Emily stood in front of the mirror pulling her hair back into a low pony-tail, she tied it with a faded green ribbon that had its fair share of wear. Her hair now fell a couple of inches below her shoulders, it would have been longer but Maggie had cut it for her. Emily did not like her hair long because it was so straight, but she did love her hair because it was just like her mama's. She smiled into the mirror and then glanced at the picture on her nightstand, now that she was twelve and nearly a woman, she looked more like her mother than ever.
Cassie came into the room that they shared and plopped onto the bed, her dark wavy hair fell around shoulders, it was longer than Emily's and that's how she liked it. A little bit of hair on each side of her forehead was pulled back and clipped in a pretty hair clip in the back. "Are you hoping that Anthony will ask you to sit with him at lunch?" Cassie smiled innocently at her sister.
"Oh, shush." Emily rolled her eyes and turned back to her dresser. "You know Anthony is just a friend, just like Jay." She scolded. Cassie was all about boys and who liked who, Emily could care less except being friends, which she more often then not was friends with boys.
"You might see him as a friend but he doesn't see you that way." Cassie pointed out.
"Is that all you think about?" Emily asked as she sat down on their shared bed next to Cassie while she put her shoes on.
"Of course not!" Cassie looked appalled and then smiled. "I think about what guys like me too." Emily grabbed the pillow next to her and smacked Cassie with it. Cassie squealed and grabbed for her own pillow, but before it could become a full out war, Adam walked in.
"Girls?" He questioned. They froze, watching him, trying to weigh his reaction.
"We were just playing, Dad." Emily giggled and Cassie nodded her agreement.
"Good to know." Adam chuckled, wiggling his way between the two girls to sit on the bed. He kissed Cassie on the forehead. "Cassie, will you give us a moment?" Adam asked gently.
"Sure." She hopped up, kissed him on the cheek, and headed for the door. When she disappeared Adam turned his gaze to Emily, and the beautiful young woman that she was becoming. Emily glanced up at him and then back at her hands, she just did not want to think about it. "How are you doing?" He asked. She felt the tears form behind her eyes at his sincere concern, she blinked them away.
"Fine." She said without looking up, trying her best not to think about it. She swallowed the lump that rose in her throat, she thought the years would make this day easier to face but it never was. "I need to go, Daddy. I don't want to be late for school." She took a deep breath before looking at him, to prove she was alright.
"Okay," He nodded knowing she would come to him when she needed to. "I love you." He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. She gave him a quick peck on the cheek before running out the door, if she just got around people she knew she would be fine.
When Emily stepped outside where her sisters were waiting for her, she could tell that Katie had been crying that morning. Katie was almost ten, and much more open with her feelings than her older sister. She was a social butterfly, everyone loved her and she loved everyone. She was a beautiful little girl too, with her dark brown, wavy hair and blue eyes, she already attracted all the young boys.
Emily put her arm around her little sister and gave her an understanding smile, but she was not about to talk about it, so she started to talk about school. Cassie was quiet that morning, she wanted to help in some way, but did not know how. Though she somewhat knew the pain, hers had faded some and life had moved on, as it was starting to for her new family.
"Are you excited for the wedding on Saturday?" She finally asked, deciding to keep the conversation light.
"Yes, I can't wait to throw all those beautiful flowers!" Katie piped up, her bright smile returning to her face. Cassie noticed a little sparkle return to Emily's eyes and was glad she had brought it up.
"I've never been a bridesmaid before, it was really sweet of Felicity to ask us." Emily pointed out. Joe and Felicity had been courting for a few months and just about a month ago, he had asked her to marry him. It was kind of unexpected because it took a lot longer than anyone expected. Every body had given little Joe a hard time about always having such short relationships that did not end well. He wanted to show Felicity that he was serious and maybe make sure nothing was going to change this one. So, even though they had only been courting for three months, they had known each other for a good two and a half years. Everyone was really excited for the wedding, and it was the perfect topic to lighten everyone's mood, even to get Emily's mind off her mother.
Only until school started though and then her mind drifted off into memories that kept Sarah alive to her girls. Mrs. Fain, the schoolteacher, knew what day this was and understood that Emily and Katie were both distracted, she had tried many times to get them to stay home, but Adam said it would be better for them to be at school. The end of the school day finally came and Emily needed to get away.
"Cassie, Kates, will you tell Dad and Maggie that I went for a walk and I'll be home later?" She asked as they walked down the steps.
"Your supposed to come home and ask first." Katie pointed out.
