking at him expectantly. He raised an eyebrow, smirking. "What?"
"Wha- you bastard. You're supposed to say it back!"
Mario presses his lips against Angus', lightly, and says the words that have been at the center of it all: "I love you, Angus Leighton."
Angus smiles, then pushes Mario onto the bed. He straddles the smaller guy, and huskily whispers, "Then show me."
Mario grins back.