A/N: Some little drabble i came up with ages ago, i just dug it out and spruced it up a bit. hopefully i'll write the companion to this that tells me what the heck is going on.
Disclaimer: Yadda, yadda, i don't own. Jerry owns all. He might even own my soul.
The one time Catherine was silent, Calleigh wished she wouldn't shut up. Hotel rooms seemed to make the quiet ten times worse, every noise echoing like gunshots in the emptiness. Catherine just watched her, ocean eyes calm and patient, as she paced back and forth between the bed and the drawers. Calleigh wished she'd just say something, anything to crack the static silence, the tension she could feel between her shoulders. She knew Catherine didn't blame her for what happened, how could she? It wasn't her fault, it wasn't anyone's fault. But this, somehow this was worse. The understanding in everyone's eyes. The quiet in Gil's voice as he told her there was nothing she could've done. Finally, Catherine broke the stillness. "You staying for the funeral?" The gentle undertone in her voice felt even worse than the silence. It felt like, disappointment. That they all knew she could've done better and she didn't.
Calleigh paused, pulling the blue blouse she'd been about to set down closer to her chest. She remembered the day she wore it, how Elizabeth had...no, she couldn't think like that. Thoughts like that only led to trouble. Shoving the blouse in the suitcase, she shook her head and returned to her packing. "I don't think I can handle that right now." You never really realize how much you packed until you have to repack. Calleigh grabbed a pair of jeans, trying to shake off the tension that was now creeping into her neck and the back of her head. She just wanted to put this whole thing behind her. She needed to go back to Miami, away from Vegas, away from the sun that always seemed to cut through you. Away from the blue sky that seemed to envelop you.
There was a warm hand on her shoulder, and two kind eyes met her gaze. "It's okay to miss her," Catherine said gently.
Suddenly, everything came crashing down on her shoulders and Calleigh choked back a sob. "I barely knew her and then she was just...gone." Her subconcious screamed for her to get it together, but exhaustion took the lead and she let her Catherine pull her into a hug. "It feels like I lost my best friend," she muttered into the older woman's shoulder, feeling the tears wet the fabric.This was absurd, crying over someone who could legally be considered a stranger, someone she barely knew, someone who had nearly gotten her killed and then betrayed her, in fact.
Someone who'd taken a hold of her heart.
Catherine had left a little while ago, leaving Calleigh alone in the room, her thoughts her only company. The bed squeaked slightly as she settled on the edge, resting her head in her hands. A migraine was creeping up the back of her neck and she could see her medication sitting in her bathroom cabinet. Grabbing two aspirin, she popped them dry, hoping it might curb the oncoming storm. Every little thing seemed to remind her of Elizabeth, the way the sun was fading over the casinos, the glow of the streetlights and headlights, how her eyes had seemed to glow under them. Clenching her jaw, Calleigh stood, spilling the contents of her lap onto the floor. She had to leave those thoughts in Vegas, taking them to Miami would only lead to more trouble. The aspirin tablets were scattered across the floor like constellations, Calleigh ignored them for the time being, choosing instead to complete her packing.
As she set the final piece of clothing in the suitcase, there was a knock at the door. She'd only called for the busboy five minutes ago, the service was exceptionally good today. Maybe it was the combination of exhaustion and grief that made her open the door without checking. Maybe it was instinct, or divine intervention. Whatever the reason, Calleigh pulled the door open to discover a tall, lanky person standing in front of her with a remorseful look on her face. Her hair was a deep, rich mahogany brown instead of the familiar blonde, freckles a little more obvious than before. Her taste in fashion hadn't wavered however, and Calleigh's heart skipped a beat when she realized the t-shirt she was wearing was the one she'd given her two weeks ago in the little vintage shop. But, she had to be cool about this, she had to be calm. With a deep breath, she leaned against the door, pursing her lips into a frown. "What do you want?" Her voice cracked slightly, and she cursed silently.
Elizabeth looked up at her, though now a deep, sky-shattering blue, her eyes still held that pull, that subconscious tug. Love me, they whispered, take me. Love me. I'll do anything for you. Elizabeth gave a crooked grin and took a step forward, smile crumpling a bit when Calleigh stepped back. "Please Cal, we can make this work. I'll get an honest job, we can live anywhere you want to. How about the mountains? You love the mountains, Cal. You-"
"Elizabeth." Please Cal, please believe me. Calleigh could see her eyes that night, begging her, pleading with her. Lying to her. She smiled sadly, wanting to say yes so badly it hurt, to give in to those eyes, to let go and let this cad sweep her off her feet, but she couldn't. She put a gentle hand on Elizabeth's shoulder, giving her a slight push back. "We can't. I can't. It won't work."
"What won't work?"
A frustrated sigh escaped Calleigh's lips and she turned to face the city. "Us, Beth. This whole thing." The darkening sky seemed to nod in agreement. She glanced over her shoulder, not daring to turn completely, lest she lose all free will.
Elizabeth, her face an almost comical caricature of her normal features in the glow of the lights, returned the sad smile, looking down at her feet. The nonchalance was cracking, and Calleigh could swear she could see the humanity slipping through. Elizabeth scuffed her boot against the floor, shoving her hands in her pockets. "So, that's how it is then?" She muttered to the floor, "This is how it's going to be?" Calleigh couldn't help but turn, crossing her arms, suddenly cold. Elizabeth looked up to meet her gaze, her eyes huge from the tears.
"Yeah," Calleigh whispered, "I'm afraid it is." She couldn't keep her gaze, she couldn't stand to keep watching, allowing herself to drown, she had to look away. Blinking away the tears, the city swam before her, the bland painting of Lake Mead's shore seemed to stare accusingly at her, ordering to change her mind, to take back the one thing in the world that meant the most to her. Calleigh could feel the petulant whine in her head; she icouldn't/i, she argued, she had a job, responsibilities, bills to pay. She couldn't leave Horatio and the lab just like that. She had a life, she couldn't just abandon it.
Behind her, Calleigh could hear Elizabeth's retreating footsteps. A silent war raged in her head, should she turn? Shouldn't she? Could she stay there, cemented to the spot, letting the one person she might've truly cared for just walk out of her life? "Elizabeth, wait!" Calleigh whirled around, relieved to see Elizabeth still there, halfway out the door. Thunder rumbled outside, and rain began to spatter against the window. Before common sense could have any say in the matter, Calleigh strode forward, cupping Elizabeth's face in her hands. Elizabeth looked at her, blue eyes blinking back tears, a smile beginning on her lips. Calleigh leaned forward, kissing into the smile.
She tasted like chocolate-dipped strawberries.
Synapses took a quick holiday, and Calleigh could've sworn an electric shock had begun in the tips of her toes. Pulling back, Calleigh looked up into those bluer-than sapphire eyes. "I love you. I will always love you."
Elizabeth just gave that slow, easy smile. "I know." Stepping outside, she continued down the hallway, leaving Calleigh to wonder if she was still making the wrong decision, or if she has just been a pawn. That was what people did, wasn't it? Used people for their own-
Calleigh raced down the hall, sprinting out into the parking lot, not minding the torrential rain pouring down on her head. She whipped around, searching for the t-shirt, the head, anything that would stand out. "Calleigh?!" She turned to see Elizabeth coming at her through the rain, a confused look on her face. "Calleigh, what the hell are you doing? You'll catch pneumonia or something! Why-" Calleigh pulled her into another kiss, before looking up at those blue eyes.
"Come back with me to Miami. We-We'll figure something out. I just can't lose you again."
A genuine smile crossed Elizabeth's lips. "Really?" Calleigh nodded.
"I love you, you know."
Calleigh just grinned. "I know."