"They'll understand. I'll see ya at home." Emily took her horse's reins and headed off in the opposite direction. Katie opened her mouth to yell after her sister but Cassie stopped her with a hand on her shoulder.
"Come on, Kates. Let's go home. She'll be fine." Cassie turned to the horse that she rode to school and untied the reins.
"I wish there was something I could do for her, she is so sad, Cassie. She won't show it but she is." Katie plopped down on a stump.
"You're sad too. Is there anything that someone can do to help you?" Cassie asked.
"I feel better when I'm around people, doing stuff or talking." She said.
"Ya, you do. In the same way, Emily feels better when she is alone and can work out how she feels with no one around. The best thing you can do for her is let her be alone, and when she is ready to be around people, show her that you care." Cassie said as she put her hand out for Katie. Katie took it and stood up, and let her big sister help her onto the horse's back. Cassie climbed on in front of her and took the reins. She smiled to herself, a couple years ago she balked at the thought of petting a horse, now she rode one everyday to school and back with her little sister behind her.
"Do you still get sad about your Daddy?" Katie asked over Cassie's shoulder.
"Ya, sometimes. It's not as bad now that I have a new father it kind of took away a little bit of the pain." Cassie explained.
"Since Maggie is kind of like my new mother, is that why it doesn't hurt as bad this year?" She asked.
"Maybe." Cassie said as she guided the horse home.
"Maybe, if Maggie was like Emily's mother too, then she wouldn't be so sad." Katie said thoughtfully.
"That's really sweet, Kates, but you're just gonna have to let them work that out between each other." Cassie added hoping Katie would not try to interfere. Cassie knew that it would not be long before Adam would ask Maggie to marry her, she had a feeling Emily knew also, but she was not sure how Emily felt about that. She did not want Katie pushing it onto her sister, even if she was just trying to help.
Emily walked down a small deer trail into the woods, Flash followed contentedly behind her. She had been quiet the whole time trying to think about everything around her instead of what was not. Once she reached the clearing that she often came to when she needed to get away, the flood gates burst open, and she threw her arms around her beloved horse. The animal held still as though he did not want to disturb his master. Emily sobbed into Flash's neck. "I miss her so much, Flash." She cried and let herself slide to the ground. She was not the least bit worried about being so close the horse's hoof, she trusted Flash more than anyone, except her father.
"I just know Daddy is gonna ask Maggie to marry him soon, and I'm just not ready. I love Maggie but I'm scared. I just don't want him to marry her yet." She told Flash, the horse nudged her head and allowed her to hug his face. "Why does everything have to change, Flash? Why did Mama have to die and why did Maggie have to come?" Emily stopped abruptly and Flash lifted his head away. "I didn't mean that. I'm glad Maggie came and Cassie, I just wish things didn't have to change all the time." Emily wiped the tears away and watched quietly as Flash walked away from her towards the little stream that ran through the clearing. When the horse was gone she turned her thoughts towards God and talked to Him. I am thankful for them, God, please don't think I'm not. I don't know why, but this day is just so much harder than the rest, I guess it's because I can't stop thinking about her, and I just feel all empty inside. I know Katie was young when Mama died and so it was easier for her, especially when Maggie came, I know she wants Maggie to be her mother and for her a little part of me wants it too, because I know it'd make her happy. But it's different for me, I just don't feel ready for it, God, I just don't know what to do. Her tears had stopped as she pleaded with God to understand, to help her understand. Trust Him. The preacher's message came to her mind, she remembered his words. "Don't rely on yourself to decide your future, you cannot see what is going to come next. But God does, He sees the future and He knows what will happen. Trust Him to take care of your life, He only wants whats best for his child, but you have to be willing to give him the reins of your life and trust Him to lead you."
She sat silently for a little bit thinking about the preacher's words, she knew that she needed to trust Him with her life, but saying she would and actually doing it were two very different things. It was proving more and more difficult to tell God He could do what He wanted to with her life, she was just so scared of what that might mean.
"You might not want to let Flash wander so far." A voice came from behind her, it did not surprise her. She had expected he would come as soon as he learned she had went off on her own. Most of the time, he would let her be to work it out herself, but because it was the 4th anniversary of her mother's death, there was no doubt he would come check on her.
"I'm sorry, I didn't realize...he was just getting a drink." She explained not looking up, the tears started to fall down her face again, no longer able to stop the flow of emotions. Adam knelt in front of her and gently pulled her head into his chest.
