Well well well! Fanfiction, we meet again. This is the Bad Touch Trio story I've been working on for ages, and I'm happy to say I've got a lot done! And this time it's based on Ferris Bueller's Day Off (obviously!)

Just a few notes:

Antonio's mom is Ms. Carriedo because she never married. He is Fernadez-Carriedo because even though she wants nothing to do with the guy, she wanted her son to know who his father is.

Anything not in English is in Italics. They're pretty self explanatory. But not to be confused with things like thoughts, or words I wanted to empathize.

The class computer genius is Estonia

I freaking love this movie. It's such a thing these three would do.

Enjoy!

"Gilbert? Gilbert it is time for school! I told you to get up an hour ago."

Louise Beilschmidt, proud mother of both a respectful little boy and the town delinquent, tapped her foot three times before she began to climb the stairs. If Gilbert did not meet her at the top, he had best be dying or already on his way to school. She would take no less.

When she reached the hallwa, loud coughing stopped her in her tracks.

Hearing his mother outside his door, Gilbert rolled over, clutching at his midsection. "Mutter" He whimpered as pitifully as possible. "My stomach hurts"

Louise walked inside the room, and sure enough, there was Gilbert, lying in a pitiful mess of blankets and used tissues. She carefully picked her way toward his bed. "Gilbert?"

"Wha-? Mutter, I can't hear you. Your voice is so far away."

"I asked if you were alright." Louise ran her fingers through her son's hair in a soothing gesture, before recoiling. His forehead was burning hot. "You're hot to the touch!"

"It might be a fever" Gilbert supplied. He sneezed once, sending his mother to her feet and away from the flying mucus.

"That's it, you're staying home." Louise decided. "I'll call the school to tell them you're sick, alright?"

Gilbert cracked open an eye, surveying his mother's worried expression. "Alright. You'll take care if me, won't you Mutter?" Just to be on the safe side, he launched into a fake coughing fit.

Stroking his forehead, Louise whispered, "You know I can't darling. I have work." She had a conference that day that simply couldn't be missed. And after a moment of internal debate, she added, "Would you be alright to stay by yourself?"

Gilbert attempted a weak smile. "If I have to. Your work is truly important to this family"

"Alright dear," Louise started. "If you're sure. I'll be at the downtown office today, so please call if you need anything-"

"You can not be serious"

Both Gilbert and his mother looked up as Ludwig stood in the door, his arms crossed and an exasperated look on his face. "He can't possibly be sick Mutter, I saw him downstairs this morning and he was perfectly fine."

Louise looked at on her youngest son. Before she could say anything, Gilbert spoke up. "Ludwig? Is that you? I can't see- oh! My head!" He collapsed back onto his pillow with dramatics stolen from his friend Francis. "Come close, I wish to feel your exasperated gaze once more before my untimely death"

Ludwig looked at his mother, trying the convey his irritation without outright saying it. Louise sighed, standing up. "Ludwig will bring home any assignments you miss."

"But Mutter-" The blond tried to protest.

"Just leave it, Ludwig. Your brother is not feeling well today. If you hurry, I can drop you off before work."

Ludwig started to say something but thought better of it. He shuffled out into the hall. Louise turned to her son, leaning down to kiss his forehead. "I'll be home by six. Hopefully you will feel better by then. Auf weiderson sweetheart."

"Auf weiderson" he whispered back.

Once the door to his bedroom closed, Gilbert jumped to his feet. It worked! He honestly could not believe he could get away with such piss poor acting but low and behold, here he was with a free stay at home pass. Well, provided he was going to stay at home. Which was laughable really.

Picking up the phone, he dialed the one person who he knew would be at home as well.

"'Ello, you have reached Francis Bonnefoy. I am currently not available at the moment, but if you wish to have a good time, please leave your name and legal age and I will call you back. If this is Gilbert, the answer is no. Au revior"

Annoyed, Gilbert dialed his number again. And was once more greeted by the answering machine. He narrowed his eyes, deep in thought. Finally he dialed once more.

"Hi!" He chirped in the highest pitched voice he could manage. "This is, uh, Tiffany! And I'm like, almost sixteen, and looking for a real good time~"

He didn't even have time to set down the phone before it rang.

"Gilbert" Francis started. "What could you possibly have in mind this time?"

"How'd you know it was me?" Gilbert demanded, irritated he had thrown his dignity away for nothing.

"I have caller I.D. And the legal age is eighteen, not sixteen."

"Whatever" Gilbert replied. "Get out of bed and pick me up. We're going to have fun today whether you want to or not."

Francis groaned over the phone. "Can't you just drive your self, mon ami? You can go and be stupid all you want as long as I stay out of it. Unlike you, I really am sick."

Gilbert scoffed. "No you're not, you pansy. You get 'sick' the same week every year. I know you're upset and all but you need to snap out of this ridiculous self enacted funk. And having a goddamn blast is just the way to do it. Besides, I've got a month before I can drive remember? So get off your lazy ass and get over here!"

Francis had one last groan of disapproval, and hung up with a loud beep.

Confident he would get there soon, Gilbert set about making all the necessary sick day preparations. He sent a text to the class computer genius to make sure his ten absences would be brought down to three. After checking to see if his mother's car had left the driveway -it had-, he cranked up the music. A recording of his own invention began to play as the albino rocked around his room.

"MIEN GOTT!" He screamed as the chorus came around once more. The broom in his hand crashed into the dresser as the guitar solo began.

The deafening noise continued on for a while before Gilbert flopped onto his bed. He turned the music down low enough for max concentration but loud enough to still hear. Feeling around under the mattress, he withdrew his going-to-be-published-when-famous, 100% awesome filled diary.