"Shhshhh, it's alright." He said into her hair as he kissed her head. Adam felt his heart ache for his daughter, he knew as she got older that it was harder to grow up without a mother. Each year seemed to grow more difficult for her, knowing that she would not have her mother to teach her how to face the trials every woman encounters. He missed Sarah too. Oh, how he missed her. But God had healed some of his heart, and had given him two more girls to love, one who would someday be his wife. In the same way that Maggie had helped lessen his pain, he was afraid that she increased Emily's, she was scared to move on and he knew she saw Maggie as a threat to her mother's memory.
It was a long time before either of them talked, there was no reason to explain what was wrong, they both knew. Adam did not need to tell her why he had come, she knew. He had come to offer comfort, what little he felt he brought. But to any daughter, the arms of her father brought the best comfort of all.
"I know your growing up and soon you'll be a young lady, but you can always come and talk to me about anything. I may not know all the answers but I'll help where I can and find help where I can't." He said as he pushed the hair away from her eyes.
"I know that." She pulled back so that she could look at him. "But some things are just easier to talk about to a woman."
"And Maggie?" He gently pushed, knowing that it was a tender subject but had to ask.
"Maggie is not my mother." She said not angrily but pleading with him to understand why it was not the same. She stood up and took a couple steps away before continuing, no longer able to look at her father. "I like her and all, but it's just different. I can't talk to her like I could talk to Mama, and I know I was just a little girl, but we did talk about girl things." Adam stood up and took her hand, they began to walk towards the creek together.
"No one will ever be like your mother, Ems, she was one-of-kind. It might be uncomfortable at first but if you gave it a try, you might find that Maggie is easy to talk to and she knows a lot about girl stuff." He tried to explain.
"We should head home, I still have chores to do." Emily said as she let go of her father's hand and walked over to where they had left Flash and her father's new horse, Thunder. Adam followed, helped her onto Flash before mounting his own horse. They rode home together in silence.
"Maggie, are you excited for little Joe's wedding?" Katie asked leaning on the counter next to where Maggie was cutting vegetables for dinner.
"Of course, I am." She smiled knowing that Katie could barely contain herself, this had often been the topic of her conversations since the date had been set.
"Wouldn't it be nice to have another wedding really soon, I mean weddings just make everyone happier and there's always good food. Wouldn't you like to have another one soon?" She asked again hardly able to wait for a reply.
"Well, I think your a little young yet to get married, Kates." She smiled at the young girl. Katie rolled her eyes and shook her head with an even bigger grin.
"Not me, you!" Her excitement bubbled over. Maggie was caught somewhat off guard and took a second to get her barring.
"Ummm, Katie, things like that don't just happen because you want to have another wedding. Two people have to be in love to get married and it takes time." She softly explained.
"But you love Daddy, don't you?" Katie asked innocently.
"Yes, of course, I do." Maggie answered, she had for a very long.
"And it's been a really long time since you met him, like three years, that's almost half my age. Just plus one more year and almost another since I'm going to be ten soon. But that's long enough isn't it?" She continued to push.
"Yes, it is." Maggie chuckled giving into the young girl's plan.
"Then you can get married!" She said triumphantly.
"No, not yet." She answered, trying to avoid telling her that her father had to ask, she knew Katie well enough to know that would be her next stop.
"Why not? Don't you want to marry my Daddy and be my Mama?" Katie asked with big blue eyes staring sadly up at her. Maggie hid her smile at finding a way out of answering her question and lifted Katie onto the counter so she would be eye level with her.
"You know Katie, I will never take the place of your real mother. You must always keep her memory close to you. Is that why you want me to marry your father, so that you will have a mother again?"
"Sorta, I miss my Mama a lot, and if you married Daddy then I wouldn't miss her quite so much. And Emily might not miss her as much either so then she'd be happy again." Katie explained.
"Oh, Katie. I love you so much, even if I never married your father, you are just like a daughter to me. I hope you know that." She waited and Katie nodded. "You and your sister both are so very special to me. I know today is a difficult day for all of you, I understand. But believe me, if I was your mother, it would still hurt and Emily would still be sad today. You know, it's okay to be sad today, to miss her, to remember her and how much you loved her. I will always be here for each of you girls, Katie, but I could never take the place of your mother or take away the pain of missing her, not for you, Emily, or your father. But I will always be ready to offer you comfort." Maggie wrapped her arms around Katie and pulled her close. Tears came to Katie's eyes for the second time that day, and she cried into her shoulder, feeling safe and comfortable in this woman's arms, even if it didn't change anything she hoped that someday her father would marry her.
"Joe, are you in here." Felicity called into the barn.
"Back here." She heard the familiar voice call from the back of the barn. As she rounded the stall before the one that he was working in, she saw his thick brown hair pop up first, then his smile and the twinkle in his eye as he leaned against the wooden half-wall.
"Long day?" She asked. He was usually done with work by the time she showed up in the evenings. Felicity and her brother along with their mother had moved into Virginia City not long after Will had taken the job on the Ponderosa. It was closer for both Will for work everyday and Felicity to see Little Joe. Joe and Felicity had argued constantly at first but there had been an immediate attraction between the two. Felicity had gotten a job at the telegraph office sorting mail and such, her and Joe made sure to spend time every evening together but lately that time had been taken by plans for the wedding.
"Just keeping busy." He said with a shrug of his shoulders before picking up his shovel and continuing to clean out the stall. "I didn't expect you to come today." He said quietly and Felicity felt a pang of guilt at the hurt she detected in his voice.
"I know I've been away a lot lately but I had something really important on my mind and I couldn't figure out how to ask you. I'm sorry." She said leaning up against the stall.
"What is it?" Joe asked concern etched in his face.
"It's just it's kind of last minute and well, I'm not sure it would even work out. I mean it could cause problems, major problems, maybe it's not such a good idea. But at the same time, it's really important and..." She was cut short by a raised hand.
"Liss, what is it?" He dropped his shovel to show her she had his full attention.
"I want to ask my father to come." She finally spit out between clinched teeth.
"You mean invite him to the wedding?" Little Joe reiterated.
"I knew it was a silly idea, I mean he wouldn't even come not to mention all the problems it could cause." Felicity kept her gaze on the opposite wall, hoping that Joe would not be able to see the disappointment in her eyes.
"Lissy, he's your father, if you want him to come, invite him. I'd only worry that you'd just get hurt all over again if he didn't come or if he came and caused problems. I don't want anything to ruin our wedding day for you." He spoke softly. He made his way over to her side of the stall and leaned up against it next to her.
"I tell myself to expect him not to come so that it won't hurt but I know it will. I have to try, Joe, I can't let him slip out of my life so easily. Besides, I want him to meet my husband." She added with a grin and a twinkle in her eye that he had grown accustomed to seeing.
"Then you might want to send the telegram soon, two days isn't much notice." He winked at her and with an excited giggle she rushed out of the barn.
"Bye, I'll see you tomorrow." She called behind her. Joe just chuckled at her excitement and then sighed at the responsibility now placed on him. Somebody had to warn Adam and Maggie that Richard Mantle may make an appearance.
"Daddy!" Cassie yelled as she frantically looked around the kitchen. She had just pulled her cookies out of the stove and set them on the counter, and all of the sudden three had gone missing. "Those are for dessert!" She yelled before heading out to Adam's office, where he sat back turned to her. She stood silently, hands on her hips, tapping her foot. Adam slowly turned in his chair, carefully burying two of the cookies under his hands in his lap.
"Something wrong?" He asked as nonchalantly as he could manage.
"Mama is making a special dinner, if you eat those you won't be able to eat your dinner." She said in her best adult voice.
"Eat what?" He asked with an innocent smile that showed cookie crumbs in his teeth.
"You have crumbs all over you, don't lie to me." Cassie wagged her pointer finger at him.
"Alright, you win." He handed back the two cookies.
"There were three." She held out her empty hand.
"Where do you think all the crumbs came from?" He chuckled. Cassie rolled her eyes and headed back to the kitchen. Several minutes later, Maggie and Cassie had the table set and ready for dinner.
"Time for dinner." Maggie called out the front door at Emily and Katie. Adam joined them as they all sat down to eat. "I hope your hungry, I made roast, with carrots and potatoes."
"I'm starved. You have that little lady there to thank for saving my appetite." Adam chuckled as he pointed at Cassie who just smiled shyly. "I'm glad I waited, this looks wonderful, Maggie." Adam smiled at her.
After dinner was all cleaned up, Adam and Maggie sat in the living room to talk for a little while before she would head for home. Soon after they sat, a knock came at the door. Adam opened it to find his bushy-haired little brother. "Joe, is everything alright?" He asked cautiously, noticing the obvious discomfort Joe seemed to be in.
"Umm, ya, sort of. I need to talk to you and Maggie about something, if now's a good time?" Adam ushered him into the house and over to join them into the living room.