Dear AD, he wrote. Awesome Diary, in case you had forgotten your name. This very moment kicks off the most epic day in the history of epic days. We are going to go down as the greatest students to ever grace the halls of this school. My name will be whispered for years to come. I will never truly be forgotten, pushing the entirety of volume three out of existence. Sorry to have to burn part of you, but I only do what has to be done. Today, we evade administration for one last time- and become legends. Not like the awesome me will need it, but wish me luck

Snapping the book shut, Gilbert slid it back to its hiding place and sat up. He fooled around for thirty minutes more before checking out the window again. Was Francis really not here yet? They had to break out Antonio out from school, there was no time for moping. Not to mention he really needed a ride.

For whatever reason though, the Frenchman really needed some extra shove to get a move on this year. Last year it only took sneaking some fine wine from his parent's under-lock-and-key wine cellar. Now what was he going to use as bait?

Whipping out his cellphone, Gilbert rang up his friend. The second a click indicated he was on the line, he tossed in his first bribe.

"Ludwig's private porn stash"

On the other end of the line, Francis rolled his eyes. "Already seen it. I own more than half myself and dogs are not a personal favorite. I'm more a cat person really"

"Nudes"

"Of who?"

"Choose"

"You"

"No way. Antonio?"

"Been there, done that. We used to bath together as bébés . You must be more creative"

Gilbert groaned. This was getting no where fast. "A renewed membership to The Yaoi club"

A sharp intake of breath indicated peaked interest. "You said you couldn't get me back in"

"I lied"

Well, he kind of did. Elizabeta was adamant in not letting Francis return after the latest incident. But she must of calmed down by now, and Ludwig's connections to the co-president, Kiku, should warrant enough for a day pass. Knowing Francis, he would get kicked out again before the end of the first meeting so it would all work out.

The offer was left debated over for a minute before Francis agreed. Gilbert smirked over the phone. "Glad you came to your senses. Come in faster than ten minutes, we've gotta get started before second period.

[=]

"I don't understand why I have to be the one to call" Francis argued.

Gilbert continued to push him toward the wall phone, urging him on. "You have to. He'll recognize my phone number and my voice even faster than that. You're the only option, as much as it pains me to say that." The two stood in the kitchen of the Bonnefoy's family mansion, surrounded by fancy, unused kitchen ware. Thankfully, the cook had the day off, as otherwise they'd be done before they started.

"Who cares?" Francis asked, twisting in and out of his friend's grip. "Let's just not do this at all-"

"It's ringing"

Francis nearly dropped the phone in retreat, but Gilbert had grabbed him by the collar and had Francis pulled away, his very expensive shirt would be stretched. He would rather face administration than that.

The phone rang and rang. It felt like a time bomb to Francis. Finally, the very pleasant voice of the very pleasant Miss Katyusha Braginski answered. "Hello?"

Francis twirled the phone cord around his fingers. "Hola! This is Ms. Carriedo, Antonio Fernadez Carriedo's mother."

"Oh, oh yes of course! This is Miss Braginski, the office secretary. Was there anything you still have to discuss with Mr. Edelistien? I apologize for not connecting him right away"

"No no! Nothing of discussion. I'm afraid there's been a death in the family."

Miss Braginski gasped over the line. "Oh no, that is terrible! That must be why your voice is so stopped up, from crying something awful. I hate to say this in such a time of grief, but you almost sound french!"

Francis shot a panicked look toward Gilbert, who in turn raced to find another land line to hear the conversation.

"Ahaha, it seems so!" Francis was really going to have to pay attention to Ms. Carriedo's accent next time she spoke if he was to ever do a good impression of her. "Would you please send Antonie out as soon as possible? I will be by shortly to take him home"

"Of course. I send my condolences Ma'am"

"Oui- er, si si! Much appreciated. Au revior!"

The disaster of a phone call was brought to the end as Francis all but slammed down the phone, stepping away as if it was going to ring once more. Gilbert hung up his line, letting out a low whistle as phrase two of his plan began to take shape in his mind. "Francis, we're going to need a dress, two melons, and a fancy ass car"

Francis looked at his friend in dismay, but Gilbert had already disappeared.

As it turned out, there were no melons anywhere in the house. Francis surveyed the fridge to find something that would work as convincing breasts. "We can't use grapes" He decided.

"Why not?" Gilbert demanded. He reappeared from the master bedroom with one of Mrs. Bonnefoy's designer dresses. It was red, which he thought was close enough to something Antonio's mom wore. Despite the fact, of course, it seemed way too fancy for how she always dressed. It wasn't like Antonio's family was rolling in money like the Bonnefoy's.

Francis continued to poke around the fridge. "Excuse me, but I think it's rather insulting to substitute Ms. Carriedo's rack with pre-made wine."

The albino dropped the dress on the counter. "That's why I said melons! I mean we've gotta give credit to where credit is due"

"Grapefruits then?"

"No no no. Watermelons?"

"Are you out of your mind?!" Francis demanded, shutting the refrigerator. "There's no way I could hold two watermelons to my chest!"

"I could." Gilbert challenged.

"Oh really? Let's see it then." Francis handed over his mother's red dress, ignoring his friend's smug look.

Gilbert quickly got to stripping, making sure to leave his boxers on (much to Francis' disappointment). After struggling to slip the obviously female designed dress over his masculine hips, he undid the side zipper and slipped in the watermelons.

As he admired his reflection in the fridge, Francis sized him up.

"Not bad for, well, you. I'll go get the car, Ms. Carriedo."

"Wait!" Gilbert called, realizing he had been set up. "I'm not going to be her! You are! Get back here!"

But Francis merely danced away, cackling his little french laugh all the while.