"Little Joe, what do you need?" Maggie asked cheerfully, she always enjoyed when Adam's family stopped by to visit.
"It's about the wedding on Saturday." Joe started and decided just to hurry through it before they could jump to any conclusions. "Felicity is inviting her father. We don't know if he'll come yet, but we wanted to make sure you understood that it is a possibility that he might be there. We both would understand if you didn't want to come, though I know Felicity would be disappointed, she considers you one of her closest friends." He directed his conversation towards Maggie because he knew nothing would keep his own brother from coming to his wedding.
"I don't really know what to say, Joe." Maggie tried to blink away the shock on her face but nothing could have prepared her for this news. "I'll have to think about it." She decided that was the best she could do for now.
"I understand. I better head home. Have a goodnight." Joe waved as he let himself out, leaving the two to talk about the situation. Adam was thankful for his brother's quick departure, once the door had closed behind him, Adam made his way around the back of the chair where Maggie sat. He leaned on the back and ran his hand down his face.
"What are you thinking?" He asked. Maggie slumped back in her chair frustrated at this turn of events.
"Many things." She rested her cheek in her open palm. "Mostly embarrassed that this even has to be an issue. If I hadn't of been so stupid. It feels like so long ago, I wanted to forget about it, like it never happened. I'm just frustrated that it had to be brought back up now and angry at myself for hoping that he doesn't show up. I know how important this is to Lissy and I should want what is best for her, it's her special day. I don't want to miss it but I don't think I can face him again." Maggie buried her face in her hands as hot tears began to roll down her cheeks. Adam quickly moved in of her and lightly gripped her shoulders.
"People make mistakes, Maggie, and sometimes they come back to remind us what happened and how much we've changed since then. Your a different person than you were back then. Look at me." He stopped and waited for her head to rise and their eyes to meet. "You don't have to face him alone, I'll be right there with you the whole time. You won't even have to talk to him, if he tries I'll take care of it. Alright?"
"Alright." She gave him a weak smile. Adam wiped away her tears as he did his daughter's and then gave her a reassuring hug.
"It'll be fine. I promise." He whispered in her ear before releasing her.
Cassie went home with her mother that night so that Adam could have some time alone with his girls.
Adam lay in his own bed, struggling to get a grip on all the emotions swirling around in his head. I miss you, Sarah! The thought rung in his ears louder than any of the others. Things had been so much simpler with Sarah, life had been simple. Adam wanted to marry Maggie but he felt it was unfair because he could never love her like he had loved Sarah. Emily wanted a mother figure but was afraid to let Maggie in. Katie just wanted them to get married, but Maggie was afraid of hurting Emily more. It seemed no matter the choice made, someone would get hurt. Adam pushed the thoughts away, it felt wrong to think about remarrying on this day. How will it feel when I'm married to Maggie?
"Daddy?" Emily stood in his doorway, her voice barely audible.
"Come here." Adam said reaching his hand out for her. Emily shuffled over to the side of his bed where he lifted her up next to him. "You okay?"
"Mhhmm. I just wanted to make sure you were okay." Emily cuddled up to his side and looked at him throught the dim light.
"I am. We are gonna be okay, aren't we?" Adam whispered.
"Daddy, do you remember this?" Emily questioned as she flipped her book open to a page with a dried, purple flower. Adam gently took the flower from his daughter and held it up in the little bit of moonlight that shown through the window.
"Of course, I do. That day was perfect!" Adam sighed.
"We can never have a day like that again." Emily sadly took the flower back from her father. "Every year these flowers grow in the pasture like there's hope again but then they die and I remember Mama is gone and can't ever come back."
"Emily, you know why your Mama so carefully kept this flower for you?" Adam asked.
"So, I would always have it."
"Yes, so you would always have a memory from that day. This flower doesn't go away every year or even come every year, it's always here. You are so much like your Mama, I see her all the time in you." Adam wanted to help but he knew to an almost thirteen year old girl there was nothing worse than not having a mother.
"Katie says that all the time. But I think Katie is more like Mama." Emily said.
"You both have similarities. Your mother is still a very big part of you and Katie, that will never change." Adam kissed her forehead.
"I love you, Daddy." Emily cuddled closer.
"I love you too, Pal." Adam held her close but he knew this conversation was far from over.
The changes that had come over the past couple of years were numerous. Adam knew everybody, especially his Emily, was ready for some stability but it was also a very emotional and difficult line to cross. He knew there were struggles ahead for them all but he also knew it would be worth it in the end.